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A lifelong friend and me

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
716
I purposely visited mum last night to get a feel for how she is at night. She was very hyper and unable to stop 'being on the go' -clearly sundowing at a fast pace, no different to how she was at home.
That was a brave thing to do @Palerider, I personally found that extremely difficult to witness. It is strange how it manifests in the same form as generally that was exactly how my Mum was fixated on deceased relatives and going 'home' (to the childhood home). If she can remember older relatives perhaps some photos of them scanned and printed off with the family name may assist in the recognition? It's really difficult to predict what will work, I hope you find something that assists Mum. At least you know there is someone there to comfort her if she does become confused/agitated. All the best.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,646
North West
That was a brave thing to do @Palerider, I personally found that extremely difficult to witness. It is strange how it manifests in the same form as generally that was exactly how my Mum was fixated on deceased relatives and going 'home' (to the childhood home). If she can remember older relatives perhaps some photos of them scanned and printed off with the family name may assist in the recognition? It's really difficult to predict what will work, I hope you find something that assists Mum. At least you know there is someone there to comfort her if she does become confused/agitated. All the best.
Thanks @Pete1

Yes mum has struck lucky the staff are fab and very willing to accomodate mum as well as all their residents.

I visited her today and she is finally starting to interact with the staff, having been unsure over the last few days of anyone. She was on form apparently at lunch time and I was informed she was funny and engaging -so thats good news, thats my mum even with Alzheimer's. Hopefully this new turning point will help her settle more. I have decided on a small memory shelf unit for her room so will sort that out with photos and objects that she will know well.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
716
I have decided on a small memory shelf unit for her room so will sort that out with photos and objects that she will know well.
Hi @Palerider, sounds like a plan! I hope it helps - we had a collage of old photos just inside the door (first thing you saw as the door was open), all older photos of course! It seemed to work as she would stop with her frame and pass comment. It must be a relief to hear she is settling in, it does sound as though she has moved on to the stage of being more content in her surroundings (outside of the sundowning of course). Stay strong - all the best
 

CherryTT4

Registered User
Dec 5, 2019
33
Wiltshire
Hi @Palerider, sounds like a plan! I hope it helps - we had a collage of old photos just inside the door (first thing you saw as the door was open), all older photos of course! It seemed to work as she would stop with her frame and pass comment. It must be a relief to hear she is settling in, it does sound as though she has moved on to the stage of being more content in her surroundings (outside of the sundowning of course). Stay strong - all the best
Thank you for your reply and support xxx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,646
North West
I had a day off from the world of dementia yesterday and felt guilty. Went to meet a new TP friend for a few hours and had lunch and it made me think about the future.

Today I am back in the world of dementia and going find a small shelf unit, hopefully this will work @Sam Luvit and @Pete1.

Its been a strange week off and I seem to have wasted my annual leave doing not very much, but I feel tired and often just want to sit and block the world out and not have to do anything.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
597
@Palerider you may want to have a set of "I am (insert name)" pictures. I did this for Mummy with pictures of her all through her life. Carers had asked me what she was like when younger, and I put the photos in the frame with Mummy overseeing and it is in her room - along with a lot of other photos.
We also had a fleece blanket and cushion printed with family photos (my sisters idea) and this worked well and is often made up on her bed. Fleece washes well.
When the home had a celebration for the royal wedding, I bought in Mummy's wedding photos - I think the staff liked that more than she did but then my parents have always had a rather challenging relationship, to say the least....
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,130
Kent
Its been a strange week off and I seem to have wasted my annual leave doing not very much, but I feel tired and often just want to sit and block the world out and not have to do anything.
This is what you are free to do @Palerider. Do it without guilt and allow your body and mind to rest.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
716
but I feel tired and often just want to sit and block the world out and not have to do anything.
Hi @Palerider, I'm not surprised, the emotional strain can really take its toll, and I can imagine the past couple of weeks has been extremely stressful. I hope you get some success in helping Mum settle. I actually found it quite difficult to think too far ahead, and when I look back now the challenging time with Mum was two quite difficult years but in the context of my life that is a very small percentage, but at the time of course it is all consuming. Stay strong. All the best.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
I had a day off from the world of dementia yesterday and felt guilty. Went to meet a new TP friend for a few hours and had lunch and it made me think about the future.

Today I am back in the world of dementia and going find a small shelf unit, hopefully this will work @Sam Luvit and @Pete1.

Its been a strange week off and I seem to have wasted my annual leave doing not very much, but I feel tired and often just want to sit and block the world out and not have to do anything.
I am not surprised that you don’t want to do much; rather than doing you have just taken time out being! If you get what I mean, just being quiet, it’s as important.

myself I am just “being” a lot, I think it’s easy to forget at times how much caring & sorting care out costs in term of energy levels let alone emotionally.

be kind to yourself, you have been “supercarer” for a long time, adjusting to being the lovely son again & coming to terms with this new phase of dementia & care.
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,901
East Sussex
Hi @Palerider

A day off from dementia is good, I was always telling myself I wouId have one a week ... I did at least think of doing it lol. It doesn’t matter if you sit and watch TV, read a book or stare off into the distance, it’s just taking a bit of time for you, you matter.

It easier to talk with someone who has been, or is still on the dementia walk, at least you don't have to explain stuff. I’m very much a “planner”, but I found it less frustrating not to plan. I just had a vague idea of what, with no idea of when.

I was sorting out some family tree research and found a lovely photo of my parents leaving for their honeymoon, I showed it to mum who looked puzzled, so I reminded her what the photo was about, her comment made me tear up. “.... oh, so we did get married, I thought I’d imagined it”
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,646
North West
Well after visiting a well known flat pack furniture store I got to the CH and assembled the shelf unit only to find I had picked up the wrong size stabilising bar. So it was de-assembled and I raced back to the well known store, yomped forever to find the right stabilisng bar and then drove back. The shelf unit was then reassembled as per the plan and mum now has a few fave objects and room for more stuff as time goes by. I also put one of her thimble collections up because I know she will sort it repeatedly and it will keep her occupied/distracted in the small hours of the night. I also picked up an amazing false orchid plant and a bunch of silk peonies so she has something when I can't visit in terms of flowers.

I found a photo album I had put together previously of mums family (after searching the entire house) in anticipation of the time it would be needed. I have a few more photo's to put in it and then I can take it plus a multi frame that holds 8 pics for her wall. This interior design malarky is hard work in a hot stuffy CH -meanwhile mum is living it up at the cafe celerbrating the chinese new year and then sat having her tea.

I feel better though, knowing she has familiar things around her. Now for food, some beer and TV and some peace....
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Well after visiting a well known flat pack furniture store I got to the CH and assembled the shelf unit only to find I had picked up the wrong size stabilising bar. So it was de-assembled and I raced back to the well known store, yomped forever to find the right stabilisng bar and then drove back. The shelf unit was then reassembled as per the plan and mum now has a few fave objects and room for more stuff as time goes by. I also put one of her thimble collections up because I know she will sort it repeatedly and it will keep her occupied/distracted in the small hours of the night. I also picked up an amazing false orchid plant and a bunch of silk peonies so she has something when I can't visit in terms of flowers.

I found a photo album I had put together previously of mums family (after searching the entire house) in anticipation of the time it would be needed. I have a few more photo's to put in it and then I can take it plus a multi frame that holds 8 pics for her wall. This interior design malarky is hard work in a hot stuffy CH -meanwhile mum is living it up at the cafe celerbrating the chinese new year and then sat having her tea.

I feel better though, knowing she has familiar things around her. Now for food, some beer and TV and some peace....
Please tell me you went to Ikea! gotta love those meatballs!
xx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,646
North West
I woke late this morning and have realised the kitchen is a tip, I have resolved to clean and tidy it tomorrow as I am in a do nothing mood today. I don't know how, but everything is everywhere and the table has stuff scattered all over it, mum was much tidier than me even when she was moving everything around in the middle of the night.

Its time to look for somewhere new to live and set about moving. I don't want to be stuck as the house is sold and finding somewhere in a rush, I keep on thinking it won't happen, but it will. I need to tidy up outside as well, so hoping we have a bright sunny day soon when I am off work. Ideally I could do with a team of helpers, but have decided a cleaner will do when I've sorted and packed everything.

Off to see mum later who no doubt has wandered all night again. Yesterday morning she was so tired she found an empty room, stripped off and went to bed -wrong room, but at least she slept. I think we are going to have to consider some type of medication as she can't keep on like this every night, not sleeping and constantly on the go, trying to get home.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
I woke late this morning and have realised the kitchen is a tip, I have resolved to clean and tidy it tomorrow as I am in a do nothing mood today. I don't know how, but everything is everywhere and the table has stuff scattered all over it, mum was much tidier than me even when she was moving everything around in the middle of the night.

Its time to look for somewhere new to live and set about moving. I don't want to be stuck as the house is sold and finding somewhere in a rush, I keep on thinking it won't happen, but it will. I need to tidy up outside as well, so hoping we have a bright sunny day soon when I am off work. Ideally I could do with a team of helpers, but have decided a cleaner will do when I've sorted and packed everything.

Off to see mum later who no doubt has wandered all night again. Yesterday morning she was so tired she found an empty room, stripped off and went to bed -wrong room, but at least she slept. I think we are going to have to consider some type of medication as she can't keep on like this every night, not sleeping and constantly on the go, trying to get home.
I have found a brilliant cleaning paste called the pink stuff; even better it’s only a pound a pot! Ovens, bathrooms & sinks

truly brilliant & a pretty colour!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,646
North West
I have found a brilliant cleaning paste called the pink stuff; even better it’s only a pound a pot! Ovens, bathrooms & sinks

truly brilliant & a pretty colour!
Ahem ....any name for this pink substance?

When the days grow longer and brighter I'll pop down and you can shout me the coffee x 2
 

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