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A lifelong friend and me

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Good luck with the magical mystery tour, hoping Mum loves her new room. I am thinking of you today, & how brave & resilient you’re have been.( I’d have been a wreck by now. )

a glass of wine in order tonight ( or two!)
Much love to Mum in her new abode
Xxx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
All done!

Mum liked her room and the CH so that was positive straight away, but there was a backlash. Mum had got settled and comfortable with me coming at going at the other CH, today she was fine until I said I had to go -she clung onto me for dear life. The distraction was her needing the toilet so I left quickly and feeling a little traumatised having to put mum through this again.

The staff were brilliant and they all came and said hello and gathered in mums room and she got a big coffee and chocolates which she immediately started to munch on until I had to leave. She liked her new bedding and big ensuite wet room (made me chuckle when she looked). She will be ok there, its just like the old state ran EMI units -it has that feel to it. They are having a new bar put in so mum can jolly on and have a small lager or two soon.

A tough day and mum was so sweet driving her between homes, its such a shame she has to endure this bloody illness
 

Ponddweller

Registered User
Jun 20, 2019
79
Well done @Palerider. It sounds like you’ve done an amazing job today. Hope you’ll feel able to relax a bit tonight. I’m totally in awe of everything you do for your mum.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,663
South East
Ah good to hear that the move went well. I’m sure in a day or two she will happily accept you coming and going . You are doing a Fab job juggling everything .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,227
Glad it went well. It sounds like they knew how to sell the place to your mum. Hope it isn't going to be too much of a trek for you to visit.
I'm getting very good at disappearing while mum is in the loo so I don't have dramatic goodbye scenes.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,810
Well done, you are doing so well. Are you up for adoption:), just a thought! Take care of your own needs too.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,156
Bedford
Pleased to hear the move went well and your Mum likes the CH and her new en-suite room. Hopefully the staff settled her well so you will be able to come and go easily again. Hope you can also find some time for yourself as you have had a stressful time again
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
416
Although I don't think my mum is quite in need of moving to a home right now, my sister and I were talking about it today and agreed that we should go and look at a few, to get a feel for what is avaliable and what the costs might be. We agreed to concentrate on places nearer to Stockport, where we both live and easy for my brother to get to as well. I need to ask around for recommendations, I am of an age now where quite a few friends have experience of dementia and care homes.

We know it will need to be a EMI home and I'm anxious that she will not need to move once she settles in if the home cannot cope with her needs. Although at the moment we have no great concerns about her living at home with daily visits from me or my two siblings, I'm sure it won't be long before her needs change and her safety becomes an issue.

So, I've been tasked with the research and also contacting the various investment and share companies that she has to get a true picture of her savings.

Not really looking forward to the process though!
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
711
A tough day and mum was so sweet driving her between homes, its such a shame she has to endure this bloody illness
Hi @Palerider, tough for you both I have no doubt. From what you have posted it sounds as though Mum is now quite adaptable to new surroundings - hopefully within a few days this will be home to her. You are looking after Mum in the best way - it must have been heartbreaking having to leave. Stay strong.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Although I don't think my mum is quite in need of moving to a home right now, my sister and I were talking about it today and agreed that we should go and look at a few, to get a feel for what is avaliable and what the costs might be. We agreed to concentrate on places nearer to Stockport, where we both live and easy for my brother to get to as well. I need to ask around for recommendations, I am of an age now where quite a few friends have experience of dementia and care homes.

We know it will need to be a EMI home and I'm anxious that she will not need to move once she settles in if the home cannot cope with her needs. Although at the moment we have no great concerns about her living at home with daily visits from me or my two siblings, I'm sure it won't be long before her needs change and her safety becomes an issue.

So, I've been tasked with the research and also contacting the various investment and share companies that she has to get a true picture of her savings.

Not really looking forward to the process though!
I think its definitely important to start looking @Lynmax and get your mums name down. Things changed very quickly with mum in the end -almost turnng on a penny. I'd say the last two months saw a very rapid decline in her at home. In some respects it caught me by surprise, but had I not had the situation I had at the time I would have placed mum sooner.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Hi @Palerider, tough for you both I have no doubt. From what you have posted it sounds as though Mum is now quite adaptable to new surroundings - hopefully within a few days this will be home to her. You are looking after Mum in the best way - it must have been heartbreaking having to leave. Stay strong.
Yes it was heartbreaking -one of those sit in the car moments. All done now though and she seemed positive other than my leaving her. Fingers crossed
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Thanks all of you for your support

Just off the phone to the CH, mum had a restless night so they are letting her have a little extra time in bed now she is settled. She was wandering most of the night -but this is mum now at this stage sadly. For once the staff informed me properly of any problems which was reassuring unlike the previous CH.

I'll pop in later today for a quick visit and take her some flowers and a few more personal items for her room.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,369
Nottinghamshire
My dad had a fair few restless nights in his care home but the night carers just used to let him go to bed when he was ready and get up late if needs be.

It sounds as though your mum is in the right place now.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
711
For once the staff informed me properly of any problems which was reassuring unlike the previous CH.
Hi @Palerider, this was always the most important thing to me - I wanted to know the truth and the reality of the situation however difficult that may be. I hope you find Mum in good spirits, albeit tired. All the best.
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,897
East Sussex
Hi @Palerider
Sorry I’ve been absent for a while ... it’s a long boring story & I don’t want to bore you
It sounds like you are getting to a better place, your mum will settle & you can visit as her son once more
Those good moments are what keep us all going. Mum could make me laugh even at the end. It’s those memories I hang onto
Take care of yourself & don’t let the invisible take any control. He could do with remembering that there is no inheritance while your mum is still here.
Blooming vultures hanging around waiting wins me up
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Yes @Bunpoots mum is definitely in the right place. She was happily pottering in her room (which she wasn't allowed to do previously as it was upstairs), TV on and when I walked in arranging her ensuite how she wanted it (or rather rearringing things in a disorderly fashion). She wasn't as withdrawn and confused as she was previously and not having to contend with 52 other residents in a confined space has made a big difference. Very chatty and smiling. We drank our coffee and as always mum ate her cake I bought. I gave her the flowers and she though they were the 'old ones' and tried to put them in the bin :rolleyes:, but they were rescued and are in the vase. She sat in her chair and then nodded off at which point I left.

I'm relieved that she was absolutely fine and glad she is out of that other place called a CH -there had been some issues there.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,633
North West
Hi @Palerider, this was always the most important thing to me - I wanted to know the truth and the reality of the situation however difficult that may be. I hope you find Mum in good spirits, albeit tired. All the best.
Yes its important to know if there are problems. But mum is fine and was on form today