A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    510
    Might be interesting to find out, at night, do the staff wear usual uniforms (we think uniforms set Mummy off) or do they wear nightwear. Some homes do this to reinforce to the residents that it is night time and therefore time to sleep.
    With Mummy, they are changing her drug regimen but also thinking about trying personal care from staff not in uniform, to see if this makes any difference. We noticed she's a lot less ASBO with the managers, who don't wear a uniform. I am not convinced this is going to work, but it will be interesting to see.
    You may find that in a better home, with more experienced staff, there is less agitation as staff understand how to approach people in late stage dementia and also look beyond the behaviour itself to try and find what triggers it. it's a big ask though.....
     
  2. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,099
    Male
    North West
    The staff wear uniforms at night, and I remember mum telling me stories of when she was in a naval hospital and hated the nurses -I wonder if uniforms trigger that very distant memory?

    Yesterday before I met the manager I had to help the carers change mum, as they couldn't get her to change her wet clothes -so I helped. I think in trying to help carers go with the natural instinct to touch or hold someone, but this only exacerbates the pwd. Anyway we got her changed and mum did most of it her self with verbal prompting and some help with the trousers. There was hardly any physical contact which seemed to help.
     
  3. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    510
    With Mummy, I wondered if the uniforms triggered her, as she has bipolar disorder and had to be sectioned a number of times and stay in secure units probably going back to the fifties, when I suspect treatment was very different - not in a good way. However, I may be projecting this,
    I suspect she just doesn't like personal care (she has a stoma, which was an emergency operation, which she hates) gets either angry or upset and lashes out. Mermantine does not seem to be helping yet, but fortunately the home are very good.
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,099
    Male
    North West
    Yes mums experience was when she was in Malta with Dad in his Royal Naval service back in the sixties. They weren't very caring or empathetic back then in a military hospital, mum has told the story many times long before dementia -this might be a factor
     
  5. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,099
    Male
    North West
    Just realised the time and I am already running behind as I want to chill tonight before work. On a more positive note mum has enjoyed having her hair done and everyone complimenting her on her hair which she forgets until she looks in the mirror and her face lights up 'oh yes, its lovely' and then she forgets until the next compliment.

    Today I whisked her out for a drive and the usual coffee and cake and for a moment no one would have known she has advancing dementia and she was making fuss of a baby and delighting the mother. She was on form today and made me chuckle in how she made sure she ate every last crumb of her cake and then proceeded to eat the froff on her coffee with the teaspoon and then slowly enjoy the coffee. She just turns these little visits into an extended enjoyment of something very simple, but she drags it out to enjoy every last little bit -quite extrordinary.

    I took her back to the care home and as she walked in she said 'oh its good to be home', then took her coat off and in a flash was off chatting to her fellow residents. She gave me a kiss goodbye as I walked through the locked door.

    Its days like this you have to treasure with this disease, we never know what will come next time
     
  6. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    624
    Bedford
    That does indeed sound like a good day
     
  7. Lynmax

    Lynmax Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    295
    I love it when mums sense of humour returns! Today, she popped upstairs to go to the bathroom before we went out and complained a bit about how the stairs seemed to be getting steeper. I said she needed a chairlift and she agreed but then said she would probably forget how to use it and end up going up and down like a yo yo. As I started laughing, she popped her head around the door, chuckling away with a wonderful smile in her face. We were still laughing as we left the house and she was just like my old mum again.
     
  8. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    364
    Male
    They are very precious @Palerider
     
  9. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    222
    It sounds like you had a lovely time with your mum, Palerider. Glad she enjoyed her coffee and cake.
     
  10. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,197
    Oh my Dad was based in Malta in the late 50’s early 60’s! X
     
  11. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,099
    Male
    North West
    Mum and dad lived there a bit later (mid 60's), dad was in the Maltese Fleet. They lived in Valetta -I took mum back in 2016 one last look back while she remembered it all :)
     
  12. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,099
    Male
    North West
    I finished work early today as tomorrow is the big day, mum is moving to her new CH. Not without its problems though. The invisible brother did start playing up but after much negotiation and willingness to collaborate on my part the home my brother wanted mum to go to wouldn't go out to assess her and they also wanted a top-up fee (which has to be paid by a third party) amounting to £400 per month. Since this was relayed to him by mums SW he has gone very silent -hmmmm I wonder why????.

    I had a lengthy conversation with mums SW and we agreed the CH we had already decided on was the right place for mum and although further to travel and a less glossy interior, it was the most appropriate. They also will not ask for a top-up fee.
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    624
    Bedford
    Best wishes for your Mum’s move tomorrow. May it all go smoothly and I hope your Mum is content there
     
  14. Ponddweller

    Ponddweller Registered User

    Jun 20, 2019
    76
    Good luck tomorrow. Hope it works out for you both.
     
  15. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,133
    Female
    Dundee
    I hope all goes well for you both tomorrow.
     
  16. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    542
    Female
    South East
    Good luck with move today , be thinking of you both . X
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,086
    Female
    South coast
    Hope it all goes smoothly, but Im sure it will all be fine
     
  18. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    510
    Hope it all goes well today
     
  19. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    741
    Hope today goes well and your mum settles in quickly.
     
  20. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,099
    Male
    North West
    Thanks everyone

    I'm running late. Off to get mums room ready and pop her new bedding on as well as move most of her belongings and then finally take mum for another mystery drive -poor mum. Hoping she is ok when we arrive later today
     

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