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A lifelong friend and me

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
592
Thanks @Helly68, the problems with mum are at night and she has been very aggressive if she needs intervention (help). The EMI unit is more geared up for this kind of behaviour so hopefully they will be able to cope with this when it happens.
Might be interesting to find out, at night, do the staff wear usual uniforms (we think uniforms set Mummy off) or do they wear nightwear. Some homes do this to reinforce to the residents that it is night time and therefore time to sleep.
With Mummy, they are changing her drug regimen but also thinking about trying personal care from staff not in uniform, to see if this makes any difference. We noticed she's a lot less ASBO with the managers, who don't wear a uniform. I am not convinced this is going to work, but it will be interesting to see.
You may find that in a better home, with more experienced staff, there is less agitation as staff understand how to approach people in late stage dementia and also look beyond the behaviour itself to try and find what triggers it. it's a big ask though.....
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,621
North West
Might be interesting to find out, at night, do the staff wear usual uniforms (we think uniforms set Mummy off) or do they wear nightwear. Some homes do this to reinforce to the residents that it is night time and therefore time to sleep.
With Mummy, they are changing her drug regimen but also thinking about trying personal care from staff not in uniform, to see if this makes any difference. We noticed she's a lot less ASBO with the managers, who don't wear a uniform. I am not convinced this is going to work, but it will be interesting to see.
You may find that in a better home, with more experienced staff, there is less agitation as staff understand how to approach people in late stage dementia and also look beyond the behaviour itself to try and find what triggers it. it's a big ask though.....
The staff wear uniforms at night, and I remember mum telling me stories of when she was in a naval hospital and hated the nurses -I wonder if uniforms trigger that very distant memory?

Yesterday before I met the manager I had to help the carers change mum, as they couldn't get her to change her wet clothes -so I helped. I think in trying to help carers go with the natural instinct to touch or hold someone, but this only exacerbates the pwd. Anyway we got her changed and mum did most of it her self with verbal prompting and some help with the trousers. There was hardly any physical contact which seemed to help.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
592
The staff wear uniforms at night, and I remember mum telling me stories of when she was in a naval hospital and hated the nurses -I wonder if uniforms trigger that very distant memory?

Yesterday before I met the manager I had to help the carers change mum, as they couldn't get her to change her wet clothes -so I helped. I think in trying to help carers go with the natural instinct to touch or hold someone, but this only exacerbates the pwd. Anyway we got her changed and mum did most of it her self with verbal prompting and some help with the trousers. There was hardly any physical contact which seemed to help.
With Mummy, I wondered if the uniforms triggered her, as she has bipolar disorder and had to be sectioned a number of times and stay in secure units probably going back to the fifties, when I suspect treatment was very different - not in a good way. However, I may be projecting this,
I suspect she just doesn't like personal care (she has a stoma, which was an emergency operation, which she hates) gets either angry or upset and lashes out. Mermantine does not seem to be helping yet, but fortunately the home are very good.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,621
North West
With Mummy, I wondered if the uniforms triggered her, as she has bipolar disorder and had to be sectioned a number of times and stay in secure units probably going back to the fifties, when I suspect treatment was very different - not in a good way. However, I may be projecting this,
I suspect she just doesn't like personal care (she has a stoma, which was an emergency operation, which she hates) gets either angry or upset and lashes out. Mermantine does not seem to be helping yet, but fortunately the home are very good.
Yes mums experience was when she was in Malta with Dad in his Royal Naval service back in the sixties. They weren't very caring or empathetic back then in a military hospital, mum has told the story many times long before dementia -this might be a factor
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,621
North West
Just realised the time and I am already running behind as I want to chill tonight before work. On a more positive note mum has enjoyed having her hair done and everyone complimenting her on her hair which she forgets until she looks in the mirror and her face lights up 'oh yes, its lovely' and then she forgets until the next compliment.

Today I whisked her out for a drive and the usual coffee and cake and for a moment no one would have known she has advancing dementia and she was making fuss of a baby and delighting the mother. She was on form today and made me chuckle in how she made sure she ate every last crumb of her cake and then proceeded to eat the froff on her coffee with the teaspoon and then slowly enjoy the coffee. She just turns these little visits into an extended enjoyment of something very simple, but she drags it out to enjoy every last little bit -quite extrordinary.

I took her back to the care home and as she walked in she said 'oh its good to be home', then took her coat off and in a flash was off chatting to her fellow residents. She gave me a kiss goodbye as I walked through the locked door.

Its days like this you have to treasure with this disease, we never know what will come next time
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
416
I love it when mums sense of humour returns! Today, she popped upstairs to go to the bathroom before we went out and complained a bit about how the stairs seemed to be getting steeper. I said she needed a chairlift and she agreed but then said she would probably forget how to use it and end up going up and down like a yo yo. As I started laughing, she popped her head around the door, chuckling away with a wonderful smile in her face. We were still laughing as we left the house and she was just like my old mum again.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Yes mums experience was when she was in Malta with Dad in his Royal Naval service back in the sixties. They weren't very caring or empathetic back then in a military hospital, mum has told the story many times long before dementia -this might be a factor
Oh my Dad was based in Malta in the late 50’s early 60’s! X
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,621
North West
I finished work early today as tomorrow is the big day, mum is moving to her new CH. Not without its problems though. The invisible brother did start playing up but after much negotiation and willingness to collaborate on my part the home my brother wanted mum to go to wouldn't go out to assess her and they also wanted a top-up fee (which has to be paid by a third party) amounting to £400 per month. Since this was relayed to him by mums SW he has gone very silent -hmmmm I wonder why????.

I had a lengthy conversation with mums SW and we agreed the CH we had already decided on was the right place for mum and although further to travel and a less glossy interior, it was the most appropriate. They also will not ask for a top-up fee.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,621
North West
Thanks everyone

I'm running late. Off to get mums room ready and pop her new bedding on as well as move most of her belongings and then finally take mum for another mystery drive -poor mum. Hoping she is ok when we arrive later today