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A lifelong friend and me

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
593
Hi @Palerider. pleased to hear that your Mum has settled very quickly. Great that she has her own, space. It sounds like it will soon become home. Quite a week for you - I expect you are frazzled emotionally, it takes it toll. I hope you have some relaxation and peace of mind now. All the best.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
Hi @Palerider
Sorry I’ve been absent for a while ... it’s a long boring story & I don’t want to bore you
It sounds like you are getting to a better place, your mum will settle & you can visit as her son once more
Those good moments are what keep us all going. Mum could make me laugh even at the end. It’s those memories I hang onto
Take care of yourself & don’t let the invisible take any control. He could do with remembering that there is no inheritance while your mum is still here.
Blooming vultures hanging around waiting wins me up
I am sure you have had another part to your journey until now @Sam Luvit, but good to see you.

Mum still shines through and I think she always will in some way, more by action and deed than by word.

The invisible will never saboutage this operation and he has tried repeatedly. I will keep my word to mum to the bitter end, come what may ;)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
@Pete1 I have given myself the night off tonight so I need to do what I said I would do and go and do something completely different - I am not sure how long this will last and likely will be back later -but I'll try to have time out
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,795
East Sussex
I am sure you have had another part to your journey until now @Sam Luvit, but good to see you.

Mum still shines through and I think she always will in some way, more by action and deed than by word.

The invisible will never saboutage this operation and he has tried repeatedly. I will keep my word to mum to the bitter end, come what may ;)
Always moving forward @Palerider just in a slightly different way now

Yes, I’m sure you will see the real her one way or another, she sounds a strong character :D
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,688
South coast
Really pleased to hear the move went well and it sounds like your mum is already beginning to settle.
It must be a weight off your mind.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
Really pleased to hear the move went well and it sounds like your mum is already beginning to settle.
It must be a weight off your mind.
Yes huge weight lifted @canary. Lucky we found this place, it was my third choice but perhaps on reflection it might now be my first.

Its also made me think there should be some consideration to placing EMI units back into state care, some of the ones I have seen have been so compact and attached onto the main part of a CH as a second thought and charging exuberant prices for the privelage of living in a rabbit warren. Thank god it didn't come to that!!
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,658
Yes huge weight lifted @canary. Lucky we found this place, it was my third choice but perhaps on reflection it might now be my first.

Its also made me think there should be some consideration to placing EMI units back into state care, some of the ones I have seen have been so compact and attached onto the main part of a CH as a second thought and charging exuberant prices for the privelage of living in a rabbit warren. Thank god it didn't come to that!!
It sounds as if mums settled in quickly, & the CH obviously are open & honest. totally agree with you that care should be state run & not privatised.

Time for you to sit back &breathe for a while
Xx
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,625
Dorset
The Banjoman would be up and wandering around at night when at home in his flat and once he went into residential care. The staff would supply him with a sandwich or a snack and a drink and settle him back in his room. He had been a publican and an entertainer so late nights/early mornings were the norm for him. I was unable to get him out of that time zone in the 10 years or more that he had been retired!
Delighted to hear that things seem to be settling down for you both!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
The Banjoman would be up and wandering around at night when at home in his flat and once he went into residential care. The staff would supply him with a sandwich or a snack and a drink and settle him back in his room. He had been a publican and an entertainer so late nights/early mornings were the norm for him. I was unable to get him out of that time zone in the 10 years or more that he had been retired!
Delighted to hear that things seem to be settling down for you both!
Thanks @Banjomansmate, mums wandering is a problem for her and the other residents as she can't find her way back once she leaves her room at night. Mum has always loved being in her bed and being able to sleep so this is a mystery in trying to crack why now she does this. I think its because she is not in her home environment where she knew her room. Hopefully she will become orientated as time goes by.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
It sounds as if mums settled in quickly, & the CH obviously are open & honest. totally agree with you that care should be state run & not privatised.

Time for you to sit back &breathe for a while
Xx
Yes I can relax a little @DesperateofDevon, but I am going to strike while the iron is hot and write to mums MP with my personal account of this journey -keep the pressure on and turn it up
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
Today mum was asleep as I knocked on her door. She had wandered again most of the night but she is in a new place and things have moved in terms of orientation to where she was before. I spoke with the nurse on duty and she said that mum had been very anxious overnight and uncertain of her surroundings, and yes she had been in other residents rooms trying to get back to her own room. Today I managed to get her to walk out into other parts of the home and when I walked her back to her room it was clear she had difficulty recognising it, she was also worried she had got the right room -this will take time to become embedded.

But in the day she is fine and was so funny smothering me with her perfume as I had to try it first :eek: I now stink of this perfume. She was on form happy and churpy and besides the difficulties of moving to a new CH I have to say she is so much more herself despite the dementia taking its cruel turns and twists
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
252
Hi Palerider
You're right, it will take your mum a while to get to know her surroundings and where her room is.
When my mum moved into care the first few weeks she was very unsettled at night, would wander into the corridor, and ended up in other residents rooms ( including some of the men's rooms!!) Care staff just said it was very common and not to worry. They put a mat outside her room to alert staff that she was on the move, but now nearly 3 months later she is familiar with her own room and much more settled at night.
Pleased to hear she's happier in the day, and very kindly sharing her perfume!!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
Hi Palerider
You're right, it will take your mum a while to get to know her surroundings and where her room is.
When my mum moved into care the first few weeks she was very unsettled at night, would wander into the corridor, and ended up in other residents rooms ( including some of the men's rooms!!) Care staff just said it was very common and not to worry. They put a mat outside her room to alert staff that she was on the move, but now nearly 3 months later she is familiar with her own room and much more settled at night.
Pleased to hear she's happier in the day, and very kindly sharing her perfume!!
I have decided not to allow mum to test me first in future -all I can smell and taste is this bloody perfume. But it made an old lady happy and chuckle, worth the suffering I guess :rolleyes:
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,024
@Palerider, the new home sounds a lot better than the last, and I'm sure your mum will settle but it will take a while. Mum has been in her care home for eight months, and I'm still not sure that she remembers the lay out. She is certainly unsure quite often where her room is, and when we're there if it is really hers. I'm sure as you're mum gets used to it, there will be less wandering, but it might still feature. There are several residents on mum's floor, including mum, that seem to have a habit of wandering in and out of each other's rooms.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
@Palerider, the new home sounds a lot better than the last, and I'm sure your mum will settle but it will take a while. Mum has been in her care home for eight months, and I'm still not sure that she remembers the lay out. She is certainly unsure quite often where her room is, and when we're there if it is really hers. I'm sure as you're mum gets used to it, there will be less wandering, but it might still feature. There are several residents on mum's floor, including mum, that seem to have a habit of wandering in and out of each other's rooms.
Thanks @Sarasa . I got a mumble about something about residents relatives complaining about other residents and it was unclear what this nurse was rambling on about (she was rambling in general terms and frankly she would have done better to to stop and speak to me), so I am keen to ensure mum is ok and fitting in as per what would be expected. When I spoke to a more experienced nurse yesterday it all seemed very normal to her and there were no issues and she had explained to me the same problems. Tomorrow I will be contacting the manager and discussing this ramble I got, because I am not sure who she was talking about or what she was on about
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,024
@Palerider, I'm glad its not just me that wonders what's happening at times! I always put down my not understanding to my poor hearing, but maybe poor communication in general is in play. The staff on mum's floor seem pretty laid back about the wandering, but I do wonder if some relatives complain. When I return clothes that aren't mum's or ask if certain items have been found, I do stress I know it's difficult and I am not blaming staff for not finding them yet.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
@Palerider, I'm glad its not just me that wonders what's happening at times! I always put down my not understanding to my poor hearing, but maybe poor communication in general is in play. The staff on mum's floor seem pretty laid back about the wandering, but I do wonder if some relatives complain. When I return clothes that aren't mum's or ask if certain items have been found, I do stress I know it's difficult and I am not blaming staff for not finding them yet.
lol me too

I am sure she was just giving me the general run down about how they respond but she had a fair spanish accent and I don't think she heard me in the way she should have. I was tempted to ask her in spanish what she meant but then realised that would be another awkward moment because the words in spanish are not the same in english and we would get into the esta and estas quandry -which is not helpful. I have to say I admired her false eye lashes and mum was worried they may fall off -I didn't tell her mums concerns
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
664
High Peak
I'm not sure mum every really got to know her way round the CH in the 3 years she was there. It was a little confusing - 3 'arms' each with rooms on either side and the same thing upstairs. If she wandered into the wrong 'arm' she'd go looking for a room on the left, near the end, which was correct for her own 'arm' but obviously not for the others. And she'd go up and down in the lift but wouldn't know which floor she was on when she got out.

Add to this the problem of, 'I don't live here!' and,'This isn't my room - I've never seen it before!'

She did wander into other people's rooms at night sometimes which was a bit of a problem but that was mostly because they were a bit short staffed at night and it was sometimes a while before they located her...

Never really found a solution but it wasn't really that much of a problem (compared to others) and the staff seemed OK about it. (Mostly!)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,440
North West
Just off the phone with the night nurse who was on last night, she said mum went to bed late and then slept all night and she doesn't understand what the day nurse was on about. She told me mum is playing up tonight and wandering and they are giving her a sandwich and then going to see how she go's. Doesn't surprise if she is hungry as she has missed meal times due to being asleep in the day, hopefully she will settle
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,658
I have decided not to allow mum to test me first in future -all I can smell and taste is this bloody perfume. But it made an old lady happy and chuckle, worth the suffering I guess :rolleyes:
Aww come on now, no shame in liking floral notes! Glad you & Mum shared a giggle together.
Dad wandered at home regularly not recognising where he was. Also he never recognised his own door to his room in the CH even with his name & a different colour on it.
Wandering seems to be a phase in dementia - maybe restless mind equals restless feet? Strange as Dad would fall asleep in a shopping line given the opportunity before dementia.