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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,620
North West
Well I visited mum and found her asleep on the loo bless her. The carers sorted her out and she chatted for a short while, ate her cake and then nodded off so I left. She was clearly exhausted and hadn't slept all night. I'm hoping this doesn't continue too long and that she begins to settle down, if not then I will start asking about some sleep meds at night.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Well I visited mum and found her asleep on the loo bless her. The carers sorted her out and she chatted for a short while, ate her cake and then nodded off so I left. She was clearly exhausted and hadn't slept all night. I'm hoping this doesn't continue too long and that she begins to settle down, if not then I will start asking about some sleep meds at night.
Not the most comfortable place to nod off
Bless!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,162
South coast
I visited mum and found her asleep on the loo
Gosh, she must have been tired!
Mum continued sundowning right up till the end and used to nap a lot during the day. There were quite a few others in her care home who did the same and the staff took a very relaxed attitude to it, so dont worry too much about it. You could ask the manager what they normally do in these cases, though.
BTW, dont take original photos into her care home in case something happens to them - scan them and take in copies
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,620
North West
Gosh, she must have been tired!
Mum continued sundowning right up till the end and used to nap a lot during the day. There were quite a few others in her care home who did the same and the staff took a very relaxed attitude to it, so dont worry too much about it. You could ask the manager what they normally do in these cases, though.
BTW, dont take original photos into her care home in case something happens to them - scan them and take in copies
Yes she is exhausted to the point she can't hold a conversation at all and is obviously more confused than normal as a result.

I took the album in but mum was so tired I brought it back home. Decided to send all of the old photos off to be scanned (as I don't have the time or will to do it) and can produce lots of prints from the digital copies as well as preserving them for the future.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,620
North West
Yesterday I have to be honest I was feeling quite low after seeing mum struggling with her days and nights. I'm not sure if this is another downturn or if it is the move, but either way this disease constantly catches me out. Just as things settle and I get used to the new normal it all changes again.

Will see how things are today. I need a big happy pill to cheer me up and stay motivated
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,162
South coast
Actually, I think I could do with it too.
Ive just discovered that OH has broken the shower screen hinge :mad::(:(
Im hoping that this wont stop the carers giving him a shower.......
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Actually, I think I could do with it too.
Ive just discovered that OH has broken the shower screen hinge :mad::(:(
Im hoping that this wont stop the carers giving him a shower.......
sometimes it’s just the little things that get you, hope the hinge is repairable! xx
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Yesterday I have to be honest I was feeling quite low after seeing mum struggling with her days and nights. I'm not sure if this is another downturn or if it is the move, but either way this disease constantly catches me out. Just as things settle and I get used to the new normal it all changes again.

Will see how things are today. I need a big happy pill to cheer me up and stay motivated
please don’t forget it’s going to take Mum a few weeks to settle in & become familiar. I know it’s a long time ago ( linger for some than others!!) but remember how going to school felt for the first time it was alien, new place with lots of new faces. I imagine it must feel a little bit like that, my husband was at boarding school & he said it took him a few months to settle in.

so please be a little kinder to yourself, none of this is what we want for our loved ones. You have gone above & beyond in all the love & care you have devoted to your lovely mum; you now need a chance to grieve the changes that mean mums gone into a care home.
Sending you ((((((((((((((((((((((verybighug))))))))))))))))))))
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,620
North West
Actually, I think I could do with it too.
Ive just discovered that OH has broken the shower screen hinge :mad::(:(
Im hoping that this wont stop the carers giving him a shower.......
Hmm frustrating @canary not on the same level mum managed to break the kitchen cupboard door hinges -how is beyond me
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,620
North West
please don’t forget it’s going to take Mum a few weeks to settle in & become familiar. I know it’s a long time ago ( linger for some than others!!) but remember how going to school felt for the first time it was alien, new place with lots of new faces. I imagine it must feel a little bit like that, my husband was at boarding school & he said it took him a few months to settle in.

so please be a little kinder to yourself, none of this is what we want for our loved ones. You have gone above & beyond in all the love & care you have devoted to your lovely mum; you now need a chance to grieve the changes that mean mums gone into a care home.
Sending you ((((((((((((((((((((((verybighug))))))))))))))))))))
I know, it will take time I am worrying too much I think. I vsisted today and nearly keeled over as my brother had visited -I wonder if the red carpet was rolled out?

Today mum was much better, although going to bed late she had slept most of the night and the difference was amazing, she was on form today -more herself if that makes sense
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,620
North West
Im surprised you weren’t summoned to diff your cap to him :D
LOL @Sam Luvit I am at the point of no return in many ways and with many people. My brother keeps on telling my aunt tales of woe, but she has no idea how lacking his help, support or mere understanding has been. The last straw with me lately is to get a text from my aunt is to say that at least mum is closer to my brother now so he can visit and I have to live my life -no **** Sherlock!!

What annoyed me is the live my life bit -until; now there has been no living of ones life in order to make sure mum is ok (because no one else is or has been bothered), and secondly the only person left to make sure mum is ok is me, SO living my life from now on will be making sure mum is ok with a close eye, while I LIVE MY LIFE ...grrr
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,894
East Sussex
I can’t imagine the frustration of knowing how useless your brother has been, while being told by a relative how helpful he will be. I’d want to strangle them both .., please don’t ... we need to share another drink one day & I’d rather it wasn’t over a table in prison :eek: @Palerider

I took my brother fishing once and he commented “at least you get a break from mum by taking me ..”. He was serious. One part of me just wanted to slap him, but the other part realised that yes .. it was a break :rolleyes:

I can only hope some fairy godmother casts a spell on your brother & makes him step up to the plate. I’ll be forever grateful that mine did in the end. Although mine at least accepted that he wasn’t doing anything & supported me

You just don’t get to “live your life” in this, you put it on hold & try not to think about it

That said, you will gradually be able to visit with your mum as her son & not her carer. You will always be her carer, making sure everything possible is done for her best possible life, but you can gradually become her best friend again ;)
 

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