A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    573
    Female
    High Peak
    I didn't realise the home was just 'residential'. Yet you mention other residents wandering at night so presumably they have dementia too.

    To be honest, I think your mum HAS settled. A lot of the time she is fine and she seems to enjoy interacting with others (mostly!) But if she is at the 'top end' of what they feel they can cope with, a move now might be a good idea. None of us know what the future holds - your mum may become more aggressive at times or she may become more compliant as the disease progresses. I was really fortunate with mum's CH although I didn't realise the significance when I moved her there. They actually take a complete range of people, from non-dementia residents, right through those with quite bad behavioural problems, all sorts of nursing care and even end of life. It was only after reading of others on TP having to move their PWD that I realised I'd 'dropped lucky'.

    Will you get any choice of alternate homes?
     
  2. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    519
    I feel for you PaleRider. Agitation and aggression is very hard to manage - even in a dedicated dementia unit. Just had a meeting with the psychiatrist who comes in to advise in my Mum's CH. Mummy has been hitting, kicking and spitting at staff during personal care. The staff are great, but it is becoming an issue. So far Mermantine has been suggested, in addition to what she already takes and we are also trying distraction activities with things she enjoys - pictures and film of birds and wildlife, watching comedy DVDs. Too soon to know if it will help but fortunately the home are trying very hard to manage this. I hope you are also able to find a solution.
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Pete1 @Helly68 and @Jaded'n'faded

    Just to clarify mums current CH is a residenetial dementia CH, but they are not registered to care for residents with greater needs, so they have to raise their concern if they can't manage anyone with behavioural problems. In other words they only care for the lucid quite types with dementia. The staff really like mum, but unfortunately she is a handful when sundowning. I think had she not been aggressive things may be different. She has been more settled since that altercation which as far as I know has not been repeated, however another problem is she goes into other people beds at night and won't move -understandably this is problematic as well.

    There has been a discussion around meds, but I think to be honest a more substantial CH is the answer before resorting to meds as she only does this at night when she sundowns, in the day she is fine and settled and very lucid. I had a suspicion this might come. I am a tad annoyed because the manager could have spoken with me about this beforehand so matters were clarified rather than it come from the SW out of the blue -but here we are, things never cease to surprise me.
     
  4. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    390
    Male
    Agreed @Palerider, it is a great shame that the Manager has not really kept you in the picture as to their intentions. All you just want the best and most appropriate care for your Mum, and if that Care Home isn't the right one then so be it. My Dad had a similar situation and was moved, in where he landed was certainly the best solution for his increasing needs at the time. I hope you get some resolution soon though for both yours and your Mum's sake. All the best.
     
  5. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    644
    Bedford
    Sorry to hear this development @Palerider. I am afraid I have nothing helpful to say but hope that ultimately it works out for the best
     
  6. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    519
    That is a shame @Palerider hopefully it will be possible to find a more permanent solution. We spent a long time talking to the CH manager before my Mum moved in, and they got to know her via day care. I agree with you that the manager should have been clearer. Unfortunately, in terms of changes, dementia is the gift that keeps giving, not, so you never know what you will get. I hope my Mum can stay where she is but there is a possibility that she may need a more secure unit eventually. I hope not. We found it can help to ask the home outright at the start what kind of behaviour can they not deal with. They may not all be up front about this, but for everyones wellbeing they should be.
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,238
    I cried my eyes out when this happened a few was ago to Dad, he was served notice! Now I’m just resigned to the systems & their processes
    I am sorry you are going through this
    X
     
  8. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    565
    Female
    South East
  9. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Well despite my busy day on a course to re-certify my ALS, I managed to get in touch with mums SW for some feedback. We have made the decision to move mum to a nursig dementia care home, as generally speaking I feel that her needs are not being met and the care home are not able to help mum live a fuller life where she is currently, or more simply put they only take easy residents that don't require large amounts of input.

    I have been told I can choose anywhere that is nursing dementia care/EMI, but these places are limited so mums SW is also looking for a place. Hopefully I won't have to move mum again after this. So busy day tomorrow, plus its the Christmas party at mums current CH, which I will be attending

    Edited: I forgot to say I have asked others in a similar situation and they have all said mum would be better off in a nursing dementia home/EMI as they are better supported and able to see the care through to end stage.
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Hi @Woohoo ...just posted see above:)
     
  11. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    644
    Bedford
    I am glad to hear that the SW agreed with your assessment and hopefully it won’t be long before you find a suitable place with a vacancy. I hope that you have an enjoyable time with your Mum at the CH party
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,238
    Dads just had CHC funding assessment & he needs cot sides now. Hoping that the SW finds a nursing home soon, expect it will be back in his home area- which means I won’t be visiting him as much! Not that he knows who I am anyway but he enjoys his cuddle!!!

    ((((hugs)))))
    You are doing well, though I expect it doesn’t always feel like it!
    x
     
  13. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    565
    Female
    South East
    Enjoy the Xmas party with Mum, I’m sorry that the current home is not meeting mums needs but it feels like a positive move to ensure her happiness and comfort and the right one means no more moves . Good luck with the search , hope you soon find somewhere you are happy with and meets requirements ,Take care.
     
  14. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    390
    Male
    Hi @Palerider, I hope you (or the Social Worker) can find somewhere that meets your Mum's needs. When it is all said and done that is the most important thing. It is just a shame that the Care Home didn't keep you more closely informed, however, it does sound that this will be the best long term solution for your Mum (especially with the sun-downing, which has the propensity to get worse). All the best.
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Helly68. Interestingly I told the manager when she came to assess mum at home that she had on occasion been aggressive with the carers when they called and also that she wanders at night when in a different environment, but knowing this she accepted her into the CH. I guess she was trying to help in what had become a difficult situation, but I won't know because she has not made any effort to speak to me since.
     
  16. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Hi @Pete1 , yes I think this would be a better move for mum, I think the care workers where mum is are ok I can't complain, but they are not good at coping with challenging behaviour, I have watched a few times as they try to de-escalate scenarios (with other residents) and their approach has not been the best. There is also an attitude where so long as the residents are nice and quite the staff are ok, but anyone who becomes agitated is seen as a 'problem' -which of course is inappropriate in dementia care.
     
  17. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Hello @Jaded'n'faded, I have checked on the CQC website what this CH is registered for, and indeed they are only registered for residential dementia care and not nursing dementia care.

    Just a tip for anyone who wishes to check, go onto the CQC website look up the report on the home and click on the 'Registration info' button and you'll find what care they are registered to give.
     
  18. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    There are a few nice places I've found already, but I need to go and see them and of course hope they have a place or one coming up soon
     
  19. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,137
    Male
    North West
    Hope it works out for your dad, such a struggle for you.

    I am ok, I did go through a moment of thinking 'oh my God what have I done to mum' with ensuing guilt, and nearly said I'll bring her home. Of course that isn't possible, home isn't an option, but boy did I come close to it for a moment.

    Time to soldier on and find somewhere for my mum....
     
  20. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    565
    Female
    South East
    You have coped amazingly well @Palerider , you seem to be adapting to a new routine /way of life incredibly well and are giving me huge hope for when I walk that path soon, thank you ,I know it might not always be that way and expect some or a lot of ups and downs along the way.Take care
     

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