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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Thanks everyone

After a further two days of battling through work I am still feeling dreadful, woke this morning very dizzy and nauseus, whatever bug this is, it isn't shifting easily, not to mention I had two patients repeatedly sneezing and coughing all over me, one of which was query influenza, but turned out to be a nasty viral throat infection (most likely). So with some reluctance having resolved to go on the work night out tonight I have had to cancel my place as I generally feel like s**t. My only saving grace is that I have missed this years party due to illness and not dementia, which I suppose is a start to this 'new normal'. Besides I could not have sustained the drinking of alcohol for over several hours or more and remained upright as matters stand, sad but true :eek:

Mum now has a caseworker SW and called me to say she was going to review and assess mum this week (which took place yesterday). I didn't attend the review, but she will update me on her assessment next Monday. I am stalling completion of the SS forms purposely so that we all get Christmas out of the way before sorting out finances and funding. Need to see the solicitors to take advice and possibly instruct them to act on mums behalf with wrt the equity release problem.

There has been mention of a disregard, but I am not holding my breath, and even if there was I would still have to sell mums house and put her money into a Trust fund for her, however much is left, to get rid of the debt (act in her best interests).

Its all going to get messy for a while until matters are sorted, but I will do what is asked of me.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
798
Hi @Palerider, hopefully the Solicitor can sort out the equity release legal complications for you. Going through all of the house sale and financial assessment can be soul destroying, try not to let it get to you - easier said than done I know! Stay strong. All the best.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Thanks everyone

After a further two days of battling through work I am still feeling dreadful, woke this morning very dizzy and nauseus, whatever bug this is, it isn't shifting easily, not to mention I had two patients repeatedly sneezing and coughing all over me, one of which was query influenza, but turned out to be a nasty viral throat infection (most likely). So with some reluctance having resolved to go on the work night out tonight I have had to cancel my place as I generally feel like s**t. My only saving grace is that I have missed this years party due to illness and not dementia, which I suppose is a start to this 'new normal'. Besides I could not have sustained the drinking of alcohol for over several hours or more and remained upright as matters stand, sad but true :eek:

Mum now has a caseworker SW and called me to say she was going to review and assess mum this week (which took place yesterday). I didn't attend the review, but she will update me on her assessment next Monday. I am stalling completion of the SS forms purposely so that we all get Christmas out of the way before sorting out finances and funding. Need to see the solicitors to take advice and possibly instruct them to act on mums behalf with wrt the equity release problem.

There has been mention of a disregard, but I am not holding my breath, and even if there was I would still have to sell mums house and put her money into a Trust fund for her, however much is left, to get rid of the debt (act in her best interests).

Its all going to get messy for a while until matters are sorted, but I will do what is asked of me.
The dreaded lurgy!!! Your immune system is no longer running on adrenaline.take care. X
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,934
Thanks everyone

After a further two days of battling through work I am still feeling dreadful, woke this morning very dizzy and nauseus, whatever bug this is, it isn't shifting easily, not to mention I had two patients repeatedly sneezing and coughing all over me, one of which was query influenza, but turned out to be a nasty viral throat infection (most likely). So with some reluctance having resolved to go on the work night out tonight I have had to cancel my place as I generally feel like s**t. My only saving grace is that I have missed this years party due to illness and not dementia, which I suppose is a start to this 'new normal'. Besides I could not have sustained the drinking of alcohol for over several hours or more and remained upright as matters stand, sad but true :eek:

Mum now has a caseworker SW and called me to say she was going to review and assess mum this week (which took place yesterday). I didn't attend the review, but she will update me on her assessment next Monday. I am stalling completion of the SS forms purposely so that we all get Christmas out of the way before sorting out finances and funding. Need to see the solicitors to take advice and possibly instruct them to act on mums behalf with wrt the equity release problem.

There has been mention of a disregard, but I am not holding my breath, and even if there was I would still have to sell mums house and put her money into a Trust fund for her, however much is left, to get rid of the debt (act in her best interests).

Its all going to get messy for a while until matters are sorted, but I will do what is asked of me.
Yes @Palerider as @DesperateofDevon says it's after the event when everything has calmed down and you start to think things are going okay and bang, lack of adrenaline hits you like a bus. I had a few days away by myself last year and when I left I was on top of the world and very happy to be on my own for the first time in years. Then bang it got me. Do take care of yourself, it took me months before I was right again.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
506
It's not fair when your body reacts like this, I've lost count of the number of Christmas holidays I lost through colds and infections when teaching - I fought off the illness to the end of term then wham!

I'm struggling at the moment with a cough and chest infection which I'm trying to keep from going into my sinuses. My problem is that I am one of the sandwich generation, in between mum with Alzheimer's and probably breast cancer ( off to ocology this week) and an adult son in the US going through a toxic divorce and child custody battles ( which I am funding as he cannot pay his attorney any more).

It's hard to sleep as my mind starts to race when I switch the light off which is affecting my health.

Palerider, I hope you feel better soon, you deserve to have some peaceful times after all the care you gave your mum.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Hi @Palerider, hopefully the Solicitor can sort out the equity release legal complications for you. Going through all of the house sale and financial assessment can be soul destroying, try not to let it get to you - easier said than done I know! Stay strong. All the best.
Yes, its going things are going to get choppy for a while, but it has to be sorted out, sooner or later it would have come to that anyway I guess -thanks @Pete1
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Thanks @DesperateofDevon and @Duggies-girl

I think you are both right, the adrenaline has slowed and I'm not running round anxious and stressed anymore and am certainly paying the price. I had forgotten what it was like not to have that constant worry at the forefront of everything, but also seem to be picking up mild infections quite easily at the moment -I've never had this before

I think its going to take a while to get back to 'normal' function
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,455
Merseyside
It took me about 12 months to recover physically from caring for Dad. After he’d gone I had cold after cold & ended up with a bad bout of shingles around my eye. My arm is still weak from when I tore the muscles lifting him.
Caring takes a real physical & mental toll.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
It's not fair when your body reacts like this, I've lost count of the number of Christmas holidays I lost through colds and infections when teaching - I fought off the illness to the end of term then wham!

I'm struggling at the moment with a cough and chest infection which I'm trying to keep from going into my sinuses. My problem is that I am one of the sandwich generation, in between mum with Alzheimer's and probably breast cancer ( off to ocology this week) and an adult son in the US going through a toxic divorce and child custody battles ( which I am funding as he cannot pay his attorney any more).

It's hard to sleep as my mind starts to race when I switch the light off which is affecting my health.

Palerider, I hope you feel better soon, you deserve to have some peaceful times after all the care you gave your mum.
Its amazing what our bodies can do when pushed and stressed, but too much stress is bound to end in disaster at some point. Although we know this, we carry on trying to sustain things as best we can. I know the not sleeping bit only too well and insomnia through stress has become a friend of old, not good at all.

You have a lot going on at the moment, and I don't envy you worrying about your son in the US, the legal system is heavily driven by money rather than justice. Hope the oncology appointment with your mum goes well, I can't think of anything more difficult to deal with than dementia and cancer
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
It took me about 12 months to recover physically from caring for Dad. After he’d gone I had cold after cold & ended up with a bad bout of shingles around my eye. My arm is still weak from when I tore the muscles lifting him.
Caring takes a real physical & mental toll.
Yes I'm beginning to experience this. Shingles round the eye is bad, I bet that was unpleasant, hopefully it didn't cause too many problems. I seem to be on the same path, cold after cold at the moment
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,455
Merseyside
Yes I'm beginning to experience this. Shingles round the eye is bad, I bet that was unpleasant, hopefully it didn't cause too many problems. I seem to be on the same path, cold after cold at the moment
Luckily I caught it early & got some antivirals.
Take care.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
It's not fair when your body reacts like this, I've lost count of the number of Christmas holidays I lost through colds and infections when teaching - I fought off the illness to the end of term then wham!

I'm struggling at the moment with a cough and chest infection which I'm trying to keep from going into my sinuses. My problem is that I am one of the sandwich generation, in between mum with Alzheimer's and probably breast cancer ( off to ocology this week) and an adult son in the US going through a toxic divorce and child custody battles ( which I am funding as he cannot pay his attorney any more).

It's hard to sleep as my mind starts to race when I switch the light off which is affecting my health.

Palerider, I hope you feel better soon, you deserve to have some peaceful times after all the care you gave your mum.
Oh lovely you really are having a horrid time
Sending (((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Thanks @DesperateofDevon and @Duggies-girl

I think you are both right, the adrenaline has slowed and I'm not running round anxious and stressed anymore and am certainly paying the price. I had forgotten what it was like not to have that constant worry at the forefront of everything, but also seem to be picking up mild infections quite easily at the moment -I've never had this before

I think its going to take a while to get back to 'normal' function
Don’t laugh but a teaspoon of honey in your tea works wonders- my immune system lives on another continent... defo sunnier climes! I started honey in my tea after some nasty winter illnesses & there is a big improvement
X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,416
Bedford
Don’t laugh but a teaspoon of honey in your tea works wonders- my immune system lives on another continent... defo sunnier climes! I started honey in my tea after some nasty winter illnesses & there is a big improvement
X
Isn’t there a particular honey that is meant to be particularly good or is that a myth?
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,394
Suffolk
Manuka honey is what you’re thinking about. It’s from NZ, expensive, tastes rather earthy, but can bought as medical grade to apply to wounds (do you ever watch the Noel Fitzpatrick vet programmes? He uses it successfully).
I think it does me good just as ordinary honey!

Tea and I disagree, so I can’t imagine tea with honey in it!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,416
Bedford
Manuka honey is what you’re thinking about. It’s from NZ, expensive, tastes rather earthy, but can bought as medical grade to apply to wounds (do you ever watch the Noel Fitzpatrick vet programmes? He uses it successfully).
I think it does me good just as ordinary honey!

Tea and I disagree, so I can’t imagine tea with honey in it!
That’s the one. I have watched a few episodes of the super-vet programmes with Mum as she likes watching that and the Yorkshire Vet.
A long time ago I used to drink black coffee and honey as a boyfriend introduced it to me but I ditched it after he ditched me.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,854
North West
Well I have met up with the social worker today at the CH and was taken a bit by the feedback she gave me, which was old news but seems to have been dwelt on by the CH manager. At the end of the day the CH is for residential care only and not registered for higher levels of care.

This is as a result of mum weilding her stick a few weeks ago and becoming agressive with one of the care workers as she was sundowing and wandering at night, which most of the residents do. However, the CH are not registered for nursing/EMI care and so a decision will be made as to whether mum can stay in the CH she is in currently or moved to a nursing/EMI CH. I can't comment further as I am not there all the time and when I visit it is only for 30 mins to an hour and I don't see her when she sundowns. To be fair the CH have tried to see if they can get mum to settle.

I'm upset about it, but there's not much I can do. Waiting for a decision tomorrow on how things will be managed :(
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
798
Hi @Palerider, that is a really difficult thing to hear, I'm sure you were hoping that they would be able to manage your Mum's needs, certainly giving a bit of time for adjustment (if the incidents have desisted for example - or the CH developing better strategies to deal with them). As you say you aren't there at those times (I certainly didn't visit during 'sun-downing' time it seemed to create more confusion) to observe so it is difficult for you to assess, although I hope they have provided a detailed assessment of need for the SW (and you of course). As you say all you can do is see what tomorrow brings and take it from there, stay strong.