A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. Topsy Tiger

    Topsy Tiger Registered User

    Nov 12, 2019
    26
    Crashing into your thread, having read most of it this afternoon, to say what a contemplative and touching story it contains. Your lifelong friend and you are slightly further down the road than mine and me but I recognize so much in what you write. Thank you for that.
     
  2. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    557
    Female
    South East
    That sounds lovely and touching , precious memories to store . I’m glad too the walking stick has disappeared and no need for tablets just now .
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    You are always welcome to crash my thread @Topsy Tiger never be afraid to be you :)
     
  4. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Woohoo -it was a very emotional moment and made me realise that mum will hang on in there as best she can. We left the CH thinking I was her husband and by the time we got to have coffee somehow something triggered a memory -I can't be sure what
     
  5. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    yes I have had similar moments with mum, but today somehow she knew -I am a bit puzzled by it but grateful it happened
     
  6. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    Thaks @anxious annie I think I have been blessed today, despite the emotions and worry that she is ok -she's a strong lady and even now that shines through.

    I may be weak on the work night out, but I'll give it my best shot
     
  7. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    640
    Bedford
    Glad to hear that you feel the return to work was the right move and is going well and with the Christmas Party to look forward to. Seems to be some ups and downs with your Mum now in the CH which you seem to be working through to obtain some positive results. You generally sound happier now so I really hope it continues
     
  8. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Bikerbeth. I think my cortisol levels have come downn after all the stress and tension -Teepa Snow makes a good point of this. Not sure if I'm happier, but my conscience has eased a little after placing mum into care, but I do have moments where I suddenly feel guilty and sad. Work helps as it stops me from dwelling on a thought too long.
     
  9. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,577
    Good to hear you are starting to unwind. X
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    Well on to the next part of this journey. I have received the financial assessment papers from the SS today and am now faced with the task of unravelling an equity release mum and dad took out over ten years ago -more stress. Its tempting to be angry about this, but I can see why they did it, mum hadn't sorted out her pension and dad was hardly well off by the time he got his monthly pension and both their lump sums were spent.

    I'm trying to make sense of the equity release companies advice online, but as always there is nothing committal in how they may proceed and I am unsure whether an early settlement fee applies now mum has gone into care due to dementia.

    Does anyone have any experience? Where is best to start with this?
     
  11. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    640
    Bedford
    Hi. I am afraid I have no advice but could you ask your question on a separate post in case there is an expert in that field ‘lurking’ out there. Hope you find some help with this latest battle
     
  12. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    372
    Male
    Hi @Palerider, I'm afraid I don't have any knowledge of this area, I guess the detail will be in the agreement that your Mum and Dad signed (did they use a Solicitor) - if you have this of course. It also might be worth speaking to the Financial Assessment Team at the Local Authority they will have considerable experience in this field and may at least be able to steer you to someone who can advise (if they feel conflicted in providing advice to you directly). Sorry I can't be of more help! I hope everything is going ok with your return to work. All the best.
     
  13. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    1,121
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Bikerbeth and @Pete1 - I might just put it into the hands of mum and dads solicitors as they are the ones that represented on the equity release. Have to be careful with these companies and the original paperwork is a tad overwhelming. I can fill in the form for the SS, thats simpler lol.

    Well as I suspected I have come down with a bad cold virus and had to leave work yesterday, got home and stayed glued to the sofa, didn't move once and now have a sore nose, stiff neck and a headache that won't shift. I'm on days off now, so am trying to get better before work on Thursday. This doesn't surprise me, after all the stress over the last 6 months my immunity must be low, I rarely get colds.
     
  14. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    557
    Female
    South East
    I am not surprised at all, as you say you have been under a lot of stress , I swear by local honey or the other one beginning with M . Keep warm, drink plenty , why am I telling you this, you know . Take care and hope you feel better for Thursday.
     
  15. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,099
    Female
    South coast
    Im sorry you are feeling so rough. Im sure you are right that its due to all the stress you have been under.
    Look after yourself
    xx
     
  16. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    372
    Male
    Hi @Palerider, Solicitors sounds like the best plan. Hope you feel better soon, take care of yourself.
     
  17. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    640
    Bedford
    #1097 Bikerbeth, Dec 3, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2019
    Sorry to hear you have come down with a bad cold. Body must have decided it needed a rest. Stay on the sofa - watch tv, listen to music, read or whatever floats your boat. I am sure everything else can wait. Hope you feel better soon
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    @Palerider - sympathise with the whole immune system just giving up under stress!
    Honey & fresh ginger & lemon, great for shifting bugs & building up your immune system.
    Really do sympathise with the stress issue
    Take care
    X
     
  19. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    235
    Hi Palerider
    I hope you are feeling better and have been able to make some progress wth the solicitor. I hope too that your mum continues to be settled in her care home and you can enjoy spending Christmas together.
     
  20. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    How was the staff party?
     

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