A lifelong friend and me

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Palerider, May 19, 2019.

  1. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,839
    Glad the TV is set up, it’s nice having your own space to retire to.
     
  2. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    380
    Female
    South East
    I agree , I think it’s a relief that mum is settled and I am sorry you are the one struggling, can imagine how much worse you would feel if Mum was unsettled . Hope work helps in terms of getting back in to a routine albeit a different one . Take care .
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    I don't think we can ever completely crack this to be honest @Sarasa. Mum still talks about home but I don't get into challenging her about that -I help her validate what home is. So I ask what home is like and who is with her etc. What her home looks like. She will remember me, but not as I am now and so I tell her the 'me' that she remembers will be here tomorrow, and I am in that moment whoever she wants me to be....its not always obvious and not alyways easy to reveal what's really in their thoughts, but I always smile at her and she reads that as a positive and the smile comes back
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,839
    It’s lovely how reassuring a smile is!
     
  5. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    Yes the thread in a way is in honour of mum, though I seem to talk a lot about me. There are a number threads and posts that resonate on here with me as well. A hard journey that life throws at us with difficult choices to make. I would do it all again if I had to as painful as it can be.

    I'm not as bad today @Pete1, becoming more comfortable with this new life knowing that mum is ok.
     
  6. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    Yes she laughs and tells me stories as well, makes me chuckle
     
  7. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @Woohoo, I think I will settle eventually -time is always a good healer
     
  8. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    180
    Hi, Palerider
    I am so pleased to hear that your mum is settling in well at the care home. You are bound to have mixed feelings , but hope that being back at work will take your mind off anxieties for a while , and you will be able to spend quality time with your mum and know that she is being well looked after when you are not there X
     
  9. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    Thanks @anxious annie. As the days go by I am getting better and as I see mum now it was the right thing to do in the end. When I return to work I won't have all of that worry that has gone before and will be able to focus on my job
     
  10. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    Tootled along to see mum today, but after I did something for me and for once without feeling guilty.

    Mum was on form and spotted me and shouted me over (thinking I'm dad but getting my name right). Managed to stop her from going in someones room and said no mum your rooms upstairs. 'Oh yes' she said 'it is'.

    Today she was dressed in her new trousers I bought and everything was right apart from the mans cardigan she was wearing, but I let that go because mum was convinced she had knitted it and showed me how well the zip worked (at which point I was chuckling).

    I took a shoe catalogue in for a well known company and asked her to choose some new shoes that would be comfy for her swelling feet (there's a clue there guys). She enjoyed looking and choosing. Finally we narrowed her choice down to one, so I will order those for her so she can go out knowing her shoes fit on day trips.

    We talked for a while about her day. having just had lunch she told me she really enjoyed her Sunday dinner and then nodded off, so I left her to have a snooze as she looked peaceful.
     
  11. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    228
    Male
    Hi @Palerider, I hear you. It sounds like you can have quality time now with Mum (even if she sometimes things you're her husband - been there!). That certainly was the biggest change for me, I could become the son again.

    All the best,
     
  12. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    380
    Female
    South East
    Sounds as good as one can hope for @Palerider , good to hear you did something for you too, you are just as important . Don’t forget you while caring for mum .
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    450
    Bedford
    Glad you have had a good day today with your Mum and you managed to do something for yourself too. Hope you managed that Sunday dinner too! When do you start back to work? (And all the best for it)
     
  14. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    611
    Are you back at work today @Palerider, if so hope it is going well.
    So glad your mum seems to have settled into her home well.
     
  15. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    944
    Male
    North West
    Back to work on Weds @Bikerbeth and @Sarasa -thank you for the well wishes everyone. I'm hoping I can get back into it fairly quickly, but it is busy -time of year I guess
     
  16. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,901
    Female
    Dundee
    I hope all goes well for you on Wednesday @Palerider.
     
  17. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    380
    Female
    South East
    I’m sure you will be thrown back in full throttle and wont have time to catch your breath . Hope it goes well.
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,839
    Enjoy the routine of going into work, maybe celebration is required... a cup of coffee & treat on the way in?
     
  19. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    494
    Just popping in to say 'Hi' @Palerider - and delighted to hear that your Mum is settling so well. Hope the return to work is not too much of a nasty shock tomorrow - I bet you'll be tired when you finish. I think a celebratory something is definitely in order, either en route in, or for when you get back home - good thinking @DesperateofDevon !
    X
     
  20. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    380
    Female
    South East

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