A lifelong friend and me

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
465
Thinking of you @Palerider ...And breathe, nice and easy does it, paint on your best smile.((( but you know this you’ve been doing it for a long time))) (((((((((((((( Hugs)))))))) A x
 

Delilah63

Registered User
Jan 4, 2018
38
I'm feeling prity miserable this morning but trying to keep composed for mum. My brother said he would get David (mums eldest grandchild) to come and see her today, which would be good as she somehow has an attachement to him even now. It would also be good to have someone to distract me for an hour of the day.

Its really wierd I feel such apprehension and mum is only going into a CH, but it feels so final, what is wrong with me....?
You know there is nothing wrong with you...it is a wierd, sad emotionally draining thing...the whole dementia thing, so you just have to be kind to yourself and feel what you feel and do your best, and your best will always be good enough
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,504
Chester
Not been around much (round trip to Bath for sword jousting and work issues). Hope everything is manageable tonight and everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

I felt like I'd ripped my mum away from her social circle and routine moving her into an extra care flat near me, but the reality was she was probably sitting in one place in the house all day, she'd had a police forced entry because she hadn't been seen in the previous month, and was rarely going out.

She settled in well, told me she was happy and although she missed her friends she thought this was the right place for her, and for me (and my family) so I could look after her. It took me years to come to terms with it, even though I knew it was the only option. Reading posts on here and counselling ultimately brought closure and the knowledge I'd done the right thing and I should never have felt guilty and I hadn't ripped her away from her social circle, dementia had.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,277
North West
Thanks everyone for of your words of support, they have really helped over the last night. I have avoided hanging around on the forum last night as it seemed to make me feel worse.

Only a few more hours and we will be on our way to the CH. I haven't been able to pack mums clothes yet as its been impossible to distract her. Mum thinks I am going away for a few days and so is going stay somewhere where she has company -this came about because mum said she didn't want to be alone so that was my best story line :(
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
676
South East
Not surprised you were not on here ,quite natural. will be thinking of you both and hoping it goes as well as it can as im sure lots of others are. Be kind and gentle with yourself. X
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
532
Hoping it all goes as well as it can. I am sure the packing will get done at some point. Allow yourself a bit of time afterwards to feel all kinds of emotion. I actually found Mummy settled in very well, it was me who couldn't stop crying. I think at that point I felt all the awfulness of dementia descend on me. Hopefully you can make a bit of time for yourself. I went almost straight into work and I am not sure that was a good idea.
Thinking of you.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,277
North West
Took a deep breath got mum in the car, went for a short drive and we arrived at the CH. Mum walked in with me and by the time she'd had a coffee and I'd signed the paperwork she was very chatty and already making friends, she gave the manager a big hug and mad a fuss of her. I stayed with her and then left as they took mum for lunch to distract her.

I went back with some things for overnight until I get chance to pack properly she had lunch and ate it all and said she enjoyed it. I stayed with her for a coffee and then said I have to leave for work and I will see her tomorrow and kissed her goodbye.

It hasn't hit me yet,but it will, I got a bit teary but stopped myself in front of mum. Sitting here at home without mum is going to be hard for a while.:(

I really hope she settles, time will tell
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
676
South East
Glad that you managed to get through that part relatively well. Good to hear mum was happy. Have you got anything planned for this afternoon / evening ? Could you meet up with friends or do something you find relaxing . Early days and I can’t imagine how hard it will be for you. Sending a hug and strength . You have done amazing and to get mum in to home happy is brilliant . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
483
Yorkshire
That Went well then, I do hope she settles in X yes I bet it will feel strange for you being home alone x I hope your ok x hope you find some music or something to help you relax and soothe you a bit x well done for doingbsomething difficult to help your mum x
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
598
High Peak
Took a deep breath got mum in the car, went for a short drive and we arrived at the CH. Mum walked in with me and by the time she'd had a coffee and I'd signed the paperwork she was very chatty and already making friends, she gave the manager a big hug and mad a fuss of her. I stayed with her and then left as they took mum for lunch to distract her.

I went back with some things for overnight until I get chance to pack properly she had lunch and ate it all and said she enjoyed it. I stayed with her for a coffee and then said I have to leave for work and I will see her tomorrow and kissed her goodbye.

It hasn't hit me yet,but it will, I got a bit teary but stopped myself in front of mum. Sitting here at home without mum is going to be hard for a while.:(

I really hope she settles, time will tell

All round to yours for a party tonight then :D;)
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
483
Good Evening @Palerider, a tough day for you for sure, no matter how well it goes. It all seems a bit surreal, and it will take a while I'm sure, but it sounds as though your Mum was quite content. I wish you all the best, and there's nothing wrong with a few tears.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
838
@Palerider so glad that things went well today. My mum was so unhappy when I took her to her care home that I thought I was going to be asked to take her home, so the fact your mum seemed fine is brilliant.
Hope you don't feel too bereft this evening. It's going to take a lot of adjusting for both of you but one step at a time.
 

Delilah63

Registered User
Jan 4, 2018
38
Took a deep breath got mum in the car, went for a short drive and we arrived at the CH. Mum walked in with me and by the time she'd had a coffee and I'd signed the paperwork she was very chatty and already making friends, she gave the manager a big hug and mad a fuss of her. I stayed with her and then left as they took mum for lunch to distract her.

I went back with some things for overnight until I get chance to pack properly she had lunch and ate it all and said she enjoyed it. I stayed with her for a coffee and then said I have to leave for work and I will see her tomorrow and kissed her goodbye.

It hasn't hit me yet,but it will, I got a bit teary but stopped myself in front of mum. Sitting here at home without mum is going to be hard for a while.:(

I really hope she settles, time will tell
Hey well done you, sounds like you did a brilliant job of helping your mum feel confident and relaxed..who knew we would get so good at this parenting our parents thing eh? Be kind to yourself x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,277
North West
Thanks everyone. I am surprised at how well mum has just got on with it, I always thought her insistance at staying at home would be a blockage to full time care with a few other problems to boot. But when I left her this afternoon she was happier than I have seen her in a long time. She had eaten and she was stimulated and thought she was in a great hotel. She was chatty and it was like being with mum when she was very happy and not like the last few months of just existiing and to be honest hard work not for me but for herself, she just didnt know anymore.

I think she will be ok, but even though we know that, deep down in our heart we also have to learn to let go and that with this disease is the awful dilemma....when and if we should do that?

I think and I hope that for my mum having done everything I can do and given how she is today that now is the right time to hand that care over. It does sadden me to do this, but on my own there is no way I could ensure mums own wellbeing, and that at the end of the day is what matters
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
465
Thanks everyone. I am surprised at how well mum has just got on with it, I always thought her insistance at staying at home would be a blockage to full time care with a few other problems to boot. But when I left her this afternoon she was happier than I have seen her in a long time. She had eaten and she was stimulated and thought she was in a great hotel. She was chatty and it was like being with mum when she was very happy and not like the last few months of just existiing and to be honest hard work not for me but for herself, she just didnt know anymore.

I think she will be ok, but even though we know that, deep down in our heart we also have to learn to let go and that with this disease is the awful dilemma....when and if we should do that?

I think and I hope that for my mum having done everything I can do and given how she is today that now is the right time to hand that care over. It does sadden me to do this, but on my own there is no way I could ensure mums own wellbeing, and that at the end of the day is what matters
So glad mum has settled today @Palerider take time now and be gentle with yourself ((((( Hugs)))) A x
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
676
South East
You are not handing over care , I like to think you are sharing the care . It was the right time and the fact she seems happy is a huge plus point , you have always done your best and you will continue to do so, try and relax a little. Glad today has gone ok.