- Jan 4, 2018
Hi, I was just reading some of your post and some time has passed so I don't know where you are with things just now, but I just wanted to add a gleam of hope in case your Mum does end up needing to be in a care home. My Dad has gone in for "respite" today, no-one expects he will ever come out from there and I feel a massive, very emotionally mixed, but massive sense of relief. He went for a day visit this week and I was dreading taking him, I was so sure he would refuse to go in and become very agitated and angry but I forced myself to be breezy and relaxed and he just went in there, and for the first time in months I saw his face relax. He looked mildly confused but sort of bemused by the attention and genuinely OK with it. I haven't seen that look for so long, it was lovely, he was my Dad, the funny, cheeky easy one for a few minutes and it was lovely to see. So we arranged this respite. The home isn't up to the minute and posh in any way, but the staff are unhurried and best of all....kind, and they seemed to like my Dad, and they had found out loads about him by the time we picked him up, and he was in no hurry to leave. I'm not under any illusion that we are out of the woods yet, and I have no idea how today will go, especially tonight when he has to go to bed, but I just wanted to share a golden moment where things were in no way as bad as I thought they'd be, in fact I couldn't have asked for better, and in that endless groundhog battle that caring for someone with dementia takes you to, I wanted to share something optimistic. I hope you find your way through this soon, look after yourself...you're doing an amazing thing. xMmm this is the problem I have with mum and her walking to places, she knows where she is going and why, but doesn't think about how far it is and perhaps waiting would be better -but of course that part of her memory (someone will be home later) and cognition no longer work properly. I couldnt argue with her reason for walking to the GP's one day as she didn't feel well and wanted to see the doctor, she said there was no one to take her so she walked there. You can see how this was infact very unwise in the way she did it even though her wanting to see the doctor was probably right. She is amazing at working out her crossstitching, I couldn't do it and I don't have dementia.
This last incident is more concerning as she wasn't as aware of the reason, and by all accounts seemed lost. I need to contact SS and am not sure whether today is a good time as she only just started her antibiotics and besides I don't want to mark my birthday with this, a memory I don't want on my birthday every year. The time has come to rock the boat and seek a review I think and to see if there is anything else that we can do so that she can stay at home, if not then I think a CH isn't so far away unfortunately. This is the second time now I have gone through this and the stress and guilt i feel just thinking about a CH is distressing, but we can't go on like this if it is becoming the norm.