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A lifelong friend and me

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
747
Thanks @Helly68 , I chuckled about woollens being reduce to the size of a postage stamp. Most of mums cardigans are M&S all synthetic, so hopefully they will survive
Palerider - they should do, though the buttons etc take a bashing with all that putting on and taking off. If she has glasses, consider getting these engraved with initials. Try to persuade her not to take in any valuable items if you can. CHs do their best, but it is a continual battle to keep track of things. We had a cushion made with a photo of Mummy's Grandchildren on it and it is one of her favourite things in her room
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,871
My mother's care home marks items for you, which is probably a good thing seeing how much they charge. They put her first name surname initial and room number on things. Fortunately mum's eyesight is such that he has never noticed. I imagine she'd have been very upset if she realised. Last year she bought a couple of pairs of knickers in a size that was really too small for her, and in a style she never wears. They ended up in the care home and were duly labelled. When I realised she had never worn them I took them home for me. It feels slightly odd wearing underwear marked with my mum's name!
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
765
Glad today went well. Good that your mum was her usual self and so care home manager saw real her and that you and mum liked and feel comfortable with her. Hope your mum settles in well on Tuesday X
P.s whats the labelling thing about?
Labelling everything so as it doesn’t get lost in the laundry
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,024
North West
My mother's care home marks items for you, which is probably a good thing seeing how much they charge. They put her first name surname initial and room number on things. Fortunately mum's eyesight is such that he has never noticed. I imagine she'd have been very upset if she realised. Last year she bought a couple of pairs of knickers in a size that was really too small for her, and in a style she never wears. They ended up in the care home and were duly labelled. When I realised she had never worn them I took them home for me. It feels slightly odd wearing underwear marked with my mum's name!
That is quite amusing @Sarasa, believe it or not I have found mum wearing underpants, she had got herself confused over what was what when at work, interestingly she chose the pink ones
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,024
North West
So many of us know how you feel @Palerider. All the logic in the world doesn`t help the emotional trauma but we do what we do because we cannot see another solution.

I hope your mum settles well and having her cared for by a team gives you space for yourself and time with your mother which isn`t fraught with anxiety.
I just wanted to say thanks and I am not there yet but on Tuesday I will post again :)
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,024
North West
So glad assesment done and you feel happy withe the manager and home . Tuesday will soon be here , I guess you will be busy labelling and sorting bits out .
Pleased to hear you are feeling a little better now . Take care.
I am feeling better @Woohoo but one last hoop to jump through
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,024
North West
Roll on Tuesday! We can have that lunch soon then!

I'm a bit frustrated at the moment with the lack of understanding of dementia by my mums LA - a trivial matter about assisted bin collections!

Mum has also just been turned down for a Blue Badge as the current guidelines which her LA are using do not reflect the recent changes to include people with mental disabilities. I had composed a cracking letter to send to her MP but with the current dissolvement of Parliament, she does not have an MP to send it to! But if anyone thinks I will just accept the decision, they are mistaken! Before I am finished, my name will be well known!
We will meet for that lunch and talk about how best to write to MP's @Lynmax
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,024
North West
ditto the above! Life is fluid & this is just another part of it. I broke my heart when Dad went into the home! He had Male company again & could have a tot of whiskey every night to swish his tablets down with, it was fine & I got to be his daughter again. We all have difficult experiences ahead but trying to make the best memories & having fun with our PWD is as important as the day to day caring aspect. It’s time for you to have the fun bit, spoiling your Mum lots of treats etc.

My Mum still love it when I buy her clothes, I don’t do the usual old lady pastels but bright bold colours & scarves to accessorise. Sainsbury’s have a great clothing range that has every couple of weeks new items added to it. It’s amazing how easily the little things make a difference.

For you it’s going to be a big adjustment, but your Mum couldn’t have asked for a more loving son, you are inspirational & hats off to you I couldn’t do what you have done. My Mum & I are only now building the mother daughter relationship I have always craved.

Be kind to yourself (((((((hugs)))))))))
Now @DesperateofDevon you are my special person tonight, and thank you for your clarity, I will have some adjustments to make over the coming week and you are right, its going to be hard, but whatever this journey @DesperateofDevon we do the best we can do, and whatever we think and feel in the end about someone our ability to see through that takes over and we do what we have to do, and in that scheme of things makes you and I walk the same path :).
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Now @DesperateofDevon you are my special person tonight, and thank you for your clarity, I will have some adjustments to make over the coming week and you are right, its going to be hard, but whatever this journey @DesperateofDevon we do the best we can do, and whatever we think and feel in the end about someone our ability to see through that takes over and we do what we have to do, and in that scheme of things makes you and I walk the same path :).
I hope you have some new memories soon of giggles & silliness with your Mum soon. I actually have had some lovely times with both my PWD - being their daughter again & not just the person who sorts out stuff.

it’s swings & roundabouts at times but you’ve got this. X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,797
South East
Hopefully the home will be well prepared and will help you with that . Just as lots of people have said before, you know mum and the best way to sell it to her . I can imagine you will worry about it but sure it will go ok.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
580
If Mum has a diagnosis, Attendance Allowance etc then assisted bin collections come under that remit. I’ve just sorted out Mums bin collections.

As for the Blue Badge system, you can contest it. I did when PIP changed the goal posts & I lost my high rate of mobility to nothing! You just ring up & say to the council you don’t agree with the decision & it gets reviews by an O/T.

My O/T just rang up & said oh for goodness sake! No problems! Blue Badge authorised. I have accute M.E so without a blue badge my infrequent trips out are almost impossible at times.
Thanks for your reply. The issue with the bins is that Mum is registered for assisted collections but her council have a policy of cancelling the service if a bin is put out one week. So if mum notices the neighbours bins and copies them by putting out her bin, that's the end of it the following week! So I then have to contact the, set up the assistance again and get the missed bins collected! I'm just going round in circles as no one I speak to understands how people with dementia do random things!

As for the Blue Basge, my reasearch today indicates that they are using the old guidelines which focus only on mobility, rather than the new ones which consider if a person is capable of planning a journey and undertaking it safely. I've downloaded a 148 page document from the Gvt which I am ploughing through before I appeal.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Thanks for your reply. The issue with the bins is that Mum is registered for assisted collections but her council have a policy of cancelling the service if a bin is put out one week. So if mum notices the neighbours bins and copies them by putting out her bin, that's the end of it the following week! So I then have to contact the, set up the assistance again and get the missed bins collected! I'm just going round in circles as no one I speak to understands how people with dementia do random things!

As for the Blue Basge, my reasearch today indicates that they are using the old guidelines which focus only on mobility, rather than the new ones which consider if a person is capable of planning a journey and undertaking it safely. I've downloaded a 148 page document from the Gvt which I am ploughing through before I appeal.
ive never heard of assisted bin collections being cancelled if the bin is out, as I have assisted collection & so does mum but sometimes my hubby if around will pop the bin down!

how ridiculous, normally it’s just a form filled I on line & that’s it! I think the worlds gone mad! try emailing the local councillor & raising this- elections coming up soon!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,024
North West
I had to protest at the council for not assisting mum with her bins as I am not always here when they are collected. Amazingly this week they did empty the bins, and I was shocked -that argument had been going on for months between me and the council. I also told them not to stick labels on mums bin anymore as she couldn't understand what they meant. I know times are hard....but really??
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
580
I had to protest at the council for not assisting mum with her bins as I am not always here when they are collected. Amazingly this week they did empty the bins, and I was shocked -that argument had been going on for months between me and the council. I also told them not to stick labels on mums bin anymore as she couldn't understand what they meant. I know times are hard....but really??
Isn't it ridiculous that we have to fight for such as simple thing as helping with the bins? Haven't we got enough to do caring for our pwd!