A lifelong friend and me, Part 2

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to hear that @Palerider. Your poor mum. 🥲

 

[Grannie G]

I’m so sorry to hear all you have so much worry @Palerider
It`s really tough on you especially as you have no option other than to ride it out.

I really hope you can get whatever’s causing your hand problem sorted

 

[GillP]

@Palerider , so sorry to read your latest posts. Hoping your Mum is able to stay in the home. Try to look after yourself too.

 

[Palerider]

Thanks everyone. I have just got back home having made my way and just missed a traffic collision -thank heavens it wasn't me, far worse things do happen to people, I hope nothing too serious for those involved.

I arrived at the hospital just in the nick of time and walked up to the consultant who was with my mum (that was potluck) the ED was starting to get busy. I am relieved to say the consultant was sensible about things and took into consideration the whole picture and he was unsure why mum was sitting in his department, however we had a discussion about the overall plan for mum at her stage and he was in agreement that the care home was the right place and also in agreement that if she did have a bleed in her head there was nothing they would be able to offer her given her now severe stage. He did check out her hips which was the right thing to do followed by a pelvis / hip x-ray and then on the all clear back to the CH. He did make it clear that mum was now heading to the final stages having seen her, but I knew that already, for now it's just a matter of waiting to see if she can mobilise again or if this was the last time and of course the inevitable which there is nothing I can do anything about, my biggest worry has always been getting to be with her if she decides it's time to leave this world so I can say my farewell. What will be will be I guess. I haven't got anything done I wanted to get done today and the way I am feeling it will just have to stay that way.

 

[GillP]

It is so difficult. I am pleased that you were able to speak with the consultant and that he had such a sensible and compassionate approach. I am pleased that she is returning to the care home, much kinder than hospital.

I hope that you will try to look after yourself, eat, hydrate and sleep - essential, as you know. Thinking of you and your Mum.

 

[Oma]

I think I am weary of seeing my mum look so weary @Grannie G plus all the other things and of course the ever continuing demise sometimes quick in pace and sometimes slower, if she could have a moment of clarity and look at her own situation I know she would certainly want out. Of course such things are only ever a thought even a value judgement I guess.

Today there is no change and she was asleep in a chair in the corridor. One of the carers had to prompt and feed her, which I have noticed is becoming more of a constant theme of late as well as the continued sleepiness which also seems ever present. Gone are the days when I would walk in and find mum shuffling the corridors, now every time she is sitting and sleeping with the occasional wander, well shuffle, her right leg evermore reluctant to move in sync as well as her now 45 degree contracture of her spine -it is a mystery to me how even now she finds the strength to still wander round the unit when she finds the gumption to move. What saddens me is when I look at the expression on her face, which is not like before these last few weeks. I wish I could wrap her up in cotton wool and protect from this awful disease, but as usual the fact that I can do nothing hits home. I ponder what I can do to make some difference, but that is harder now than it was before.

My father didn’t have dementia but was diagnosed with a brain tumour with only 6 or so weeks to live, he fought it every inch of the way, drawing maps to find his way to toilet etc. six weeks down the line he was sleeping most of the time, I visited in the afternoon and whispered if he wanted to go he could, I know your very tired now. That evening my children visited and unknown to me at the time said the same.
We were called at six the following morning he had passed way peacefully. It was very moving and still brings tears but he was happy to be at rest with my mother. Don’t feel bad. Thoughts are with you X

 

[Palerider]

My father didn’t have dementia but was diagnosed with a brain tumour with only 6 or so weeks to live, he fought it every inch of the way, drawing maps to find his way to toilet etc. six weeks down the line he was sleeping most of the time, I visited in the afternoon and whispered if he wanted to go he could, I know your very tired now. That evening my children visited and unknown to me at the time said the same.
We were called at six the following morning he had passed way peacefully. It was very moving and still brings tears but he was happy to be at rest with my mother. Don’t feel bad. Thoughts are with you X

Thanks for sharing. I have been through many losses, but this journey for me has been the most difficult because of all people its someone who has always been not just a mum but a close friend.

 

[Palerider]

Well Merry Christmas -wherever you are or whatever you are having to cope with this year, don't forget we are all here living the same or similar experiences over Christmas. This year I have made an effort even though mum and I have not had a good start to the weekend and as always I light a candle for those who are absent..

One of my faves:

 

[Palerider]

Well i made my yearly Christmas visit to see mum. This is the first year with no exchange of words and just staring at the dining table. For a moment I got a response but that was short lived. My poor mum has a decent black eye and is bruised down her right side, which I am sure must feel tender. I stayed for some 30 mins, kissed her on her head and left. The drive home was teary and I couldn't stop my eyes from filling, when will this end knowing that it never does fully end, because the path we walk stays with us indefinately. Anyway I think I needed to have an emotional day today, I get by most of the time hiding what I'm really feeling. I wasn't going to listen to anymore Christmas music as that just sets me off with nostalgic reflection and a sense of emptiness, which is not a bad thing, but also something not to dwell on too long.

Anyway if nothing else I hope some managed to find peace today

 

[SeaSwallow]

I am so sorry that you and your mum are going through this @Palerider. There is not a lot else that i can say other than i do understand having been there with my mum and dad. Take care.

 

[GillP]

@Palerider , as always, such beautiful music. It is a difficult time for you, I have no advice of merit but wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Thinking of you and your Mum as you navigate the changes you are both going through.

 

[Palerider]

Well the last two weeks have been truly awful. Since my last entry my legs have ballooned in size with added severe pain. It is not heart failure and my GP seems lost in terms of what it might be. Added to this episode I was putting the outside waste bin out for collection and rather stupidly dropped it on my leg thus removing a layer of skin and creating an open oozing wound due to the oedema I have in my legs. You'll probably guess the next bit -yes I then developed cellulitis in the same leg same area and am now on a course of antibiotics and finally to add insult to injury I now have flu 🫣. I am hobbling around in some vain hope this will all clear up soon, otherwise I'm going to have a long term problem which I don't want and certainly don't need.

I have visited mum but stopped when I started with the flu for obvious reasons. Her black eye has improved but we are in the drip drip of decline and out of this long journey I have to say this is becoming the most punishing part of it and as I keep on saying there is nothing I can do which is evolving into 'do nothing' as I run out of ideas of what I can do if anything at all, which made me think there is one last thing I can do and that is aim to take mum out for a drive, if nothing else she can enjoy a different view even if in her world it will only be short lived.

 

[Louise7]

So sorry to hear about your health problems @Palerider, it sounds awful for you so fingers crossed that things start to improve and that the antibiotics kick in soon, if they haven't already done so. I hope that you will be able to take your mum out for a drive when you are able to. Your mum mum sounds at a similar stage to mine and it's the little things that can make a difference so I hope that your mum enjoys the change of scenery, if only for a short time.

 

[sdmhred]

Ouch mum has odema with oozing wounds and infection ……not pleasant for you……healing does come tho……rest up if you’re able

 

[Duggies-girl]

I too am sorry to hear about your health problems @Palerider, I don't log on here so much nowadays but occasionally I feel the need to catch up for some odd reason. Reading your latest thread it is clear that you and your mum have gone through some ordeals over the last few months and I can only wish you well and hope things improve for you both. It does sound as though your mum is reaching the end and I hope that you do get one more drive out with your mum. Dad loved our drives out but of course they slowly got shorter and shorter until it became impossible.

I bought a rose bush today, I couldn't help myself, it is called 'My lovely dad' Do try to take care of yourself.

 

[GillP]

@Palerider , so sorry to read about your health issues. Do try to rest up. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Melles Belles]

@Palerider sorry that you have been having such a tough time. I hope your health improves quickly.

 

[Palerider]

Well we have soon got to February (almost). The last four weeks have been less than desirable, however, mum has not had any further decline or falls so far, but of course another step down is only a matter of time with the usual rallies and then dips in between. Last weekend I was driving to visit mum and realised the route I take is a route mum would have taken and I was perhaps subconsciously looking for something, still hanging on to what was and avoiding it just becoming a memory. I think this realisation of 'looking for something' has hit home that there is nothing other than roads and places now that were once connected with mum, she isn't there anymore and isn't 'here' either, it's time to stop looking for something that just isn't there anymore, its meaning in terms of places has gone and I have to accept that they can only evoke memories now.

My own health is bad at the moment, my spinal problems have got worse, with neuropathic pain in my legs and also increasing weakness. However I finally have an appointment next week with the spinal specialist at a well known neuro centre. I don't know if they will do surgery straight away but this has gone for so long I worry that any nerve damage is possibly permanent by now. I have to keep going until I hit 60 and then retirement will be affordable, until then its grit ya teeth and carry on.

 

[Sarasa]

I hope the appointment next week starts you on the road to some better health @Palerider.

 

[Melles Belles]

Sorry to hear that you are having more problems. I hope you get some positive steps from the specialist.