I read all your posts Sylvia. I'm glad Dhiren settled. My Mam was chewing about a letter today, for a long time. I eventually took it from her and said it doesn't matter, within seconds the anxiety had gone. I stopped explaining and made it disappear. This I have learnt from all of you on TP. It worked. Thank you and Dhiren. Learning all the time, Gwen X
A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
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I am glad that you were able to calm Dhiren. I think sometimes I forget that people with dementia do have clear moments and that is when it must be at its most frightening for the sufferer. I just do as you did really and when Dave is fretting and I can't understand what he is trying to say, I just say that he is fine, being well cared for and has nothing to worry about. What else can we say? Sad times I know. love and sympathy XXX
As soon as I arrived yesterday Dhiren said `Come on. Let`s go home.` He looked disturbed.
The atmosphere in the sitting room could have been cut with a knife and it didn`t take me long to suss out what was happening.
The wife of a new resident had been complaining constantly about the facilities, the lack of activities, the lack of someone to talk to, the décor and the other residents in the home. She queried the number of staff on duty, asked staff about their hours and made what I and they considered inappropriate comments.
Her husband P is a lovely man in the early stages of dementia, only in a home because of his wife`s ill health. He is chatty, quite articulate, relatively mobile, but uses a walker because he is at risk of falling.
His wife is quite right. The environment in the home is not suitable for P who is far more able than the rest of the residents.
Today she had arranged for her husband to be assessed by the manager of another home and upset staff with her comments about the home.
She upset me too.
Wife `I didn`t see you last week.`
Me `I was visiting a friend.`
Wife `You get about don’t you. You leave your husband here for others to look after and go where you want without a care in the world.`
Dhiren , who has better hearing than I have and often unexpected comprehension, continued to ask when we were going home.
The atmosphere in the sitting room could have been cut with a knife and it didn`t take me long to suss out what was happening.
The wife of a new resident had been complaining constantly about the facilities, the lack of activities, the lack of someone to talk to, the décor and the other residents in the home. She queried the number of staff on duty, asked staff about their hours and made what I and they considered inappropriate comments.
Her husband P is a lovely man in the early stages of dementia, only in a home because of his wife`s ill health. He is chatty, quite articulate, relatively mobile, but uses a walker because he is at risk of falling.
His wife is quite right. The environment in the home is not suitable for P who is far more able than the rest of the residents.
Today she had arranged for her husband to be assessed by the manager of another home and upset staff with her comments about the home.
She upset me too.
Wife `I didn`t see you last week.`
Me `I was visiting a friend.`
Wife `You get about don’t you. You leave your husband here for others to look after and go where you want without a care in the world.`
Dhiren , who has better hearing than I have and often unexpected comprehension, continued to ask when we were going home.
Oh Sylvia I am so sorry , that stupid woman has no idea, but it must be so upsetting for Dhiren, and for you to see him so upset, Please ignore her you are wonderful and Dhiren is very lucky to have you, I am sorry I am lost for words but I hope you are ok,
Love and hugs from Jeany xxx
Love and hugs from Jeany xxx
Sylvia
Is there a breeding farm somewhere producing these people with no connection between brain and mouth?
For me it not what they say about me, but when they upset Tom, and I'm sure you feel the same, hopefully you will not have to suffer her for much longer.
Love Helen xx
Is there a breeding farm somewhere producing these people with no connection between brain and mouth?
For me it not what they say about me, but when they upset Tom, and I'm sure you feel the same, hopefully you will not have to suffer her for much longer.
Love Helen xx
it is really hurtful when people make assumptions about you when they know nothing about you. I visit my husband 6 days a week. I did at first go at different times so we could see what is going on during the day. We now go at the same time everyday as it suits my daughters timetable with fitting in with school and children. We never see another visitor but I don't assume they never have any or that those who could be visiting are off doing other things. Makes me wonder now who thinks my husband has no visitors because our visiting does not coincide with their visiting or they go on the one day I don't go. I am sure you can let it wash over you but it is unforgivable that she has upset Dhiren. Maybe she should direct her energy in the direction of finding the right home to make her husband a little more comfortable.
Jay
Jay
OMG Sylvia - well, whichever home this woman's husband is in, it is probably better for him that being at home with her if she is as thoughtless towards him as she is to other people. How very rude and totally lacking in understanding. Also to ask all those questions in the presence of the residents. She should have addresses them privately to the manager or someone in authority. It's not for the carers to be held to account on on those matters either. I feel so hurt on your behalf - so uncalled for and unfair. Poor Dhiren, poor you. XXX
OMG indeed Sylvia. It's so wrong on so many levels it just beggars belief. And we never (well I never) have the ability to come back with a "how dare you say that to me" because one is just so taken aback by the whole thing.
Saffie - you had exactly the same thought as me: her poor husband.
Saffie - you had exactly the same thought as me: her poor husband.
What an awful person Sylvia, how dare she say such things? I do feel sorry for her husband too, I suppose the silver lining is that she is moving the poor man and you won't have to deal with her.
My dad's brother called a couple of weeks ago, asked about my mum's BIL who had died from cancer some six weeks after dad, but had been looked after by mum's sister at home for two years, bedridden all the while. She did a wonderful job, but it certainly took it's toll on her. Having talked about mum in her care home with me, Uncle said to me, 'I really admire those people who keep loved ones at home and look after them, rather than putting them away somewhere, to let others do it'. Thanks Uncle, that made me feel much better
I really don't think these people can possibly think before they open their mouths...
My dad's brother called a couple of weeks ago, asked about my mum's BIL who had died from cancer some six weeks after dad, but had been looked after by mum's sister at home for two years, bedridden all the while. She did a wonderful job, but it certainly took it's toll on her. Having talked about mum in her care home with me, Uncle said to me, 'I really admire those people who keep loved ones at home and look after them, rather than putting them away somewhere, to let others do it'. Thanks Uncle, that made me feel much better
I really don't think these people can possibly think before they open their mouths...
I'm so sorry Sylvia, that all of you should suffer at the hands or should I say mouth of such an insensitive lout. Hopefully she will move on soon, though I feel a tad sorry for future residents, where ever she ends up.
Sorry about your Uncles comment too Jennie.
I would also have been upset.
Sorry about your Uncles comment too Jennie.
I would also have been upset.
That is so THICK. Just THICK, And what is so obvious (the way I look at it) is that she is simply telling you about her own sadness and sense of inadequacy and guilt at her and her husband's plight.
I guess (here comes an assumption) that you appear to be coping with admirable bravery and success and she just can't bear it .......... the poignancy of the situation of the friend you were visiting gives us a good example of how narrow one person's perspective is on another person's life.
I guess (here comes an assumption) that you appear to be coping with admirable bravery and success and she just can't bear it .......... the poignancy of the situation of the friend you were visiting gives us a good example of how narrow one person's perspective is on another person's life.
So thoughtless
So insensitive
So rude
So uncaring
So NOT like You Sylvia (Thank Goodness)
((((BIG HUGS))))
Polly x
So insensitive
So rude
So uncaring
So NOT like You Sylvia (Thank Goodness)
((((BIG HUGS))))
Polly x
Hi Sylvia,
Some people don't have a clue, do they? I feel for you, as she is making a lot of assumptions, and as Butter says is just THICK (and interfering). No concept of other people's feelings either.
I think though we need to feel sorry for her husband - he has no choice with her!
She obviously failed her course at the diplomatic school.
You know the truth Sylvia, and we know you care deeply about Dhiren and do everything you can for him.
Jan xx
Some people don't have a clue, do they? I feel for you, as she is making a lot of assumptions, and as Butter says is just THICK (and interfering). No concept of other people's feelings either.
I think though we need to feel sorry for her husband - he has no choice with her!
She obviously failed her course at the diplomatic school.
You know the truth Sylvia, and we know you care deeply about Dhiren and do everything you can for him.
Jan xx
Sylvia, some people are just bitter and respond by thinking they are better then anyone else especially when dementia comes into their life, so when they see anyone who is in a loving relationship,caring and coping, envy appears and kindness and thoughtfulness goes out the window, I hope Dhiren is not so upset now and you are ok.
Chris x
Chris x
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