A life in the day of.........................

[thatwoman]

Sylvia, I'm glad Dhiren is so contented. It is so lovely to think of him enjoying his mango and having lovely chats with you. It must be comforting for him to know you'll ask his mother for him.
I hope his chest is better,
love and hugs,
Sue x

 

[donkey]

i just love reading about your time with dhiren , it always makes me smile you are so lucky sylvia having a lovely husband who is so happy and of course he is so lucky to have you xx

 

[susiesue]

Hi Sylvia

Just read your post about your visit with Dhiren and the little girl - how lovely he is so settled and as Helen says 'content' - afterall that is all we ever want - apart from anything else it makes us feel so much better

I loved Paul's comment - he obviously knows his dad well

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Folks

It`s a source of great comfort to me to know Dhiren is so contented.

It is about what YOU are able to do. You are able to be wholly present with Dhiren in his space

It has taken such a long time to get here Helen, it`s taken more or less 10 years.
I wish I`d known then what I know now. Perhaps I wouldn`t have lost my patience so often or made so many mistakes.

 

[Izzy]

You respond to Dhiren so naturally and so well Sylvia. You know when to say the right thing. x

 

[sistermillicent]

Sylvia, don't blame yourself for not knowing or saying the wrong thing or not being in Dhiren's space earlier, you have to be invited in and sense when that is. I think that is what makes it so special.
Pippa x

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you Izzy.

you have to be invited in and sense when that is

You are so right Pippa. At one time no matter what I did, I couldn`t get near him, he was so antagonistic towards me.

 

[DeborahBlythe]

but takes pleasure in knowing he may be down but he is not yet out.

I think one of the reasons that Dhiren is still a force to be reckoned with is because of the constant support you show him, Sylvia. You are a rock in his life and even if he gets confused, he gets pleasure from your company and your love and sympathy. Brilliant. I'm sure the home is playing its part too, but you are such a strength and source of constant 'positive reinforcement' in whatever he says or thinks. x

 

[BeckyJan]

This came to mind as I read your latest posts:

What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…?
Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 - 1900)

 

[milly123]

hi sylvia im sure you have always done your best for dhrien when you see them content you wonder how you got through the rough times .milly

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you for your messages Deborah and Jan.

when you see them content you wonder how you got through the rough times

That is so true Milly. I would not like to go back to that place.


It is the first anniversary to the day Dhiren was admitted to residential care. I wouldn`t like to return to that either.
Two members of the Mental Health Team accompanied us and all was well until the time came for me to take my leave.
The shock on Dhiren`s face when he realized he was being left, and his exclamation of protest, will stay with me for ever. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it.
But look at him now.

 

[Nan2seven]

Dear Sylvia - Didn't log on for five or six days and have just now caught up with your thread. This last post on it from you has brought tears to my eyes, too. A year to the day.

I am so glad to see that Dhiren continues to be happy and contented where he is, aside from the recent blip which was fortunately short-lived. But am a little concerned to hear that he is on another course of antibiotics to clear his rattly chest. Are they kicking in yet? I do hope so and that he throws off whatever it is as soon as possible.

I was fascinated, too, to hear of Dhiren's "baby girl". Brian was quite convinced a few weeks ago that we had a new baby in the house and where had I left her? Like you and Dhiren, not a skip back in time because we had sons but no daughter. Wouldn't it be wonderful to know sometimes what goes on in their heads. Or perhaps Brian, too, has a "past" ...

love, Nan XXX

 

[Grannie G]

Our `scarlet husbands` Nan.

I do hope you get some answers about Brian`s stiffness, bruising and swellings today.

 

[piedwarbler]

I hear quite a lot of stories about 'affairs' and so on from friends and relatives of people with dementia. I have a friend whose mum swears her husband is having an affair with a 22 year old (he is nearly 80). A relative once became consumed with the thought her hubby was going off with one of her nurses. It does make you wonder if they think of feelings for someone, and in their confused minds confabulation fills in the gaps!

I didn't realise it was only a year that Dihren had been in the care home, Sylvia. It is a hard pain barrier to cross. I remember my mum agreeing to stay for another week, and another week, and by the 4th week she had become terrified that they were going to "kick her out" and send her home. She swapped one set of fears for another. It is such a sad time. You made it through that time. What an achievement.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

It's a sad anniversary but Dhiren has adjusted so very well. He's much more contented and he's safer too. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to put our loved ones in care but so many of us have no choice.

It is what it is and we must make the best of it.

 

[Loopiloo]

you have to be invited in and sense when that is

You are so right Pippa. At one time no matter what I did, I couldn`t get near him, he was so antagonistic towards me

.
How true, Pippa.

Sylvia, I know exactly what you mean.

I learned the hard way by trying too hard. It only makes it worse.

It is the first anniversary to the day Dhiren was admitted to residential care. I wouldn`t like to return to that either.
Two members of the Mental Health Team accompanied us and all was well until the time came for me to take my leave.
The shock on Dhiren`s face when he realized he was being left, and his exclamation of protest, will stay with me for ever. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it.
But look at him now.

That day must have been awful, for both of you. Profoundly difficult for you leaving him like that. But now he has forgotten and as you say, look at him now. Both of you. You have come a long way over the last year.

Loo xx

 

[Izzy]

I remember reading your posts at the time Sylvia but I hadn't realised it was a year ago. So much happens in a year. It must be sad to think of that day but I'm so glad Dhiren is settled where he is. x

 

[bucko]

A life in the day of ..........

Sylvia I have just caught up with your thread and its hard to believe that it has been one year that you have had to cope with Dhiren being away from your home. You should be proud of the way you have coped. Your strength of character helps so many of us here on TP.

June x

 

[Grannie G]

I hadn`t been for a week and when I arrived, for the first time, Dhiren appeared to have noticed, asking why no one came to see him.
I told him I hadn`t been well and he accepted I had been right to stay at home.

We exchanged our usual pleasantries. I`d taken a mango, which he enjoyed, and some Jaffa Cakes.

He has always been a political animal and just to see what was left I told him about events in Libya. His face showed pleasure when I said Gaddafi was in trouble but he was unable to take the discussion further.

He was shocked about the Australian earthquake but the shock lasted seconds, then was forgotten.

We talked about the weather, how cold and rainy it was. He was glad he didn`t have to go out.
.
He told me not to shout. I had spoken to one of the residents who is very deaf.

He asked what was for tea.

S `You can have anything you fancy. Meat, fish, chicken , eggs. What would you like?`
D `I`m asking about you when you go home, not me. I`m staying here. It`s nice and peaceful.`

I was very tired. He told me to go and have a lie down and so I left.

 

[Helen33]

Reading of your visits Sylvia is enough to warm the coldest heart I think we all love your Dhiren and it gives such pleasure to hear of his contentment.

The home do such a good job of helping Dhiren to remain content and I wish there was some way of us letting them know that 'we' appreciate it even though we live in all corners of the globe!

Love