A life in the day of.........................

[alfjess]

Hi

I think it is wonderful that you both can still enjoy times together.

The bandstand sounds good.

Long may it last

Alfjess

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Alfjess.

The Bandstand is brilliant. there is community entertainment throughout the summer months every day of the week. On Bank Holiday weekends, there is always something special.

We have annual Dickens Weeks and Folk Weeks, and then there are different performances.

The rest of the year, except in bad weather, there are performances on Wednesdays and at the weekend.

The atmosphere is lovely.

 

[May]

Sylvia

I have gained so much from this thread as a daughter. It has helped me, the outsider, understand the stress and strains Dad went through when caring for Mum at home. She is now in a nursing home, but your thread still helps me to help Dad come to terms with where we are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I agree with Bruce, to publish this would leave no-one in any doubt of the tragedy that dementia places at the heart of family and relationships.

Take care

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you May.

With Hindsight I`m really sorry I didn`t start it earlier.

Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

Last night I caught him throwing away his diabetic medication again. I was returning into the kitchen, as he was coming in through the back door.

S` Have you just thrown your tablets away?`
D`They are rubbish. they aren`t helping at all.`
S `They can`t help if you throw them away.`
D `You know it all, don`t you.`
S` All right, it`s your body, if you don`t want to take them, I can`t make you. But Dr. B***** said these help your confusion`.
D `I`ll take them tomorrow.`

This morning he wanted me to go with him for the papers. Had felt dizzy on waking, so perhaps felt a bit insecure.
On the way,
D `Do you fancy some chocolate?`
S `No thank you. I have just started a diet.`
D `I like KitKat, I have a Kit Kat every morning before breakfast`
My husband the diabetic now tells me he has chocolate every day.
S `You shouldn`t have so much chocolate . You are diabetic.`
D `It`s not too sweet, it doesn`t hurt my teeth.`

 

[jenniferpa]

Really Sylvia? Is he really eating a Kit Kat every morning? Buying it with the paper I suppose? His blood sugar must be all over the shop.

Love

Jennifer

 

[Canadian Joanne]

From what I understand, high blood sugar can cause AD symptoms, it's one of the diseases they like to rule out first.

Perhaps that's the way to go with him. Would he listen to the doctor telling him that his confusion could be caused by his not following a diabetic diet & not taking his medication?

 

[Grannie G]

It isn`t really. It`s around 10.7, which is over the 8 we should try to aim for, but it stays steady.

At one stage when it fluctuated a lot, between 3 and 12, the GP said he was more concerned about the 3 than the 12, so I haven`t worried too much about it being around 10-11.

Perhaps he doesn`t buy chocolate every morning, I can`t rely on the accuracy of his comments. His weight is steady at 11st 3lbs, which isn`t too bad, although he`s only 5`4``.

I am limited in how much of his behaviour I can control. And he also, by nature of his condition, is limited in how much of his own behaviour he can control.

 

[Grannie G]

. Would he listen to the doctor telling him that his confusion could be caused by his not following a diabetic diet & not taking his medication?

He would certainly listen, but he would not remember.

 

[Grannie G]

Once more, to the Bandstand this afternoon.

We were entertained by a Jazz Quartet, playing and singing Traditional Jazz and Dixieland. Lovely.

Sat for an hour and then headed for home.

S `I wonder what will be on tomorrow.`
D `Are we going back tomorrow? Good.`
S `It`s a Bank Holiday, there`ll be something else special.`
D `Make the most of it then, it`s our last day.`
S `Why is it our last day?`
D `Because we`ll be going home.`
S `We won`t be going home, we are home, we live here.`
D `Do we? I don`t know anything about living here.`
S `We`ve lived here 5 years.`
D `I can`t believe it. I don`t remember anything.`

Later on, as we walked home.

D `We came here from Manchester didn`t we?`
S `Yes, 5 years ago.`
D `I`ll go back tomorrow.`

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Sylvia

All I can think of is "tracks" when I hear this. He has this well worn groove of going home to Manchester and nothing will divert him. So, so sorry.

Love

Jennifer

 

[Grannie G]

He is not even interested in the football.

Our son is in France this week, so he`s watching it by himself. Admittedly it`s a boring match but he has no interest. He is wandering round the house, staring into space.

D `What am I doing here?`
S `You live here.`
D `Do I? In this house?`
S `Yes.`
D `Well if you say so.`

Then
D `How much is a train ticket to Manchester?`
S `About £70.`
D `But I haven`t got any money.`
S `You`ve got £500 in the bank.`
D `Not £500, only £200.`
S `You put £200 in last week, but you already had £300.`
D `Did I?`
S `Yes.`
D `Oh you`ve solved my problem. What would I do without you.`

 

[Grannie G]

On waking..............

D `Sometimes I wish I didn`t wake up. Sometimes I wish I could die.`
S `I`m so sorry. I wish I could help you.`

Then
D `I am so lucky. I dreamt about L**. He has to go out every day, because he lives by himself and has no-one at home. So he has to go out all the time, morning and night, every day, looking for company.`
S `You don`t need to look for company. You`ve got me.`
D `I`m glad I had that dream. Sometimes dreams can tell you the truth when you don`t know it`.

We went for the papers together. My `new routine` to guarantee a walk every morning. We came home and had breakfast. D vacced and went to read the papers.

Five minutes later...........
D `I`m going for a walk.`
S `Where are you going? We`ve only just had a walk.`
D `I want to be rich. I can`t sit here and rot, I`ve got a plan.`................
and off he went.
Five minutes later he was back.
S `That was quick.`
D `I want to talk to you.`
S `OK. I`ll make a cup of tea.`
D `I want to go back to Manchester. I am going to save some money, buy a car and start my own business again. What am I doing here? I am rotting. I need to do something with my life. If you want to come, you can come. If you want to stay with your son and his family you can stay. It`s up to you.`
S `I`m staying. I don`t want to work any more, I`ve retired.`
D `Suit yourself,` and he emptied his tea in the sink and went out again.

 

[Grannie G]

Home after an hour, unsteady on his feet, exhausted, slurring his speech..........

D `I`ve been everywhere............I can`t get a ticket to Manchester, I`ve only got £40, it`s not enough money, I can`t find a doctor, I`ve searched everywhere, I need sanctuary and I can`t find it anywhere.`
S `Your sanctuary is here.`
D `I know that. This is the best place.`

Then...
D `I can`t find my wallet.`
S `It`s in the drawer, you put it there when you came home.`
D `I feel so weak.`
S `I`m not surprised. You`ve been chasing around, wearing yourself out. What for?`
D `I don`t know.` Touching his head, `It`s all wrong.`

Then...
S `Are you all right now.`
D `I`ll never be all right as long as I`m here. This place gives me the creeps.`

Then...
D `What do you want for lunch? I`ll make it.`

He is living through 60 second personality changes,

 

[Grannie G]

The last three hours have seen a frantic person trying to gain control of his life.

He has been in and out, again and again. He began to cook himself a meal and left some rice boiling away on the cooker, while he went out once again.

He wanted his paying in book, to go to the bank, but didn`t hear when I said it was a Bank Holiday and the bank would be closed, so he went anyway and I had to run after him to tell him again.

The only reason I caught him, was the problems he had opening the gate, delayed him. His agitation was so great, he couldn`t even open the gate.

It is 3.10 p.m. This has been ongoing since 11.20a.m.

 

[BeckyJan]

Oh Sylvia you are having such a rotten time. Has D's medication been reviewed lately, cos I cannot help wondering if he needs just a little of something to calm him down! Not too well up on that sort of thing cos so far so good with my D - but I surely you have to consider your own wellbeing too.

Just a thought Take care Jan

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Jan,

His antidepressants have been increased and we did have a couple of good weeks.

But now he is getting more agitated, even though he sleeps most of the evning and all night.

It`s just during the daytime, he`s like a dog worrying a bone.

The mood he`s in at the moment, there`s no way he`d agree to see a doctor. He`s packed and ready to go. [Just a plastic carrier bag.]

He`s just returned from another outing, he went out again at 4p.m.

I know it will all end in tears.

Thank you Jan. I`m OK for now. xx

 

[elaineo2]

God bless you GrannieG,Mother Theresa has some competition in my eyes.What you and others put up with,and its all for love,is amazing.Hats off to you all.I just hope i will be as strong when the time comes.love and best wishes to you SAINTS.love elainex

 

[alfjess]

Hi Syvia

I can definately symphasize with the agitation and anixety.

Mum was/is the same. The phyciatrist phoned me to say Mum was delusional and psychotic and wanted to change her meds from quietiapine to risperadone. He also said that the symptoms were like torture to Mum, so it wasn't only to give everyone else, an easy life, but to try to make mum happier.

Must admitt so far the risperadone is working, long may it last!

Think of yourself sometimes, please

Alfjess

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Alfjess

It`s intereting to hear what you say about your mother. I hadn`t thought of medication other than the antidepressants.

Before your mother went in the home, when she wasn`t as bad, did she present herself well to doctors? Or did they see her anxiety?

Thanks xx