Goodbye my love .... John died today

[Jinx]

Quote: I need to occupy myself, because waiting for Monday morning and my appointment at the Funeral Directors, is getting to me. I also have had calls, I kid you not, from folk who haven't given a fig about us, for years, saying they Very Much want to come to the funeral but could I take a note of dates they can't do.

Scarlett it beggars belief that people can be so self-centred as to think you would organise this final tribute to John around their calendar. Tell them all to go forth! x


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[Scarlett123]

I really wouldn't recommend this as a dieting aid, but since Tuesday, I have lost 5lbs! If the funeral isn't for a few weeks, at this rate I shall need a sign above my coat reading "Scarlett is here"!!

I went to my daughter's for dinner, and after, we sat on the sofa, with my grand-daughter in the middle, with laptop. Due to the fact that Mr King Cole went off timing occasionally, and obviously the conductor followed him (must ask John to have a word with him ), my GD, who we rechristened Stephanie Spielberg, had to lengthen or shorten each frame.

Fourteen year olds are so knowledgeable about these things, and I just watched in admiration as her fingers flew across the keyboard. And then we flicked onto full screen and played the tribute. I've included silly ones, where John is pulling a funny face, as well, and just as we'd all laughed at one of these, the next appeared and my daughter and I were in floods.

"Stephanie" held hands with us, and my SIL pushed tissues forward, but we all agreed that it was what we wanted. And that's what's important, it's what you want. My daughter does not want to see John, whereas my son does. My mother would never wear black at a funeral, even my Dad's, but wore navy.

One of my friends always wears a fascinator, about the size of a beach ball. One of the residents at John's Home had 6 hymns on the Order of Service, and a photo on the cover. Another resident's O of S had one hymn, and photos on every page. It really is a very personal thing.

One friend, who has been the Invisible Woman, phoned this evening and her opening words were "I can only spare a few minutes ........", and then said "well I know, each time I've phoned during the last few weeks, you've said John was getting worse". Each time? She phoned 6 weeks ago, and I've heard nothing since. Obviously she started off telling herself she should have phoned, then convinced herself she had!

Have as good a weekend as is possible everyone, and again, thank you for your support.

 

[truth24]

Am so pleased you have finished your tribute. It sounds amazing and I am sure John will be watching with pleasure although saddened by your tears. How clever is your GD☺ and how thoughtless of NKC to miss his timing from time to time! What an incredibly tactless 'friend' you have there. Have some like that too. It seems as though they feel they have to make an effort but then don't know what to say and their tongue trips them up. Loving thoughts. Verityxx

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[NanLorac]

That must have been a lovely moment watching the photographs of John in time to the music. It will also make your 14yr old grand-daughter glad that she has done something to help you and it is something that your family can watch long after the funeral.

I hope Samantha gets in touch with you Scarlett as she sounds like a lovely person. A person that obviously is it a great listener and it looks like she has listened carefully to make such a wonderful gift for you and John. Pity your friends were not more thoughtful.

What a moving story of how you and John met. I hope these memories help you over the next few difficult days. Take care. Carol

 

[Grannie G]

It all sounds so loving Scarlett. I hope sharing with your family is bringing you comfort.

"I can only spare a few minutes ........",

Oh dear! How kind! I hope she never needs a few minutes from a friend.

 

[hokeycokey]

People are shallow. Full stop. Sounds like it will be a lovely tribute. Undertakers etc age difficult at any time but at Christmas with all the holiday time or is just so much worse. Thinking of you x

 

[Scarlett123]

I sent the Tribute to my son, in California, but warned him to have a box, or three, of tissues ready. He has sent me about a dozen emails, through the night, but through the evening, his time:

1. Mum, that's great, I've sobbed my heart out

2. Mum, that's great, I've sobbed my heart out

3. Mum, that's great, I've sobbed my heart out
etc, etc, etc.

I think he likes it. Yes, the lovely friend, who can only spare a few minutes, spent much of that time telling me about her Christmas In Oxford, and then told me that she'd got washing draped over all the radiators.

Well that was worth telling me, wasn't it. I have a more compassionate friend coming over today, and she's lovely.

 

[Dazmum]

She clearly had no idea what to say to you Scarlett, and maybe, just maybe is thinking back on the conversation and saying 'why on earth did I say that, of all things?' Or maybe not...

Your family tribute sounds wonderful, and as for the kindness of Samantha's gift, what a lovely caring person she is xxx

 

[truth24]

Will your son be with you on the day Scarlett? I mean physically as well as in his thoughts, or is that not possible. You sound a very close family.

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[Scarlett123]

Will your son be with you on the day Scarlett? I mean physically as well as in his thoughts, or is that not possible. You sound a very close family.

Sent from my GT-N5110

Yes, he wanted to fly over immediately, but as we could be sitting here waiting for the funeral for weeks, and he has a job and family, I told him to wait until tomorrow, when I should have a date.

Then if he books a flight, so that he arrives 2 full days before, he can get plenty of sleep, so he doesn't have jet lag. And then stay a few days afterwards. I sent money over about 6 months ago, so that when "the time came", he wouldn't be fiddle-farting about for a cheap flight, with umpteen changes.

Like Lyn with her puncture, I too have had a great sob-fest, due to someone else. My friend came this morning, stayed 3 hours, and then another friend is coming this evening, which is lovely. And yesterday and today, I didn't dare take Billy out, because I paid extra to have my M & S funeral order delivered yesterday, then got a text to say it would be today.

I ordered a dress in 2 sizes, a coat, and a slip, as the dress isn't lined and I thought that the things I don't need, I'll take back. I've tried tracking the parcel and it isn't even at the depot. So I phoned M & S, and the lady said she was terribly sorry, but she could send the parcel out again, and I cried, and said that I'd already stayed in 2 days.

I added that funeral or no funeral, customers shouldn't be let down like this, and this was like British Rail's engineering works over running, no thought for the customer. An hour ago she said "I'll see what I can do, and phone you back" but hasn't.

Then I dried my tears and was going through all my papers for tomorrow, the Green Form etc. And on the Death Certificate, instead of putting John Blank, husband of Scarlett Blank, they've put wife! I daren't tell my daughter, who's holding it together, just, but I shall have to go to the Registry Office tomorrow, after the Funeral Director's, after the florist, and get it rectified.

I can just see me sending one of the certified copies off for John's private pension, and them saying I can't have it cos of the mistake. So then I cried again, and wondered why people can't do the job for which they are paid.

And now I've sobbed and sobbed, because it's like someone is slinging problems at me and saying: go on - cope! You think you're so organised, so wriggle your way out of these problems. All I can think is to wear a scarlet dress for the funeral, and say "John always liked me in bright colours", and telling the pension people that he'd had a sex change, and it was true, he was my wife.

 

[Izzy]

Oh Scarlett what a time you're having. Can you get the new M&S parcel delivered to a branch near you to save you staying in? I can get stuff delivered to a Simply Food branch which is near me. You can't return stuff there, only pick it up.

The mistake on the death certificate is unforgivable. No wonder you were moved to tears today.

 

[Saffie]

I'm so sorry Scarlett. Why do these things always happen when we are at our lowest ebb. I'm not surprised that you cried too.
The error on the Death certificate is really bad. I can't believe a professional person could make that mistake.
I hope things can be straightened out with both matters without any more bother.
It really is too bad. xxx

 

[LYN T]

That error is unforgivable. Obviously someone wasn't concentrating -perhaps their mind was on Christmas. It's those kind of things that can tip us over the edge. Try not to dwell on it Scarlett-easier said than done I know.

I'm about to have melt down time myself. It seems funerals bring out the worse in people-I've stopped trying to say 'and how are you doing' because I seem to get a long list of trivial c**p back. Who cares if someone is having a bad time at work/ an ingrowing toenail/bad hangover/my cat has pooed in my next door neighbour's garden. I've had all of that the last two days.

You know what? I told my next door neighbour that if that's all he has to worry about then he's bl***y, f*****g lucky. I NEVER, EVER swear-but he deserved it.

Sorry to rant and hijack your thread Scarlett. Just going to persuade my little cat to go through the gap in the fence and do some more pooing.

Love as always

Lyn T XXXXX

 

[flowerpot]

Scarlett I've just come across your post and I'm so sorry for your loss. xx

 

[garnuft]

Scarlett...I think a scarlet dress and announcing that your John was your wife would probably tickle John pink.

Lyn...push Big Billy's bum through the gap and don't let him out until he does the business.

Keep your head afloat Scarlett and Lyn...you have already been tested more thoroughly, you still have your cross-channel swimming accoutrements... a thick layer of seal fat applied thoroughly to every nook and cranny, an open heart and mind, a sense of humour and the safety of the love of a man who liked a woman who could laugh her stotts off even with a lard-laden back.

The glorious echoes of the love, laughter and tears, a special time.

You both mark it well.

I have a feeling your men would laugh and be proud.

Walk tall. XXX

 

[LYN T]

Lyn...push Big Billy's bum through the gap and don't let him out until he does the business.


XXX

Ha! Big Billy's bum is too big to go through the gap. Mind you I'm thinking of enlarging it (the gap that is)

 

[Scarlett123]

Marks & F***ing Spencers, part 2. So I phoned again, and asked why my call hadn't been returned, and sobbed and the lady I spoke to, Fiona, was really nice, and said she was sorry, and she'd send the parcel out again, but it couldn't be delivered till Tuesday, and yes, it looked like they'd lost the first parcel.

And then she said she was really sorry but they hadn't got the coat in my size, so I sobbed again, and said well send anything even size 0, and I'll have to leave it open. She said I wouldn't be charged twice, and I tartly replied I shouldn't be charged at all, and then made out I had a friend wanting to take the phone, and I said "no, I can cope with this" only I said it to Billy, who just sat there, wagging his tail. No help at all.

You know, said Fiona, you're right. I shall refund the coat price to your credit card. I thanked her, and said my mythical friend was trying to get the phone, but when she spoke, she didn't keep her gloves on, and Fiona apologised again. Although they're not refunding the dresses, at least the £139 coat is free! And the credit has gone through on an email.

I put the phone down, and immediately got a text saying the original order which should have been delivered yesterday, then today, will be delivered tomorrow. So I will be getting 2 coats, 4 dresses, 4 slips and 10 pairs of knickers.

And John, who will now be referred to as Joanna, must be laughing himself silly up in heaven, nudging Pete, and saying blimey, they're going through it! Lyn's puncture, and cat sh*te, Scarlett's c*cked up order, and for nearly 50 years I was her wife!!!!

 

[Scarlett123]

Lyn, it's times like this when you want to have special dispensation, being newly-widowed, to strangle everyone who makes a tactless remark, knowing that you'll get off scot free.

Why the friend who could only spare a few minutes on the phone yesterday, thought I'd be remotely interested in the fact she was drying her knickers on radiators, having had a lovely 3 day break in a hotel, and needing to have her knicker-drawer up to par, cos she's going away again on Tuesday - I don't know.

B*gger the lot of 'em, and the lanyard wearing staff at the Registry Office had better make sure they stay out of my way tomorrow, else I'm liable to pull those lanyards - tight.

 

[garnuft]

then made out I had a friend wanting to take the phone, and I said "no, I can cope with this" only I said it to Billy, who just sat there, wagging his tail. No help at all.

Simply delightful. Laughter abounds. x

 

[Izzy]

Oh Scarlett!! I love it!! Well done Big Bill for his assistance!

I was waiting for the partridge in a pear tree in your list of goods.

Thank you for sharing your humour when you must be fit to bust! (Did you order any bras?)