A life in the day of.........................

[Helen33]

Good morning Sylvia,

You have reached a very significant turning point and I know only too well the feelings that can be involved. However, you and Dhiren have something which is of tremendous importance and that is that you have already found a good place and a place in which Dhiren was able to be the best that he could be. It is a place where you feel comfortable and trusting.

This home hasn't just appeared out of the blue, you have inched yourself forwards over a period of time preparing for such a time as this and I think you have managed it wonderfully up to now. The next bit, because it is unsustainable, is probably about whether you take the next step or whether circumstances dictate. I think any decision you make now is about crisis prevention for both of you.

Lots of love

 

[Mameeskye]

Sylvia

You have battled the odds and done more than most of us would find possible. You have such courage...and I am sure that with Paul's support now behind you the next step will be the first on the road to improving the quality of life of all three of you. Paul will worry less, Dhiren will be cared for and have the love and company of his wife who will cease to be exhausted caring for him 24/7.

I hope that you can get this sorted out sooner rather than later.

(((((Hugs)))))

Love

Mameeskye

 

[Grannie G]

Dhiren is going into the home today

 

[Skye]

That's good news, Sylvia, I'm glad your support team realise how urgent this is for you.

I can't pretend it's going to be easy, as Tina says, you are joining an unhappy band, but hopefully you will now be able to have some peace, get your strength back, wander by the sea, and visit Dhiren when you feel up to it.

You've done everything humanly possible to keep Dhiren at home. Now relax, let others take the strain, and settle into a different form of caring.

LOVE,

 

[shelagh]

Morning Sylvia, I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and to remind you that Dheren would want what is best for you at this time,
With love
Shelagh

 

[burfordthecat]

Hi Sylvia

I'm pleased that the home has been able to take Dhiren today. I'm not sure how much longer you could have coped the way things were.

I know how hard it is putting your loved one into full time care. You have managed to keep Dhiren at home by walking that extra mile time and time again. With the nature of the illness it has now become the wrong thing (IMHO), for both you and Dhiren to keep him at home with you. You have made the right choice by putting him into care, but it will take time for you to accept this is now how things are.

Love and hugs to you and Dhiren

Carina x x

 

[julieann15]

Dear Sylvia
I am so glad the care home could take Dhiren today. It is always sad to place a loved one in the care of another but I think the time has come now.

Mum has been in the care home now for 4 months and I see her 4/5 times a week. The time I now have with her is quality time as I am now not trying to sort out the chaos. For us it was the right decision and having her close by I think has made a big difference. I certainly have more patience with her and I am less resentful of her taking up each and every Saturday as was the case.

Love Julie xx

 

[Mameeskye]

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

It will be difficult Sylvia, and as you recover your energy you will probably think that you could manage again. Be prepared for it and as we all try to do ( and fail miserably at!) ditch the guilt.

You are doing the right thing. You can see Dhiren everyday, you can take him out, once he settles you may even find you can bring him home with you occasionally.....Paul can watch the football with him, you can eat together....there is nothing you cannot do if Dhiren is up to it. But you will have energy to enjoy it...and that is worth so much.

Love

Mameeskye

 

[tillygirl]

Dear Sylvia, I am sorry that it has come to this but you have made the right decision for you both. Dirhen will get the care he needs and you will have quality time to spend, with him, and for yourself.

It is not what anyone wants who is looking after a loved one but sometimes it is the only thing we can do. I expect that you are feeling sad yet relieved. This is not the end of your role as carer, it just takes on a different aspect.

You will be able to enjoy your time together more, without the added stress. It is good that you have already found a good home and that things are moving on so swiftly.

I hope that things go smoothly for you both tomorrow.

Love, Tilly

 

[Grannie G]

Terry [CPN] has arranged for a member of the Mental Health Team to take us today. He has a special wheelchair which will enable Dhiren to get in and out of the car.

I shaved Dhiren in tears this morning aware it would be the last time I would do it for him.

 

[Skye]

Stay strong, Sylvia. You haven't stopped loving Dhiren, any more than I've stopped loving John.

You're doing the best possible thing for him, in ensuring that all his needs are met, without running yourself into the ground.

Your love will change, become gentler, and yes, you'll cry often, but never doubt that that love is there, and that Dhiren is still the centre of your world.

Love,

 

[TinaT]

It won't be the last time you shave him my love. I'm sure the Care Home will be only too glad for you to be as 'hands on' as you wish. But I do understand that the shaving was symbolic for you of the emotions you are feeling.

Today will probably be far more draining for you than for Dhiran. He was settled there before and I'm sure will settle well.

As others have said you will be able to visit, give him all the attention he needs but come home and get some peace. You have worked so very hard and had his best interests always in the forefront.

I'll be thinking of you both today and hoping the move goes smoothly for you both.

xxTinaT

 

[germain]

Oh Sylvia,
Thinking of you. Stay strong - Dhiren will need you just as much but in a different way.
Much love
Germain

 

[nellbelles]

Sylvia

Just a ((HUG)) to help you stay strong

 

[Lynne]

Dear Sylvia

Everyone else has said all the 'sad but true' conclusions which we have all known were coming for you, despite your devotion and determination.

I shaved Dhiren in tears this morning aware it would be the last time I would do it for him.

My tears joined yours as I read this Sylvia, but it doesn't stop me thinking the hard practical thoughts. Another few 'last times' which come to mind:-

The last time you risk injury (to you both) trying to help Dhiren to his feet, from a chair, the bed, from the FLOOR.
The last time you struggle to keep him on his feet when he has followed you, shakily, through the house without his walking aid because he has forgotten he needs it.
The last time you try to clean Dhiren up as he struggles to keep his feet in the bathroom long enough for you to finish doing what is necessary.

The last time you have to try to prevent him leaving the house & putting himself at risk when he doesn't recognise where he is/who you are.
(I know this last hasn't happened in the last few weeks, but we know that moments of 'miraculous physical recovery' have suddenly appeared out of the blue;
as recently as last month http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showpost.php?p=269260&postcount=9437 he 'escaped' & reacted aggressively to you whilst sundowning.)

I'm sure it will not be the last time you can give Dhiren comfort & personal care, even if it is not in your own home.
The difference will be that you are not doing so whilst at the end of your tether, physically & mentally.
You can do so with love without it being derailed by the extreme stress, exhaustion & understandable resentment against intolerable pressures.
I recognise that you will have different emotional stresses to replace the present ones - there's no easy ride, is there - but you will be able to replenish your own physical & mental reserves, & know that you did everything you could, for as long as you could. Caring for Dhiren hasn't stopped, it's just beyond what can be coped with in your home environment.

With love xxx

 

[sad nell]

Sylvia my love expect you are feeling a mixture of relief and disbelief that this day has come. Hoping Dirhen settles as he did previousley, Is the home nearby, once you are rested i expect the home will welcome any hands on help from you.Hope it goes as smoothley as it can love to You and Dirhen, and to Paul for giving you the support. love pam

 

[eastanglia]

Dear Granny G -

I'm writing this in tears - your last post made me sob. I have followed your story as it is running parallel with my own mother's and has given me greater insight to my parents lives.

I am sure that you are making the right decision and although from now on you will not be so close to your husband physically I hope that you will have some better times when you can have times together when you are not worn-out and at the end of your tether.

Take care of yourself - I am thinking of you both and understand a little of what you must be feeling - what a dreadful illness this is - it's worst effects are sometimes on the carers who are conscious of the whole sorry and sad decline.

Please have hope though - the spring is on it's way and I know that there will be good times and bad for you to come but I hope that you will have more good than bad from now on.

Kindest regards to you and your family

Kay

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Dear Sylvia,
I am just catching up. I read of your decision with a little sadness but with a feeling of relief. I'm glad Paul was there and so could be involved with the decision.

I was very surprised when I read how quickly it is going to happen. I think it's best that it will happen quickly, as the move will be over and you will be able to get to the next stage of caring.

Caring never stops, it only changes. We change with it also.

My love to all of you. I hope Julie is beginning to heal.

 

[zoet]

Sylvia, others have said it all, so all I can say is stay strong and we are thinking of you. You are an amazing woman and your love and care for Dhiren will never stop, no matter whos roof he sleeps under. xxxx

 

[gigi]

Dear Sylvia,

As always you've seen this through and worked it out, and made your decision based on compassion and common sense.

I'm sure your new situation and different carer's role will take some time to adjust to, but you'll still be there for Dhiren.

And TP will still be here for you.

Love xx