A life in the day of.........................

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Winnie Kjaer

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Aug 14, 2009
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Devon
Hello Sylvia,
There is nothing I can think of that has not already been said. We all realise how big a step this is for you all and our thoughts and prayers will be with you today and in the future.
I shaved Dhiren in tears this morning aware it would be the last time I would do it for him.
I am positive this will not be your last time, you will no doubt arrive at the CH finding Dhiren unshaven on plenty of occassions and will be able to offer your care and assistance as much as you wish. He will welcome your attention on a different level and you will be able to care being fully refreshed and in safe surroundings.
It is going to take time to accept this new major change but we all understand, now is the right time for you both. Having made a decision it is nice it could be arranged for today. Love and very warm thoughts to you all.
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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Hello Sylvia. I have just caught up with today's posts. You must be feeling a very mixed set of emotions. I feel so deeply for you and in some ways I'm projecting myself into the future and wondering what it holds for us. Thinking of you. Izzy x
 

Tender Face

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Mar 14, 2006
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NW England
Sylvia, I can’t pretend to be where you are at. I know a little of the sadness when mum had to go into a NH, when I had to concede I could no longer cope with the medical problems she presented, let alone her dementia.

What I hope you don’t mind me saying is that you have my utmost admiration for taking this decision and acting on it quickly. Your physical strength, when we know you have not always been in the best health yourself, has been one thing. Your mental courage and strength another. Over how many years now?

A lot of people in a far better place to know than me have offered you wise words. I can only offer my best wishes to you both as you face this enormous adjustment ....

Love, Karen, x
 

sue38

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Mar 6, 2007
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Wigan, Lancs
Dhiren is going into the home today

I can read the pain and sadness in those few words. :(

I know it's horrible, the one thing we all hoped we would avoid. Our circumstances were different as my dad didn't go to the care home from home (but via Police, A&E and an assessment unit). To be honest I think we had the easier option.

I'm sure you can be as involved in Dhiren's care as much as you choose, knowing that there will be someone else to care when you can't.

Although today is a sad day, there will be laughter to come in the future. Last week my dad had a great birthday and my sister and I both remarked that we couldn't remember the last time whilst at home my dad had smiled like that. :)

Thinking of you xx
 

Libby

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May 20, 2006
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Sylvia

I can’t begin to understand what you have been going through – I have only just read the last 2 days posts – I don’t know how you’ve managed to stay sane with the lack of sleep.

You have so much love and support on this site – I hope it gives you strength over the coming months.

Take care,

Libs
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
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near London
Tail end Charlie - as usual.....

Dear Sylvia

I'm just catching up on your thread and find, as so often, Joanne puts in the words I would use
Caring never stops, it only changes. We change with it also

Nine years ago I was where you are at now, and I would never want to be back there - yet I would, of course. We always look back and think "what if...", but we always need to trust what we have to do, in a given time with given circumstances.

Carpe diem.

What is heartening, is the breadth of support that members universally are offering.

Take it slowly, take time to find your new level.

xxx
 

twinone

Registered User
May 19, 2008
269
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england
Dear Sylvia

I am so sad that the time has come for you to move Dhiren to a care home.

I hope he settles as well as he did when in respite.

It must be so hard for you but you have tried your best for a long time and without sleep it is even harder.

You must have been relieved when Paul agreed with you - at least you both know that you made the right decision.

Take care and try to get some much needed rest.

Love
Janet
 

Beezed

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Apr 28, 2009
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Southampton
Dear Sylvia,

My heart goes out to you as you take this monumental step. Your caring role will change, but for the better I think.

When the problems outweigh the solutions it is probably time. I know from reading your posts that you searched for solutions constantly to keep Dhiren safe and at home with you. No one could have done more.

With best wishes for a successful move,

Love
Jeanne.
 

Vonny

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Feb 3, 2009
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Telford
Dear Sylvia,

Just caught up with your decision. It must be so hard for you but the fact Paul agrees proves it is the right one.

You are so strong and brave, and your love and care for Dhiren will continue. Thinking of you both xxx
 

ROSEANN

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Oct 1, 2006
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staffordshire
Dear Slyvia.

I cannot say anything that the others have not already said.

Just sending you much love and respect and when my time comes I hope I can be as strong as you.
Take care
Roseann xx
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
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Dear Sylvia,

You have never dealt with these issues lightly and therefore if you feel the time is right - then it is:) You have my utmost respect and admiration for doing all that you could to make sure that in the event of permanent care, Dhiren would be in a place that was beneficial to him. In this Sylvia, you have definitely succeeded:) Tonight he is home with his extended family and you are no doubt on here with us - your extended family;)

Love x
 

jayne-b

Registered User
Sep 7, 2009
1,302
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Staffs
Sylvia, be kind to yourself, you made a brave decision after giving endlessly of yourself in the care of Dhiren.

I really hope he has settled well today and you have been able to spend some quiet time with him.

You will be able to care for him still in many ways without the edges knocked off your love by frustration and exhaustion.

Take care of you now too. :)
jxx
 

Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
81,445
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Kent
Where do I begin.....
Once the decision was made it had to be quick. Peeling a plaster off slowly makes it hurt more. One sharp quick tug was needed, so today was the day.
Our carer was in tears, I was in tears. Dhiren wasn`t to know until it was time, and I couldn`t trust myself , so I went out for a couple of hours with Paul and the family.

Dhiren agreed to go to the convalescent home to build his strength to try to stop him falling. He didn`t want to end up in hospital with broken bones. He didn`t want to have to call out the paramedics every night. He believed me. I felt bad.

Two members of the Mental Health Team arrived to help us. I was so grateful to them. One had worked closely with both of us when Dhiren was discharged from the assessment unit and was sensitive to my needs, knowing I would appreciate a familiar face. I cried on his shoulder.

Our welcome back to the home was warm and sincere. Kisses and hugs from the manager, greetings from the staff, smiles all round but concern for my feelings too .
And as we arrived the home was receiving a full unexpected inspection from the CQC.

I stayed with Dhiren for two hours, unpacked and showed him his room. It is shabby but clean and welcoming and contains all he needs.
He didn`t notice the shabbiness. it wasn`t on his , or my list of priorities.
He was comfortable there and relaxed. Sadly , he thought I was staying too but it couldn`t be helped. At least I managed to hold it together until I left. He shouted after me but I didn`t turn back.

It took me half an hour to get home by bus so it`s very convenient.
When I entered our avenue, the tears fell but they were tears of sadness rather than regret.

I talked to Paul and talked to friends. They could tell I was fine.

The negative is I feel I have lost the sharing and companionship of a good husband.
The positive is, after years of caring alone, I now have someone to share the responsibility, and it feels good.

So I`m listening to sentimental ballads sung by Michael Ball and all I can say is thank goodness I had TP to come home to. I dread to think what I would be doing without it.

Thank you for so much support and understanding.
 

donkey

Registered User
Aug 16, 2009
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sutton coldfield
sylvia, i dont no what to say as ihavnt kept up with things on tp and really feel for you tonight. im sure you have come to theright decisionin allowing the care home help you to look after dhiran, you havnt lost your dear husband you are now having help to spend more quality time and that dosnt matter where it is,you can recharge your batteries for tomorrow and see dhiran with a new sparkle oh hell im hopless with words, you get a good nights sleep and no all your friends are here for you. lots of love lyn xxx
 

Lynne

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Jun 3, 2005
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Suffolk,England
Bless you Sylvia, you are safe and Dhiren is safe. He accepted his move today, and there is no reason why he shouldn't settle in as he did last month.

It will take you longer to settle because you will be more analytical and self-critical, but you also have the capacity to know how impossible it had become for things to go on as they were. You were an accident in the making.

Be gentle with yourself; you are still exhausted, more so after a stress filled day.

Love xxx
 

Winnie Kjaer

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Aug 14, 2009
2,011
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Devon
Hello Sylvia,
Good to read everything went as "well" as could possibly be expected. You felt well supported and Dhiren accepted being there. It could have been a thousand times worse. You will feel the loneliness without doubt, and perhaps not know yourself for a while, but then you will begin a new routine, and you will no doubt wonder how you ever managed before.
The negative is I feel I have lost the sharing and companionship of a good husband.
The love and understanding you and Dhiren share is bound to leave you grieving for the loss of companionship and sharing AT HOME, just as you have no doubt grieved for all the other losses along your journey. This can and will continue though through your regular visits to the home and perhaps even strengthen again due to the fact that you will now be able to give Dhiren your undivided attention when you visit. You will not feel irritated due to exhaustion so Dhiren will benefit from that, knowing that the sufferer picks up on any mood we might feel within or body language we display, this can only be positive. I hope you have a good relaxed sleep tonight and is able to face tomorrow with strength and no sorrow.
 

Helen33

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Jul 20, 2008
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all I can say is thank goodness I had TP to come home to. I dread to think what I would be doing without it.

It's good to have you home Sylvia. Now who's going to put the kettle on:D

Love
 

sad nell

Registered User
Mar 21, 2008
3,190
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bradford west yorkshire
Sylvia just needed to send you my love, as you know Trev is in respite this week and my home feels strange, but i think you are so brave to have made the descion, that i have fought against, for my benefit as much as Trevs, but i really feel you have thought long and hard and have been strong enough to do what is best for you both, hope i can be as strong. love and hope you have a restfull night and that Dirhen is calm tomorrow love pam
 
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