Dear Geraldine @kindredSweetheart, have been reading your posts. You know that I have been there, I think I only escaped, only got help because of OH accident and because twice my life had been at risk and I had been injured. Our minds desperately search for meaning in this, but essentially we are living with another human who is to all intents and purposes mad. And we are required to placate them. Not to say it isn't an honourable occupation, helping someone access what is left of their life is honourable but this is pushing our resources to extremes. I survived only because when I was at the point of going under, there was the accident and a hospital social worker who said to me, I will help you ... And because I had my suicide pack all ready for the moment I could no longer cope.
Please do not feel you have lost your previous cheerful self, it would be impossible to maintain it in these circumstances. It will be there one day, I promise you, I really do. with all my love, Geraldinexxx
Your posts always warm me, thank you so much.
I know by reading posts on here that I’m not the only person feeling this way. I know that there are many who have a much worse life than I do. But I find there is so little happiness in my life, in our life. I don’t know what my husband feels, but he rarely smiles, never laughs, has no interest in anything. I am all he has. I now exist for him. I don’t exist for myself anymore. And that is it.
I think some of my distress is that I haven’t been able to mourn for my best friend. I couldn’t make her funeral, and I miss her so much. She was such a solid person in my life, and had been for over 50 years. Now she has gone and I have lost the one person who was always on my side, regardless.
Thank you Geraldine for always being there, for your kindness, and for caring.
With much love to you, Barbara xx