Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

[Jezzer]

Oh good grief no, not offended, love it. Yes, I do feel so sorry for these residents too. We know who they are of course and try to give time and love every day. JUst as beloved you do. And you have restful evening too darling. There is no football to churn our emotions ...best love, Geraldinexxxx

Good Morning Geraldine
Hope you managed to get some restful sleep? I'm finding it easier since the weather has cooled. As always, I hope you have a good visit with Keith today and that the Army are not awaiting to block your entry to the CH! I'm in no way poking fun at the poor lady who alternates between liking you and wanting you thrown out - we need a little humour at times or we'd always be in despair I think. Take care and "speak" soon Love Jan xxxx

 

[kindred]

Good Morning Geraldine
Hope you managed to get some restful sleep? I'm finding it easier since the weather has cooled. As always, I hope you have a good visit with Keith today and that the Army are not awaiting to block your entry to the CH! I'm in no way poking fun at the poor lady who alternates between liking you and wanting you thrown out - we need a little humour at times or we'd always be in despair I think. Take care and "speak" soon Love Jan xxxx

Oh it is easier, isn't it and so lovely to hear fromyou. Goodness know, we all love the lady so much but if we didn't laugh about her angry insults we would go under! Next minute she is saying how wonderful we are. I hope your visit is with smiles darling one. More anon. love and best, so good to hear, Geraldinexxx

 

[kindred]

All quiet on the nursing home front this morning. There's usually a sleepy reaction to a very busy day like yesterday. Keith wasn't down when I arrived so I could talk to the others, and also observe that it took 4 nurses to get him to stand up out of the wheelchair and into a normal chair. He was terrified and cannot stand on his feet properly now. We went on longish walks a year ago. Anyway, he seemed very pleased to see me and embarked upon a long story which involved him laughing a lot (and so I did too). Then he started to do his Sean Connery impressions ...
Now that my memories of how terrifying and awful it was being sole carer for all those years are fading, I miss him more and more. He looked so young and handsome today. So free of stress and strain. No idea about the jostling and odd way the world is going. That is a blessing, I tell myself, but oh I miss him so much. Evenings alone are fine, but early morning is some kind of torment.
Onwards. with love and best, Geraldinexxx

 

[Jezzer]

All quiet on the nursing home front this morning. There's usually a sleepy reaction to a very busy day like yesterday. Keith wasn't down when I arrived so I could talk to the others, and also observe that it took 4 nurses to get him to stand up out of the wheelchair and into a normal chair. He was terrified and cannot stand on his feet properly now. We went on longish walks a year ago. Anyway, he seemed very pleased to see me and embarked upon a long story which involved him laughing a lot (and so I did too). Then he started to do his Sean Connery impressions ...
Now that my memories of how terrifying and awful it was being sole carer for all those years are fading, I miss him more and more. He looked so young and handsome today. So free of stress and strain. No idea about the jostling and odd way the world is going. That is a blessing, I tell myself, but oh I miss him so much. Evenings alone are fine, but early morning is some kind of torment.
Onwards. with love and best, Geraldinexxx

Sounds like a bittersweet day Geraldine. Of course you miss Keith - how could you not? You've been together for such a long time. I know you had some truly dreadful times when you were his sole carer - this cruel, cruel disease. But as I"ve said before, your love for him leaps out of your posts. I'm sorry mornings bring such torment. Sending Much Love, Jan xxxx

 

[carolynp]

D

All quiet on the nursing home front this morning. There's usually a sleepy reaction to a very busy day like yesterday. Keith wasn't down when I arrived so I could talk to the others, and also observe that it took 4 nurses to get him to stand up out of the wheelchair and into a normal chair. He was terrified and cannot stand on his feet properly now. We went on longish walks a year ago. Anyway, he seemed very pleased to see me and embarked upon a long story which involved him laughing a lot (and so I did too). Then he started to do his Sean Connery impressions ...
Now that my memories of how terrifying and awful it was being sole carer for all those years are fading, I miss him more and more. He looked so young and handsome today. So free of stress and strain. No idea about the jostling and odd way the world is going. That is a blessing, I tell myself, but oh I miss him so much. Evenings alone are fine, but early morning is some kind of torment.
Onwards. with love and best, Geraldinexxx

Dear Geraldine I am so very sorry. With time, one forgets the impossible difficulties, and remembers only the best parts. This is wonderful for one’s memories, and sense of the person as they once were - but it brings disquiet and distress.

With the sad mornings, I wonder, tentatively, whether it might be possible perhaps to try just holding the sadness feeling, letting it have its moment? You have, after all, plenty of reason for it. Accepting the feeling may contain it a little.

Thinking of you heaps, C. xxx

 

[kindred]

Sounds like a bittersweet day Geraldine. Of course you miss Keith - how could you not? You've been together for such a long time. I know you had some truly dreadful times when you were his sole carer - this cruel, cruel disease. But as I"ve said before, your love for him leaps out of your posts. I'm sorry mornings bring such torment. Sending Much Love, Jan xxxx

Oh my darling Jan, thank you. I feel better when I read your loving post. More anon, and love to you and your precious mum. Geraldinexxxxx

 

[kindred]

D

Dear Geraldine I am so very sorry. With time, one forgets the impossible difficulties, and remembers only the best parts. This is wonderful for one’s memories, and sense of the person as they once were - but it brings disquiet and distress.

With the sad mornings, I wonder, tentatively, whether it might be possible perhaps to try just holding the sadness feeling, letting it have its moment? You have, after all, plenty of reason for it. Accepting the feeling may contain it a little.

Thinking of you heaps, C. xxx

Thank you so much sweetheart. Grief is normal, you are right. Stay with it, it honours love and kinship. All our lives are a search for kinship aren't they. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I will remember especially the letting it have its moment, that makes so much sense to me. Thank YOU. with love, Geraldine xxxx

 

[Jezzer]

Good Morning Geraldine.
Another day and, with me, the usual slightly nervous anticipation of what it will bring. Could I just say I love @carolynp 's suggestion of holding on to the sadness for a short time and letting it have its moment. I've thought about it and it really does make sense. To grieve and feel so sad is, though painful, an acknowledgement of your deep and enduring love for Keith. As always, I wish you a good visit and send my love to you all Jan xxxx

 

[Lindy50]

Morning all
Can I just say how much I too appreciate @carolynp ’s suggestion of giving grief and sadness it’s moment. We can’t avoid it, it’s there ....the trick is , how to move on from it xx

Also wishing everyone as good a day as possible xx

 

[kindred]

Morning all
Can I just say how much I too appreciate @carolynp ’s suggestion of giving grief and sadness it’s moment. We can’t avoid it, it’s there ....the trick is , how to move on from it xx

Also wishing everyone as good a day as possible xx

Ah yes, darling, how to move on from it. A psychiatrist wrote to new scientist a while back about people who ruminate bad thoughts and he said that a way to move on was to ask yourself:
what will my next thought be?
and I have found this gives a feeling of choice, so I can choose to remain in grief to honour the situation, or choose to force my thoughts elsewhere and, say, do something practical. Thank you darling. Geraldine with all love. xxxx

 

[Lindy50]

Ah yes, darling, how to move on from it. A psychiatrist wrote to new scientist a while back about people who ruminate bad thoughts and he said that a way to move on was to ask yourself:
what will my next thought be?
and I have found this gives a feeling of choice, so I can choose to remain in grief to honour the situation, or choose to force my thoughts elsewhere and, say, do something practical. Thank you darling. Geraldine with all love. xxxx

What a good idea @kindred
I will give it a try, goodness knows I do need to move on sometimes!
By the way, I have posted an update on mum’s thread (Mum’s journey) in case you wonder where I popped up from!
Many thanks and all the best
Lindy xx

 

[kindred]

What a good idea @kindred
I will give it a try, goodness knows I do need to move on sometimes!
By the way, I have posted an update on mum’s thread (Mum’s journey) in case you wonder where I popped up from!
Many thanks and all the best
Lindy xx

thank you, you need to keep trying that question about next thought, but it does work sometimes. Will look on your thread now! Gxxx

 

[kindred]

What a good idea @kindred
I will give it a try, goodness knows I do need to move on sometimes!
By the way, I have posted an update on mum’s thread (Mum’s journey) in case you wonder where I popped up from!
Many thanks and all the best
Lindy xx

Lindy please tell me what forum your thread is on? Gxx

 

[Lindy50]

Lindy please tell me what forum your thread is on? Gxx

Hi Geraldine aka @kindred
It’s in the Tea Room xx

 

[kindred]

OK guys, still very very hot here. Just back from OH home, went with son and fortunately it was fairly quiet (after lunch, sleepy before the sundowning chaos begins!), After hour, son goes off to take some photographs of trees etc (he's a photographer like his dad). Then Keith reaches out and takes my hand and WILL NOT LET GO for half an hour. Means the world to me, does that.
AND THEN I had an adventure. Lady came in, agitated, and I asked her can I help, who has she come to see? She has come to see a room, she says. Find a nurse to help her and they obviously don't get on very well and she wants directions to another nursing home and nurse can't help her but I draw her a map. And while I am doing this, she whispers to me, I am here on FALSE PRETENCES. And she makes all kinds of complaints about the home. And then I cotton on. She is at the wrong home. Keith's home has a brand new sister home down the road which I have heard (resisted going to see) is VERY VERY POSH. She has come to the wrong one. Get permission to take her to this posh place and off we go and oh my God. Posh isn't in it. I mean, madly posh. Too posh for my taste and I know Keith would hate it. He, like me, likes homely. The lady was loving it, and I went back to Keith. As I left she said to me, how can you leave your man in that place ...So tell her it is the most loving, caring place in the world and I love it.
Goodness me, the things that happen!! Thanks guys, love and best, Geraldine aka kindred.

 

[Jezzer]

OK guys, still very very hot here. Just back from OH home, went with son and fortunately it was fairly quiet (after lunch, sleepy before the sundowning chaos begins!), After hour, son goes off to take some photographs of trees etc (he's a photographer like his dad). Then Keith reaches out and takes my hand and WILL NOT LET GO for half an hour. Means the world to me, does that.
AND THEN I had an adventure. Lady came in, agitated, and I asked her can I help, who has she come to see? She has come to see a room, she says. Find a nurse to help her and they obviously don't get on very well and she wants directions to another nursing home and nurse can't help her but I draw her a map. And while I am doing this, she whispers to me, I am here on FALSE PRETENCES. And she makes all kinds of complaints about the home. And then I cotton on. She is at the wrong home. Keith's home has a brand new sister home down the road which I have heard (resisted going to see) is VERY VERY POSH. She has come to the wrong one. Get permission to take her to this posh place and off we go and oh my God. Posh isn't in it. I mean, madly posh. Too posh for my taste and I know Keith would hate it. He, like me, likes homely. The lady was loving it, and I went back to Keith. As I left she said to me, how can you leave your man in that place ...So tell her it is the most loving, caring place in the world and I love it.
Goodness me, the things that happen!! Thanks guys, love and best, Geraldine aka kindred.

How lovely that Keith reached for your hand & wouldn't let go! No wonder you felt as you did.
Hmm Posh Care Homes. We recently had a brand new home open here. Very expensive, silver service etc etc. A month ago a lovely nurse joined mum's CH & told me how much nicer it was compared to her last CH. Where were you I asked. Well of course you know what I was going to say. When I expressed surprise she said oh don't be taken in by the hype, the upmarket area where this all-singing, all-dancing CH is located Lots of problems. Great care, love and kindness to residents and their families are what matters to me. You can keep your silver service, thank you. Hope you are relaxing with a cuppa Geraldine. Lotsa Love Jan xx

 

[kindred]

How lovely that Keith reached for your hand & wouldn't let go! No wonder you felt as you did.
Hmm Posh Care Homes. We recently had a brand new home open here. Very expensive, silver service etc etc. A month ago a lovely nurse joined mum's CH & told me how much nicer it was compared to her last CH. Where were you I asked. Well of course you know what I was going to say. When I expressed surprise she said oh don't be taken in by the hype, the upmarket area where this all-singing, all-dancing CH is located Lots of problems. Great care, love and kindness to residents and their families are what matters to me. You can keep your silver service, thank you. Hope you are relaxing with a cuppa Geraldine. Lotsa Love Jan xx

Oh yes, yes, yes to what you said about the care, kindness and love. Yes, listening to the football match, with a kind of resolute despair ... love and best and so lovely to hear from you darling. Geraldinexxx

 

[kindred]

Fairly short visit. Keith and everyone else very very sleepy. Lovely lunch, roast chicken. I could not resist it, I took a little piece and told folk I was doing it to test how chewy it was so as to know how much time to allow Keith between mouthfuls. No one challenged me on that explanation, thank goodness!
Keith seems to have one eye that focuses and one that doesn't. Have any of you ever encountered this difficulty with focus?
One of the nurses was telling me how much Keith likes having his shower, he does this sitting down. I' ve never had a shower sat on a chair!
One of the male residents (usually fairly sensible) was wandering around with one shoe and one slipper on. Inside the other slipper he had put goodness knows how many custard creams and was apportioning them amongst the other residents ...
Thanks guys, I think the heat is getting to me!! More anon. Seeing that posh place yesterday has unsettled me a bit. Poshness seemed bizarre somehow. love and best, Geraldinexxx

 

[Jezzer]

Fairly short visit. Keith and everyone else very very sleepy. Lovely lunch, roast chicken. I could not resist it, I took a little piece and told folk I was doing it to test how chewy it was so as to know how much time to allow Keith between mouthfuls. No one challenged me on that explanation, thank goodness!
Keith seems to have one eye that focuses and one that doesn't. Have any of you ever encountered this difficulty with focus?
One of the nurses was telling me how much Keith likes having his shower, he does this sitting down. I' ve never had a shower sat on a chair!
One of the male residents (usually fairly sensible) was wandering around with one shoe and one slipper on. Inside the other slipper he had put goodness knows how many custard creams and was apportioning them amongst the other residents ...
Thanks guys, I think the heat is getting to me!! More anon. Seeing that posh place yesterday has unsettled me a bit. Poshness seemed bizarre somehow. love and best, Geraldinexxx

Hi Geraldine - Residents - including mum - very sleepy here too. The heat seemed to be getting to others as well. One lovely, unflappable carer was uncharacteristically grumpy today. Had quiet word with her and it turns out her daughter is quite poorly and she's naturally worried about her. In addition, she had pounding headache and not due to finish her shift until 8pm. Couldn't go home as they were short-staffed today. I think it's easy to forget these folk have their own problems and worries too. She seemed so grateful Ide asked; they are undervalued, underpaid and not always treated too kindly I've noticed. Not good. Mum often has difficulty with focus Geraldine. Might the optician come in to check Keith's eyes? Can't hurt. Hope you are resting now - it seems hotter than ever to me and I'm feeling really nauseous. Take care, speak soon Love J xxxx

 

[kindred]

Hi Geraldine - Residents - including mum - very sleepy here too. The heat seemed to be getting to others as well. One lovely, unflappable carer was uncharacteristically grumpy today. Had quiet word with her and it turns out her daughter is quite poorly and she's naturally worried about her. In addition, she had pounding headache and not due to finish her shift until 8pm. Couldn't go home as they were short-staffed today. I think it's easy to forget these folk have their own problems and worries too. She seemed so grateful Ide asked; they are undervalued, underpaid and not always treated too kindly I've noticed. Not good. Mum often has difficulty with focus Geraldine. Might the optician come in to check Keith's eyes? Can't hurt. Hope you are resting now - it seems hotter than ever to me and I'm feeling really nauseous. Take care, speak soon Love J xxxx

Darling one, I am so sorry you are feeling nauseous. Like your idea of optician but nothing really can be done because Keith flushed his last three pairs of glasses down the toilet, will never keep anything corrective on. Interested that your mum has difficulty with focus, too. Oh yes about the carers, completely. I am so glad you had a quiet word. Sweetheart, you are so right, it is THE hottest, it has to be. All my love and so good to hear from you. Geraldinexxxx