Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Darling one, I am so sorry you are feeling nauseous. Like your idea of optician but nothing really can be done because Keith flushed his last three pairs of glasses down the toilet, will never keep anything corrective on. Interested that your mum has difficulty with focus, too. Oh yes about the carers, completely. I am so glad you had a quiet word. Sweetheart, you are so right, it is THE hottest, it has to be. All my love and so good to hear from you. Geraldinexxxx
Ah right - no point calling in optician. Mum is a good few years older than Keith and, of late, her eyes have been giving her problems. Good that Keith enjoys his showers - even sitting down! May I ask - purely out of interest - did he used to swim? I don't know why but I have a picture of him swimming! Much Love Jan xxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Ah right - no point calling in optician. Mum is a good few years older than Keith and, of late, her eyes have been giving her problems. Good that Keith enjoys his showers - even sitting down! May I ask - purely out of interest - did he used to swim? I don't know why but I have a picture of him swimming! Much Love Jan xxx
Yes, he did! Keith was a swimmer, a hill walker and a climber. Always been as thin as Mick Jagger. Best love and thank you and sorry your mum's eyes are giving her problems... oh love, it's a bit relentless isn't it. And so HOT. Love and best and so good to hear from you. Geraldinexxxx
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Wonder why I thought that but not surprised!! I'm sure it's getting hotter! :cool:o_O. Not going to be easy to sleep tonight I think ........ With Love Jan xxxxx
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,054
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77
Colchester
Hi Geraldine - Residents - including mum - very sleepy here too. The heat seemed to be getting to others as well. One lovely, unflappable carer was uncharacteristically grumpy today. Had quiet word with her and it turns out her daughter is quite poorly and she's naturally worried about her. In addition, she had pounding headache and not due to finish her shift until 8pm. Couldn't go home as they were short-staffed today. I think it's easy to forget these folk have their own problems and worries too. She seemed so grateful Ide asked; they are undervalued, underpaid and not always treated too kindly I've noticed. Not good. Mum often has difficulty with focus Geraldine. Might the optician come in to check Keith's eyes? Can't hurt. Hope you are resting now - it seems hotter than ever to me and I'm feeling really nauseous. Take care, speak soon Love J xxxx
Yes we should remember that the often the carers do 12 hour shifts. Sometimes 3 days in a row. It is difficult normally, but to work in this heat with windows that are only open about 3 inches dealing with many residents confined to bed is to say the least very difficult. Then there are all the nurses working in the same conditions. We should all be very grateful for these lovely, caring people. No they are not perfect. Yes they have their own families and possibly problems,but they are, for the most amazing. I want to say thank you to all of them. Thank you for looking after my once very difficult husband, who now trusts you and allows you to look after him. I hope all the carers on here can find a good place for their loved one. My love to you all.x
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Yes we should remember that the often the carers do 12 hour shifts. Sometimes 3 days in a row. It is difficult normally, but to work in this heat with windows that are only open about 3 inches dealing with many residents confined to bed is to say the least very difficult. Then there are all the nurses working in the same conditions. We should all be very grateful for these lovely, caring people. No they are not perfect. Yes they have their own families and possibly problems,but they are, for the most amazing. I want to say thank you to all of them. Thank you for looking after my once very difficult husband, who now trusts you and allows you to look after him. I hope all the carers on here can find a good place for their loved one. My love to you all.x
Totally agree @Casbow . The staff at mum's CH are great and I have nothing but admiration and respect for them. I've got a good relationshp with them and I always make a point of thanking them. It's a tough job and I really appreciate all they do. xx
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Totally agree with you all on the carers who staff homes. They get a huge vote of thanks and appreciation from me too :)
@kindred, far be it from me to interfere, but I thought you planned to give yourself Sundays 'off'. I hope the fact that you saw Keith today indicates that you are feeling better?
Love,
Lindy xx
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Good Morning Geraldine
Well I don't know about you but I didn't sleep too well due to the heat. I swear it just got hotter last night and there doesn't seem to be a let up this morning. We will be wilting like flowers soon! No sport today - what will I do? :( It's been a Summer so far for footie and then tennis. Well, as always, hope you have a good visit with Keith and look forward to reading Geraldine's Gems later! Take care my friend. Much Love, Jan xxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Totally agree with you all on the carers who staff homes. They get a huge vote of thanks and appreciation from me too :)
@kindred, far be it from me to interfere, but I thought you planned to give yourself Sundays 'off'. I hope the fact that you saw Keith today indicates that you are feeling better?
Love,
Lindy xx
Yes, thank you with all heart, absolutely right and I am in future. I may need to take today off because of work, so was kind of setting that up and thank you so very very much for remembering and caring Lindy. Geraldine all love oh it's so hot ....xxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Wonder why I thought that but not surprised!! I'm sure it's getting hotter! :cool:o_O. Not going to be easy to sleep tonight I think ........ With Love Jan xxxxx
Sweetheart, lovely to hear from you and it's dreadfully hot already .. I do hope you did sleep.
Geraldine all love, xxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Good Morning Geraldine
Well I don't know about you but I didn't sleep too well due to the heat. I swear it just got hotter last night and there doesn't seem to be a let up this morning. We will be wilting like flowers soon! No sport today - what will I do? :( It's been a Summer so far for footie and then tennis. Well, as always, hope you have a good visit with Keith and look forward to reading Geraldine's Gems later! Take care my friend. Much Love, Jan xxxx
Oh bless you Jan. Not sure if I will be able to get there today on account of work, but will try. Certainly will spend a long time there tomorrow. And I am sorry about not able to sleep, it was awful last night. So good to hear from you. Love and best, wilting Geraldinexxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Yes we should remember that the often the carers do 12 hour shifts. Sometimes 3 days in a row. It is difficult normally, but to work in this heat with windows that are only open about 3 inches dealing with many residents confined to bed is to say the least very difficult. Then there are all the nurses working in the same conditions. We should all be very grateful for these lovely, caring people. No they are not perfect. Yes they have their own families and possibly problems,but they are, for the most amazing. I want to say thank you to all of them. Thank you for looking after my once very difficult husband, who now trusts you and allows you to look after him. I hope all the carers on here can find a good place for their loved one. My love to you all.x
Yes, I know about the twelve hour shifts, and it's physically hard as well as mentally hard. I am so so grateful to them, too. So good to hear from you. Love, Geraldine and thank you.xxxx
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Totally agree @Casbow . The staff at mum's CH are great and I have nothing but admiration and respect for them. I've got a good relationshp with them and I always make a point of thanking them. It's a tough job and I really appreciate all they do. xx
Oh bless you Jan. Not sure if I will be able to get there today on account of work, but will try. Certainly will spend a long time there tomorrow. And I am sorry about not able to sleep, it was awful last night. So good to hear from you. Love and best, wilting Geraldinexxxx
There are days when we must attend to other matters. It's very rare you are unable to visit so please dont dash about just so you can make it. Keith would understand. Seriously Geraldine, please don't rush and wind up fainting again. As you say, you can stay longer tomorrow. Promise me you'll not tear about in an effort to get to the CH. It's too hot and you MUST look after yourself. Don't mean to lecture - just concerned. With Love xxxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
There are days when we must attend to other matters. It's very rare you are unable to visit so please dont dash about just so you can make it. Keith would understand. Seriously Geraldine, please don't rush and wind up fainting again. As you say, you can stay longer tomorrow. Promise me you'll not tear about in an effort to get to the CH. It's too hot and you MUST look after yourself. Don't mean to lecture - just concerned. With Love xxxxx
Thank you so much, I promise, it is shaping up to be a longer work day today so as you say, I could stay longer tomorrow. Jan, I needed to hear that. Thank you! love and best as always, hope you are OK. More later. Gxxxxall love
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Absolutely you can spend longer with Keith tomorrow. Isn't it strange how we sometimes need "permission? We know deep down that it's the right thing to do but still feel better when someone days so? It's that flaming Guilt Monster isn't it? Always lurking, waiting to pounce. Well, he has no right bothering you so I've told hom to get lost - or words to that effect! Much Love xxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Absolutely you can spend longer with Keith tomorrow. Isn't it strange how we sometimes need "permission? We know deep down that it's the right thing to do but still feel better when someone days so? It's that flaming Guilt Monster isn't it? Always lurking, waiting to pounce. Well, he has no right bothering you so I've told hom to get lost - or words to that effect! Much Love xxxx
Oh bless your heart, with all love and thoughts. I did go but will now not go on Sunday as I have a church day, and I only intended to pop in today ... er .... and THEN ... I wonder, jan, has anyone ever come up with a wise explanation for this guilt business. Have you ever heard one darling? all love, Geraldinexxxxxthank you.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Yes,|I know I said I will not go on Sundays, and I will not from now on. And I know I intended to come straight home after work today and not call in ... BUT ...
So anyway, in I go, expected him to be fast asleep as usual in the afternoon and I walked past him, ready to position myself, as it were, to do my usual big open-armed hello but a hand went out and grabbed me and Keith pulled me down to him to say hello, this is WONDERFUL. Nurses found this very amusing. He was wide awake and the most able to hold a conversation I have known him since he went to his new home. He started to talk about a big cup, and I said what colour was it and he said, you know, green and yellow. He was describing a cup he'd painted at pot painting back in 2000. He didn't remember the one on which he painted a blue octyopus, but hey ... And the staff asked him what colour he liked best and he said green. Keith always said the green in the rainbow was his favourite colour ... Goodness me.
Additionally, I was asked about English pronunciation and slang by several nurses and one has asked me to give her posh English speaking lessons! I only speak posh because I went to elocution to rid myself of a very dockyard accent ... They plied me with lots of cups of tea because they could see I was a bit bushed after work. What a place this is!!
OOo I have rabbited on. Thank you with all heart for being with me. Love hearing from you.
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Oh bless your heart, with all love and thoughts. I did go but will now not go on Sunday as I have a church day, and I only intended to pop in today ... er .... and THEN ... I wonder, jan, has anyone ever come up with a wise explanation for this guilt business. Have you ever heard one darling? all love, Geraldinexxxxxthank you.
I guess we will let you off this once since you had such a great visit! It seems you were meant to be there today, with Keith being wide awake and able to hold the longest conversation since he moved into his new home - that's wonderful and would have been so sad if you'd missed it. As regards the flipping guilt, I honestly don't know why it targets us and have yet to learn of a wise explanation. The only positive - if that's the right word - is that, however irrational and unnecessary it is, it does demonstrate how much we love and care about those most precious to us being afflicted with this cruel illness. A wise explanation would be appreciated by me too should anyone be able to enlighten you and I. So pleased you had such a sweet visit; you so deserve it Geraldine. With Very Much Love, Jan xxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
I guess we will let you off this once since you had such a great visit! It seems you were meant to be there today, with Keith being wide awake and able to hold the longest conversation since he moved into his new home - that's wonderful and would have been so sad if you'd missed it. As regards the flipping guilt, I honestly don't know why it targets us and have yet to learn of a wise explanation. The only positive - if that's the right word - is that, however irrational and unnecessary it is, it does demonstrate how much we love and care about those most precious to us being afflicted with this cruel illness. A wise explanation would be appreciated by me too should anyone be able to enlighten you and I. So pleased you had such a sweet visit; you so deserve it Geraldine. With Very Much Love, Jan xxxx
Thank you darling, greatly appreciated. Thing is, I have worked with folk who have cared for others with all manner of terminal illnesses and nothing does the guilt thing as much as dementia. There has to be something in the dynamic ... something in the fact we keep trying in hope, only to be dashed, so perhaps we haven't found the right way etc etc. I would so love to know. Yes, it does honour the depth of our love and that is something profound, you are so right. Thank you with all heart, it is so lovely talking to you and perhaps someone else can come up with an explanation. Love and best, rain here!! Geraldine, well a bit xxx
 

Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
Thank you darling, greatly appreciated. Thing is, I have worked with folk who have cared for others with all manner of terminal illnesses and nothing does the guilt thing as much as dementia. There has to be something in the dynamic ... something in the fact we keep trying in hope, only to be dashed, so perhaps we haven't found the right way etc etc. I would so love to know. Yes, it does honour the depth of our love and that is something profound, you are so right. Thank you with all heart, it is so lovely talking to you and perhaps someone else can come up with an explanation. Love and best, rain here!! Geraldine, well a bit xxx
Do you think it's because dementia robs our loved ones of their minds? Watching someone descend into this helplessness? Time and time again folk - including myself - come on TP and say how seeing this tears them apart, that they can hardly stand it. And when we go home, we are leaving them in the hands of other people, albeit people we trust? Even though I know it would be impossible - that thought "could I manage to look after mum at home"? - creeps back. Of course I couldn't, such are her health problems on top of the dementia. I don't know. You have rain? Is it cooling at all? We do need rain. Hope you are able to relax this evening. Take Care. With Love xxx
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
@kindred what a great visit :) I'm so pleased you were able to chat to Keith (and to the carers) like that.

Re the guilt issue, as @Jezzer says, I think it's our loved ones' helplessness that makes it so difficult to let others care for them. Also we know that when things don't go well, as happens from time to time, they won't necessarily understand why themselves, let alone be able to tell us the problem. So we feel necessarily 'on watch' even when those we love are receiving 24/7 care.

Also, people who are physically ill may want their loved ones to stay with them, but at least they generally know they're ill......our poor loved ones can't understand why life isn't as it was, or that they aren't able to look after themselves.

No wonder so many of us feel we should be with them for reassurance and companionship, if nothing else....

Love,
Lindy xx
 

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