Hi Bunpoots, I've just been catching up with your post, it seems like you have your hands full. I'm just starting with my dad having a few issues with incontinence and I kind of chuckled when I read some of the excuses your dad uses for why he is wet as my dad uses the exact same reasons. I am no where near the stage you are though as my dad is not wetting the bed etc, I think he's just not quite getting to the toilet in time, but he insists that the wet is nothing and it doesn't smell. I use the excuse one of the earlier posters suggested and ignore the fact it could be urine and just tell him he's spilt his tea so we need to get his trousers changed. He does sometimes go along with this. My dad has also started to go commando, which is kind of disconcerting, especially as I saw the crotch seam in his trousers today was ripped and I saw more of dad than I wanted to.
My dad refuses to wash and shower when I ask him to, I've also discovered his electric shower has now stopped working, so I've now taken it on myself to just get a bowl of warm water, soap and a flannel and I wash him in the lounge. I don't ask, I don't warn, I just tell him we are going to remove his top half clothes and I wash him with the flannel, he always starts to complain but when I start to wash him he actually enjoys it and strangely its kind of nice bonding experience. When it comes to the bottom half, I just tell him to remove his trousers, I use a towel to shield his modesty and then I give him the wet soapy flannel and tell him to wash his own private bits (that does take some time getting him to understand, but we eventually get there).
With regards your health and wellbeing, this is really important. I was getting a bit like you last year, I had high blood pressure, I was stress eating, plus my dad likes to go out for lunch, so I was eating two large meals a day and the pounds were piling on, my hips and knees were aching too. My saviour was a bursary from the carers centre which I got in August last year, they suggested I put it towards a weekend away, but that wasn't possible with my dad, so I asked could I put this towards a leisure centre membership and they said yes, so I started off by going swimming early in the morning (7-7.30am) before I go to visit dad. The swimming just enabled me to relax and think about nothing but what length number I was doing, plus it has improved my fitness and I've lost weight. I now alternate between swimming and going the gym and this just sets me up for the day and helps me chill and deal with whatever is thrown at me by dad. So what I'm trying to say is, try putting yourself first occasionally, it really helps.
Take care.
Elle x
Thanks @Elle3
I know I need to make time for myself. I've just had a carer's assessment done and have been awarded a small sum to spend on whatever I want. I've decided to buy a cheap pushbike. Dad only lives a couple a miles from me but it takes the best part of an hour to walk there and back so I struggle to find time. It should only take about 10 mins Each way by bike and I'll get some exercise - especially on the steep hill ...hoping to lose a few pounds this summer!!
I'm sorry to hear your dad is starting to have little accidents. It's the hardest thing to manage I find. Dad still insists he can do everything by himself but I am worried about his hygiene with the incontinence. I've asked for the SS to do an assessment on him and the OT is one my side about the help he needs. SS are hoping to persuade me I can cope but I intend to dig my heels in!! Hopefully carers will be more successful than me in persuading him to shower..