The last straw.

[Scarlett123]

Fingers crossed. Things are dire in this area. Weird, its not a deprived area but just sparsely populated. Dread to think what's happening to those who have no one.
Thanks Scarlett, all contributions of spinach gratefully received

It all seems so random, doesn't it. I wouldn't call Greater London sparsely populated (!) and the Essex side isn't deprived either, but there are a lot of people requiring services. We have the highest number of over 65s out of all the London Boroughs, so a lot of people need a slice of the cake.

Things that I could get for John, a year ago, have now ceased completely, which seems so unfair on those carers still struggling. But I have written out, for several friends and neighbours, the exact wording needed, when phoning the Incontinence Service, for pants, which are not offered in this area, only pads.

They've all been successful.

 

[bemused1]

I'm sorry you're still in crisis Chuggs, I tend to forget because you still manage to come on here and offer kind words and make us laugh. Hope things resolve themselves very soon and things get easier.

Hope this morning went all right for you bemused, and you are not having to wear yourself out. You have had such a difficult time for so long I'm worried about you.
Sending a big hug and lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes it was fine thanks Es we always manage. I had one of those sheets I told you about that lifts and turns on trial. Unfortunately it was a disposable version you can't wash so what happens, it gets soaked. Doesn't happen often these days but of course.......... Anyway it was long enough to decide it would be helpful. So our moving and handling consultant is ordering for me and I will buy one myself. The last specialist sheet provided took 2_months to be ordered and processed through the system.
You worry about yourself and Nick Es. I completely ground to a halt yesterday and it took me a while to recover. Will however be getting on to crossroads to get my 3 hours a fortnight respite. That's if they,'re not as pushed as everyone else in this area.

Scarlett it is a post code lottery. We are in one of the most sparsely populated counties, midway between the county town and a slightly larger town than ours. But despite the fact that our town has the highest concentration of elderly people it had almost no provision for them. No agencies, one care home which only takes a relatively small number of people and nothing else. It is quite bizarre. The drs I must say always come out on the day they are called, district nurses cone once a month to check skin integrity and any other time they're called.
Well we have someone at 5 and I look forward to what might occur from tomorrow.
Ever onwards!

 

[Cat27]

Sending love & hugs bemused xx

 

[bemused1]

Thanks cat. Priorities restored.
The same to you too.

 

[esmeralda]

Three hours a fortnight!!!!! I could cry for you bemused. Would it really not be possible for your husband to go to a care home for at least a couple of nights? Maybe somewhere in another area if there is nothing close at hand. Forgive me if this is something that you wouldn't want, but you absolutely need a proper rest. If you get ill then he would have to be cared for somehow. Don't mean to nag, just want you both to be alright.
Love and a big hug.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Jinx]

Do agree with Es, I don't know how you manage and it does sound as though you could do with a break Bemused. Please look after yourself. xxxx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[bemused1]

To be honest Es I don't want to disturb the status quo. He really doesn't want to go into respite and I don't want the negative impact it would have. I have had a couple of better nights and once I have sorted out with Crossroads I can hopefully buy in more care to just allow me to get out without worrying. Then there's Age UK sitting service to try. But the main problem is getting him up.See what this week brings.

 

[Cat27]

Good luck with crossroads.

 

[bemused1]

Thanks cat. On with the day

 

[bemused1]

Correction no help this morning. Our carer with the injured shoulder is now unable to work.
That's one bad back now off for as long as it takes. Now one with a badly injured shoulder likewise. Wouldn't you think they should be looking at their moving and handling procedures? Not to mention their risk assessments?We also have a new phrase 'we don't have anyone to assist you with your husband'. So that let's them out of having to provide care doesn't it?

 

[stanleypj]

So sorry to hear this Bemused. I bet these are the times when you are glad you have a ceiling hoist.

 

[bemused1]

You have no idea Stanley. But it would be all right if he just stayed in bed all the time relied on incontinence pads and I injured myself wouldn't it. I could pop him in a care home, make both of our lives a misery and that would be fine. Oh and pay a fortune for the privilege.

Thank God for a place to vent, feeling very very sour this morning. Sorry people.

 

[Cat27]

Vent away! That's what we are here for.

 

[stanleypj]

Did the agency give you any idea about when they might be able to provide help?

 

[disi]

Correction no help this morning. Our carer with the injured shoulder is now unable to work.
That's one bad back now off for as long as it takes. Now one with a badly injured shoulder likewise. Wouldn't you think they should be looking at their moving and handling procedures? Not to mention their risk assessments?We also have a new phrase 'we don't have anyone to assist you with your husband'. So that let's them out of having to provide care doesn't it?

Oh bemused, what a dreadfully hard time you are having at the moment. Surely they could send someone to help you, does no one care in your area. You are totally exhausted and are expected to carry on. Where is the justice, you both need help fast. You need a break. Sorry to go on, it just makes me feel so mad. Sending you lots of hugs xxxxxx

 

[bemused1]

Right just had my porrige, the suns come out.
No Stanley they normally issue a roster with Monday mornings carer, so we haven't got it yet. So this poor girl with the injured shoulder had 56 hours this week and quite a few of them would have been ours. They will probably only tell me on a day to day basis. They are now down to so few carers they cannot possibly cover them, so I can only wait and see.
No disi it seems they don't but what I really don't understand is why self funders are being treated so badly. Agencies in this area advertise as 'Also take self funders'. You can't buy care if it isn't there to buy. But I do know that 'assisting me with my husband' is sure to mean they don't acknowledge any responsibility for his care.
My apologies to all about 'popping him in a care home' You know what I meant. We all understand that for most of us that is the last resort, even if we can pay.
Poor old man is 80 next year and his family are pretty long lived. I'd have to find something very lucrative to keep him in the style to which he has become accustomed! (I wish)

 

[Chuggalug]

You have no idea Stanley. But it would be all right if he just stayed in bed all the time relied on incontinence pads and I injured myself wouldn't it. I could pop him in a care home, make both of our lives a misery and that would be fine. Oh and pay a fortune for the privilege.

Thank God for a place to vent, feeling very very sour this morning. Sorry people.

No need to apologise, Bemused. I got so sick of this culture of leaving us to handle everything, I got sour, too. Then I rebelled and got completely self-sufficient. That works, too. At least for me. You're different, as you have more to do.

What makes me mad is that I can do no more than tell you I care what happens to you. If I lived closer, you could use me to help with caring, and you'd get it for free. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[stanleypj]

I still wonder Bemused whether you might not be better off employing someone yourself. You'd be able to offer a better wage than an agency and still save money as typically agencies pay their staff 50% or less than the fee they charge. I know the idea of interviewing and being an employer can be a little daunting and you certainly don't want to do it entirely on your own. It is still quite legal to pay someone cash in hand, just as you would e.g. a mobile hairdresser. Or, if you wanted to do it more formally, you could employ an accountant to do all the salary stuff. Even if you did that, you'd probably still have some of the agency savings left.

You might well find semi-retired people, for example, that such a job would suit. If they had the right attitude you could train them yourself though it would help if they had previous experience.

 

[esmeralda]

What an absolutely dire situation bemused. Words fail me really, both on your behalf and those poor women who are doing their best and just keep getting broken. Like Chuggs said, wish I could do something to help. I suppose this is the result of rampant privatisation.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug because that's all I can do.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[bemused1]

I undoubtedly would Stanley but there are adverts all over the place here wanting carers but nobody wants to do the kind of work I need. If I had a partner with dementia who could be taken out and about and who wanted to socialise I probably could get help. But the nitty gritty grind of keeping someone clean and healthy is not what people want to do. we've discussed before my reservations but I have been looking at other options. This weekend I have trialled a new sheet which is kind OS a horizontal sling combined sheet. With the hoist it takes the hard work out of the morning routine.
My other big problem is lack of sleep. Not husband, he sleeps with no problem. My own mind keeps me awake, it just will not switch off. Will be talking to gp next week about that.
Thank you for ideas, I am always hoping there is something I haven't thought of.

Thanks chuggs, we are virtually self sufficient but not sure how long I can last out.