The last straw.

[Chuggalug]

Thanks Stanley. Yes I can cope -for now. But I am getting closer to the point where I won't be able to, either physically or mentally. We have one very good carer(occasionally) who looks after one client who has MS. She and one other have been his dedicated carers for 10 years. But even she is being pulled out and sent elsewhere because the new intake won't do this that or the other and she is good and reliable.
So a poor old man with dementia and his harridan of a wife are of no importance as long as they pay the bill . My big problem is that I don't just sit back and accept them. I keep on questioning and complaining in the hope that I can get halfway decent care for my husband

I am trying to find that agency that isn't driven solely by money but I think it might take a while.
Chuggs I've tried every body I can think of. Adult social care said unless he comes in (he's bedbound) it will be a very long wait for an assessment. We've been that route and the only help you get as self funders is here's our list of agencies, starting phoning.
Age UK said cqc and assessment. For reasons already mentioned,I really am not happy about advertising.

Oh Bemused; I'm so dreadfully sorry if what I said added to your suffering. I wish I could be a good neighbour to you two, and everyone on here.

What is it with us carers? Does everyone else see a sign hanging from our necks that says: "Please abuse us at your pleasure"? It darned well feels like it sometimes. Thank God, I DID find some very good and decent people involved in 'The System', and I don't know how they get through their days at work. I couldn't do what they do.

 

[stanleypj]

How ridiculous Bemused! I'd concentrate on the fact that husband 'will be less than polite'. Even in my brief experience of a bad agency it was clear that one of the tell-tale signs was carers ruling the roost.

 

[bemused1]

Just had a call back from the agency. If this troublemaker is allowed to shadow for two days with one of the other senior carers she's 'willing to try again' . Who thinks up these tricks??? Because if I don't let her come, that puts me in the wrong , if I do we will never ever trust her. I am relying on the fact that hubs will hate her, which he already does

 

[esmeralda]

So sorry bemused, I feel really frustrated and angry on your behalf and can only imagine your despair. Wish there was something I could say to help but can only send you love and very best wishes.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Scarlett123]

So sorry bemused, I feel really frustrated and angry on your behalf and can only imagine your despair. Wish there was something I could say to help but can only send you love and very best wishes.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hear, hear!! xxx

 

[bemused1]

Thank you everyone. One of the carers, a good one said to me at the weekend that hubs is a pretty good judge of character. Dementia ha may have, but if he takes a dislike one of the carers his judgement is sound so far . I tlod them last week that he would quite probably not allow her to touch him, he's already declined once. I know perfectly well he will again . So what's the point?

Why subject someone who is well adjusted, calm and easy to manage to things which can so easily provoke the opposite response?

Certainly in this area, care is in crisis if you can't find a new agency even if you can pay for it, which as we all know means we pay more.

 

[bemused1]

2am and I can't sleep Why, because for the next three mornings we have the troublemaker. Twice with a good senior carer, then the third on her own . I will have to apply superglue to stop myself from saying anything. Where does it say that a loved one's dementia means you have to put up with so much extra stress.
There must be a better solution and I WILL find it.

 

[esmeralda]

Hope you eventually got some rest bemused, and the situation somehow reaches a better resolution. Awwful that something which is meant to help causes you so much extra stress. Love to you both and Jess.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Scarlett123]

2am and I can't sleep Why, because for the next three mornings we have the troublemaker. Twice with a good senior carer, then the third on her own . I will have to apply superglue to stop myself from saying anything. Where does it say that a loved one's dementia means you have to put up with so much extra stress.
There must be a better solution and I WILL find it.

Hoping that things went smoothly for you this morning, and feeling for you so much. Good carers are like gold dust, and if your loved one takes to them, it can make so much difference. xxx

 

[stanleypj]

I can see exactly where you're coming from Bemused and it's pathetic that the agency 'management' can't see that if your husband is fine with regular carers and does not want this person to touch him, they must respect his feelings, particularly as the person in question is trying to dictate to them about what she will and won't do.

I assume that you'll record any instances of any inappropriate behaviour or incompetence. This looks, unfortunately, as if it could be a protracted saga and it's very easy to forget some of the telling evidence that this person is not appropriate.

 

[bemused1]

Thank you Scarlett, it went OK because we had a good carer and lady troublemaker stood back and watched. Imho they should have senior experienced carers looking after hubs. They can cause so much pain but they can also just make him change completely. In all reality I need 2 carers in the morning but at least if I am one I can ensure that things go as well as possible. But why can you not get the know it all professionals to understand this?

Every single incident is recorded Stanley good or bad. Because I can't find another agency I am afraid they will push me over the edge.

You know what upsets me most of all. My husband has a heart breaking my wicked grin. The carers love to see it but they have no idea how precious it is to me. There are a few of them who can bring it out, but this one won't be one of them

 

[bemused1]

Just adding this bit before I forget. Said troublemaker told good carer she was shadowing today that she had been warned about me before she came.

 

[2jays]

Just adding this bit before I forget. Said troublemaker told good carer she was shadowing today that she had been warned about me before she came.

Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Scarlett123]

Just adding this bit before I forget. Said troublemaker told good carer she was shadowing today that she had been warned about me before she came.

What a female dog!

 

[bemused1]

It's hard to believe that a so-called carer can go to such lengths to put people against me. Good carer has been here from day one for two years. She knows my imperfections and accepts that there are days when I'm wound tighter than a watch spring, so why try to damage that relationship. I've met some malicious people in my life but this one takes the biscuit.
Round two tomorrow.

 

[2jays]

Go in there guns blazing

Mentioning the fact....

If it wasn't for people like you needing them.... They wouldn't have a job

You are doing THEM a favour not the other way round.

Quote from Mahatma Ghandi

A patient is the most important visitor on our premises

They are not dependant on us, we are dependant on them

They are not an interruption to our work, they are the purpose of it

They are not an outsider to our business, they are a part of it

We are not doing them a favour by serving them

they are giving us a favour, by giving us an opportunity to do so

Extra bit by 2jays.... And I'm paying your wages....


and tell them to put that in their pipe and smoke it.....

or perhaps a more politically correct terminology that for the life of me, just now........

I can't think of any thing politically correct.....


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[esmeralda]

Did this person say this in front of you bemused, or was it relayed to you by the carer you know? In either case it's hard to see how you can have a good working relationship with her. I do so feel for you, you and your husband are in such a vulnerable position. Can the experienced carer not speak to the agency management on your behalf? You have enough on your plate without having to worry about this. Big hug to you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[stanleypj]

It would be nice to think that what esmeralda suggests would work. But I'm afraid it's likely that she will feel that she has done her bit by alerting you and would be unwilling to 'rock the boat'.

 

[bemused1]

Stanley I agree and to be fair one of the newly qualified supervisors has spoken on my behalf she's also been coming here for two years , is 21(yes I can do youth as well). No it wasn't said in front of me so I can't really use it. I'm thinking tomorrow I will say to her that she needs to do a bit of his personal care and hope he says something less polite than no. No point in trying to prime him cos guess what he has dementia and won't remember. But better he says it when good carer is there and that will be the second time when there have been other people there.
Jay much as I would like to go through all the above, they have me over a barrel. I can't find another agency and I cannot afford for them to take another day off me.
Have just had a full scale clean up operation, changed the bed and now I know I will have trouble getting to sleep.
I wish I could keep my mouth shut, but as we all know if you have someone vulnerable dependent on you you never stop fighting

 

[Scarlett123]

So what is life like as a carer ....... (*part 2!)

So what is life like as a carer?
To be honest - folks haven't a clue
Lack of help's a disgrace, if you're stuck in their place
Cos literally, they're in the poo

When those carefully scheduled appointments
Are forgotten - or cancelled at will
When you're doing your best, with never a rest
Cos you just cannot rest and be still

You're entrusting your "jewel" to another
Though the lustre is failing to glisten
And with helpers like this, your advice they dismiss
No attempting, or trying, to listen

Oh sweetie, I feel your frustration
No wonder you're feeling confused
Though no words can I say, here's a cyber bouquet
For that wonderful lady - bemused!