https://www.waterstones.com/book/really-relaxing-colouring-book-6/elizabeth-james/9781908707499
Sorry, here is the link. x
Sorry, here is the link. x
A new stage in my life...................
- Thread starter Grannie G
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Sylvia, it's been nearly three years since I joined TP (like many others I 'lurked' for quite some time). Your thread was one of the first I read and I was always touched by your care for Dhiren and his smile.
How lovely that photo shows Dhiren with the sunflowers; the colours are a real tonic-whatever the weather the colour is always one to cheer. I put sunflowers in Pete's coffin flower arrangement as they were his 'favourites'. We used to be quite competitive as to whose sunflowers would grow the tallest every year
I will plant some next year-a new garden that Pete won't have physically been in but I know he will be with me in Spirit. I hope you get comfort from the beautiful roses knowing that Dhiren would have loved them also.
Love
Lyn T XX
I bought a new rose bush, Joie de Vivre, that I have planted in a pot, in John's memory. Last autumn, when I knew things had changed, I cleared a large bed completely, only leaving a magnolia tree and my Mum and Dad's rose bush - Peace. John planted this some 10 years ago, and we placed both my parents plaques in front. The plaques were both due for renewal at the crematorium, Dad died in 1986 and Mum in 1996. Favourite toys from pets long past, are also buried here!
I reduced the depth of the bed, by laying more lawn in front, and I love this area. Although I cut the honeysuckle down to the ground, it has grown beautifully, masking the fencing, and John's rose is in front. I like to think I am closer to him there, and every time I do some gardening, that it is particularly arduous, I can hear him saying "well done gel"!
That's a really lovely picture of Dhiren and the sunflowers, Sylvia, and I do think of you often and wish you well. xx
Maureen, Dhiren gave me a hard time during the early and middle stages but more than made up for it later on.
None of it was in his control but I`m so grateful he became his natural self in his final years.
Carol, thank you for the link. Indian Summer. Sadly it`s not for me, my eyes would not be focused enough for such intricate patterns. Mind you I might buy a book just for sentimental value.
Scarlett, I`m pleased you have a rose for John in your garden too. Our gardens are becoming Gardens of Remembrance , including Lyn and Pete`s sunflowers. Where better!
Thank you Pied. It`s good to see you back on TP. I think of you often too and hope you are keeping well. xx
None of it was in his control but I`m so grateful he became his natural self in his final years.
Carol, thank you for the link. Indian Summer.
Sadly it`s not for me, my eyes would not be focused enough for such intricate patterns. Mind you I might buy a book just for sentimental value. Scarlett, I`m pleased you have a rose for John in your garden too. Our gardens are becoming Gardens of Remembrance , including Lyn and Pete`s sunflowers. Where better!
Thank you Pied. It`s good to see you back on TP. I think of you often too and hope you are keeping well. xx
Fate has intervened to keep me off my laptop of late so I’ve only just caught up and saw your photos, Sylvia.
Dhiren’s rose Indian Summer is beautiful and so appropriately named, as well as the colour.
Also the sunflowers are lovely, as is Dhiren’s smile. A poignant photo for you, the last time he managed down the steps into the garden. As many of us say, Dhiren had such a lovely smile, unforgettable.
As another who read your posts soon after I joined TP over 5 years ago, and know how difficult it was in those previous years, the hard time Dhiren gave you. As did Henry me. I am repeating myself but when you said to me that some day Henry might also change from the awful person he became I found it impossible to believe.
Yet you were right and eventually in the care home Henry became the loving caring man he once was. He still has his moments, but it was wonderful when more of him, his true self, came through. I had thought that had gone forever, but I was wrong. I have often remembered your wise words.
Lovely to read of Lyn and Scarlett’s gardens; planting memories…
Love
Loo xxx
Dhiren’s rose Indian Summer is beautiful and so appropriately named, as well as the colour.
Also the sunflowers are lovely, as is Dhiren’s smile. A poignant photo for you, the last time he managed down the steps into the garden. As many of us say, Dhiren had such a lovely smile, unforgettable.
As another who read your posts soon after I joined TP over 5 years ago, and know how difficult it was in those previous years, the hard time Dhiren gave you. As did Henry me. I am repeating myself but when you said to me that some day Henry might also change from the awful person he became I found it impossible to believe.
Yet you were right and eventually in the care home Henry became the loving caring man he once was. He still has his moments, but it was wonderful when more of him, his true self, came through. I had thought that had gone forever, but I was wrong. I have often remembered your wise words.
Lovely to read of Lyn and Scarlett’s gardens; planting memories…
Love
Loo xxx
Hi Granny G how are you, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sat here with a friend whose dad also had dementia and decided to write the following and when I saw you had posted thought this was the right way, but if it should be elsewhere would you kindly move it - see I dont change.
Survivors - Our loved ones have been released from their torment, but are the survivors?
Are we able to eradicate the memory of confusion and anger that they felt and projected onto us or do we still remember the rantings which regularly pop into our minds when remembering how they used to be..
Thank goodness they have been released but are we?
How did we feel when our loved ones made the final walk out of their homes where their family life was. How many of us broke down uncontrollably with feelings of guilt which were not justifiable, but all of us have felt.
The illness cheated us out of the normal lovely person we knew who loved us back.
Hello jussuejus
It`s good to see you on TP again. Thank you for your condolences.
That was a bad time. My husband went happily into the home but thought I was staying with him. I will never forget the look on his face when I left him there.
I`m pleased to be able to say the bad times are now a dim memory which only surface when something reminds me. I was lucky to have four very happy and contented years when Dhiren lost his paranoia and anger as his dementia progressed and once again was pleased to see me and happy to be with me.
It`s good to see you on TP again. Thank you for your condolences.
That was a bad time. My husband went happily into the home but thought I was staying with him. I will never forget the look on his face when I left him there.
I`m pleased to be able to say the bad times are now a dim memory which only surface when something reminds me. I was lucky to have four very happy and contented years when Dhiren lost his paranoia and anger as his dementia progressed and once again was pleased to see me and happy to be with me.
Thank you Granny, I just had this overwhelming feeling to write something, my mum is having a hard time accepting all that happened and all that was said, despite trying to explain to her that it wasnt him, it was the illness. Still I shall continue to tell her as much as I can that she is wonderful and not to be blamed.
So good to speak with you,
Maggie (jussiejus)
I`m sure your mum did all she could Maggie and you are right to reassure her as much and as often as you can.
We all know the illness is responsible for some of the more hurtful things we have to listen to but even so still take them to heart. I hope your mum has some happy memories too which she can be comforted with.
We all know the illness is responsible for some of the more hurtful things we have to listen to but even so still take them to heart. I hope your mum has some happy memories too which she can be comforted with.
Granny hope its ok to do this, this is my email ****************** if you would like to keep in contact, you can use it anytime, you were always so kind to me and I thank you so much
Maggie xxxx
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Thank you Maggie.
I have deleted your email address . It is not safe to display your email address on TP because it is open to the wider internet.
Please see TP`s advice re staying safe on line.
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...-Abbreviations&p=862294&viewfull=1#post862294
I have deleted your email address . It is not safe to display your email address on TP because it is open to the wider internet.
Please see TP`s advice re staying safe on line.
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...-Abbreviations&p=862294&viewfull=1#post862294
Musings
It is 19 months since Dhiren died. To all around me I`m `doing well `. I`m not too sure.
I seem to be becoming increasingly housebound and perhaps anti social.
I`m not unhappy but I wonder if my way of living is particularly healthy.
I read about the efforts others are making to rebuild their lives or to try to fill their days. I made those efforts in the early days. Now the `novelty` has worn off.
I joined groups. Through them I made a couple of friends. They aren`t close friends and we don`t want to live in each other`s pockets. I prefer not to fill my time in the way they choose to fill theirs. I no longer attend these groups.
Home is my security. I`m used to living alone. I`ve lived alone for five and a half years. Going out alone is the difficulty. Who to share experiences with? Who to comment to?
My interest in all things political has resurfaced and I attend local constituency meetings but I don`t want to continue discussions in the pub. Pubs are not my scene.
This post has come about , I think, because new people have come onto the dealing with loss sub forum. Lady A , Lynn, Scarlett, Spamar. TP is still where we come, where people `know` us , are interested , and where we can choose when we come and go. There is no pressure to stay for a certain length of time, no worry about cliques, we can state our piece knowing we don`t have to deal with platitudes or pitying looks.
I nearly deleted this , it sounds so self indulgent , but will post because at this moment it`s how I feel.
It is 19 months since Dhiren died. To all around me I`m `doing well `. I`m not too sure.
I seem to be becoming increasingly housebound and perhaps anti social.
I`m not unhappy but I wonder if my way of living is particularly healthy.
I read about the efforts others are making to rebuild their lives or to try to fill their days. I made those efforts in the early days. Now the `novelty` has worn off.
I joined groups. Through them I made a couple of friends. They aren`t close friends and we don`t want to live in each other`s pockets. I prefer not to fill my time in the way they choose to fill theirs. I no longer attend these groups.
Home is my security. I`m used to living alone. I`ve lived alone for five and a half years. Going out alone is the difficulty. Who to share experiences with? Who to comment to?
My interest in all things political has resurfaced and I attend local constituency meetings but I don`t want to continue discussions in the pub. Pubs are not my scene.
This post has come about , I think, because new people have come onto the dealing with loss sub forum. Lady A , Lynn, Scarlett, Spamar. TP is still where we come, where people `know` us , are interested , and where we can choose when we come and go. There is no pressure to stay for a certain length of time, no worry about cliques, we can state our piece knowing we don`t have to deal with platitudes or pitying looks.
I nearly deleted this , it sounds so self indulgent , but will post because at this moment it`s how I feel.
Not at all self indulgent. I never have been a "joiner-in" or much of a socialiser. I'm quite happy at home - except now and then I like to meet with one or two friends at a time.
Sometimes though, if I wanted to do something like go for a walk, or go out for a day, or if there was a show on that I'd like to see, I do think it would be nice to have someone to go with. And someone in the UK actually thought the same, because I remember reading about a website for women who just wanted to meet other women to do just that with - not huge circles of friends, just acquaintances that you could call and say "are you free to go on a walk?/go to the theatre?" - it was clear that it was for women who were not going out hunting for romance, but just occasionally didn't want to go alone to things. I can't remember what it's called though!
I do worry that I might become a complete recluse - it could easily happen, if I let it! So I suppose we must be firm with ourselves, GrannieG! For myself, I keep reminding myself of the fictional Bridget Jones' fear - of dying all alone, and being eaten by alsatians! Two of my neighbours have alsatians.....! So I think I must not become a complete recluse, even if that is my inclination.
And I know just what you mean about TP. It's like sitting in a cafe, chatting with friends, but without the deafening clamour that being in an actual cafe with so many people would bring! xx
Sometimes though, if I wanted to do something like go for a walk, or go out for a day, or if there was a show on that I'd like to see, I do think it would be nice to have someone to go with. And someone in the UK actually thought the same, because I remember reading about a website for women who just wanted to meet other women to do just that with - not huge circles of friends, just acquaintances that you could call and say "are you free to go on a walk?/go to the theatre?" - it was clear that it was for women who were not going out hunting for romance, but just occasionally didn't want to go alone to things. I can't remember what it's called though!
I do worry that I might become a complete recluse - it could easily happen, if I let it! So I suppose we must be firm with ourselves, GrannieG! For myself, I keep reminding myself of the fictional Bridget Jones' fear - of dying all alone, and being eaten by alsatians! Two of my neighbours have alsatians.....! So I think I must not become a complete recluse, even if that is my inclination.
And I know just what you mean about TP. It's like sitting in a cafe, chatting with friends, but without the deafening clamour that being in an actual cafe with so many people would bring! xx
Thank you Cat and Lady A.
Lady A, it`s good to have you here. Selfish or not, we are of one mind. I`d love to know more of that website.
I`ve just done a Google search and found these meet up websites are all over the place. The only snag is when you live out in the sticks as I seem to do you need your own transport.
Lady A, it`s good to have you here. Selfish or not, we are of one mind. I`d love to know more of that website.
I`ve just done a Google search and found these meet up websites are all over the place. The only snag is when you live out in the sticks as I seem to do you need your own transport.
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Sylvia, I think you know that I could have written your post, with one exception, I didn't have that motivation even in the early days. Indeed, I even gave up my vountary job after 15 years, mainly for health reasons but it's the wrong way round to be doing things and hasn't helped my gradual slide into lonesomeness. Note the difference - I don't feel particularly lonely after 5 years of living alone - not while I have my internet anyway! - but more isolated through my own inertia.
I also miss the sharing of little things which only Dave would be interested in and the pictures of Aden on the news recently brought this home to me with a painful bang.
I honestly can't see me making new true friends. I go to church, not every week but when I can and people are friendly enough in general but they have their own groups of long-standing and I'm not the sort of person to assume I would be automatically welcomed. I do respond though but there it remains.
I have to confess that it is this site that has been my saviour. Not only when Dave was ill but over the last 14 months too. The friends I have made here have sustained me through some pretty sad times and I am so grateful. It is so nice that there are now a number of us who have remained here after losing our spouses rather than disappear but I think it speaks for itself about the support we have found.
In addition, I bless the day that Pied and Annie posted about meeting each other, which begged my question about previous meet-ups which led to Helen setting up that list of people who were interested in doing so. These little breaks with people who are travelling a similar road make such a difference. I hope they mean as much to those who share them as they do to me. Sylvia, I do wish you could join us in one again.
For someone who travelled to India, a trip to York should be a doddle! It would be lovely to see you again. xxx
I also miss the sharing of little things which only Dave would be interested in and the pictures of Aden on the news recently brought this home to me with a painful bang.
I honestly can't see me making new true friends. I go to church, not every week but when I can and people are friendly enough in general but they have their own groups of long-standing and I'm not the sort of person to assume I would be automatically welcomed. I do respond though but there it remains.
I have to confess that it is this site that has been my saviour. Not only when Dave was ill but over the last 14 months too. The friends I have made here have sustained me through some pretty sad times and I am so grateful. It is so nice that there are now a number of us who have remained here after losing our spouses rather than disappear but I think it speaks for itself about the support we have found.
In addition, I bless the day that Pied and Annie posted about meeting each other, which begged my question about previous meet-ups which led to Helen setting up that list of people who were interested in doing so. These little breaks with people who are travelling a similar road make such a difference. I hope they mean as much to those who share them as they do to me. Sylvia, I do wish you could join us in one again.
For someone who travelled to India, a trip to York should be a doddle! It would be lovely to see you again. xxx
It's probably natural to lose the motivation to go and do things after the person you loved to share with is no longer there. My husband and I used to love visiting gardens and theatres and concerts and we still do when I have the energy to drive to them. But nowadays it's different, husband's alzheimers makes him cross and difficult, and that spoils it.
In the past when I've been alone while he was absent I've enjoyed a writing class and art lessons. Won't be writing my best selling novel after all, but still have some friends from then. It was nice to be with other people but concentrating on doing something. Never joined a book club, but have thought the right one might be nice. Perhaps you will hear about one, Sylvia. Do you go to a library?
In the past when I've been alone while he was absent I've enjoyed a writing class and art lessons. Won't be writing my best selling novel after all, but still have some friends from then. It was nice to be with other people but concentrating on doing something. Never joined a book club, but have thought the right one might be nice. Perhaps you will hear about one, Sylvia. Do you go to a library?
I know you understand Saffie and thank you for your invite to York. I love York but think I`d be a bit of a party pooper for now.
Maybe next year.
You are right, it`s the sharing of little things which are missed, the experiences and interests based on, in our case, 54 years of being together.
Anne, Dhiren and I did lovely things and shared exactly the same opinions about holidays, outings, politics etc. even though we were so different in personalities.
I don`t go to the Library Anne. In my younger days I was a regular borrower but now my eyes aren`t good enough for books, large print books are too heavy, and I didn`t read for years.
Now I have a kindle and it has been the greatest gift ever. Even so, I wouldn`t belong to a Book Club although I love the idea, because I couldn`t cope with the pressure to finish a book in a certain time.
Pressure is the key word. I think those of us who have been primary carers for a long time are unable to manage pressures or commitments and this is probably what hold us back.
Maybe next year.
You are right, it`s the sharing of little things which are missed, the experiences and interests based on, in our case, 54 years of being together.
Anne, Dhiren and I did lovely things and shared exactly the same opinions about holidays, outings, politics etc. even though we were so different in personalities.
I don`t go to the Library Anne. In my younger days I was a regular borrower but now my eyes aren`t good enough for books, large print books are too heavy, and I didn`t read for years.
Now I have a kindle and it has been the greatest gift ever. Even so, I wouldn`t belong to a Book Club although I love the idea, because I couldn`t cope with the pressure to finish a book in a certain time.
Pressure is the key word. I think those of us who have been primary carers for a long time are unable to manage pressures or commitments and this is probably what hold us back.
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