A "complete care package" will be carers coming in and out for a certain time, not all day care. They may not be allocated time to deal with soiled laundry (on top of washing him) or fetching his shopping. You don't want to hope for a care package as it sounds as if only a care home will do the trick. If he comes home with a care package, it is likely that the carers will quickly report back to base that his needs are such that they cannot be dealt with in a (typically) 20 minute visit.
I would go to any meeting and if he lets rip at you, then that is great evidence that you are at risk from his aggression. You could point out that the relationship between you has clearly broken down.
You can also play to them the voice recordings on your phone where he has said aggressive things that demonstrate that you and your wife are at risk.
Hopefully he doesn't have a key to your house, so if he turns up, you simply do not answer the door. If he stands out there ranting and possibly getting the neighbours involved, then call the police.
The best solution is obviously if they discharge him straight from his psychiatric ward into a secure care or nursing home.
Hi Owly
Many thanks for your thoughtful and valued view. So many experienced and wonderfully supportive people on here
I agree with you and have discovered myself in a relatively short period of time what constitutes a full care package.
My strong view is that even a complete care programme would not be sufficient in my dads case. He really needs 24/7 as he is a danger to himself through the night as well. They are watching him 24/7 in the hospital at the minute and have noticed his behaviours through the night as well.
He has even according to McMillan nurse also been physically aggressive to nursing staff as well
I'm adamant I cannot accept responsibility for his care and hopeful as he has a deprivation of liberty order and is at the moment deemed as not having mental capacity that they will do what is in his best interests and what my GP considers to be the most appropriate choice of a CH.
IF and it is now a big IF they send him home I think I would actually look to move house
I'm assured this is unlikely but if necessary I'm willing to do that.
Probably gives you all a measure of how afraid we are of him.
My GP is of the opinion best to stay away from any proposed meeting as they have already witnessed his aggression and it would only prove to be upsetting