Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
I’ve felt quite tired this week - the emotional drain of it all I think. Of course the treatment for mum’s legs caused loose stools….and as she can’t be regularly hoisted….sitting in it 😢😢 managed to persuade GP to prescribe preventative UTI abx but it seems to all be about how much fight us carers have in us!

I’ve also had some weighty stuff in my work life….again vulnerable adults where the treatment by ‘services’ is leaving them worse off 😬😬

I’ve made a real effort to look after myself and went for a long hike last Monday and have kept painting…..We’ve been daffodil hunting when mum has been able to get up….

Thankfully care home manager has been all smiles with me - phew!

CHC MDT on Tuesday - not looking forward to that at all …….

oh and lunch today…the lady who paces grabbed my dinner repeatedly and then the man who paces who is usually a sweetie told me I wasn’t doing a good job and had to be held back from throwing me a punch 🙈🙈 mum …well she just slowly kept eating mouthful by mouthful 🤣🤣

bonus pics - Singapore in 1966!
 

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Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
1,693
0
I’ve felt quite tired this week - the emotional drain of it all I think. Of course the treatment for mum’s legs caused loose stools….and as she can’t be regularly hoisted….sitting in it 😢😢 managed to persuade GP to prescribe preventative UTI abx but it seems to all be about how much fight us carers have in us!

I’ve also had some weighty stuff in my work life….again vulnerable adults where the treatment by ‘services’ is leaving them worse off 😬😬

I’ve made a real effort to look after myself and went for a long hike last Monday and have kept painting…..We’ve been daffodil hunting when mum has been able to get up….

Thankfully care home manager has been all smiles with me - phew!

CHC MDT on Tuesday - not looking forward to that at all …….

oh and lunch today…the lady who paces grabbed my dinner repeatedly and then the man who paces who is usually a sweetie told me I wasn’t doing a good job and had to be held back from throwing me a punch 🙈🙈 mum …well she just slowly kept eating mouthful by mouthful 🤣🤣

bonus pics - Singapore in 1966!
A tough week for both yourself and mum @sdmhred :( but you're both strong and fingers crossed you get over this hump ❤ Glad to hear that the painting is still happening and a hike too sounds well top :) The daffodils will soon be amongst us so not long to wait now... good hunting haha.

Hope the meeting goes well, not my cup of tea personally having to listen to 'non-people' weigh in but once it's done it's done and out of the way.

Dig the pics!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
Thanks guys…..I’m learning to be professionally assertive which is what I need to do tomorrow …..my plan all along tho has not to be to use my time doing CHC stuff ….I fully expect that we will be shouted down and I will then get some advice and enlist a representative for mum. Ive been annoyed this weekend that I’ve had to spend some time on it and we haven’t been able to do as many pleasurable activities together.

What I really don’t want, but half expect is to be patronised or not treated with respect. Depending on my mood I will either cry or get angry 😡 The care home management tell me they can be like this 😬😬 I shall have to think of some pre prepared phrases to call them to order!
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,713
0
Salford
Just threaten to walk, car keys in hand and our house keys or whatever, in my case boat keys , they have a duty of care, me just been partners/married since 1976. Patient poker is an ugly game, call or raise, your call, what will they do if I walked away, professionally assertive, I'm assertive for love not money..k
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
Well having had it ‘loom’ over me to which I have been most annoyed - we started the meeting today to find the assessors had not received or read mum’s notes. They wanted to carry on the meeting and then ’check’ the evidence in a meeting that I would not be able to attend 🤔🤔 They rapidly back tracked and said of course we must wait to have another meeting - there will be at least a 3 week delay so I will now try to seek some specialist advice.

pics for ur enjoyment …I was particularly gobsmacked at the size of the bread and butter pudding the Nigerian carer served 🤢🤢
 

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maisiecat

Registered User
Oct 12, 2023
371
0
Remember its not just about the complexity of your Mum's conditions its about how complex medical conditions affect the other conditions. That is what makes it medically risky and means that scrutiny of your Mum's wellness must always be observed by trained staff as well as carers.
Also remember that its difficult to feel that their task is less to assess your Mum fairly than to save money.
Try not to cry and yes I know how hard that is but I think they gain advantage at that point.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
Thanks @maisiecat! I’ve not cried …just got rather annoyed with the amount of headspace it’s taken! I may have been a little bit grrrr during a work meeting today - but when that’s SS wasting time and money on talking about useless processes that’s not unusual for me 🙈🙈

Today tho has been good. The sun has been shining…a lovely young carer carefully timed mum’s 4 hr out of bed so she could enjoy a sociable lunch, a walk with me in the garden and then the communion service. It really was person centred care at its best - and so lovely for me to know she was being so well taken care of whilst I was working.

My bizarre moment of the day was my complete unphased reaction to when chatting with the cleaner….feeling my top from behind being carefully pulled down and put in place and then my bottom gently smacked…..I didn’t need to turn round ….I knew it was The Lady Who Paces 🥰🥰🥰

My shocker of the day is finding out the staff have had no training in dealing with violence 😱😱😱 I’ve had loads in my role and they deal with more of it than me. I am shocked because the home is very good at training staff ….it makes me wonder if there is good de-escalation / safety training available for care home staff. There should be! I know they are not a psych unit but there are punches and scratches thrown every day …
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,136
0
Southampton
Thanks @maisiecat! I’ve not cried …just got rather annoyed with the amount of headspace it’s taken! I may have been a little bit grrrr during a work meeting today - but when that’s SS wasting time and money on talking about useless processes that’s not unusual for me 🙈🙈

Today tho has been good. The sun has been shining…a lovely young carer carefully timed mum’s 4 hr out of bed so she could enjoy a sociable lunch, a walk with me in the garden and then the communion service. It really was person centred care at its best - and so lovely for me to know she was being so well taken care of whilst I was working.

My bizarre moment of the day was my complete unphased reaction to when chatting with the cleaner….feeling my top from behind being carefully pulled down and put in place and then my bottom gently smacked…..I didn’t need to turn round ….I knew it was The Lady Who Paces 🥰🥰🥰

My shocker of the day is finding out the staff have had no training in dealing with violence 😱😱😱 I’ve had loads in my role and they deal with more of it than me. I am shocked because the home is very good at training staff ….it makes me wonder if there is good de-escalation / safety training available for care home staff. There should be! I know they are not a psych unit but there are punches and scratches thrown every day …
i think its coping with challenging behaviour. how to diffuse a situation.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
It has felt a long week …stressing over the abandoned CHC MDT has worn me out…..I knew the pressure of all this would not go down well with me 😢😢 I am Parking it now until Monday, but do need to try and get some advice….

Its Mother’s Day tomorrow which I have found odd these past few years…I haven’t had a ‘mum’ since 2021 …and instead find myself mum, PA, accountant, care co-ordinator, GP advisor , driver, bottom wiper, feeder etc…..when do WE get a day for flowers and chocolates eh?

I’ve not known what to get her for gifts as she’s had ‘me’ 150% and I know my siblings will do the traditional stuff. I was beginning to feel desperate about what I was going to rustle up, but was saved by the arrival of our new mini vintage slide projector today….mum can be given that…and I found a random card I had made out of one of my paintings - phew!

I’ve been blessed by my new dementia friends when it’s been hard going. I had a lovely dinner with the Man who Paces last night - the dining room was too much for him so whilst my sister was with mum we sat together in the corridor …he was chattering on gibberish but friendly and calm….and then today one of the ladies who has no-one bar a solicitor in her life and always gives me a huge smile…and today she spontaneously leant and kissed my cheek 🥰🥰🥰

Tonight I’ve had some time to paint whilst mum watches the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra which has really engaged her 🥰🥰 Reminded me of lockdown when Dad wanted to watch them but couldn’t manage their tech. I had to watch it on my iPad and then simultaneously zoom it sharing my screen to him 🙈🙈


photo 2021 and 2024

oh and ps …best bit today looking up and seeing the lovely man who paces doing the pacing but with pants and trousers at his ankles and pad flying everywhere 😱😱 reminded me again of Dad whose trousers were always falling down and he was 100% cognitively with it until he died!
 

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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,277
0
South coast
I do so love your stories of your mums care home. It reminds me of the times I visited mum when she lived in her care home. There were very similar characters there too - we had the pacers and the bizarre dressers too. Also the Lady Who Cleans - the staff gave her an empty trigger bottle and a duster so she happily cleaned all the furniture. Then there was the Lady Who Steals Food - if you were eating anything, particularly if you had a biscuit with your tea, she would sneak up beside you unnoticed and the next thing you knew your biscuit was gone! The poor Chap Who Snoozes didnt stand a chance and the staff used to make sure he had another one when he woke up! I still miss them all
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
I love them @canary - they’re such a lovely bunch of people 🥰🥰 I think perhaps as another’s relative you have a special place - you‘re not a relative so not on their emotional rollercoaster, neither are you a carer who has to change their pad or shower them….you are simply there as a friend and companion……to those who have so few friends left in life.

I haven’t yet introduced you to the Bed Napper! He is a petite v well dressed particular gentleman. He too finds the dining room too much. You will often see him on his back, flat out complete with ‘crumb catcher’ (aka bib) fast asleep in someone else’s bed….often en route back to the lounge. And his shoes are always so neatly paired up in the centre of the room!

Today has been chaotic - the staff look frazzled - they came to get mum up for the late afternoon shift - but having had us at her bedside all day I decided she’d be too knackered - we’ll aim for a get up tomorrow I think!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,277
0
South coast
I expect today has been busy for the staff as I should imagine that lots of people came to visit their mums. There may well be a lot of grumpy residents tomorrow who are tired out from Host Mode!!

Do you have a Magpie in your mums home? I bet you do - most places have one. The Magpie in mums home was a tall elegant lady with an eye for nice things and anything that caught her eye would be taken back to her room. I have seen her remove the slippers off someone who was asleep and every now and then the staff used to raid her room! The magpie particularly liked mums walking stick which had been beautifully carved and there was a bit of a running battle between her and my mum. Mum would say to me "that walking stick is well named - its walked off again" and I would tell the staff who would roll their eyes and raid the Magpies room again
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,293
0
I expect today has been busy for the staff as I should imagine that lots of people came to visit their mums. There may well be a lot of grumpy residents tomorrow who are tired out from Host Mode!!

Do you have a Magpie in your mums home? I bet you do - most places have one. The Magpie in mums home was a tall elegant lady with an eye for nice things and anything that caught her eye would be taken back to her room. I have seen her remove the slippers off someone who was asleep and every now and then the staff used to raid her room! The magpie particularly liked mums walking stick which had been beautifully carved and there was a bit of a running battle between her and my mum. Mum would say to me "that walking stick is well named - its walked off again" and I would tell the staff who would roll their eyes and raid the Magpies room again
Love that story @canary I don't remember a magpie at dad's care home.
 

Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
1,693
0
It has felt a long week …stressing over the abandoned CHC MDT has worn me out…..I knew the pressure of all this would not go down well with me 😢😢 I am Parking it now until Monday, but do need to try and get some advice….

Its Mother’s Day tomorrow which I have found odd these past few years…I haven’t had a ‘mum’ since 2021 …and instead find myself mum, PA, accountant, care co-ordinator, GP advisor , driver, bottom wiper, feeder etc…..when do WE get a day for flowers and chocolates eh?

I’ve not known what to get her for gifts as she’s had ‘me’ 150% and I know my siblings will do the traditional stuff. I was beginning to feel desperate about what I was going to rustle up, but was saved by the arrival of our new mini vintage slide projector today….mum can be given that…and I found a random card I had made out of one of my paintings - phew!

I’ve been blessed by my new dementia friends when it’s been hard going. I had a lovely dinner with the Man who Paces last night - the dining room was too much for him so whilst my sister was with mum we sat together in the corridor …he was chattering on gibberish but friendly and calm….and then today one of the ladies who has no-one bar a solicitor in her life and always gives me a huge smile…and today she spontaneously leant and kissed my cheek 🥰🥰🥰

Tonight I’ve had some time to paint whilst mum watches the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra which has really engaged her 🥰🥰 Reminded me of lockdown when Dad wanted to watch them but couldn’t manage their tech. I had to watch it on my iPad and then simultaneously zoom it sharing my screen to him 🙈🙈


photo 2021 and 2024

oh and ps …best bit today looking up and seeing the lovely man who paces doing the pacing but with pants and trousers at his ankles and pad flying everywhere 😱😱 reminded me again of Dad whose trousers were always falling down and he was 100% cognitively with it until he died!
I'm so glad you have so many wonderful new friends at your mum's care home :) a smile can always bring a big lift to our morale in the face of so many potential challenges.

A pleasant trip down memory lane too, hmm... don't think my dad would have coped with this new tech-age either but nice to reflect back on such moments. Total rock my one, quietly strong and not so quiet when telling me to pull my socks up haha! Nice to hear you're still persisting with the painting, me - well I just listen to a bit of Rammstein, very cathartic ;)
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
The nearest to a magpie on mum’s floor is the Lady Who Paces - she always carries something - usually a cushion, chair seat or teddy bear. Today it was books which was new….She will take ur teddies for a walk if they’re left out…..but I reckon the real Magpie will be on the floor above in the WI. Indeed when we went last to enjoy the indoor garden, mum was almost Magpied 🤪🤪 a whole host of ladies appeared and tried to push her away in her wheelchair 🤣🤣 her weight saved her 🤣🤣

Anyway today I was on a roll with mum’s admin so some jobs done - tomorrow I will give myself a day off them!!!

She‘s been up for the late shift so we had a quick trip to Tesco for hot choc before supper…..now awaiting Henry hoist to get back to bed. Supper was crazy - everyone sundowning after their busy day yesterday …banana’, sandwiches being thrown…fish cakes being nicked….I’m afraid we retreated for peace and quiet whereas were usually sociable when she’s up!!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
Up for the late shift again today…..this time I’ve been working so having done an honest days work …it’s straight into helping at supper, getting some evening fresh air ( very exciting as first of time this year!) and then a good push around the home…..mum is now sat in wheelchair and it’s me lying exhausted on the air mattress 🤣🤣

usual supper shenanigans …..the lovely lady from Northumbria spitting out what she didn’t want…..I must remember not to sit down wind or down spit 🤣🤣🤣 …and the Lady Who Paces clearly decided I needed to join the ranks in getting into nightwear….she tried to undress me from my top…could have been a little embarrassing as I had nothing underneath 🫣🫣🫣 thankfully a carer intervened as she’s a strong lady 🤣🤣🤣
 

Neveradullday!

Registered User
Oct 12, 2022
3,462
0
England
Up for the late shift again today…..this time I’ve been working so having done an honest days work …it’s straight into helping at supper, getting some evening fresh air ( very exciting as first of time this year!) and then a good push around the home…..mum is now sat in wheelchair and it’s me lying exhausted on the air mattress 🤣🤣

usual supper shenanigans …..the lovely lady from Northumbria spitting out what she didn’t want…..I must remember not to sit down wind or down spit 🤣🤣🤣 …and the Lady Who Paces clearly decided I needed to join the ranks in getting into nightwear….she tried to undress me from my top…could have been a little embarrassing as I had nothing underneath 🫣🫣🫣 thankfully a carer intervened as she’s a strong lady 🤣🤣🤣
Good to see the Spitting Northumbrian Lady making a reappearance along with the Lady Who Paces. 🙂
Keep up the excellent reportage! Respect to everyone there.
 
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Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
1,693
0
Up for the late shift again today…..this time I’ve been working so having done an honest days work …it’s straight into helping at supper, getting some evening fresh air ( very exciting as first of time this year!) and then a good push around the home…..mum is now sat in wheelchair and it’s me lying exhausted on the air mattress 🤣🤣

usual supper shenanigans …..the lovely lady from Northumbria spitting out what she didn’t want…..I must remember not to sit down wind or down spit 🤣🤣🤣 …and the Lady Who Paces clearly decided I needed to join the ranks in getting into nightwear….she tried to undress me from my top…could have been a little embarrassing as I had nothing underneath 🫣🫣🫣 thankfully a carer intervened as she’s a strong lady 🤣🤣🤣
I love your insights @sdmhred :) so many different characters! Lucky you had staff on hand to discourage your very 'helpful' lady haha... I sometimes joke with mum that it would be nice if somebody got me ready for bed 🛌 now I just roam around in my shorts and t-shirt in the evenings so the act of tumbling in at nighttime is so much easier ;)