Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
Bit of a bad day yesterday 😭😭 started off ok but just as mum was about to be hoisted onto the loo the nurse told me management had said I could no longer be in mum’s room when she was having personal care due to ‘dignity’. Made no sense to me or the nurse as I’ve been doing her personal care for years….

She said speak to the manager who had gone home so spoke to deputy who was fine and if I have the whole story I think I have inadvertently ruffled feathers by helping to clear up when the Niagra Falls come….I completely understand if that’s the case as not my role but I’m just a helpful sort….so deputy says I can stay in the room just not do anything ….which is fine with me….but worried manager may disagree…..

I know I am different to other relatives as I want to carry on some sort of hands on caring rather than just be left with the POA admin stuff…

Anyway so upset I ended up with a migraine and voimiting when I got home which is not like me at all 😭😭😭

I have to say carers and the nurse and the deputy manager were all lovely with me but a horrid day nonetheless ……
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,048
0
South coast
Im so sorry @sdmhred
Lots of relatives continue to do things like feeding and showering their relatives, but as this involves bodily fluids I guess its a health and safety thing
(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
Thanks @canary

I completely get the H&S thing……I spoke to the shift lead this morning who was lovely and again apologised for the poor handling of it and said someone should just have had a quiet word rather than making such a big deal of it but the younger staff can be keen to run to management and get people in trouble 🤔🤔🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I’ve already made the decision to stay way clear of care home politics - my aim is to be open, friendly, transparent and helpful to all - my natural instinct is to trust people but I have learned in life that blatant lying is now completely acceptable ……I shall lie low until this all blows over……
 

Knitandpurl

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
764
0
Lincolnshire
Thanks @canary

I completely get the H&S thing……I spoke to the shift lead this morning who was lovely and again apologised for the poor handling of it and said someone should just have had a quiet word rather than making such a big deal of it but the younger staff can be keen to run to management and get people in trouble 🤔🤔🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I’ve already made the decision to stay way clear of care home politics - my aim is to be open, friendly, transparent and helpful to all - my natural instinct is to trust people but I have learned in life that blatant lying is now completely acceptable ……I shall lie low until this all blows over……
Gosh, you would think they’d be grateful. I always helped /sorted my Mum’s toileting/hygiene needs when I visited and no one ever said anything, suppose it depends on the Home. However I had a few run ins with them over my daughter , who was actually banned for awhile after she complained about my Mum’s care. Eventually the manager retired and we had no problems at all after that. I agree it’s hard giving up responsibility for the caring, I found it awful over Covid with all the various rules. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you and your Mum.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
Thanks @Knitandpurl - we have survived today with no dramas 😊 I Kept to my usual routine but kept a low profile. The shift lead kept checking in with me that I was ok which was v lovely of her!

Ironically I arrived just as they were finishing personal care and was asked if I can cut her finger nails as she had scratched the carers during rolling. My usual job has been to hold her hands so this doesn’t happen and provide reassurance……I don’t want the carers to be scratched but I’m not doing this as I have already been told it’s their job……and she doesn’t sit still and screeches and squawks 🙈🙈

Covid must have been awful - some of the relatives I have met tell me how horrendous they found it. Mum did have respite in 2021 but by then u could have visits with masks and tests so we managed that fine.

My aim has never been to give up the caring but share it with the team….that is the rhetoric I have used from day 1. I knew I couldn’t manage her mobility by myself and she now needed 24/7, but I want to remain a part of that…as for me that is part of being her daughter….and to be honest now caring and sitting with her is about all you can do…..I shall Have to choose safe tasks…..I did give her a toothbrush and toothpaste this evening …….now I am wondering if that’s personal care 🙈🙈🤣🤣 probably….but no-one was watching and she can actually usually brush her own teeth…apart from during her UTI when she thought the toothbrush was a pen!

my sister is coming tomorrow so hoping mum allowed out of bed and we can take her for a push! I’m being naughty now….but I wonder what the rules are there….if I find a toilet with a hoist am I allowed to take her in 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,399
0
Southampton
Thanks @Knitandpurl - we have survived today with no dramas 😊 I Kept to my usual routine but kept a low profile. The shift lead kept checking in with me that I was ok which was v lovely of her!

Ironically I arrived just as they were finishing personal care and was asked if I can cut her finger nails as she had scratched the carers during rolling. My usual job has been to hold her hands so this doesn’t happen and provide reassurance……I don’t want the carers to be scratched but I’m not doing this as I have already been told it’s their job……and she doesn’t sit still and screeches and squawks 🙈🙈

Covid must have been awful - some of the relatives I have met tell me how horrendous they found it. Mum did have respite in 2021 but by then u could have visits with masks and tests so we managed that fine.

My aim has never been to give up the caring but share it with the team….that is the rhetoric I have used from day 1. I knew I couldn’t manage her mobility by myself and she now needed 24/7, but I want to remain a part of that…as for me that is part of being her daughter….and to be honest now caring and sitting with her is about all you can do…..I shall Have to choose safe tasks…..I did give her a toothbrush and toothpaste this evening …….now I am wondering if that’s personal care 🙈🙈🤣🤣 probably….but no-one was watching and she can actually usually brush her own teeth…apart from during her UTI when she thought the toothbrush was a pen!

my sister is coming tomorrow so hoping mum allowed out of bed and we can take her for a push! I’m being naughty now….but I wonder what the rules are there….if I find a toilet with a hoist am I allowed to take her in 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
is it about insurance as well? whose covered to do what?
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
I’m sure you’re right Jennifer. Once you get into the detail of these things it can start to get tricky!

Our CHC assessment has been postponed again for which I am thankful for now …..couldn’t face that this week now!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
So we didn’t get mum out today - her leg wasn’t up to it. So I largely left my sister to it and instead scrubbed the kitchen floor 🙈🙈 but the kitchen is now done 👏👏👏👏 I popped in briefly to see my sister and then spent my down time with mum watching some TV this evening.

one of the quieter chap carers came up to me and said he heard what had happened. He wanted to check I was ok and gave me a lovely pat on the back - how kind!

we had a giggle with the night staff……one of the nurses is from apparently a lovely part of the Philipines so we were talking about stealing the minibus and driving there …with carer, nurse and mum in her bed ( thats a novel or a film me thinks 🤣🤣)…..but then I got a little paranoid it’s my humour that may have caused a problem 😢😢 but we have laughed our way through dementia and it certainly took mums mind off her dressing change!
 

Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
1,636
0
Oh @sdmhred I've just been reading through your posts :( ... what an absolute nonsense from that manager!! Dignity indeed! I could never take a back seat re. mum's support needs, importantly if a family member wants to continue providing care in some form it should be encouraged. I could understand the 'insurance argument' but to come at it from the dignity angle 🤔 I'd be too combative in that situation, not very diplomatic me (surprise surprise) where mum is concerned. Love to you and your mum ❤
 
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maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
573
0
So we didn’t get mum out today - her leg wasn’t up to it. So I largely left my sister to it and instead scrubbed the kitchen floor 🙈🙈 but the kitchen is now done 👏👏👏👏 I popped in briefly to see my sister and then spent my down time with mum watching some TV this evening.

one of the quieter chap carers came up to me and said he heard what had happened. He wanted to check I was ok and gave me a lovely pat on the back - how kind!

we had a giggle with the night staff……one of the nurses is from apparently a lovely part of the Philipines so we were talking about stealing the minibus and driving there …with carer, nurse and mum in her bed ( thats a novel or a film me thinks 🤣🤣)…..but then I got a little paranoid it’s my humour that may have caused a problem 😢😢 but we have laughed our way through dementia and it certainly took mums mind off her dressing change!
@sdmhred , my OH and I have laughed our way through dementia too. He was always a funny witty man who saw the humour and I've always been a giggler. Sadly dementia is eroding this part of his personality as he lacks awareness but his dementia is not going to erode me. Humour is my frustration safety valve. Keep laughing 😂😂
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
Oh @sdmhred I've just been reading through your posts :( ... what an absolute nonsense from that manager!! Dignity indeed! I could never take a back seat re. mum's support needs, importantly if a family member wants to continue providing care in some form it should be encouraged. I could understand the 'insurance argument' but to come at it from the dignity angle 🤔 I'd be too combative in that situation, not very diplomatic me (surprise surprise) where mum is concerned. Love to you and your mum ❤
Thanks @Eddcorner

Me thinks something happens when people become managers and they lose touch with a bit of reality ….probably why I’m not too keen to become one!
Im hoping it all blows over by the time she gets back from leave next week……you could start to get very pedantic……today the lovely nurse asked me to hold mum’s leg up so she could change the dressing …allowed or not 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙈🙈

I managed to be assertive to mum’s needs although was a blubbering mess! But the home needs to be a happy place for us both so 🤞🤞🙏🙏🙏

We had a lovely day today to end my leave. Mum was up and we went out for a hot chocolate and daffodil hunt!! I popped into the community cafe I used to help out with pre covid and saw 2 old members of staff which was good. We even made it back to join the flower arranging before she had to be popped back to bed.

Back to work tomorrow - boo
 

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sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
@sdmhred , my OH and I have laughed our way through dementia too. He was always a funny witty man who saw the humour and I've always been a giggler. Sadly dementia is eroding this part of his personality as he lacks awareness but his dementia is not going to erode me. Humour is my frustration safety valve. Keep laughing 😂😂
You too Maggie! Mum has actually gone the other way with her dementia- she was very reserved and shy but this side of her has blossomed. My brother tells me she was jokey when he was little so it must have been hidden for her little boy then!
 

Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
1,636
0
Thanks @Eddcorner

Me thinks something happens when people become managers and they lose touch with a bit of reality ….probably why I’m not too keen to become one!
Im hoping it all blows over by the time she gets back from leave next week……you could start to get very pedantic……today the lovely nurse asked me to hold mum’s leg up so she could change the dressing …allowed or not 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙈🙈

I managed to be assertive to mum’s needs although was a blubbering mess! But the home needs to be a happy place for us both so 🤞🤞🙏🙏🙏

We had a lovely day today to end my leave. Mum was up and we went out for a hot chocolate and daffodil hunt!! I popped into the community cafe I used to help out with pre covid and saw 2 old members of staff which was good. We even made it back to join the flower arranging before she had to be popped back to bed.

Back to work tomorrow - boo
I was an awkward so-in-so in both junior and senior roles haha but only to advocate/prioritise patient needs... got me in a little bit of trouble with institutionalised boss-type people on more than one occasion ;) I know you have to maintain a 'working' relationship of sorts with the powers that be but I just wouldn't be able to do it myself, mum neither if our roles were reversed (actually she'd be 10x worse!!). Consequently in my book you're an absolute star and top class lass, much stronger than me in any case :)

Daffodils eh? Almost time, almost time ;)
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
Not enough here yet to get away with any ‘liberating’ but the thought did cross my mind 🤭🤭 mum told me it would be a ‘little bit naughty’🤣🤣
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,147
0
Surrey
It was mildly chaotic at care home supper tonight - I was looking in my handbag for 2 residents who had ‘lost’ their keys, a lady who had moved floors had ‘lost’ her son….and my lovely lady from Northumbria who spits out her rhubarb ( and has cottoned on they put pills in her pudding!) wanted to know what the carer was doing to the fire……she was btw praying (Islamic lady)……but then my brain was wondering why she was praying in the dining room when the lounge would have been empty 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

mum and I escaped to the indoor garden upstairs to then be trailed by the 2nd floor ladies (bit like a WI up there) who all were instructing me on my wheelchair pushing technique……..we then took to her room 🤣🤣
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,485
0
Kent
Lovely pictures conjured up by your words, @sdmhred
You said "I was looking in my handbag for 2 residents " - how big is the bag? or how small are the residents?