New member
Mar 16, 2024
I'm Jen, I care for my mum who's in her 90s. She's had vascular dementia for about ten years.

For a long time she was in denial, and wouldn't countenance a visit to the memory clinic, however I finally got a diagnosis for her in 2019.

Her mobility is worst affected and she can really only do transfers now. If you chatted to her as a stranger she'd probably not come across too badly, but her cognitive function is pretty awful, as is her spatial awareness.

She lives with me and I think that masks the severity of her illness as everything is familiar and she's well looked after. We rub along pretty well mostly, and I work from home with occasional days at other locations.

This evening we had a fairly long conversation about Charles III. Sometimes I ask her questions about who's the monarch, what year it is (usually 1959 but today it's 2017!), and so on, and this sparked her asking me about who it was who had cancer. Whilst she knew Charles was king, and that the king had cancer, there was a gap where she couldn't quite put together in her mind that it was Charles who had cancer.

Anyway, we had a happy half hour chat about it, going round in circles, and in the end she thanked me for the interesting discussion, and for clearing it up for her. So, all well. :) I quite like the togetherness we experience having chats like this, even though it's all a bit ephemeral. It makes up for the not so good times.

I've learnt more and more to not let the worst things bother me. It's been a very steep curve to do that, lots and lots of practise, and I succeed maybe 80% of the time, but I'm glad overall to be caring for my mum, and hope I can do so until as near the end as possible. :)


Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
Hi @JenGrey and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. Thankyou for sharing your story. I am sure that a lot of what you say aligns with what others have experienced. That is the strength and beauty of this community. I hope that by joining us you will soon feel the benefit of an understanding and non-judgemental support network.