You know what my mother diabetic

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Margarita, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #41 Margarita, Jan 31, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2008
    Lovely photo of yourself :) Nice to see a smiling face on TP , humor smiles keep us all going its a good remedy , coping skill


    I would of thought that of my mother she would of got depress, because of the shame back in the time , before it started to happen , but she just gets angry with herself , so depending on how I handle it, she would also get angry with me .

    she did not like me bringing attention to it , so would hide her Nickers if she wet them bless her she must of felt shame ,. So I would say that we all leak sometimes , told her wear a panty liner , so slowly the panty liners got thicker .

    So when nurse told me to put her into one of those space ship Nappy or Nickers that are Nappy , Mum was not having it and I don't blame her .

    Thinking of it .. Its better to get angry let it all out screaming in a pillow is a good way to express anger .

    because keeping it all that anger in can turn into depression.

    May be thats why my mother never got depressed about it .



    she did get irrational thoughts thinking people will know she wearing them as she still mobile go to day center , but after a while she got use to them . They so discreet , they no how to handle it , without upsetting mum as she has mess herself one time . Must of been a tummy bug ;)
     
  2. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    I just realised Margarita you mention Gibraltar.

    I have an Aunt and cousins there. I worked there for a while myself. I know it has changed so much (I am planning a trip later this year, maybe with dad to see my mum's sister). Sadly, mum and her had not seen each other for years because of their illnesses... and then the day my mum died 2 weeks ago, her sister phoned to say she was coming over in April as she felt stronger.. so sad. :(

    I already feel that I am in the grips of depression. I have just been through the toughest month of my life and I honestly see no light at the end of the tunnel. I can't sleep - and if I do I dream my mother is dying all over again or that my dad is dying.

    I want to return to work for my own sanity, but if dad refuses day care or carers in, then I'll have no choice but to quit working.

    Right now, I honestly hate life.

    Beverley
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Beverley, if you feel like that, please see your GP.

    Your reaction, and possible depression, are perfectly normal after the loss of your mother and facing the unknown with your father.

    The GP will understand, and will offer immediate help, either a short course of anti-depressants, or a few counselling sessions, or both. I've had both at different times, and found both helpful.

    One thing you mustn't do is try so soldier on. Help is there, you only have to ask for it.

    And please post here as much as you like, we'll support you too, albeit from a distance.

    Love,
     
  4. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Thanks Hazel. I have seen my GP when talking about dad. He signed me off with stress a week before my mum died. I never asked, he just told me I look shattered and offered.

    I work for a charity, and am passionate about my job. It's probably the only job I've really loved and felt was worthwhile doing. I want to be able to be a mum, a loving daughter/carer, wife AND have a stimulating job. I've managed to juggle all those things up until now, and it's the loss of my mum that has made things all come to a head. I want to be there for dad, but fear doing it 24/7 will rob me of the mental stimulation I need from work.

    I had Prozac a few years back when I felt in a rut over my weight, but the tablets made me almost paranoid. I threw them in the bin, and put myself on a diet and lost 5 stone. I guess at least they made me realise what my problem was (the tablets gave me a terrible body complex).

    I just wish that dad would agree to go to the day centre he has places at (I've been lucky to be able to secure 4 days a week - and I only actually need 3). Shame he won't go to any :-( My employer has agreed to me working at home 1 day a week, and my husband has agreed the same with his, so we only need too occupy dad 3 days a week from 8.00-3.30.

    I have tried explaining to him in many ways that if he doesn't go, he will force me to give up work - which he really doesn't want me to do - he agrees one minute, but as well all experience with this illness - he refuses the following hour.

    I will seek counselling, but do want to avoid medication if I can.

    Beverley
     
  5. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Dear Beverley,
    Just wanted to send my thoughts and hugs for you after reading your posts. I can't imagine what it must be like just having lost your mum and having to deal with your dad's illness as well. You are doing really well to cope, but you must look after yourself and I would agree that a visit to the doctor wouldnt do any harm, just to give you that edge that will help you cope in the near future. My dad has AD too and after contracting pneumonia just before christmas has unfortunately had to go into a care home full-time now, mainly due to his double incontinence. It is tough I know and my dad doesnt seem too impaired mentally, which means he is finding it very hard to accept that he has to be in a care home and he just wants to come home. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer this week, so I am hoping and praying that this hasnt spread, although we wont know for two weeks. I can only say I admire your strength and you are obviously doing all you can for your dad. You also need to stay strong and look after yourself and your family and please go to the GP who will be able to recognise this and help you at this very stressful time. Take care of yourself and keep posting, we are all here and will help and advise as much as we can.
    Love Snooky xx
     
  6. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Thanks Snooky. Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate right now too.

    I actually think that finding this forum is helping, because it allows me to actually express what I am feeling.

    I love my husband, he is great and supportive BUT

    a) it's not his mother that just died
    b) it's not his father that has AD
    c) it's not him that has to make the choice of whether to quit working or not

    He listens, he sympathises, but he cannot truly understand that pain in my heart over my loss, and the fears I have for my dad.

    Fingers crossed for your mum.

    Beverley

    xXx
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london

    After a mouth of my father passing away I went to my GP , So its good advice from hazel to tell you to visit your GP .

    I so know how you feel , those nightmare .
    nightmare dream went on with me for a good years with me . I found the more worried I was with mum my Nightmare where worse about my father .


    My doctor sent me to recognize cognitive physiotherapy, its OK taking a tablet , but you also have to recognize why your feeling like you are .

    I was not sure to go with my mother to Gibraltar Or sort thing out with her , would have to leave my Job , where the Man who was my therapist told me . If you don't do it your always look back and wonder "" What If "

    When out in Gibraltar it got worse with mum , and with me because I got to the stage , that I felt like they was not a light at the end of the tunnel , but the recognize cognitive physiotherapy advice pop in my mind, the feeling passes and thing do get better . I Know AZ not going to go away , But I know mental I was not like this before my father pass away . So I new mentally I could get better

    On the other side of the coin mum Got medication for AZ in Gibraltar, so brought mum back to England could of never done it without Medication as mum was in advance stages when she was told she had AZ in Gibraltar .

    ( is your father on medication for dementia ? )


    Go to Gibraltar with your father when your ready and while your father able to travel . Try not to worry about having to give up work , if your father does not go to day centre , could be a long time before his at that stage .

    enjoy every thing around you , make the most out of life . look after yourself , cry when you want to

    its a lot of information to take into your mind when your in grief about your mother . The mind can only take so much , before it crashes . My therapist told me that the mind is like a PC to much memory it crashes . So I say to much information about AZ in how it progresses will make anyone mind so full that it just wants to crash , that you lose all the hear now good moment that can happen in Our hear Now
     
  8. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Yeah I know what you mean about posting on this forum. It has been a godsend to me over the last month. I couldn't imagine what laid ahead. Dad was home a month ago and still going out and now, well... I can only say keep posting, because people on here really understand and keep strong, because you obviously are. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. You need to allow yourself time to grieve (it must be difficult with a young family as well), but take care of yourself now and keep posting. I know what your saying about your husband, mine too is very supportive of me, but its not his dad that his AD or his mum that has just been diagnosed, however, they are there for you as much as they can be and in their own way. I suppose it can never really be the same as our pain can it, if it is not their parents, but I truly do know what you are saying, because I am with you on that.
    Lots of hugs to you
    Love
    Snooky xx
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #49 Margarita, Feb 1, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2008
    Never saw your post Snooky when I posted last night



    My relationship had broken down when my father passed away, we where living under the same roof , but not together . I just could not talk to him, even thought he was very sympathetic about it all

    So at the end the end of the day , It was all down to me, It was
    scary , because I always had my father Or mother around to fall on if think went wrong .

    So I told him to leave , as I thought they was no worse pain in this world in feeling the Grief of my father passing away Nothing could hurt me more then my father passing away (only God forbid one of my children passing away before me)


    I had to learn to stand on my own to feet , make my own choices if think went wrong I had not one to blame , but myself . I lean that if you don't help yourself NO one can do it for you .




    Then when they told me that mum had AZ , I felt Lucky yes May sound wried , but how I wish that my father had not died and he could come back , then seeing my mother lost in a world of what I thought was grief, I thought I was losing her also . So to be told hear a tablet give it to your mother , My mother came back to me , like my father never .

    For that I feel Lucky .... How her future death ends , I don't care now because we not they yet, my mother alive still with me , Selfish it may sound, but I am So Glad she still alive on this earth with me, even with AZ

    when she gets to that stage I keep reading about then I let go .....
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #50 Margarita, Feb 4, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2008
    A man rang from the complaints section , about complaint I put in about the nurse , he said they now have a new team leader for the nurses that they hope to resolve the issue.

    Told him that I am not getting no surport from Nurses or incontinent nurse

    He said that incontinent nurse is coming around to speak to my mother with the team leader , to do an assessment on my mother .

    I said my mother has dementia , she does not like talking to anyone about what is happing to her concerning her incontinent, can they only talk to me about it . she in a transition stage she finding very hard to handle , its her dignity so she does not like me talking about it to anyone in front of her so she going to became very challenging in front of them, as her thought can become very
    irrational . No he said they have to talk to her also .


    so I ask do they not have Admiral nurses ?

    he ask me what was that! so I said dementia nurses , he said that he nurses are specialist in dementia.



    he left it with saying he hope he can restore confidence again within me, about the nurses .

    I do hope they specialist in dementia. , because if they don't
    handle the situation with dignity, say my mother rude :rolleyes: I be making another complaint .
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #51 Margarita, Feb 5, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2008
    Good news

    Team leader nurse rang , asking about coming around . I told her about mum and assessment she total understood , about how mum needs pads , but won't let anyone know . told her I understand that the whole issue in getting support for people with dementia, if they say they don't want it , they can't force them to take it . So they miss out services that is out they.

    she agreed , going on to say , how people with dementia have days they know they something wrong with they mind that they something wrong , other days in they mind they think they fine.

    So I said yes , but its getting the right nurse who knows how to handle it , with out taking they out burst personally , so then leaving me just to get on with it alone . that why I made the complaint

    so she said as you have the right pads now , they no need to do the assessment .

    so I ask her about the admiral nurses , she said that I would have to get a referral from the doctors to see one .

    ( can't you just feel like crying tears of relief when people listen to you )

    I am going to because I don't like the attitudes of the normal nurses toward my mother, even thought they meant to be train in dementia .

    They train OK into what ? Text book dementia and the symptoms but not how to handle a situation . I don't call that specialist in dementia . Admiral nurse dementia nurses yes I call them specialist in dementia
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,698
    Kent
    Goodness Maggie, you are going from strength to strength. Well done. :)
     
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #53 Margarita, Feb 6, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2008


    So true thanks ,

    This morning I was stressing about taking mum in taxi , for her Podiatrists appointment she needs to see one every 3 mouths because of her Diabetes .

    ( that reminds me got to make appointment with doctor , for the blood test results )

    Anyway she was fine , only thing was that Zimer frame did not fit in the boot of the Taxi , man had to take wheels of zinner frame as they was no way he wanted it in front seat , like I wanted him to . I notices inside car it was all leather , suppose he thought zimmer frame would rip it .

    Mum had to walk down a long corridor , which take only a 2 min to get to the Podiatrists , but must of taken her 5 Min , as she moan how far it was , it was good to see her walk so much in what she perceive as a safe envierment I presume so, because they no way she could walk like that out side in the street . I just had to keep telling her its good exercise for her legs .

    The woman that done mum toe Nails, told me she had not been seen since July 07 , I could not believe it had been that long I always go with mum every 3 mouths , I must of been stressing about worrying that in the future mum not going to be able to walk get they to the Podiatrists, that I forgot to make next appointment . hear we are 7 mouths on , mum still fine getting they .

    That made be think, has teach me to not look into mum future any more with her dementia , just keep taking each day as it comes with mum dementia .
     
  14. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #54 Margarita, Feb 7, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
    I just like to add that yesterday as mum sat on the Podiatrist chair, that look like a dentist chair she could not find her balance so I had to help her , also as she lay down , woman started to cut her Nails she started to scream , woman said I am not hurting you am I , mum said No , while I said . Mum got dementia her perception how she perceive things has change .

    Mum wanted me to hold her hand , she said in Spanish lay with me , which she meant sit next to me, she just gets her words confused now . I did find it strange for mum to ask me to hold her hand .

    Even before dementia I have gone alone to the appointment with her , sat outside or gone inside and she been fine, then we gone out shopping together , and now hear my mother asking to to hold her hand , because she scared, My mother Spanish in her culture they have no fear of expressing they feeling and mum was in that moment expressing her fears in screaming even thought they may of come arose irrational, but in her perception it was not

    They me born in Gibraltar which took on many of british way of thinking, which is good because it teach me balance, being positive , but with dementia that all go out of the window , because in some situation you have to express your feeling in public , I keep positive I just held my mother hand .

    while the Podiatrist look at mum strangely , that why I said what I said above to Podiatrist

    when I got home , I received a book that I had order from the AZ society, which I read

    We live in a world that over- emphasizes the value of memory and under- emphasizes the value of feelings. Having a dementia needs you to see yourself more as a feeling being and less of a thinking being. It is still possible to experience a full life as a feeling being . Feeling matter more than facts .

    My mother always been a very emotions person , Spanish people talk with passion sing with passion , my father mother use to say to me when younger Es la emostion , it is the feeling .

    So as mum Naps in her chair , a knock on the door reminds me of the time , it's the AZ Day center staff mum favorite worker turn up , he put the beaming smile on mum face , that she wants to look in the mirror to do her hair . they all notice on the bus , what a beaming smile on mum face , while I saying looking at Tom ( the worker ) if you don't mind me saying you motivate her so much , and the driver says that what its all about
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,698
    Kent
    These stories about your mother are beautiful Maggie. The emotion runs through them all, and the love, and the caring. She may not be lucky in her health, but she is very lucky in her daughter.
    Love xx
     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #56 Margarita, Feb 7, 2008
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
    Thanks :)

    Mum Back now , she ask me if she going to play Center tomorrow , she never new what the word day center meant in English or what it meant anyway, so it was a new word for her to say in English for the past 2 years . so now she mixing up her words . so I just said "" No they No day center tomorrow , then she said . So we not going any where .

    I'm Glad , because mum not that stress full to look after, where to day I have been around to my brothers, say no more because he really stresses me out, I feel like a surport worker to him, not his sister, as he been on those
    anti psychotic dugs for 20 years , that I get the feeling , that they have taken his emotion to feel anything away from him .

    So tomorrow will feel timeless, if you get my point and that is just what I need , I love that feeling of not worrying about the time, time just flows when in those moments .
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.