You know what my mother diabetic

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Margarita, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,702
    Kent
    When my son was younger, he got very nervous about exams. So I told him to imagine I was standing behind him, willing him to do well. And one day he told me he actually looked over his shoulder and felt better. :)
    So look over your shoulder Maggie, and we`ll be right behind you. :)
     
  2. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia


    :):):):):):):):):):)
    we`ll be right behind you. And here we all are!!!!

    {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} for Maggie
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Good luck for tomorrow, Maggie. I'm behind you too!:):):)

    Love,
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Keep thinking of you all
    behind , spoke in an
    assertive way , because when I have so much going on in my mind, my assentiveness go out of the window , but thought No , remember :) I have a right to challenge , services my mother needs , dose not get .



    So I rang spoke to the nurse this morning , told her about what happen to mum over weekend , she said it also could be a number of things , also her blood pursuer

    So I told her that doctor gave me a Pathology request forum for blood urine test , in November . I did not tell her that doctor told me to get it done in feb , seeing that its Fed soon , thought may as well get it done now .

    So she made an appointment for nurse to come out on wednesday , mum just got to fast from 12 PM to Am wednesday morning .

    I also told her that I had complained about the pads . Surprise Surprise they finally arrived this morning , all the right ones , with a funny looking hair net Nickers , that I put on mum , they really good .

    Go to show that Complaining does help , who ever got back to me in Email from local PCT , must of sorted it out .

    So after Blood tests come back am going to make appointment with doctor , Clear the air with him challenge him as I want to know what going on.

    So now am of to buy swimsuit , as I can't find my old one , after a very stress full weekend . thank god I could type it all out on hear and all your great support , it made me release I better find some time for me .
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Well done Maggie, you're a star!:)

    Lets hope you get the tests results quickly, and the GP can sort things out for your mum.

    And hang on to that guy who gets things done. We all need one of those!

    Hope you enjoyed your swim,

    Love,
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Thanks

    Got the swimsuit , but got carried away with time, with all those lovely clothes in M&S felt like a sweet shop , all those choices of clothes, that I end up getting a coat few other things .

    Mum AZ day Center rang today saying that hairdresser coming around tomorrow at they day Centre. its a new service they offering . which is great as she can't go into a hairdressers salon anymore, so mum can have a Haircut , roller put in . If all go Ok with putting roller in hair , next time she can have a perm .
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I 've got another dalamer .

    I had not really spoken to my older daughter about my brother , as she at Voluntary work and University all the time , then she been staying at her friend at the weekend .

    She told me that I should of never taken back the of handling my brother money , because doing that they never going to sort it out . she said see seem in the past how stress I became over it .

    They the support worker have promised me they sort it out, also about getting him high support .

    Yesterday I did not go swimming , because I had to go give him his money , the mess of his room , the mess he in is just to much for me to talk about on hear , because I am feeling a lot of anger , at the help his should of got . should get , and the time its taking to get it .

    when he saw me he got up , got dress did not wash himself came out with me for a coffee , he put a hat on that like the man in a series I can't remember the name , but he had a top boiler hat, I think they called , he living in a delusion of grandee .

    woman worker in post office ask me what wrong with him , so I tell while the queue is gathering behind me . "what does that mean she says " well if she does not understand that he does not perceive the world like you I nor do I . you give something a name a label , but No one understand what it mean . that the lest of my problems .

    Back to my daughter she young I know , but she right , then his my brother , I bounded with him more them my mother as a child before he became mentally ill , his on a self detraction button , tell me angina yesterday that he can't take it anymore can't take living in this world , while we waiting for the bus . So I tell him Nor can I , ( but not the part of living in this world I meant Him I can't take him ) but could not tell him that ....... So told him but if you was not mentally ill you could take living in this world

    bus come , his getting different bus then I as he of to get his 2 weekly injection of medication , as if they don't give it as an injection he won't take the tablets .


    where does this all leave me , well I am taking time out from TP just reading , but not contributing so much , as I am sure your all understand
    because I need to sort my head out , face up sort all this out , go swimming take all my f**** anger out in a swim , because I am fed up of my mood swings ,excising help me became more balance , so help me think clearer so I can Complain in a contractive way to get thing sorted with my brother and yes my mother . I feel like a piggy in the middle with both of them . busy going no where with my brother support net work .

    watch this space , see me sort thing out , because I am not going to let the ****** get me down , the only way is up xx
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Maggie, I'm so sorry. I'm not surprised you're feeling so bad -- and angry at the system.

    There's no way you should be left to cope with your mum and your brother single-handed. It's not their fault, either of them, but it's not yours either. You should be free to enjoy your life at your age, not running around trying to sort everything out.

    Don't worry about posting, just post when you feel like it, we're here to support you.

    Love and hugs.
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,702
    Kent
    You are so strong Maggie. I hope you get your life, your brother`s life and your mother`s life sorted. What a task.:eek:

    Keep well, take care of yourself and post whenever you can. :)

    Love xx
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #30 Margarita, Jan 30, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2008
    The nurse came around that I complained about , she did not mention anything so Nor did I .

    She took mum blood that was needed , While mum Sang "Ring , Ring a Roses "". Nurse said Nice to see your mother has humor , No I said '' she singing that to take her mind of the pain '' . Nurse had to fill 6 little long jars of blood .

    Mum did not want me to talk to her , So on the way out I ask about the assessment if I wanted my mum to go into Nursing home . how do they do it .

    She told me that Social services does it all, talk to them , , they do it in care plan , that they can offer me respite ,
    ( Is she thick or what ! )

    I told her I have respite all in place , all I want to know is how do they do assessment on my mother to go into a nursing home , rather then residential home . If she becomes insulin dependable

    So she tell me again to "talk to Social services they do it " So I tell her how can they know my mother needs nursing home they not Doctors .

    that where she tell me they consult with my mother doctor , then they have to find the funding , unless my mother paying for it .
    she then said how better off mum would be in residential home, rather then nursing home .

    She says that if my mother does became insulin dependable, the nurses well come out every few days , but not every one likes the nurses coming in out all the time , so I tell I do not mind because my mother very challenging in her behavior to give her insulin , so I would need the support from them , to keep mum at home other wise she would need to go into nursing care .

    she told me how easy it is to give , but like I said to her , I don't care how easy it is to give , I need the support of the nurses .

    She got my point all right :)

    day centre today told me how much mum walking improved in the last few days , I said I wonder if its down to just coming back from respite as she does always seem lower after coming from a week at respite

    He said yes it could be that , as all they do in respite is keep them siting down all the time , as it happen to his mother , but his father needs the break , but what can you do!
     
  11. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    If your mum does end up going on insulin then she will need an injection at least once a day. When my mum was in her previous home, which was an EMI care home and not a nursing home, I asked what they did if they had insulin dependent residents. They told me that the district nurse came once a day to administer the injections. I'm not sure whether care home staff do blood tests or not, but even if someone wasn't insulin dependent they do still need to have regular blood tests.
     
  12. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Here goes my first post here.

    I've got experience two sides of the fence... my dad has dementia (he has refused an MRI so we are not sure if it's Alzheimers or Vascular Dementia - he did have a stroke about 3 years ago). My dad is also diabetic.

    My mum passed away 2 weeks ago - she had kidney failure caused by her diabetes (the no.1 cause of kidney failure is in face diabetes). She actually died of pneumonia that she couldn't shake off. She had been on dialysis for over a year, and kidney failure certainly doesn't mean the end of their existence, so do take heart from that.

    They have lived with me for 5 years and although I know my dad's memory was poor, my Mum hid from me just how bad the delusions and paranoia are (he think my husband has been trying to poison him).

    I have worked full time for 2.5 years of those 5 years because basically, we mortgaged ourselves to the hilt to be able to afford a house big enough for us to live in (we have 2 kids aswell aged 7 and 13).

    I read your post about your dilemma, and it struck a chord with me and he worries I have had in the past 2 weeks. On top of dealing with the grief I am feeling at the loss of my mother, the problems with my dad are also extremely important - No.1 being insulin management.

    I have found out there are no dose restrictors for people with dementia - no way of them safely self administering etc... I have today had him reassessed by a diabetic specialist, and had his insulin switched to a 1 a day jab of slow realease so as to erradicate the need for injections in the day. I was told that if this doesn't work, the only option is the district nurse.

    Whilst my dad isn't in what I would say are advanced stages... he still makes tea, sandwiches, dresses, showers etc... there are these times of major confusion - he thinks he has lived with me 2 weeks... not 5 years etc. He is able to go to the local shops and the cemetery to visit my mum. I have today bought a personal GPS tracker for him so I can keep tabs when I return to work in two weeks.

    I feel my head is exploding right now, and have joined here because I realise there must be so many more people facing the issues I have right now.

    Beverley
     
  13. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Beverley, welcome to TP and what a helpful post this is. Please be sure to keep posting any time you want to. Deborah
     
  14. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Dear Maggie, It sounds as if you are 'between a rock and a hard place' with your mum and your brother. I don't envy you. Please say how you are getting on. Thinking of you, love Deborah
     
  15. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Beverley, welcome to TP.

    It sounds as if you too have more than your fair share of problems, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum.

    Your post is very helpful regarding insulin treatment, and I'm sure Maggie will find it useful.

    I hope you'll keep posting, and hopefully you'll also find us supportive to you.

    Take care now, and i hope your return to work goes smoothly.
     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #36 Margarita, Jan 31, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2008
    Thank- you so much for your post , as its great to know someone that is dealing with it at home .


    Sounds like my story , but it was my father who died , mum with AZ , Then mum also with her
    diabetic 2 , with my mother going on as she never had diabetic :rolleyes: eating all the wrong food behind my back , then doctor on my back saying she must eat the right food , put her on a healthy diet. Now 5 years on

    Nurse tell me if mum go on insulin , she has to have a strict diet . I made no comment !


    because all I need is another stress , as nurse or doctor won't see my point of view , take away from my mother the only comfort she has now in life her , Spanish Chorizo , all food she not meant to eat , life won't be worth living, so I give it to her in moderation . but with someone with dementia who forget that she eaten it the day before , it became a very challenging when she pleading with me , tell me she does not care if she got diabetic.

    May sound horrible , but when she became very challenging about food , the only thing that stop her is to remind her of her sister , who died of kidney failure . I just say " Loreana did not look after her diabetic, eating all the wrong food look what happen to her .

    that just it , every one has a choice, her sister new the way she was eating would kill her, as she was on insulin ( she was a nurse ) she really did not care.

    So I say to my mother eat it if you want , but you know what can happen, so she came to trust me so would not eat it . but then she go into stages that she does not care what I say wants it all the time .

    What was your father like before dementia with his eating habits, as I am wondering how you control his food intake now ?

    my mother was very unhealthy that why I am finding it so harder to control now .


    that does sound like a good
    idea ,slow realease

    so your father lets you give it to him ?



    Just like to add , when my father died my mother AZ got worse , so if you see a change in his behavior it could be the shock of your mother passing away , as it push my mother into another stage .

    Does sound like really early day for both of you . I wish they had those GPS tracker , back when mum was told she had AZ , she got lost a few times . Good idea to get one .


    Alos Get any help that on offer that help you caring for your father at home . try find out any day centre that are around , that is IF your father would go to one .


    My mother hated going , but 2 years on caring with no support I had to be realistic , I could not cope she just had to go into day centre, if I was to keep looking after her at home .

    I got around it , saying that it was I that needed help as I was not feeling to good .
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #37 Margarita, Jan 31, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2008


    that a really good point Brenda , because the state my mother came back from residential care homes respite , I am sure no one was doing her blood test.

    I have been told before that they can bring out district nurses for people with diabetic, but they would need to be insulin dependent, just like you said they also give them a diabetic heathy food plan .

    So while I am stressing over my mother food intake , they sending her to a residential care homes respite that are not considering her diabetic food intake , not taking her finger prick blood test because she only got diabetic 2.

    They say that residential care homes are better , that my mother can only go into a residential respite care home , because they can see to her needs . but they not . well the one my mother been going are not and its BUPA run , she not going that residential care homes that for sure .

    Now I know what its all down to because we are funded , so they send her they to save money , I am really learning how the system works .



    They say to me that my mother quality of life is better living with me , I must admit she does amaze me how strong she still going living within my family , compared to a week or to from when I pick her up from respite, but then I need a rest , so I trust them with my mother health and she come home a state worse then when she left me , then Its I that has to handle it all . I am in a know win situation .


    They say its the change of environment that they come home unsettle , will from my experience its not mum never unsettle , its to do with the lack of care simulation she not getting , also lack of health care for her diabetic she not getting
     
  18. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Thanks Margarita.

    Firstly, no my dad does not want to go to a day centre. If he did, then I could feel happy that he was safe. He doesn't appreciate he has an illness, and is full of telling me that now he is lonely without mum he will go off for trips to the seaside!!! Of course, this is giving me major stress. Luckily, my employers are fantastic (I have been off work since 21 December). I intended to go back in 2 weeks time, but to be honest, I am coming to the point where I feel I have to quit work (that will put me under major financial pressure though.. plus.. I actually love my job and don't really want to sit at home as I know that will pull me down emotionally myself).

    My dad isn't too bad with his diet - I cook for him, but he does snack during the day a bit. My mum always bought biscuits and I think she never ever really understood the importance of keeping it under control. Now, I will be able to limit the snacking because I won't buy biscuits/cakes etc. He does let me give him his injection thankfully.

    He doesn't want a carer coming in as he doesn't see the point. Why would I want a carer he says when I can make my own cups of tea and lunch.. do you think I am crazy he says!

    I feel sick with worry all the time and my head is exploding.

    I do understand what your mother says about denying her her favourite foods. My mother always said the same, and I was always saying if you just give up the bad foods, you will have a bit longer to live. Sometimes she listened, sometimes she didn't - but, she never had dementia - she was just a bit stubborn at times and felt that being denied chocolate made her life a misery.

    I had a terrible thought last night. I said to my husband - you know, keeping my dad's diabetes under control to prolong his life and keep him healthy.... well, for what???? So his body is fit and he lives another 20 years only to end up in nappies! It made me think, why even bother? I know that sounds really awful, and I was ashamed to even think it, but I KNOW that if my dad knew the illness and what the future holds, he would not want to live like that anyway!

    Life feels so cruel right now.

    I want my mum back.

    I want my dad's disease to go away.

    I just want to turn back time.

    Beverley
     
  19. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #39 Margarita, Jan 31, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2008

    Few years back I was cooking my mother another English
    breakfast . I say another because nurse had told me only to do it once a mouth, I was doing it for the 2nd time in a mouth .

    My daughter said to me " you Know what the nurse said " So I said " So what if it kill her, she not got a lot left in life anyway, better then the AZ getting her .

    My daughter said '' So you want to kill Nanny " ( she was in her 20s when she said that )

    She left me speech less , because that was not what I meant , So I thought if she perceive it that why, would the doctor, nurses , people in general public think of it like that .

    I am , was not into playing God , but they a lot of judgmental people out they , ready at a drop of a hat to make you feel guilty when they not living in your shoes .

    Your father sounds so like my mother , different story as my mother must of been in middle stages before my father died , that she lived a good life while my father was alive . Only when he died did I notice the change in her that it push her into late stages of AZ .

    Only AZ drug brought her back , she could make tea , wash herself get around on her own . but any confusion or argument with have her, ending with her getting lost in the street , slowly it progress again


    My mother in Nappy ( pads ) now , but she still has full awareness , because of the medication for last stages . the transition into nappy with full awareness is the hardest I have come across in my role as a carer .


    They nurses where one of the hardest obstacle to come cross , because they wanted my mother to wear pads that I can only describe as a space ship flat open Nappy as they where so big .


    ( My mother go to toilet on her own , but wets herself )


    after complaining to someone else about it , because I was getting no where with nurse I got them .

    she told me to keep what I thought was the wrong pads , also my mother can't order any other pads but the one she wanted for now .


    I was not going to get into any argument with nurse ( because I thought I can order what I like , who she to tell me what I can order for my mother needs )

    So I nicely told the nurses , when my mother has no awareness she can wear them, while she has awareness give her the dignity to wear those pads she like . ( that look like sanitary pads but are thicker that stick to the Nickers ) .

    she in pads now , I don't like saying Nappy as she not in that stage yet .

    I am glad that when she does go into that stage she won't have awareness , because she hate it , but for now she taking out of life what she can and I give her the dignity to eat what she like and the dignity to wear pads that she like .



    No its not awful to think like that , Its a normal part of the feelings of grief. your grieving for your mother , also for your father how he was before dementia , its good that you have a good listener in your husband a
    a shoulder to cry on
     
  20. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Thanks for that Margarita. It helped me feel a bit more accepting of the thoughts I have.

    This whole situation upsets me so much. I cannot think of a worse scenario than my dad being aware, but incontinent. I think the shame of it will send him into a terrible depression when it comes to that point.

    God knows I would do anything to take this illness away from him. It is the most cruel end to someone's life I think.

    In some ways, I think my mother dying has saved her the pain of watching her husband get to the point where he doesn't know her.

    Right now, I could scream and scream and scream.

    Beverley
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.