Glad to hear John has his appetite back, that can only be a good sign.
I think you've well and truly earned that!
I think you've well and truly earned that!
Worried about John
- Thread starter Skye
- Start date
Hello Hazel
I am so pleased that John is feeling better and that he's eating and responsive to you, even if for a short while.
It must be all the Manuka honey he's had in his system, spoon fed by a loving wife - enough to help build up anyone's resistance
The financial aspect you talked about just served to highlight for me that no matter what is going on in our loved one's lives, life carries on and we have to deal with every aspect of it like it or not.
With all that you have on, you are dealing with every aspect really well I think.
Love and best wishes
I am so pleased that John is feeling better and that he's eating and responsive to you, even if for a short while.
It must be all the Manuka honey he's had in his system, spoon fed by a loving wife - enough to help build up anyone's resistance
The financial aspect you talked about just served to highlight for me that no matter what is going on in our loved one's lives, life carries on and we have to deal with every aspect of it like it or not.
With all that you have on, you are dealing with every aspect really well I think.
Love and best wishes
Hi everyone, John is fine at the moment, his chest infection has cleared up, and though he's again sleeping all the time, he's eating well.
Now I'm worried about me!
A couple of weeks ago, one of the male residents died. The CN mentioned to me in passing that his wife had still been coming in in the evenings, because she felt closer to her husband there, and she liked the company.
That's what worries me. Am I now dependent on them? I get on so well with them, they treat me as one of them, and it's where John is.
When John dies (hopefully not for a long time), I'm going to lose not just my husband, but my routine, and a host of new friends.
I don't want to stop going in to feed him, but it has made me think!
Now I'm worried about me!
A couple of weeks ago, one of the male residents died. The CN mentioned to me in passing that his wife had still been coming in in the evenings, because she felt closer to her husband there, and she liked the company.
That's what worries me. Am I now dependent on them? I get on so well with them, they treat me as one of them, and it's where John is.
When John dies (hopefully not for a long time), I'm going to lose not just my husband, but my routine, and a host of new friends.
I don't want to stop going in to feed him, but it has made me think!
Hi Hazel
I have seen the same thing at Jan's home - spouses continue to visit for a while.
This seems quite understandable to me - a transition is needed and yes, there is a community there who become an honourary family.
Generally, the visits decrease over the months though they still come to the annual Fete at the home.
I'd be thinking to plough on regardless, and face each new situation as it comes. While not a believer in deities myself, I do think people have a great ability to adjust to change, with help from others. How else have we all adjusted to such a deep caring role?
I have seen the same thing at Jan's home - spouses continue to visit for a while.
This seems quite understandable to me - a transition is needed and yes, there is a community there who become an honourary family.
Generally, the visits decrease over the months though they still come to the annual Fete at the home.
I'd be thinking to plough on regardless, and face each new situation as it comes. While not a believer in deities myself, I do think people have a great ability to adjust to change, with help from others. How else have we all adjusted to such a deep caring role?
Hello Hazel
Even though I`m nowhere near your position I feel it`s perfectly understandable.
You have adapted your life to John`s for many years, initially in your own home, now in a care home and who knows where it goes from there.
Like people who have lost the ones they care for still return to TP, like the wife of a member of John`s home who has died is finding it difficult to break ties, we all move at our own paces according to our needs.
There is no right and wrong. No need to question. Do what is best for you and John.
Love xx
Even though I`m nowhere near your position I feel it`s perfectly understandable.
You have adapted your life to John`s for many years, initially in your own home, now in a care home and who knows where it goes from there.
Like people who have lost the ones they care for still return to TP, like the wife of a member of John`s home who has died is finding it difficult to break ties, we all move at our own paces according to our needs.
There is no right and wrong. No need to question. Do what is best for you and John.
Love xx
Hi Hazel
This was one of my fears, yet curiously, after the first visit back when Mum died to get her things and another to deliver cakes I have not yet stealed myself to visit again. I told them I would be up with the dog after a few months..but I just can't bring myself to do it.
The Home Staff became my friends over Mum's time there and I feel bad that I don't feel able to go. I was perhaps just getting there when my OH got ill and that renewed my grief over Mum's loss!
Glad to hear though that John is feeling better again. It is such a relief.
Love
Mameeskye
This was one of my fears, yet curiously, after the first visit back when Mum died to get her things and another to deliver cakes I have not yet stealed myself to visit again. I told them I would be up with the dog after a few months..but I just can't bring myself to do it.
The Home Staff became my friends over Mum's time there and I feel bad that I don't feel able to go. I was perhaps just getting there when my OH got ill and that renewed my grief over Mum's loss!
Glad to hear though that John is feeling better again. It is such a relief.
Love
Mameeskye
Hello Hazel
First of all I am pleased that the infection has cleared up. This is always good news.
Regarding the future - whatever happens you will cope. You've coped with so much already and you will deal with the rest as and when.
How I look at what you are saying about possible dependence is that you are investing huge amounts of energy, time and emotion there. When there is a death there is a redundancy with regard to this energy, time and emotion and it can take quite some time in knowing where to re-invest, not to mention coping with the loss.
You come across to me as a very intelligent, energetic woman and I am sure you will find, when the time comes, that there will be demands upon you to re-invest some of your energy, time and emotion.
I, personally, believe that the ideal is that one takes time to carefully think things through. Often people think they have to 'pay back' and find themselves re-investing their lives into a similar cause and, for some, this is the right thing because they really have 'chosen' to do that. For others they might choose something completely different. It's the element of 'choice' that is the priviledge and I don't think there can be a right and wrong about what people choose.
Sorry if I've gone on too much Hazel.
Love and best wishes - don't worry
First of all I am pleased that the infection has cleared up. This is always good news.
Regarding the future - whatever happens you will cope. You've coped with so much already and you will deal with the rest as and when.
How I look at what you are saying about possible dependence is that you are investing huge amounts of energy, time and emotion there. When there is a death there is a redundancy with regard to this energy, time and emotion and it can take quite some time in knowing where to re-invest, not to mention coping with the loss.
You come across to me as a very intelligent, energetic woman and I am sure you will find, when the time comes, that there will be demands upon you to re-invest some of your energy, time and emotion.
I, personally, believe that the ideal is that one takes time to carefully think things through. Often people think they have to 'pay back' and find themselves re-investing their lives into a similar cause and, for some, this is the right thing because they really have 'chosen' to do that. For others they might choose something completely different. It's the element of 'choice' that is the priviledge and I don't think there can be a right and wrong about what people choose.
Sorry if I've gone on too much Hazel.
Love and best wishes - don't worry
Thanks, everyone.
I'm sure you're right, I'll cope whan it happens -- well, we have to, don't we?
It's just strange that a casual remark has caused me so much soul-searching!
John's middle son and partner came down from Paisley today -- school holidays here. John didn't show any sign of recognition at all. But then, he didn't recognise me either today.
He might tonight!
Love,
I'm sure you're right, I'll cope whan it happens -- well, we have to, don't we?
It's just strange that a casual remark has caused me so much soul-searching!
John's middle son and partner came down from Paisley today -- school holidays here. John didn't show any sign of recognition at all. But then, he didn't recognise me either today.
He might tonight!
Love,
Hazel
I'm glad that John has been able to fight off the infection, without any 'complications'.
Regarding the 'dependency' of a Carer on the staff & community with whom they have become friends, I think this is perfectly natural. Dementia uproots us from "normal" in so many ways, we find ourselves a new role & family within the confines (or new contacts) that come with the disease, & many of our pre-dementia acquaintances are unable to understand or help us.
Personally, I can't see me leaving TP anytime soon; like it or not, you have become my family & virtual home!
I'm glad that John has been able to fight off the infection, without any 'complications'.
Regarding the 'dependency' of a Carer on the staff & community with whom they have become friends, I think this is perfectly natural. Dementia uproots us from "normal" in so many ways, we find ourselves a new role & family within the confines (or new contacts) that come with the disease, & many of our pre-dementia acquaintances are unable to understand or help us.
Personally, I can't see me leaving TP anytime soon; like it or not, you have become my family & virtual home!
Dear Hazel, glad to hear that John is seeing off infections. I'm not sure what will happen if my mother ever needs antibiotics again as she has developed a talent for spitting out medication: they tell me she's Olympic standard now and managed to spit something through an open door and into the garden today. She always was a competitive sportswoman.
When John goes, and may it be many years from now, I reckon there are a range of things you might feel. You might find it hard to return to the home because it will remind you of John's absence so deeply, or on the other hand, you may find it a comfort to be amongst people who knew and cared for John. You may want to see how other residents are getting on and give a hand, or you may want to wash the care home dust off your shoes and distract yourself with other, completely different activities that you've kept on the back burner.
Either way, I would be surprised if you 'lost' your new friends. I'm sure they would want to see you still whether or not it was in the care home.
Love and hugs, Deborah x
When John goes, and may it be many years from now, I reckon there are a range of things you might feel. You might find it hard to return to the home because it will remind you of John's absence so deeply, or on the other hand, you may find it a comfort to be amongst people who knew and cared for John. You may want to see how other residents are getting on and give a hand, or you may want to wash the care home dust off your shoes and distract yourself with other, completely different activities that you've kept on the back burner.
Either way, I would be surprised if you 'lost' your new friends. I'm sure they would want to see you still whether or not it was in the care home.
Love and hugs, Deborah x
Hazel dear, could have written your post myself.
When you find the answer please let me in on the secret.
When you find the answer please let me in on the secret.
Dear Connie, I hope neither of us finds the answer for a long time!
Thank you everyone for your support. I was genuinely upset.
But at least I know I can still visit TP, whatever happens! I couldn't bear to lose that as well!
Love to all,
Thank you everyone for your support. I was genuinely upset.
But at least I know I can still visit TP, whatever happens!
I couldn't bear to lose that as well!Love to all,
The phone rang about 9.30 this morning, just as I was beginning to answer some posts. John's NH!
They had noticed when they were showering him that one of his big toes was badly swollen and seemed to be dislocated. They'd rung the GP, and he'd said to take him to casualty because it would need to be X-rayed.
I went straight to the home, and went with John and a senior carer in the NH's transport.
He was seen pretty well straight away by a nurse, then the consultant, then for an X-ray. Back to casualty, consultant again, no evidence of damage, but keep an eye on it and give pain killers as required.
That was good news! I was afraid he'd need an anaesthetic if it was broken.
What was also good was that the whole process took only an hour and a half!
Evidence that the work we've put into improving journey time for patients with dementia has actually had an effect. (And they didn't know I was on the panel!)
John didn't seem to be in too much pain, and was sound asleep when I left. And I'm looking forward to having something positive to report at our next hospital development meeting!
They had noticed when they were showering him that one of his big toes was badly swollen and seemed to be dislocated. They'd rung the GP, and he'd said to take him to casualty because it would need to be X-rayed.
I went straight to the home, and went with John and a senior carer in the NH's transport.
He was seen pretty well straight away by a nurse, then the consultant, then for an X-ray. Back to casualty, consultant again, no evidence of damage, but keep an eye on it and give pain killers as required.
That was good news! I was afraid he'd need an anaesthetic if it was broken.
What was also good was that the whole process took only an hour and a half!
Evidence that the work we've put into improving journey time for patients with dementia has actually had an effect. (And they didn't know I was on the panel!)
John didn't seem to be in too much pain, and was sound asleep when I left. And I'm looking forward to having something positive to report at our next hospital development meeting!
Hi Hazel
Sorry to hear about John but pleased it was nothing to serious.
Bet your stomach turned over when the phone rang.
Hope John is okay when you see him.
Love Roseann
Sorry to hear about John but pleased it was nothing to serious.
Bet your stomach turned over when the phone rang.
Hope John is okay when you see him.
Love Roseann
Hello Hazel,
Pleased to hear there's nothing to worry about with John's toe.
And that indeed is good news....
Love gigi xx
Pleased to hear there's nothing to worry about with John's toe.
And that indeed is good news....
Love gigi xx
