Another not great visit with mum this week. Last week there was a facebook post by CH saying the inside visiting booth area was almost finished and they'd be using it next week, but there was no mention when I rang to book visit on Tuesday of using it and there had been nothing on facebook this week when I booked my visit so it still mustn't be ready yet so today was still a visit through closed entrance door.
When we walked up to door the nurse was bringing a chair to put by door and she said We didn't know you were coming we're not ready yet, she's not having a good day she won't have anything to eat and she won't get dressed. I was a bit surprised as I'd booked it tuesday but didn't get chance to say before she went to room just off entrance. I heard her ask mum if she was coming and say You've got a visitor your Andrea is here. I could see her helping mum up which looked a real struggle for mum and they walked over and mum sat on chair. Mum looked awful, she was wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms and a nightshirt, neither of which were hers, she looked like she would fall down if not held up. She looked like a skeleton with loose skin and looked absolutely exhausted, like she'd had enough of life.
Mum looked like she couldn't even hold herself upright in the chair at first, she sort of slid to side resting her head on her hand on arm of chair. It took a lot not to cry at the sight of her but somehow I did manage not to cry today. Mum said she felt awful she just wanted to lie down, she felt yuck. Said she didn't have energy to get dressed when I asked her about it. She said we should go home cos she was no company and she'd see us another day. I told her we'd come to see her and why didn't we try chatting for a bit see if it cheered her up a bit. Mum said Ok but said she felt terrible, I tried saying she would feel terrible cos she didn't eat and would she try eat a bit of something for me. She said she couldn't eat she felt too horrible she just wanted to lie down she'd had enough today. I told her we'd brought her a prawn sandwich and she pulled a face at it which is unusual. I saidYou like prawns and Mum said I don't think I like owt. She said her mouth felt horrible so I suggested she have a drink and told her we'd brought her some coke and she said Oh good. A carer came by then and asked if we wanted to hand mums goody bag in. We said we'd brought mum a sandwich and some coke and mum might want some so she got it for mum. Mum had a drink but it was fizzy so mum pulled a face which we laughed at, carer said something about it being a funny face so mum did it again and we all laughed again. Mum said she didn't want it cos it was too fizzy so I suggested she put it on shelf and let it go bit flatter and the carer put it there for her and said we'll leave top off for a bit eh and mum agreed. Then she said she'd take mums things and put them away for her and put the sandwich in the fridge. When she went mum said she was lovely and I said They all seem nice, Mum said They are, they don't leave me on my own and they're always trying to get me to eat and asking if I'm ok. I said Thats nice its cos they care about you like we do. Mum smiled at that.
Mum did chat a bit at times and cheer up and sit up a little bit but she kept getting tired and lolling to side again. She said a few times she was no company and we could go but I said we'd come to see her and we were fine. Mum asked a couple of times if we'd come tomorrow, or would we come again so I said I don't think I can come tomorrow but I'll keep coming every week cos I love to see you, which did make her smile. She talked about not feeling good and being skinny a few times. I asked her to try eat for me, just start with a little bit at a time and build up and said she'd feel better if she ate. Mum pointed to a few small bruises on her arm near her wrist and told us she keeps getting bruises I could see a big one under top of her other arm too. I told her she needed to fatten up and get some padding so she wouldn't bruise. She did laugh when I was saying she needed to fatten up like me and was jiggling my leg about saying look how big my leg is with all my padding I'd bounce if I fall. One time when talking about not eating mum asked me when she last ate and I said I didn't know, mum said she didn't either. A couple of times mum agreed to try a bit to eat after we went when I suggested she could try something and see if she felt better enough to get dressed, though she also pulled a face at the thought a few times too. Once mum said she didn't like the food it was horrible so I told her to eat the biscuits and crisps I brought instead. When I told her I'd brought her some magazines and a new code book she said thanks and smiled. I suggested she could do some puzzles this afternoon and she said Oh yeah I can.
Instead of the walking lady today there was a man walking up and down who kept coming and standing right behind the glass at the back of mum, I've seen him walk by and stop and look at us a couple of times before, he doesn't say anything or smile or react when we smile or say hello to him, he just stands and stares a bit then walks off. The first time he did it today was early on in visit, mum noticed him and said I don't know who he is, I can't be doing with that today. As he walked away mum said He can burger off (but proper word). A bit later he walked past with a cup of tea and biscuit and stood behind mum till he finished his biscuit but luckily that time and next time I kept mum talking and she didn't notice. But someone was squealing and shouting in the room to the side a bit later on and mum said Oh no not again, it's never quiet I can't be bothered with it all today I just want to lie down quiet but it's not quiet there's always someone going on. She kept leaning on her hand with her head and closing her eyes and sighing and looked shattered and fed up.
We did manage a couple of little bits of chat, mum asked a couple of times what we'd been up to, I couldn't say I'd been clearing her house out so I said things I've done previous weeks, like going on my treadmill and colouring and we talked about those for a minute or two. Mum asked if we were ok, had we seen hubbys mum and dad, had we seen my sister, were they ok and we talked for minute about not being able to visit but we're phoning and texting and they were all ok. She asked again a bit later too so I just answered as if first time. We also had a couple of laughs about a few little things including me crouching down to be at her level and I joked again about being like hunchback of notre dame and shouted esmeralda which made mum laugh. Mum also asked a couple of times about her mum, if I'd seen her, so I just said I'd not seen her but she was ok which mum seemed fine with.
After about 25 minutes mum said we could go cos she was getting tired now, I didn't want mum to go looking for a carer to let us out like usual as she looked so weak today so I asked her to wait a bit till a carer came by then we'd ask them to let us out and mum agreed cos she said she didn't know if she could manage to get up on her own. We chatted a bit more and then mum said she wanted a cup of tea cos she was dry. I suggested again she tried a biscuit with it and mum agreed. The nurse came then and told us they'd another visit booked at 1/4 to, it was 25 to 12 by this time and mum was tired so I said That's ok mums getting tired now anyway so we'll go and mum says she fancies a cup of tea and will try a biscuit with it. Nurse said something to mum about her not eating and trying something then she went away. We thought she'd just gone for a couple of minutes to let us say bye and expected her to come back and buzz us out so we were gone before next visitor arrived. Mum was a bit confused why we hadn't left but I said Nurse will be back to let us out soon she's probably gone so we can say bye. We said bye and that we loved each other and we'd see mum next week but nurse didn't come back, so we chatted a few more minutes while we waited.
Mums lip looked a little better today though still sore and she'd said earlier on in visit when I mentioned it that someone had been telling her to put lipsyl on. While we were waiting to go mum licked her lips and said Ooh I keep forgetting not to do that. I said Keep putting your lipsyl on cos it's looking better and we joked about putting loads on so even if she licked her lips she'd just slip right off and not hurt it. Mum laughed then said she'd need to find it again cos she keeps forgetting where it is. I'd took another with me in my coat pocket just in case, so I said I'll leave you another then you can have a spare. Mum laughed and said I can put one in each pocket and I said Yeah you can be like quick draw mcgraw and draw yer lipsyl, I did a cowboy drawing two guns type thing which made mum laugh. The gate buzzer went then and carer came to open gate for them and I asked her if I could hand in another lipsyl for mum and told her it was a spare in case mum can't find the other. The next visitor came and waited at bottom of steps so we said bye again, told mum we loved her lots and we'd see her next week and went down to gate thinking carer would buzz us out. After a minute we could hear visitor shouting hello to her relative but no one had buzzed gate to let us out so hubby went back to bottom of steps and waved at one of the carers and gestured pressing the buzzer. So then they buzzed us out so we shouted thank you over intercom. Hubby said carer and mum had gone when he went back and it was some different carers with other resident so I think first carer must have taken mum and more carers had brought next resident and they'd missed buzzing us out.
I hope mum did have a drink and ate something today and I hope she got dressed and felt a bit brighter later but she really did look weak and shattered today and so thin it broke my heart to see her and to leave her.