Thanks for your replies I really appreciate them when you've all got so much going on yourselves.
I just want my mum to feel safe and loved and feel like I'm not doing that for her now, but I'm all there is. She's mixed up and confused when I'm there but she's more so when I'm not and also seems scared. I'm not sure if me being with her all the time would work either as sometimes when she doesn't think I'm me she wants me to go so our Andie can come, or thinks I've out stayed my welcome, or I need to go home to my hubby and when I don't go that gets her agitated and angry and upsets her in different way to now but she's still in a state.
I think on nights she's scared and crying like last night she'd be relieved if I said I'll stay with you, whoever she thought I was, but on times she's more with it she'd be asking me when I was going home and saying she doesn't need a babysitter, but then if I went I might have to come back later when she starts worrying where my dad is or upset because on her own. Also if I'm there when she's upset but she doesn't know I'm me she'll still be upset that our Andea has abandoned her, and as I sometimes flick in between 'friend' and me that could just make her more confused, but at least she wouldn't be alone.
We decided to ring memory clinic a couple of week ago cos mum was getting agitated and angry more and was ringing me up on an evening after I left annoyed I'd not been and was more confused what had happened to her mum and my dad and we hoped that increasing her sertraline would help settle her down and fell less anxious. Which it seems to have done in the daytime, she's not as agitated and angry and calms down quicker when she's anxious but on an evening she seems to be more upset and it's gone on into bedtime too some nights. When she rang late saturday night and when she rang in evening yesterday she was sobbing down phone bless her.
I don't know what to do, SS don't want to help and at minute sis and I don't really want mum to go in home in current situation either but I do think if she could settle, which not sure she would, it could help her to have people there.
Other than that it's just me, I don't want to go back to living out of a carrier, sleeping on a fold up bed that is quite painful after a while and not being able to live in my own home with my husband and never having a moment to myself. I think mum might still be confused with who I am as more often that not I'm 'friend' or a friend named Andrea now so she'd probably often wonder why I was there and wonder where our Andrea was and I couldn't reassure her I am me and do see her which could cause more upset and confusion but I feel a bit like I use that as excuse because I really don't want to stay there.
Mum could come here so she's not alone, but we don't really want that or think it would work very well either. At first last september when she was upset in night we brought mum to stay here a couple of times and I got impression she would have been ok to stay here with us but we weren't ready for that then and I was worried about her on stairs then as was quite unsteady and had lost a lot of weight. So next time she was upset in night I went to hers to stay with her and ended up there for 3 months. When we came to stay at my house on Christmas eve so I could be at home for christmas she didn't settle at all. Partly cos she thought this was 'friend's house and she wanted to go to our Andreas, or go home to her house so Our Andrea could come. I think if she came here now she would be unsettled, she is by late afternoon when she comes for day and I don't know if she moved in if that would continue into night. She's already confused about where she lives though and doesn't think lives where she does so there may be no difference there. Hubby doesn't think we could cope with her living here now and I don't think we could either. I'm on constant alert for her on stairs as although she's stopped losing weight and is eating properly now and is stronger now, she's still not great on stairs and I'm scared she'll get up in night and go wrong way and fall down them so all day and night I'd be on alert for her on stairs as even in day if I leave her for a while to do something she comes looking for me.
I feel stuck, poor mum is confused and scared and I'm putting off helping her because it's hard for me. I really hoped the tablets would help her worry less and get less angry, anxious and upset as currently that seemed only alternative to me going to stay with her but they aren't working as well as hoped and nothing else is on offer.