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Hi Chrissie, I just wanted to let you know that your post has really helped me too. My mom is living with us during the virus and it's been a huge learning curve. I was struggling so much with the endless questions and loss of any privacy it felt. She simply isn't able to notice when I want a bit of space or am busy. I needed to hear about 'Operation Protective Gear' lol! and I've never heard of Confabulation and I have googled it now! I have a lot to learn. May I just ask you, did you make up 'Operation Protective Gear' or are there more strategies that I can read up on about it? Thank you for making me smile regardless. I'm already on taskHi Annielou, This one is still very fresh in my mind, with my mum I was her mum who she had lots of issues with, it's unpleasant at best, and downright frustrating. You already know from people in the forum Alzheimer conditions can very often cause symptons, the most common one I've seen mentioned is Sundowners.
Your mum is going through a phase of Confabulation, and while you are going through your present identity crisis, it's a good idea to remember that's what it really is. There isn't a cure for it, but it will eventually wear out, so now it's time to put your protective gear on.
I think your mum had a very good friend from what you are saying and I am going to call her Trudy, it's easier to have a name. One day Trudy betrayed your mum and became an ex-friend, so Trudy died in effect, and was replaced by mean woman called Gertie.
From what you are saying, if I have your story right, the positive side is that your mum is calling you Trudy, which means you are actually the friend before she died. This loss of friendship was possibly a big part of her life, and no longer makes sense to her, which is why it is stuck in a loop. You will have looked up the word Confabulation by now, and you will see that if something doesn't make sense, the brain will change it so that it does make sense, at least to your mum. Be prepared, there may well be a time you become Gertie, and that will be even more difficult, so it's best to try and take a little control while you are Trudy.
First thing, however tempting it is, will be to tell you that outright denial and trying to pull in facts to prove that you are not Trudy is Not going to work. Sorry. I've been there, the more you pull in facts, the more twisted your mum's brain can make it, and the more obsessive she becomes about being right, and the more intricate her story will become.
Operation Protective Gear:
Your main headgear is a technique you know called "Distraction".
Example: but you will have more idea in your circumstances and come up with something better.
Your mum: "Trudy, I need to get our Annielou to come round and tidy my garden up, it's getting very messy."
You: "That's a good idea, why don't you ring her while I make a cup of tea:"
This is where you exit, make a drink, come back in, and shout, "Hi mum, it's me, Annielou, I've made a drink, for us both, is that ok?"
It might not work, but it's worth a try, and might just give you break, even if it's just to escape from the situation while you breathe. If your mum is still capable of answering the phone, and you have someone who will can ring her while you are in the kitchen making a brew, that would be helpful, because that's a further distraction while you are out of the room.
Another thing to remember is that sometimes altering where your mum is looking somehow shakes things back. I know, I didn't believe it either until I tried it a few times, it's The important thing is that she should turn her head to look the other way. It was explained to me, and to this day, I just don't know why it sometimes works. So if your mum starts on one of her rants, then see if you can do anything to get her to look in the opposite direction so she has to turn her head. Again, this should be done as close as possible at the beginning of the conversation, and if you can interrupt the line of thought while you do it, you get bonus points.
Thanks x When my sister visited before lockdown there was usually a bit of hostess mode with mum and she remembers who she is for quite a while so she would probably be ok at knowing who she was with, so it could be good solution. Mum may kick up a fuss cos I'm not going as even when sis is here she wants me too and mum also thinks sis is rubbish with money so depending on her mood she may say she doesn't want sis dealing with her money but that's a bridge to cross later and she may not even think of that.The only person to need ID is the donor i.e. your Mum, to prove it is the correct person legally making the document, you or your sister are only accompanying her. The Banjoman had four attorneys as I wanted to make sure his family were involved (so there was no come back later, although he only wanted me as Attorney) but I was the only one the Solicitor met because, like you, I was the person accompanying him.
I was wondering if your sister should take her if you could be sure Mum would recognise her for long enough?