Thanks
@anxious annie @Woohoo xx
We think what SS are offering is inadequate too. SW put on careplan one reason for giving mum day at day centre is shes at risk of social isolation but other than that her emotional needs don't seem to come into it really.
Mum is confused a lot of the time, even doing things like plugging in the tv, using the washer, controlling the heating, remembering order to do things like change her bed confuses her a lot of the time and I have to help or direct her, so if no one is there to nudge her in right direction she can't always do them and gets upset.
The other day she had turned the radiator in living room off because she was warm and couldn't remember how to turn heating down with the room thermostat and the next morning when it didn't get warm in the living room because radiator was still off she started pressing buttons on the heating control panel and ended up pressing advance button which turned all heating off when it should have been on so. I had to correct it when I got there, luckily it wasn't as cold that morning as has been last few days and she'd put a big cardi on but if nobody was there she'd have sat there all day in the cold. She has also tried a few times to put tv on but got confused with plugs and I've had to sort it out when got there so now I always make sure it is plugged in and turned off when we take her back home if we've been out.
Her sitting in a cold house without the tele on and sat with nothing to do, because shes forgot how to put them on that day and nobody is there to prompt her is not good in my opinion but it doesn't seem like an important thing to SS. If carer is just popping into to help mum choose clothes and take tablet early in morning and then nobody is with her till lunchtime and then again nobody with her till dinnertime she could be sat cold and bored and not do washing etc
as nobody to ask when she cant remember what to do.
I know they arent big things but its lots of little things she struggles with and gets confused about, as well as not liking being on her own as she doesn't know what to do with herself and gets bored and lonely and also scared and upset that she doesnt know what to do or remember things that I think is why she needs someone with her most of the time.
The brokerage department rang sis later this afternoon and said they had found a company that could do mums visit but none of them are at the times SW put on care plan so she wanted to see what we thought. The morning one is later than SW put but actually similar time to when I go so would be ok, the lunchtime one is about an hour after mum would normally have lunch so not suitable and the dinner one is a bit later than normal but might not be too bad. Sis asked if could maybe just have some but not all of the visits and figure something out ourselves for rest and also said if mum at day centre on wednesday she wouldnt be in for two of the visits anyway. Brokerage said yes but she didnt know about day centre and also then the company might not want to take it on as not a big enough job to be worth their while. Shes going to contact care company and SW tomorrow to see what both say and get back to sis.
I rang sis after hubby and I came back from mums tonight and Hubby sis and I had a chat about carers and we are thinking it may well work out better if we don't have SS arranged carers and we arrange our own using mums AA and a little of her own money.
We don't think mum could cope with just the short visits SS are offering and nothing in between so I would probably end up going over anyway and then we'd be doubling up and I'd get no benefit from having carers. We aren't really bothered about weekend visits anyway as hubby and I always see mum on weekends and mum having to be in for carer will be a bind and actually make things a bit more awkward. So we think we might try to find our own to come a couple of afternoons a week so I can go over in morning and then leave after lunch and carer can come in, sit with mum for few hours and give her dinner so I can come home and do my own thing, have my hair cut, do some housework, have dinner with hubby on our own, maybe even have friends round occasionaly again and then rest of the days I'll go over like I am now and weekends hubby and I will see her like we do now or sis will see her when she comes down.
I'm thinking having afternoon off rather than morning might be better as mum sundowns in the afternoon and forgets who I am and questions me about it and I do find it really hard to deal with, even though it isn't as bad now as before when she would get aggressive, but its still upsetting. I wonder if I'm not there she won't be trying as hard to make sense of who I am and maybe carer may be able to distract her onto something else a bit better.
I don't think a couple of afternoons a week is enough really as I'll still be with her rest of time and on red alert and worrying about mum when she alone on an evening and even when she's with carer on my afternoons off but it will better than now and better I think than if we only have 3 short visits a day.
Nothing else is on offer so we have to make best of it and Sis and hubby and I seemed to agree this may be better as at least I will get a couple of blocks of time and mum will have someone with her during them so I think thats what we are going to try. When SS call sis tomorrow she is going to ask them about it and tell them what we think.
I don't know its the right thing but we can only try what we think is best we can do at the time. I just hope this doesn't make it harder to get SS to step in when things get harder in the future but to be honest I think that was going to be hard anyway.
I am probably being cynical but is it a coincidence that care plan was at brokerage with nothing happening yesterday when i spoke to SW and then just after we say mum has got AA we get an email next day from SW saying mum now has accessible income and we'd have to pay them mums AA towards her care cost that we then also get a call the same day from brokerage saying a possible care agency has been found. I'm probably being unfair and it is a coincidence as SW had said last week some of care plan backlog was being taken up now but it was a thought I had today.
Need to stop thinking about it now and go try to get some sleep as I've to be up really early in morning for hubby to drop me at mums around 7am to get her ready to hopefully go to day centre. X Fingers crossed she goes X