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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

VET

New member
Dec 9, 2019
5
My Mum often doesn’t recognise me as her daughter . I visit everyday and although she always knows my name she doesn’t always know I’m her daughter . She will often ask me how she is going to get home even though she is at home. Sometimes she’s angry and rude other times she’s very pleasant.We’ve also noticed that she keeps leaving the TV on at night when she goes to bed . When I remind her to turn it off she blames my Dad for leaving it on ( he passed away 5 years ago ) I never know what version of my Mum I’m going to get and feel physically sick when I pull up outside her house wandering how the visit is going to go. it has taken an awful lot of tears for me to learn that to just go along with whatever is said to me and agree and just keep reminding myself that it’s not her fault.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
263
Funny thing happened yesterday evening. My partner of 17 years standing next to me while I was typing on the laptop suddenly said he'd like to get a girlfriend!! Guess I'm just not playing the part properly these days - well I am rather more like his mother than a girlfriend that's for sure.
Oh no! I'm so sorry, that must have been a bit awkward... I remember when my mum and dad split up dad was in his 70s and he often said he thought he'd get married again, my brothers found this idea excruciating!
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,227
Hi @VET , I totally get not knowing which version of a mother you are going to get. When mum was at home I never knew when she phoned me if she'd be the confused but nice or confused and horrible version of herself. Now mum is in a care home she is more confused, but mostly nice. Unlike your mum she knows I'm her daughter, or at least that is the label she gives me, but I haven't actually heard her say my name in ages. I was talking about my brother by name the other day and she didn't know who I meant.
The whole thing is so tricky, specially if like @annielou's mum you get very upset by it all.
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
416
The problem, I have found, with attempting this, is that the confusion and conflation is not constant. Dad will know he has grandchildren one hour, and not the next. So it's hard to know when we can talk about them as he may or may not have them in his reality at the time. I can be sister or daughter, but I won't know which until it's too late. Are hai parents alive or dead at this moment? Dementia sufferers do not reside in another place and time as we are sometimes led to believe by the media, it's always shifting and it's this which I can't always keep up with and I can see @annielou also trying to keep pace with her mum's fluctuations too. I don't even live with dad or see him that often! You could say, ask them about their parents or brother or whatever before you speak but in a home setting it's very difficult to remember this every time.

Anyway - that's just a thought and my experience.

Agree with Annielou it must be horrible to be constantly wondering where you are and who you are with...
I am in complete accord. There are clinical facts ( damage to brain cells etc) but actual individual behaviour at a given time, can be totally unpredictable. The point is in being aware of the fact that even an alien "reality " is nevertheless in the moment an actuality for the one living with dementia. The chicken l had prepared for my late mother she perceived as fish. I made the mistake we all make prior to that eventual awareness, of insisting it was chicken. The argument which ensued resulted in an uneaten meal, distress and overall misery. I learned my lesson. This is why care at the front line is so extremely challenging. It does not stop at four o'clock for tea! It goes on - both calm and "normal" days, followed by unsettled or even dreadfully disturbed days. The brain is the most extraordinary thing, a marvel truly. Just the slightest change in its function makes a pronounced difference. With dementia we enter another country. A country with a different language - the language of hidden cognition. Whereby our loved one inhabits a world we cannot see. The expression of that world can be obscure, or precise on it's own terms " this is fish! Not chicken!!". In effect you are party to a continuous unknown manifested in a loved one. Hallucinations or feelings of abject anxiety, paranoia and genuine fear which is not quelled by anything but medication. So at the end of the day we see that " comfort " becomes a key word. We cannot challenge dementia because it's like saying the one who is living with it understands in a normal cognitive way. They don't. And yet moments of clarity come about, out of the blue. Day to day is a wise approach, with a damper on expectation or hope, for these can build a false picture. Our humanity and compassion are paramount. But so is having the energy to apply it. Treat dementia as the intruder it is and the imposter it becomes. For precisely one hour prior to my dear mother dying in end stage Alzheimer's , she sat up in her hospital bed, her eyes clear and open ( they had been closed most of the time) and spoke clearly and calmly to me just as she had done before her diagnosis. It was both moving and remarkable. No, there are no pat answers nor revelations. Just the living reality of both caring for a loved one with dementia and their own "reality" which so often evades our ability to challenge or to indeed understand. But we can CARE and we can LOVE. The marriage of these two will sustain you and honour the one you love. Beyond this might one day come a cure. Until that time we do our utmost.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
541
Oh no! I'm so sorry, that must have been a bit awkward... I remember when my mum and dad split up dad was in his 70s and he often said he thought he'd get married again, my brothers found this idea excruciating!
Oh no, not awkward, I'm used to it - he seems to have forgotten my name and one day he sat next to me and asked if he had a wife! Par for the course sadly.
 

Alibear

Registered User
Jun 12, 2018
29
Devon
Wow @annielou i could almost have written that about my own daily trials with my Mum! Sounds extremely familiar especially about who i am (which constantly changes) and about where she lives, the second house, visiting her Mum (who died about 30 years ago) i could go on! Take comfort in the fact that i live this routine currently too - its a challenge for sure, trying to say the right thing in the right moment - especially when she looks straight at me and asks me about my own Mum... totally gutting. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,040
Yorkshire
thanks @Bikerbeth @Pete1 @Hazara8 @Vitesse @Sarasa @White Rose @imthedaughter @VET @Alibear xxxxxxxxx

Its been another mixed up day for mum today, they all are, though some days we're lucky and its not too mixed up or not for too long but those days are few and far between now. Today was a mixed up but calm day and so it was easier to deal with as mum didn't really get upset about being mixed up today.
Today like most days hubby and I have switched between being the 'friend' and 'friends' hubby, her friend Andrea but married to 'friends' hubby, and ourselves. We were us when we picked her up mid morning and occassionaly during rest of day but mainly we've been others.
She was confused again over where lived, if left things at her mums house, how long lived where she does etc, She told me she went looking for her other bedrooms yesterday but could only find one and then she realised the other bedrooms were at her mums house. Luckily she still seems ok when she's at her house even when mixed up about it. She often forgets where things are and asks if it is her house and how long she's lived there and most days gets the number wrong even when she's in it.
I do try to go along with what she believes and not contradict her but its so hard to follow who she thinks I am and what she means quite a lot of the time and I can switch between the three of us all in one conversation. I do try and sometimes it works for a while but then quite often she will suddenly get me back or remember the right thing and then she wants to know why I'm saying that. She will often say you're not lying to me are you or you're not trying to trick me are you and if I've agreed with something she's said thats wrong it makes it worse. I try to be calm and patient and think how scary and confusing it must be for mum but I don't always manage it and am constantly dissapointed in myself and feel guilty about it.
Its heartbreaking to see mum so confused and scared and I find it confusing and exhausting too.
Sounds like lots of us are in similar boats with a loved one who forgets who we are and flits about in altering realities.
Lots of love to all of you and thanks for posting about it as it does help to read other peoples experiences and ideas x
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
711
I try to be calm and patient and think how scary and confusing it must be for mum but I don't always manage it and am constantly dissapointed in myself and feel guilty about it.
Hi @annielou, I think all of us have been there! Take solace in the fact that you may be beating yourself up over it but Mum will have soon forgotten. You are under extreme emotional duress having to watch your Mum (who looked after you, and was always strong for you) struggle and be fearful, and there is little you can do to change that situation except give her your love and support her which you are doing every day. Stay strong and be kind to yourself.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
187
Oh no, not awkward, I'm used to it - he seems to have forgotten my name and one day he sat next to me and asked if he had a wife! Par for the course sadly.
I’m the same. it’s got to the point that he now tells me most days his wife has died, s9 I just go along with it. This morning he showed me a card from the AS which gives his name, next of kin etc for emergencies. He pointed to the bit that had my name as his next of kin, and tried to say that was no good as she is dead. I answered that I would pretend to be her if anybody was trying to reach us. He seemed OK with that!!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
263
I’m the same. it’s got to the point that he now tells me most days his wife has died, s9 I just go along with it. This morning he showed me a card from the AS which gives his name, next of kin etc for emergencies. He pointed to the bit that had my name as his next of kin, and tried to say that was no good as she is dead. I answered that I would pretend to be her if anybody was trying to reach us. He seemed OK with that!!
That's a good plan. You'll never be found out, as you have all her ID!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,040
Yorkshire
I’m the same. it’s got to the point that he now tells me most days his wife has died, s9 I just go along with it. This morning he showed me a card from the AS which gives his name, next of kin etc for emergencies. He pointed to the bit that had my name as his next of kin, and tried to say that was no good as she is dead. I answered that I would pretend to be her if anybody was trying to reach us. He seemed OK with that!!
Great answer Vitesse.X Though its a shame you had to think of it X
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
541
I’m the same. it’s got to the point that he now tells me most days his wife has died, s9 I just go along with it. This morning he showed me a card from the AS which gives his name, next of kin etc for emergencies. He pointed to the bit that had my name as his next of kin, and tried to say that was no good as she is dead. I answered that I would pretend to be her if anybody was trying to reach us. He seemed OK with that!!
Don't know whether to laugh or cry for you, it's just so tragic isn't it.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Really struggled with mum today, I feel like I should be coping better now, but today it all got too much when mum was questioning who I was and I just couldn't cope with answering the questions anymore. I couldn't keep up and understand what she was asking in her mixed up questions and statements and I started crying and shaking and my insides were churning and I had to go into the bathroom for a while as I was shaking like mad. I couldn't keep still, I was sobbing and breathing really fast and loud and sort of gulping and I just couldn't calm down, I ended up standing pressed up against the wall to try to stop myself shaking and trying to calm down.
I've gotten really upset and shaky and not been able to listen and keep up and answer mum before but never as bad as this, I didn't think I was going to be able to calm down and breath normal or stop shaking.
I was in there about 20 minutes before I was breathing more normal and came out, I was still shaking and my insides were still churning but mum had started calling out to 'friend' to come on out now and I didn't like to leave her on her own too long so I went back into the room. But then mum started again and I could feel myself starting to go again and begged her to give me a bit of time to calm down and try not to worry about who I was for a while. Luckily after five minutes of her trying to ask more questions I managed to calm her down enough to leave things for a while and she was quiet and watched tv for about an hour and I eventually managed to stop shaking and my insides stop churning as much.
Unfortunately she was back to being mixed up a bit later and asking me odd questions and making odd statements again then and when hubby arrived for dinner she was adamant we both werent us and got the photos out to prove it. We did mange to make it through next hour and half without too much upset even though we werent us, hubby and I tried to just go along with what she said.
She was ok when we left to go to visit inlaws but still thought we were friend and friends hubby and was talking about me and my hubby as someone else. Five minutes after we arrived at inlaws she rang my mobile to ask where I was and why not been to see her and then after I thought she'd calmed her down and we said night she rang back a couple of minutes later and was really upset and mixed up again and sounded like she was crying or on the verge of it. It took another few minutes but I think I managed to calm her down again and we said night again with lots of love you lots.
I feel so sorry for her when she's so confused and upset and totally useless as I can't make things better for her and sometimes I really struggle to deal with it. Every day she loses who I am and every evening she thinks its friend or someone else shes spent the day with and wants to know why I havent seen her and gets upset that she doesn't know who I am or what done.
Lady from mermory clinic came yesterday to see how mums doing and we talked about how she is calmer and not as aggressive, anxious or agitated now but that she is now sad and upset when she gets mixed up. MW said she would talk to their prescribing doctors about upping mums dose from 50 to 100 to see if it helped with the being upset and sad. I said that it is a bit easier to calm her down now but awful to see her so upset.
I do think it is a bit easier to deal with and calm her when shes not as agitated and aggressive but I am still struggling and have really struggled yesterday and today. Yesterday I felt exhausted after an afternoon and early evening of her not knowing who I was and where she lived etc. After we got back home about 1/2 eight, I spent almost 1/4 an hour on phone to mum trying to reassure her again and then after a little while talking to hubby about his bp and tablets I felt all tired and funny so I ended up laying on the sofa half asleep for an hour and then going to bed.
And I've struggled again today too, at lunchtime mum got a letter from AA benefits saying sorry not made a decision yet and will be in touch soon and that set her off asking what it was and why she had it and then saying she didn't need help and she was fine etc. Then we ended up talking about her needing help and how and why I came every day, which was a bit upsetting for both of us but we didn't shout or argue about it and she seemed to calm down and we had lunch then did some housework together. But by 3 o'clock she was asking about our Andie and had forgot who I was and was questioning me to see if I was her and that was when I had my scary silly do and hid in the bathroom.
I got a bit shaky and my breathing started going faster again while I was putting out the dinner about 6 but luckily hubby was in the kitchen with me and calmed me down enough so I could hold it together and when we got in from in laws tonight and were talking about mum calling me earlier I got a bit shaky and teary too.
Hubby said he's seen me getting shaky when I talk about mum or am on the phone to her a few times. Sometimes I feel like I'm shaking inside and try really hard to stop my body shaking on the outside but my hand will still shake.
I think I should be finding things easier now I'm not staying at mums 24hrs and mum is a bit calmer on sertraline and it is easier in a way, but I still seem to be struggling to cope. I can't believe the state I got in today.
I get Mums mail sent to me ( POA) it stops this confusion - otherwise it’s never ending!

you need to be a little less hard on yourself & give you time to process all that’s happened .
((((Hugs)))))
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
thanks @Bikerbeth @Pete1 @Hazara8 @Vitesse @Sarasa @White Rose @imthedaughter @VET @Alibear xxxxxxxxx

Its been another mixed up day for mum today, they all are, though some days we're lucky and its not too mixed up or not for too long but those days are few and far between now. Today was a mixed up but calm day and so it was easier to deal with as mum didn't really get upset about being mixed up today.
Today like most days hubby and I have switched between being the 'friend' and 'friends' hubby, her friend Andrea but married to 'friends' hubby, and ourselves. We were us when we picked her up mid morning and occassionaly during rest of day but mainly we've been others.
She was confused again over where lived, if left things at her mums house, how long lived where she does etc, She told me she went looking for her other bedrooms yesterday but could only find one and then she realised the other bedrooms were at her mums house. Luckily she still seems ok when she's at her house even when mixed up about it. She often forgets where things are and asks if it is her house and how long she's lived there and most days gets the number wrong even when she's in it.
I do try to go along with what she believes and not contradict her but its so hard to follow who she thinks I am and what she means quite a lot of the time and I can switch between the three of us all in one conversation. I do try and sometimes it works for a while but then quite often she will suddenly get me back or remember the right thing and then she wants to know why I'm saying that. She will often say you're not lying to me are you or you're not trying to trick me are you and if I've agreed with something she's said thats wrong it makes it worse. I try to be calm and patient and think how scary and confusing it must be for mum but I don't always manage it and am constantly dissapointed in myself and feel guilty about it.
Its heartbreaking to see mum so confused and scared and I find it confusing and exhausting too.
Sounds like lots of us are in similar boats with a loved one who forgets who we are and flits about in altering realities.
Lots of love to all of you and thanks for posting about it as it does help to read other peoples experiences and ideas x
I found for Aged Mother that photos placed around the home help trigger memories from her youth, it’s so far a technique that’s working
Just a thought - especially as more recent memories are confusing!
x
Hope that idea might be helpful
(((Hugs)))
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,040
Yorkshire
Thanks for the suggestions @DesperateofDevon x

I'm feeling grumpy at hubby at mo as he walked off downstairs while I was talking to him which pigged me off as its something he does fairly often, when I told him he said 'oh sorry I thought you were following me' which is a usual reply, that or his other favourite,' I thought you'd finished', Yeah right thats why I was mid sentence and in middle of something when you set off downstairs and if you thought I was following you didn't you notice it had gone quiet?!!!!😠
We'd got in from mums about 8 and while I was emptying the washer he was telling me something about work so I waited with my arms full of wet washing till he was ready to go upstairs and then I followed him and I was putting washing in spare room on the airer he got changed out of work things while we were still talking. I was sorting more washing and talking to him about plans for when my sister and her boyfriend come down this weekend when he finished getting changed and he just walked off downstairs into the kitchen, leaving me talking to myself o_O
I know its not a big thing and he is really good, in fact a saint really to put up with me, especially lately when our lives seem to revolve around mum and I'm always talking about her, but its something he's done for years that really bugs me. Makes me feel he's not interested and not listening as he'd notice I hadn't finished and that he could no longer hear me if he was. So I'm sulking a bit and feeling a bit peeved, even though to be honest I don't really blame him for zoning out as I do tend to go on, as you've probably noticed. And he'd come from work to mums and sat at mums for an hour and half which is not his ideal way to spend an evening and he'd probably come in and thought he had another evening coming of listening to me worrying about mum, with possibly a call from mum as well as she was quite confused when we left. I think I'm annoyed at him for doing it and annoyed at myself for being annoyed, confused? Yep me too!! Anyway that should probably be on another forum, Tp isn't really for grumpy wives is it.
:oops::rolleyes:
Mum wasn't too bad today and seemed to know me most of the day until evening. She did seem quite tired and nodded a few times even though she said she had had a good sleep but then a bit later she said the box had talked to her again last night it was about 12 and she'd been checking back door was locked and it asked her if she was outside. She wasn't sure why she had had to check it as she hadnt unlocked it since we took her home but she couldnt help herself:( I told her just to try handle and not unlock it to check its locked. If her time was right shehad gone to bed late so that probably why tired today.
She told me this morning she thought she had been worse at mixing things up this week. Said she seemed to get most things wrong. Said she didn't know if she'd dreamed it or something but thought she had gone to 'friends' yesterday and 'friend' wasnt there but 'friends hubby' had been there with a lass with dark hair. She said it felt real but she didn't think she'd seen them for ages.
It was our house she'd been to and she had thought my hubby was 'friends hubby' and had wondered why he was with me not 'friend'. So I told her not to worry about it, sometimes she mixes me and hubby up with them and she'd been at mine yesterday. She said she knew she must be mixed up, and seemed to be mixing allsorts up lately and wondered why she'd mixed us up. I said its nothing to worry about mum you were just mixing a bit of an old memory with a new one it doesn't really matter and she seemed ok with that.
We had a bit of a chat about her having a carer today, mum brought it up and though she isn't keen on strangers coming in to her house and worried she wont know what to say or do with them she seems to be accepting that they are good idea. I've told her I'll be there first time or two they come so she doesn't have meet them on her own. She also talked a bit more about day centre and was worried they wouldn't know she was going to go again on Wednesday so I said I'd ring them tomorrow and remind them as I want to talk to them about her tablets anyway which she seemed happy with. I'm glad she wants to go back. :)
Then she said she was a bit worried she wasn't getting her pension as she hadn't been for it so I explained it goes straight in to her bank and we draw out money when she wants it. She asked a couple of times about it during the day and when talking bout carers she thought she'd have to have cash to pay them so I said they'd send a bill and we'd sort it out, she didn't have to give them cash each visit.
Apart from the odd bit of mixing up she's been quite calm and relaxed today and most of the day I was pretty sure she knew who I was and she knew hubby when he came too, but then about half an hour before we left she went to loo and when she came out I said something about going home after programme finished and calling in to shop on way home and she asked me where I was going? I said again we're going home and calling in shop on way and she asked where's home? She looked quite confused and when I said to my house where we live she asked if we had a home together now? I said yes and she said Oh I thought you might be still at your mums !!! Don't know who she thought I was but obviously not her daughter.
Then she asked if we'd lived together long and where it was. She said oh thats nice for you then sat looking a bit blank before getting her address book and looking through it. After a bit of asking where our village is near and about other people who live in it she said you live at so and so dont you? and had obviously found us in the book so I said yes thats it. She asked me if I was coming tomorrow and I said yes I'll come in morning and she seemed ok after that but still looked a bit confused so I was quite nervous leaving her when it was time to go.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Thanks for the suggestions @DesperateofDevon x

I'm feeling grumpy at hubby at mo as he walked off downstairs while I was talking to him which pigged me off as its something he does fairly often, when I told him he said 'oh sorry I thought you were following me' which is a usual reply, that or his other favourite,' I thought you'd finished', Yeah right thats why I was mid sentence and in middle of something when you set off downstairs and if you thought I was following you didn't you notice it had gone quiet?!!!!😠
We'd got in from mums about 8 and while I was emptying the washer he was telling me something about work so I waited with my arms full of wet washing till he was ready to go upstairs and then I followed him and I was putting washing in spare room on the airer he got changed out of work things while we were still talking. I was sorting more washing and talking to him about plans for when my sister and her boyfriend come down this weekend when he finished getting changed and he just walked off downstairs into the kitchen, leaving me talking to myself o_O
I know its not a big thing and he is really good, in fact a saint really to put up with me, especially lately when our lives seem to revolve around mum and I'm always talking about her, but its something he's done for years that really bugs me. Makes me feel he's not interested and not listening as he'd notice I hadn't finished and that he could no longer hear me if he was. So I'm sulking a bit and feeling a bit peeved, even though to be honest I don't really blame him for zoning out as I do tend to go on, as you've probably noticed. And he'd come from work to mums and sat at mums for an hour and half which is not his ideal way to spend an evening and he'd probably come in and thought he had another evening coming of listening to me worrying about mum, with possibly a call from mum as well as she was quite confused when we left. I think I'm annoyed at him for doing it and annoyed at myself for being annoyed, confused? Yep me too!! Anyway that should probably be on another forum, Tp isn't really for grumpy wives is it.
:oops::rolleyes:
Mum wasn't too bad today and seemed to know me most of the day until evening. She did seem quite tired and nodded a few times even though she said she had had a good sleep but then a bit later she said the box had talked to her again last night it was about 12 and she'd been checking back door was locked and it asked her if she was outside. She wasn't sure why she had had to check it as she hadnt unlocked it since we took her home but she couldnt help herself:( I told her just to try handle and not unlock it to check its locked. If her time was right shehad gone to bed late so that probably why tired today.
She told me this morning she thought she had been worse at mixing things up this week. Said she seemed to get most things wrong. Said she didn't know if she'd dreamed it or something but thought she had gone to 'friends' yesterday and 'friend' wasnt there but 'friends hubby' had been there with a lass with dark hair. She said it felt real but she didn't think she'd seen them for ages.
It was our house she'd been to and she had thought my hubby was 'friends hubby' and had wondered why he was with me not 'friend'. So I told her not to worry about it, sometimes she mixes me and hubby up with them and she'd been at mine yesterday. She said she knew she must be mixed up, and seemed to be mixing allsorts up lately and wondered why she'd mixed us up. I said its nothing to worry about mum you were just mixing a bit of an old memory with a new one it doesn't really matter and she seemed ok with that.
We had a bit of a chat about her having a carer today, mum brought it up and though she isn't keen on strangers coming in to her house and worried she wont know what to say or do with them she seems to be accepting that they are good idea. I've told her I'll be there first time or two they come so she doesn't have meet them on her own. She also talked a bit more about day centre and was worried they wouldn't know she was going to go again on Wednesday so I said I'd ring them tomorrow and remind them as I want to talk to them about her tablets anyway which she seemed happy with. I'm glad she wants to go back. :)
Then she said she was a bit worried she wasn't getting her pension as she hadn't been for it so I explained it goes straight in to her bank and we draw out money when she wants it. She asked a couple of times about it during the day and when talking bout carers she thought she'd have to have cash to pay them so I said they'd send a bill and we'd sort it out, she didn't have to give them cash each visit.
Apart from the odd bit of mixing up she's been quite calm and relaxed today and most of the day I was pretty sure she knew who I was and she knew hubby when he came too, but then about half an hour before we left she went to loo and when she came out I said something about going home after programme finished and calling in to shop on way home and she asked me where I was going? I said again we're going home and calling in shop on way and she asked where's home? She looked quite confused and when I said to my house where we live she asked if we had a home together now? I said yes and she said Oh I thought you might be still at your mums !!! Don't know who she thought I was but obviously not her daughter.
Then she asked if we'd lived together long and where it was. She said oh thats nice for you then sat looking a bit blank before getting her address book and looking through it. After a bit of asking where our village is near and about other people who live in it she said you live at so and so dont you? and had obviously found us in the book so I said yes thats it. She asked me if I was coming tomorrow and I said yes I'll come in morning and she seemed ok after that but still looked a bit confused so I was quite nervous leaving her when it was time to go.
I found my Mum reacts like a mirror to my own emotions, & try to adapt my behaviour & vocal tones to be calming
It was the best advice I was ever given on TP
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,040
Yorkshire
Mum told me the lifeline box had spoke to her again late last night as she was up trying doors again to check if locked. She says she didnt open it, just kept trying the handle but I didn't think the door made alarm call unless sensors separated by opening it. She said she had been up a few times checking the doors and also trying to remember if this was her house so it took her a while before she went to sleep. She is always thinking she has only just moved here or thinks she's been back at her mums for a while or has another house besides this one.
She's told me about the box talking to her while checking doors a few times lately including yesterday and I'm getting worried about it becoming a regular thing and her getting really upset about it and unlocking doors and maybe going outside as that is how she was when I came to stay for 3 months with her in October last year. She was constantly checking doors were locked and things turned off and unable to get to sleep and then ringing me upset.
She does seem to be responding to the box talking to her and says she goes to bed then but its a worry things will go back to how they were.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
711
Hi @annielou, maybe worth doing a test yourself, I used to regularly test the careline to see if it was working properly (they encouraged it). It could be that Mum is mistaken (e.g. remembering a previous night) or it could be that Mum is opening the doors to re-lock them (if that makes sense?). It could be that she has progressed to trying to get 'home' - its difficult to know as Mum's testimony is likely to be unreliable. I have seen others on the forum have had cameras installed - perhaps that could be an idea and you will be able to see what is happening.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,663
South East
I’m sorry to hear about the extra added worry for you @annielou , I don’t know the answers I’m afraid . It seems as though you can only keep ticking boxes by doing what you are doing , hopefully you will get carers soon. Is mum off to day centre tom ? Mum went off happily again yesterday , I didn’t get so much done as daughter off college and I spent the day doing housework(hubby says I should spend that time on something for me not house ) . I hope you do get those days to do what you want to . How has today been ? Meant to ask if hubby is feeling any better since he started bp medication ? X