If your mum is self-funding then everyone will just leave you to get on with it, but if you just keep on taking on more and more eventually you will brake under it all.
This I relate to. I felt completely isolated and unsupported
If your mum is self-funding then everyone will just leave you to get on with it, but if you just keep on taking on more and more eventually you will brake under it all.
If your mum is self-funding then everyone will just leave you to get on with it, but if you just keep on taking on more and more eventually you will brake under it all.
Youve read my thread UTIs seizures and hospital. Please dont let that happen to you.
Thank you x I hope the tablets are helping xxxI know exactly how you feel. I care for my husband and I am the sole carer. In April 2018 I got to the stage where I was at the end of my tether, in tears the whole time. I contacted our GP and he referred my husband to the local older people’s Mental Health team. It didn’t start very well, as the doctor told him he must stop driving!! We were given appointments about every two months, and she changed his medication to Memantine. It was still pretty ropey at home and we would have some better days, and then some bad ones. In 2019 things have gradually deteriorated again, and he became agitated, delusional, verbally aggressive and I reached the point of being suicidal. The Mental health team take my situation very seriously, and we go regularly to see them. I have been given anti depressants (which I resisted for a long time) and Ken has RIsperidone to reduce his anxiety.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t try and battle on alone. The medical team with try and fob you off, because they are busy, or don’t even know what to do. But your situation is dire and even if you need to sit on their doorstep every morning, make sure your GP understands what is going on. Being brave and quiet doesn’t get you anywhere! Make a fuss and get them to listen They will eventually help you and your Mum!
❤️My line
My line in the sand was when I felt suicidal and couldn’t sleep at night for worry. That’s when the carers took on more..For my own sanity!
I am in a similar situation as you, my mum just punched me several times in the stomach, she said so was wicked to her when I was only trying to stop her falling on the floor. Christmas was very bad for us too, as I have said elsewhere on this forum, our relatives with dementia pick up on the hectic, frantic atmosphere of Christmas no matter how hard we try to be calm. Mum has thought it was Christmas since late Oct because of the adverts on the TV and worried why we hadn’t bought presents yet.Thank you for your replies, they mean a lot xxx
I felt bad and moany for ranting and guilty, very guilty and totally inadequate as a carer and a daughter.
I am so tired I just want to go sleep and not wake up. But I can't do that cos what will happen to mum then.
Sh** as I am I'm all she's got and she can't cope on her own.
My sister can't look after mum all the time because she's miles away and she has her own responsibilities and problems and mums brothers cant help her they too have their own problems and aren't really close.
SS didn't offer much help other than respite which I could use although I'm scared what it will be like for her and us. I don't know what to look for to find a good place as have to arrange it ourselves even finding homes and getting there to look round is awkward as I'm with mum all the time.
There was no carer visits put on the care plan SW said because mum didn't want them and I was there so no point. They would only offer 3 1/2 hour visits anyway which wouldn't help me.
Hubby and I can't afford to pay for private carers so our only option is for mum to pay for them. She can't afford to pay much for them either as she only has pension and pension credit and little savings. She doesn't want them so probably won't agree to pay for them and I feel like I'd be doing wrong by paying for them with her money but I did say to mum a while ago she would have to accept outside help and after she went back on trying a day centre I told her it would have be a carer at her home. I am hoping to arrange that in new year but mum will have to pay for it and can only afford a couple of hours a week if I can arrange it and it won't give me much time away. It won't mean I can go home overnight or do much at all as it takes about an hour one way on two buses between mum and my house so mainly I'd be paying to travel. I can't decide when to arrange the time as I think it will have to be same time every week. Silly as it sounds even deciding and arranging that seems too hard at the moment. I'm pathetic.
oh dear thats awful for you x I hope you aren't hurt x. Though I am sure that even if your not physically hurt, that it hurt emotionaly xI am in a similar situation as you, my mum just punched me several times in the stomach, she said so was wicked to her when I was only trying to stop her falling on the floor. Christmas was very bad for us too, as I have said elsewhere on this forum, our relatives with dementia pick up on the hectic, frantic atmosphere of Christmas no matter how hard we try to be calm. Mum has thought it was Christmas since late Oct because of the adverts on the TV and worried why we hadn’t bought presents yet.
I understand the complications about respite and carers only too well. SS offer what they can but it doesn’t always match up with need. It’s so hard to discuss respite with someone who thinks there is nothing wrong with them. People tell me not to feel like I am doing a **** job of caring, but it’s hard to accept, nevertheless I will tell you the same - you are doing your absolute best in an impossible situation - please try to get some love and rest wherever you can.
I know it is very hard but I couldn’t tolerate being hit . That is a crisis.I am in a similar situation as you, my mum just punched me several times in the stomach, she said so was wicked to her when I was only trying to stop her falling on the floor. Christmas was very bad for us too, as I have said elsewhere on this forum, our relatives with dementia pick up on the hectic, frantic atmosphere of Christmas no matter how hard we try to be calm. Mum has thought it was Christmas since late Oct because of the adverts on the TV and worried why we hadn’t bought presents yet.
I understand the complications about respite and carers only too well. SS offer what they can but it doesn’t always match up with need. It’s so hard to discuss respite with someone who thinks there is nothing wrong with them. People tell me not to feel like I am doing a **** job of caring, but it’s hard to accept, nevertheless I will tell you the same - you are doing your absolute best in an impossible situation - please try to get some love and rest wherever you can.
Thanks x good idea xJust a thought. You say your sister is supportive but lives too far away to be able to help. Perhaps she could help by taking over some of the research re what is available in your area via the internet or phone? A good place to start is by phoning the helpline on this web site. They will have information on what there is near to you. When I phoned I discovered that there was an Alzheimer's support worker in my area and when I contacted her she was a mine of information and support.
Just to say that a year ago I was in a similar situation to you - sleep deprived and at my wits end - except that it was my husband that I was caring for. Fast forward to this Christmas and he is well settled in a great Care Home, just up the road and was able to spend a couple of happy hours with the family in his usual chair in our home on Christmas Day. I enlisted the help of my Daughters to arrange the POA, blue badge, etc, etc. and between us we have managed to reach a still stressful but much improved situation for us all.
@annielou I have just been reading your posts on this heading and to say the least, I am shocked by the way social services are responding to your calls for help.There was no carer visits put on the care plan SW said because mum didn't want them and I was there so no point. They would only offer 3 1/2 hour visits anyway which wouldn't help me.
Can your sister help with that too? You are so exhausted just caring for your MumThanks @Alex54 & @Sarasa xx
I think we do need to start getting on it more and maybe making more fuss.
From what I read and also from what social worker and memory team said I thought theres was not much more they would do other than what SS already have (4week respite a year) but I suppose if we don't ask or try again then nothing will even have chance to change. And if it doesnt at least we've tried
I just need to find the time and energy to do it now.
Thanks @Bikerbeth I think she will hopefully xCan your sister help with that too? You are so exhausted just caring for your Mum
Thanks x it was but she just switched channels where what women want was starting and now is happily watching it.Hi @annielou , sorry you have had another hard day . Hope the programme is rubbish and mum goes to bed soon.