Oh bless you x hugs Vitesse x
Even calm its still tiring me out all the constant questions I don't know how you have managed for so long x
Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!
- Thread starter annielou
- Start date
Even calm its still tiring me out all the constant questions I don't know how you have managed for so long x
Managed about half an hour more at mine before got to point where felt if we didn't come back to mums then mum would get agitated and upset again.
I was back to being friend again in car and also now back at mums. Also been asked few times where our Andie is and just been told 'not you, you not her' again.
Not sure why she was calmer today than yesterday but I was glad of it. Even though its still tiring and upsetting to see her confused and constantly talking and asking mixed up things its a bit easier to cope with when shes not as upset or angry
Unsure what to do now as mum was calmer and not aggressive yesterday so not sure if I should chase up memory team from my call on monday where lady said if not a UTI causing mums confusion and agitation maybe mum might want a medication review.
Mum was still confusing things yesterday and asking questions but in morning she was aware who I was and accepted it easier when she asked me things. When she thought I was friend again in evening and I had to say I wasnt and am her daughter she took it a lot calmer than recently too.
She did get unsettled and insistent but not really aggressive late afternoon about coming home but the rest of evening was quite calm. Her bedtime checking routine was also quite quick, it only took fifteen minutes. She also slept all night till just after 8 which is thr first time since I've been here that she has not got up at least twice to go to loo.
She is still very confused, her memory is worse I think than a month ago but if she wasnt aggressive yesterday and was calmer could those symptoms be getting better and she doesnt need a review of medication? Maybe there was some sort of infection or bug causing it that though it didnt show in sample at gps has now cleared thanks to antibiotics.
I still think I need some help so I can have time off so I think asking SS to reassess mum for carers would be good but I am worried about it.
If mum tells the SW she doesn't want carers again they still may not put them on care plan. If mum says that I would have to say something about me not being able to carry on doing this 24 hrs but she probably will just say she will be ok on own. Which who knows maybe she would be.
I don't know what to say to SS about wanting a reassessment now other than I can't cope cos I'm shattered.
I was going to say mum didn't believe I was me and didn't want me around so that made it harder to care for her but she was calmer yesterday and she was fine with me being here.
Maybe SS will say nothings changed and not do reassessment or do it and say it afterwards.
They will probably only offer what did before and say its upto me if I stay or not. Which it is I suppose.
Mum was still confusing things yesterday and asking questions but in morning she was aware who I was and accepted it easier when she asked me things. When she thought I was friend again in evening and I had to say I wasnt and am her daughter she took it a lot calmer than recently too.
She did get unsettled and insistent but not really aggressive late afternoon about coming home but the rest of evening was quite calm. Her bedtime checking routine was also quite quick, it only took fifteen minutes. She also slept all night till just after 8 which is thr first time since I've been here that she has not got up at least twice to go to loo.
She is still very confused, her memory is worse I think than a month ago but if she wasnt aggressive yesterday and was calmer could those symptoms be getting better and she doesnt need a review of medication? Maybe there was some sort of infection or bug causing it that though it didnt show in sample at gps has now cleared thanks to antibiotics.
I still think I need some help so I can have time off so I think asking SS to reassess mum for carers would be good but I am worried about it.
If mum tells the SW she doesn't want carers again they still may not put them on care plan. If mum says that I would have to say something about me not being able to carry on doing this 24 hrs but she probably will just say she will be ok on own. Which who knows maybe she would be.
I don't know what to say to SS about wanting a reassessment now other than I can't cope cos I'm shattered.
I was going to say mum didn't believe I was me and didn't want me around so that made it harder to care for her but she was calmer yesterday and she was fine with me being here.
Maybe SS will say nothings changed and not do reassessment or do it and say it afterwards.
They will probably only offer what did before and say its upto me if I stay or not. Which it is I suppose.
Hi @annielou, from what you have posted your Mum seems to have deteriorated quite a lot over the past month - certainly the situation is far more challenging from a care perspective than it was. My advice would be to proceed as you were planning to do. It sounds as though your Mum is calmer at the moment but the confusion doesn't seem to have abated and you definitely need help. The question with Social Services of course is what are you going to do if I leave? They would have a duty of care to ensure your Mum is safe, so the rather odd answer that they will step in if there is a critical incident isn't one that a social worker should ever give. Like the other good people that have posted on your thread I do think you should arrange respite and the social worker can help with that, it will also allow your Mum's needs to be assessed whilst giving you a much needed break. All the best.
Morning @annielou , it’s good to hear mum is slightly better, and I don’t want to make you feel worse at all, but that may not last so please keep on with your plans , chase up memory team and ss as if it was the worst day again , anything less and they will try to fob you off so relive those awful days when you call . Good luck .
Just wanted to say @annielou you have been doing a brilliant job under very difficult circumstances. It must be so distressing for you and life sounds so confusing for mum. I hope you can get some help, respite if possible even if just for some breathing space to work out what to do next. Thinking of you and your family.
Thanks for your replies xxx
Sister came down today so I'm actually at home with hubby tonight
I feel like a released prisoner. I feel bad for saying that, especially as mum will never be released from her dementia prison, but it is how I feel today so I thought I'd be truthful.
Mum has been calmer again today, still confused, mixing time frames and people up when talking and repeating LOTS, but much more pleasant and easier to deal with than recently. I'm glad for me and also for sis as she will be staying with her the next couple of nights and I would have felt really guilty leaving her with the mum I had over christmas.
Hubby brought a mcds to mums for us all on his way home from work and then me and him came back home about half seven leaving sis with mum. Mum was asking will you be coming tomorrow and asking if I wanted to stay too, while also saying sis would be better to stay at mine as I have proper beds and she'd be ok on her own. She doesn't think I have been staying with her for weeks, she always asks what time I came today, she's sure she'll be ok on her own cos she's lived on her own for years. She says this often, but also says she doesn't know how she'll cope on her own when I go home a lot too
Mum has an check up at hospital for her macular holes tomorrow so sis and mum will pick me up in morning and we'll take her there, and I'll spend day with them but sis will stay with mum again at night so I'll get another night off.
I'm hoping sometime while sis is here we will get chance to have a bit of a chat about what to do with helping and looking after mum. I still have no idea what help to ask for, or how to find any help that means I don't stay with mum full time and get to spend time in my own home with hubby but still keep mum safe and happy.
Sister came down today so I'm actually at home with hubby tonight
I feel like a released prisoner. I feel bad for saying that, especially as mum will never be released from her dementia prison, but it is how I feel today so I thought I'd be truthful.
Mum has been calmer again today, still confused, mixing time frames and people up when talking and repeating LOTS, but much more pleasant and easier to deal with than recently. I'm glad for me and also for sis as she will be staying with her the next couple of nights and I would have felt really guilty leaving her with the mum I had over christmas.
Hubby brought a mcds to mums for us all on his way home from work and then me and him came back home about half seven leaving sis with mum. Mum was asking will you be coming tomorrow and asking if I wanted to stay too, while also saying sis would be better to stay at mine as I have proper beds and she'd be ok on her own. She doesn't think I have been staying with her for weeks, she always asks what time I came today, she's sure she'll be ok on her own cos she's lived on her own for years. She says this often, but also says she doesn't know how she'll cope on her own when I go home a lot too
Mum has an check up at hospital for her macular holes tomorrow so sis and mum will pick me up in morning and we'll take her there, and I'll spend day with them but sis will stay with mum again at night so I'll get another night off.
I'm hoping sometime while sis is here we will get chance to have a bit of a chat about what to do with helping and looking after mum. I still have no idea what help to ask for, or how to find any help that means I don't stay with mum full time and get to spend time in my own home with hubby but still keep mum safe and happy.
I am glad to hear that things have been better for a couple of days and that your sister is there to give you a break. I agree with the comment made, don’t go back on the plans you made to get a medication review and to get SS involved. I don’t want to spoil things but it is likely that your Mum will have days when she’s better, and then revert to the aggression and upsetting behaviour. I’ve seen it so many times.!! We’ve just had 2 or 3 weeks of calm and pleasant atmosphere at home, and then suddenly he’s back to the anger and suspicion! I’ve sort of learned to enjoy the good days but know they’re temporary. A few months ago The mental health doctor gave us Risperidone to take when required. It was a case of giving him a half tablet when he became angry. It worked well, so perhaps there is something like that which your doctors could prescribe for your Mum. Unfortunately, for us, it has progressed to such an extent that he now has 3 or even 4 doses a day on a planned basis. On bad days, I am waiing for the next dose for a bit of peace!!!Thanks for your replies xxx
Sister came down today so I'm actually at home with hubby tonight
I feel like a released prisoner. I feel bad for saying that, especially as mum will never be released from her dementia prison, but it is how I feel today so I thought I'd be truthful.
Mum has been calmer again today, still confused, mixing time frames and people up when talking and repeating LOTS, but much more pleasant and easier to deal with than recently. I'm glad for me and also for sis as she will be staying with her the next couple of nights and I would have felt really guilty leaving her with the mum I had over christmas.
Hubby brought a mcds to mums for us all on his way home from work and then me and him came back home about half seven leaving sis with mum. Mum was asking will you be coming tomorrow and asking if I wanted to stay too, while also saying sis would be better to stay at mine as I have proper beds and she'd be ok on her own. She doesn't think I have been staying with her for weeks, she always asks what time I came today, she's sure she'll be ok on her own cos she's lived on her own for years. She says this often, but also says she doesn't know how she'll cope on her own when I go home a lot too
Mum has an check up at hospital for her macular holes tomorrow so sis and mum will pick me up in morning and we'll take her there, and I'll spend day with them but sis will stay with mum again at night so I'll get another night off.
I'm hoping sometime while sis is here we will get chance to have a bit of a chat about what to do with helping and looking after mum. I still have no idea what help to ask for, or how to find any help that means I don't stay with mum full time and get to spend time in my own home with hubby but still keep mum safe and happy.
Don’t delay your plans, to get the SS involved and chase up the medical side too.
In the meantime, enjoy your days on release!!
Hi @annielou, pleased to hear you are getting a break however short it may be! Someone suggested that perhaps your husband could watch your Mum for a couple of hours to give you and your sister time to discuss the way forward - your sister will have an insight of what the situation now is, but I would suggest that you also let her know that it has been much worse. The last couple of months must have taken their toll on you physically and emotionally. I hope you can get an agreed plan moving forward. All the best.
I agree with @Pete1 and others that think you need to carve out an hour away from your mum for your sister and you to have a frank talk. As more of an outsider to the situation she will be a fresh pair of eyes. When I was in a flap about what to do with my mum someone here said remember today is the best your mum will be. It's a sobering thought, but unlike a physical illness your mum isn't going to get 'better' and even if you get medication sorted out she is still going to need a lot of support.
Hope the clinic visit goes well. Mum has macular and I could see from how she behaved at the visits how her cognition was declining. At first she was fine going on her own or with a friend to drive her. Then I started accompanying her to remind her what was said. The last time we went in November 2018 all the staff were looking over her head at me as it was obvious she didn't understand what they were saying. She is still on the books, but unless things decline dramatically I'm not taking her back for any more check-ups.
Hope the clinic visit goes well. Mum has macular and I could see from how she behaved at the visits how her cognition was declining. At first she was fine going on her own or with a friend to drive her. Then I started accompanying her to remind her what was said. The last time we went in November 2018 all the staff were looking over her head at me as it was obvious she didn't understand what they were saying. She is still on the books, but unless things decline dramatically I'm not taking her back for any more check-ups.
So glad to hear that you are getting some time back at home with your hubby. Also pleased to hear that your sister has come down to give you some support. Lots of ‘hopes’ here but also hope hospital visit went ok and you and your sister have had some time to talk constructively
Thanks @Vitesse @Pete1 @Sarasa @Bikerbeth xxxx
It is good to be home.
Unfortunately today hasn't been as good as yesterday, mum hasn't been as calm today.
Hospital appointment was ok, not totally smooth and easy sailing but a pretty normal visit really. Because sis was staying at mums rather than me she got first hand experience of mums usual moans and questions when she's got an appointment of, why am I going, have we got an appointment, wheres my card, why are we going so early, we'll be there ages, they don't do owt anyway, what am I going for, and the ever present worry about needing the loo when she's going out, I missed half of them today as they picked me up on way so I missed the getting ready ones.
The visit itself went okish although the doctor wasn't actually there so it was just the eye test and scan but no visit with dr, they told us dr will look at the scan and test result when back and contact us if we need to go back to discuss it or they'll just sent a routine appointment if ok so we didn't find out if things the same or worse while there today.
We went back to mine afterwards and things were ok for a while and then I said I'd make lunch and went in kitchen. About ten minutes later sis came in asking if she could help and we had a little whispered chat about mum. We had been less than ten minutes when mum came in in a huff and said she might as well go home because she'd got 2 daughters here but she had been sat on her own in the room for hours and nobody was talking to her.
She put her coat and shoes on and got her bag to leave. Sis tried to tell her we hadn't been in there long and mum had been reading a magazine and not talking herself when sis had come in to help me. Of course mum was having none of it saying we'd not talked to her hardly all day, she'd come over here to see us and we just ignored, nobody had asked her to come in the kitchen, and she'd been sitting there on her own for two hours.
All nonsense, especially the bit about how long been on own because I'd looked at clock when I suggested lunch and it was just after 1/2 past 12, then we'd decided what to have and I'd said I was going to make it and when mum had come in kitchen shouting it wasn't quite 10 to 1, so less than 20 minutes in total, but of course was having none of our explanations.
We tried asking her to come and sit down and have lunch and she said she didn't want any, we told her she needed to eat to take her tablets but she said she was leaving and going home and when sis fibbed and said there were no buses she said she'd walk and knew the way. Which she doesn't and couldn't manage anyway, but according to mum she walks here often. She went into the porch and tried to leave, fortunately I keep the outside door locked and the keys in the internal door which she hadn't noticed as she went trough it, so as mum went into porch to leave I stuck the keys in my pocket so she couldn't get out. I asked her to come back in and have her lunch and sis said if you really want to go home I'll take you home after lunch. She still said no I want to go now. I told her Sis and I were having ours and she couldn't go home alone so may as well come sit down and have her lunch. After a few more attempts to leave and us saying we were having lunch first she came back in, took her coat off and sat stony faced, pouty lipped, legs crossed on the sofa.
Sis and I started eating and then after a couple of minutes started talking trying to include mum, she answered a couple of times but short and eventually started eating her sandwich, but was picking at it and making sure we noticed. To be honest sis and I looked at each other and had to stop ourselves giggling as it was so petulant sulky teenager, it was funny, upestting but funny for a moment .
When she'd almost finished I gave mum her tablets to take which I had to prompt her a couple of times to take and she rolled her eyes at me and gave me a dirty look. She seemed to be directing most of her anger at me and was answering sis more than me but eventually after a while she started talking to me more normally and a while after lunch she said 'sorry for shouting at you'.
The rest of the afternoon wasn't too bad but it did mean sis and I were a bit wary and couldn't really sneak off together for anymore chatting about things so we tried to communicate by texting with our phones on silent.
Later on I manged to do a bit of internet searching and sis sneaked off to call SS about carers and reassessment and also a care home about LA funded emi respite and top up fees under the pretext of her boyfriend calling her.
SS said will reassess mum in the next 28 days though person on phone said thinks will only offer up to 4 x 15 min visits a day. Sis asked if we could add to that with same company or use own choice of carers, she explained options and said they will explain more when assess mum too. I haven't had proper chance to discuss what was said with sis yet though.
Care home manager wasn't available until Monday to discuss fees but person on phone said they had respite places and also could offer day care and if mum was interested we could go look round and someone would come to mums home to assess her.
Sis and mum went back to mums around 5 and I called the memory team to ask I could talk to support worker about if there's anything mum could take or change medication wise to help with her agitation. Mums support worker wasn't there, which I half expected as when I rang Monday I was told she was on annual leave, but they took a message and said would ask her to ring me on Monday.
So although we haven't got very far we have at least started a bit of a ball rolling.
Hubby and I had our dinner sat at the table chatting tonight, which we haven't done for ages, although most of the chat was about mum, it still made a nice change and tonight I went with hubby on weekly visit to his parents which I have to miss now unless sis is down here on night he goes, I think I've only been twice in last three months. It was almost like old times apart from the constant thought and worry about mum in back of my mind and knowing that this is now an unusual evening for me and I'll be back to mums soon.
I messaged sis earlier to see how things were at mums and she said it had been a bit tense over making dinner and mum had asked her about 30 times if she wanted a cup of tea, but they were ok, so hopefully they'll have a calm night.
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It is good to be home.
Unfortunately today hasn't been as good as yesterday, mum hasn't been as calm today.
Hospital appointment was ok, not totally smooth and easy sailing but a pretty normal visit really. Because sis was staying at mums rather than me she got first hand experience of mums usual moans and questions when she's got an appointment of, why am I going, have we got an appointment, wheres my card, why are we going so early, we'll be there ages, they don't do owt anyway, what am I going for, and the ever present worry about needing the loo when she's going out, I missed half of them today as they picked me up on way so I missed the getting ready ones.
The visit itself went okish although the doctor wasn't actually there so it was just the eye test and scan but no visit with dr, they told us dr will look at the scan and test result when back and contact us if we need to go back to discuss it or they'll just sent a routine appointment if ok so we didn't find out if things the same or worse while there today.
We went back to mine afterwards and things were ok for a while and then I said I'd make lunch and went in kitchen. About ten minutes later sis came in asking if she could help and we had a little whispered chat about mum. We had been less than ten minutes when mum came in in a huff and said she might as well go home because she'd got 2 daughters here but she had been sat on her own in the room for hours and nobody was talking to her.
She put her coat and shoes on and got her bag to leave. Sis tried to tell her we hadn't been in there long and mum had been reading a magazine and not talking herself when sis had come in to help me. Of course mum was having none of it saying we'd not talked to her hardly all day, she'd come over here to see us and we just ignored, nobody had asked her to come in the kitchen, and she'd been sitting there on her own for two hours.
All nonsense, especially the bit about how long been on own because I'd looked at clock when I suggested lunch and it was just after 1/2 past 12, then we'd decided what to have and I'd said I was going to make it and when mum had come in kitchen shouting it wasn't quite 10 to 1, so less than 20 minutes in total, but of course was having none of our explanations.
We tried asking her to come and sit down and have lunch and she said she didn't want any, we told her she needed to eat to take her tablets but she said she was leaving and going home and when sis fibbed and said there were no buses she said she'd walk and knew the way. Which she doesn't and couldn't manage anyway, but according to mum she walks here often. She went into the porch and tried to leave, fortunately I keep the outside door locked and the keys in the internal door which she hadn't noticed as she went trough it, so as mum went into porch to leave I stuck the keys in my pocket so she couldn't get out. I asked her to come back in and have her lunch and sis said if you really want to go home I'll take you home after lunch. She still said no I want to go now. I told her Sis and I were having ours and she couldn't go home alone so may as well come sit down and have her lunch. After a few more attempts to leave and us saying we were having lunch first she came back in, took her coat off and sat stony faced, pouty lipped, legs crossed on the sofa.
Sis and I started eating and then after a couple of minutes started talking trying to include mum, she answered a couple of times but short and eventually started eating her sandwich, but was picking at it and making sure we noticed. To be honest sis and I looked at each other and had to stop ourselves giggling as it was so petulant sulky teenager, it was funny, upestting but funny for a moment .
When she'd almost finished I gave mum her tablets to take which I had to prompt her a couple of times to take and she rolled her eyes at me and gave me a dirty look. She seemed to be directing most of her anger at me and was answering sis more than me but eventually after a while she started talking to me more normally and a while after lunch she said 'sorry for shouting at you'.
The rest of the afternoon wasn't too bad but it did mean sis and I were a bit wary and couldn't really sneak off together for anymore chatting about things so we tried to communicate by texting with our phones on silent.
Later on I manged to do a bit of internet searching and sis sneaked off to call SS about carers and reassessment and also a care home about LA funded emi respite and top up fees under the pretext of her boyfriend calling her.
SS said will reassess mum in the next 28 days though person on phone said thinks will only offer up to 4 x 15 min visits a day. Sis asked if we could add to that with same company or use own choice of carers, she explained options and said they will explain more when assess mum too. I haven't had proper chance to discuss what was said with sis yet though.
Care home manager wasn't available until Monday to discuss fees but person on phone said they had respite places and also could offer day care and if mum was interested we could go look round and someone would come to mums home to assess her.
Sis and mum went back to mums around 5 and I called the memory team to ask I could talk to support worker about if there's anything mum could take or change medication wise to help with her agitation. Mums support worker wasn't there, which I half expected as when I rang Monday I was told she was on annual leave, but they took a message and said would ask her to ring me on Monday.
So although we haven't got very far we have at least started a bit of a ball rolling.
Hubby and I had our dinner sat at the table chatting tonight, which we haven't done for ages, although most of the chat was about mum, it still made a nice change and tonight I went with hubby on weekly visit to his parents which I have to miss now unless sis is down here on night he goes, I think I've only been twice in last three months. It was almost like old times apart from the constant thought and worry about mum in back of my mind and knowing that this is now an unusual evening for me and I'll be back to mums soon.
I messaged sis earlier to see how things were at mums and she said it had been a bit tense over making dinner and mum had asked her about 30 times if she wanted a cup of tea, but they were ok, so hopefully they'll have a calm night.
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It sounds like a very mixed day. I am glad that sister was able to take the pressure of you a bit on the hospital visit and getting to it. My Mum does the petulant teenager or stroppy small child. It does want to make you giggle sometimes but can also be incredibly frustratingly.
I am glad that you and your sister were able to make some progress on arranging your Mum to be reassessed. Although I know it won’t be easy if you could get your Mum going to day care at the possible respite home it might make it easier in the longer term. I am sure there will be other on TP who can give good advise on getting your Mum to go to day care to give you a break. I am afraid I failed miserably trying to get Mum to go but wish I had persevered. I hope with Sister there you are able to have a bit more time with hubby or for yourself
I am glad that you and your sister were able to make some progress on arranging your Mum to be reassessed. Although I know it won’t be easy if you could get your Mum going to day care at the possible respite home it might make it easier in the longer term. I am sure there will be other on TP who can give good advise on getting your Mum to go to day care to give you a break. I am afraid I failed miserably trying to get Mum to go but wish I had persevered. I hope with Sister there you are able to have a bit more time with hubby or for yourself
Thanks @ Bikerbeth x yes quite a mixed day.
The more I think about it the more my pessimistic side comes out though about the progress we made. Even if the home is good and isn't an expensive one we can't afford, I'm pretty sure mum won't agree to go for respite or day care anyway. Every time respite has been mentioned mum has said she won't go and doesn't need to go and the last attempt to get her to go to a day centre was pitiful.
The sticking point in anything we think of is that mum has to agree and in some cases like day care or carers at home she also has to pay for them which so far every time its mentioned she won't do.
As social worker said on her first assessment visit, for me to get any time for myself I am going to have to harden myself up and leave mum to it and ignore her inevitable calls asking for me if she won't accept outside help. Leaving her to be distressed and possibly in danger.
It just seems to go on and on and each time I think theres a bit of light I quickly realise its not really much of anything. For me to get my life back I have to spoil mums even more that it already is.
The more I think about it the more my pessimistic side comes out though about the progress we made. Even if the home is good and isn't an expensive one we can't afford, I'm pretty sure mum won't agree to go for respite or day care anyway. Every time respite has been mentioned mum has said she won't go and doesn't need to go and the last attempt to get her to go to a day centre was pitiful.
The sticking point in anything we think of is that mum has to agree and in some cases like day care or carers at home she also has to pay for them which so far every time its mentioned she won't do.
As social worker said on her first assessment visit, for me to get any time for myself I am going to have to harden myself up and leave mum to it and ignore her inevitable calls asking for me if she won't accept outside help. Leaving her to be distressed and possibly in danger.
It just seems to go on and on and each time I think theres a bit of light I quickly realise its not really much of anything. For me to get my life back I have to spoil mums even more that it already is.
Hi. Obviously different situations, different personalities and you may have already tried this. My basic approach was try it for 4weeks and if you don’t like we can think again. I never asked her after the 4 weeks.
When Mum (self funding) needed Carers in I started 2 days a week to help clean (as she had mentioned it was difficult to make the bed as the mattress was heavy, I used this as the reason). I basically said I was getting them in and please try for 4 weeks and then if you don’t like it I would cancel them. She never sussed that I was there 2 days a week and I could have helped change her bed. When I needed to increase to 2 x a day I said that due to changes only trained people could give her her tablets now. When it got to CH stage again I said to her try it for 4 weeks and if you hate then we can think again. mum has been there nearly 8 weeks although she often says it has been 6 months. She is not settled but reluctantly accepts that she is living there.
Sorry just a thought and apologies for interfering
When Mum (self funding) needed Carers in I started 2 days a week to help clean (as she had mentioned it was difficult to make the bed as the mattress was heavy, I used this as the reason). I basically said I was getting them in and please try for 4 weeks and then if you don’t like it I would cancel them. She never sussed that I was there 2 days a week and I could have helped change her bed. When I needed to increase to 2 x a day I said that due to changes only trained people could give her her tablets now. When it got to CH stage again I said to her try it for 4 weeks and if you hate then we can think again. mum has been there nearly 8 weeks although she often says it has been 6 months. She is not settled but reluctantly accepts that she is living there.
Sorry just a thought and apologies for interfering
thanks @Bikerbeth & @Woohoo xx
Not interfering at all, thanks for a good suggestion. I have said something along those lines in past though it doesn't usually work with mum. I will keep trying though thank you, especaily when the subject of carers comes up again.
I did suggest that with day centre previously and she said she would try it and see but then on actual day we went to look at it and talk to manager about it she couldn't get out of there fast enough and all I got was I'm not a joiner, its not me and I didn't agree to go, even though she had. I think maybe a lot of what people suggest I execute wrong as most of it doesn't seem to work with mum much. So I'll keep trying sometimes it might work.
I did manage bit of time with hubby this weekend, few hours at night and morning which was nice but I still spent most of the time with sis and mum and trying to catch up on jobs while they werent here. It seems such a rush round when I'm home because sis is here and I always have so many things want to try do while I'm home and never get chance to do them all.
I've not really had much chance to chat to sis without mum there as she kicked off when we had ten minutes in kitchen on friday and yesterday she followed us round if we both tried to leave room and was asking to go home for most of afternoon but then ended up staying till half eight and she's going home soon,so looks like more furtive texting
Not interfering at all, thanks for a good suggestion. I have said something along those lines in past though it doesn't usually work with mum. I will keep trying though thank you, especaily when the subject of carers comes up again.
I did suggest that with day centre previously and she said she would try it and see but then on actual day we went to look at it and talk to manager about it she couldn't get out of there fast enough and all I got was I'm not a joiner, its not me and I didn't agree to go, even though she had. I think maybe a lot of what people suggest I execute wrong as most of it doesn't seem to work with mum much. So I'll keep trying sometimes it might work.
I did manage bit of time with hubby this weekend, few hours at night and morning which was nice but I still spent most of the time with sis and mum and trying to catch up on jobs while they werent here. It seems such a rush round when I'm home because sis is here and I always have so many things want to try do while I'm home and never get chance to do them all.
I've not really had much chance to chat to sis without mum there as she kicked off when we had ten minutes in kitchen on friday and yesterday she followed us round if we both tried to leave room and was asking to go home for most of afternoon but then ended up staying till half eight and she's going home soon,so looks like more furtive texting
Mum had another outburst and put her coat on etc and tried to leave our house on Sunday. This time because she was telling me she was annoyed at my sis over a mix up with bedding which I explained, so then she started saying sis had left without saying bye or giving her hug which hubby reassured mum sis had done but she wouldn't have it and said we were ganging up on her and up she got up shouting at us and trying to leave. Eventually she gave in and had lunch and was calmer for few hours.
Yesterday mum kept saying i should go home and didn't need to stay as she was ok on her own. She got quite snappy about it at times saying not a child and didnt need babysitting.
Sis says I should try going home at night but I'm just not sure if I should try it or not. I worry how she'll be on her own.
SS called yesterday to take some details to put on reassessment form and said someone will be in touch to come out within 28 days.
Mums support worker from memory team also rang back yesterday and said would talk to lady who did mums memory tests originally and get back to me which she did today.
When she rang today she said she'd filled form in to give nurse who will be in touch to talk about things with mum and me to see if anything to help. I'm assuming she'll do a medication review as that was mentioned on first call i made to them last week.
After call mum asked what she'd said, I told her a nurse was going to come to talk to us and see if medication needed changing. Mum sed why cant they just leave me alone. She said theres nowt wrong with her she's 72 and sometimes forgets things but nowt wrong.
During the conversation she said she dint know she had been upset or more confused. Also said didnt know she had Alzheimers, her dr had said she had a bit of somert but not strong, Then later she said she'd not been to any meetings and her daughters hadnt told her owt wrong. Then she said I'm not her daughter. Luckily something on tv caught her attention and she moved on to talking about that and was okay and I was back to being me for a while afterwards.
She's not been too bad this afternoon watching tv for few hours but she is now asking me who else was here, if someone else was here before but left. Will I be living with my boyfriend and will she be on her own and will she still see me. Am I married. Where will i be going to live, will she be able to come see me. Does she sleep here on her own. Etc etc.
I don't know about leaving mum over night, sis says SW will only offer short day time visits and we'll need to leave mum at night sometime if I'm ever going to see if it will work. I can't stay here forever. But I'm so scared she won't manage.
Yesterday mum kept saying i should go home and didn't need to stay as she was ok on her own. She got quite snappy about it at times saying not a child and didnt need babysitting.
Sis says I should try going home at night but I'm just not sure if I should try it or not. I worry how she'll be on her own.
SS called yesterday to take some details to put on reassessment form and said someone will be in touch to come out within 28 days.
Mums support worker from memory team also rang back yesterday and said would talk to lady who did mums memory tests originally and get back to me which she did today.
When she rang today she said she'd filled form in to give nurse who will be in touch to talk about things with mum and me to see if anything to help. I'm assuming she'll do a medication review as that was mentioned on first call i made to them last week.
After call mum asked what she'd said, I told her a nurse was going to come to talk to us and see if medication needed changing. Mum sed why cant they just leave me alone. She said theres nowt wrong with her she's 72 and sometimes forgets things but nowt wrong.
During the conversation she said she dint know she had been upset or more confused. Also said didnt know she had Alzheimers, her dr had said she had a bit of somert but not strong, Then later she said she'd not been to any meetings and her daughters hadnt told her owt wrong. Then she said I'm not her daughter. Luckily something on tv caught her attention and she moved on to talking about that and was okay and I was back to being me for a while afterwards.
She's not been too bad this afternoon watching tv for few hours but she is now asking me who else was here, if someone else was here before but left. Will I be living with my boyfriend and will she be on her own and will she still see me. Am I married. Where will i be going to live, will she be able to come see me. Does she sleep here on her own. Etc etc.
I don't know about leaving mum over night, sis says SW will only offer short day time visits and we'll need to leave mum at night sometime if I'm ever going to see if it will work. I can't stay here forever. But I'm so scared she won't manage.
Sometimes you have got to bite the bullet I’m afraid.
You know logically that you cannot stay there forever. I think your sister has a point about leaving your mum overnight.She has been calmer lately but you know dementia ,it can change.
You deserve to have a life with your husband who has been very supportive.
