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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
742
Yorkshire
Hi i read your updated post just wanted to say you haven't made your mum dependent shes not independent shes got blooming dementia sw just not properly informed about dementia! !
My advice is too take take up what they offer you definitely try day centre because nobody needs to come into your mums ‘ territory ‘ my dads similar he cant understand why theres a carer there in hes home in hes kitchen making him tea ‘ im not a baby ‘ quote
its really hard ! Especially when they dont want carers as my dad does also im making do with temp carer( 6 weeks ss carers )2 hours x 2 hours twice week as didnt want more as o know he will kick off so trying to make it less invasive as possible
Try n build the carers up
Little by little to get her used to it , carers and strangers in your home is not nice
I'm still here over night though no answers for me on that one unless i get going and get my own carers in overnight not sure he thats going go down with dad again no help from social worker she just gawped when the question came up
Money /funding is the issue unfortunately when it comes down to it ( box ticking too )
Also ive taken my dad to 3 assisted living places that was my idea about a yr /6 months ago but was quickly shelved thank god , bad idea for my dad I personally would not find them at all suitable for a person with moderate dementia who’s confused if she’s confused about your home she will be completely out of her depth same as she is at home but alone at night by herself in a new environment she needs 24 hour care not a glorified shelter housing with visiting carers she may as well stay at home .
Thanks for your post x
I did think about assisted living sheltered accomodation a while ago, around time mum agreed to go to doctors, sis even contacted local one but there were no spaces and quite a waiting list and when we looked at it and talked more about it we didn't really think it was suitable for mum. The first social worker who came to assess mum in october seemed to think it wasn't suitable for mum either. But this time it was a different SW and she suggested it this time but even if it is suitable the chance of mum getting a place is not very high anyway.
I'm going to try coming home on a night and going over in day while we wait for care plan to be done and care they offer starts and see how we can manage. I'm really scared it's not going to work but I realise we need to try.
I do hope something gets sorted to help you and your dad soon, your situation is terrible with lack of care and support for you both and I do feel so sorry for you. x
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
249
Thanks for all your posts @imthedaughter @Woohoo @pete @anxious annie xxxx
I don't know if it was mums new tablet or the after effects of social workers visit and sis and I talking to her about it afterwards, or if it was sis's influence, or what it was but mum was really calm yesterday and during the day today.
Hubby and I went over on Saturday late morning to pick sis and mum up and go to supermarket and then come back to my house for the day. Sis said mum had been fretting in the morning about her staying at mine that night but by the time we got there she had calmed down and mum was quite relaxed going round supermarket. She still needed help, sis and I did the list and sorted what to buy and sis helped her pack and pay like I normally do, but she was much calmer than normal.
When we were at my house later she was quite quiet but seemed happy enough, she was smiling and talking with us, but not asking lots of questions and not getting het up over things like usual. She did still say some mixed up things and didn't remember some things, including where she lived when it was time to go back home, but her mood was so much better. We took mum home and hubby and I left while sis stayed with mum for about half hour so we didn't all leave en masse and leave her feeling abandoned and sis could gauge if thought would be ok to try leaving mum on own for night which she did about half hour after us.
Sis rang mum to say back when she got to ours and mum rang half hour after to check if sis was back here, think she had forgot sis had rung, but seemed ok and didn't ring anymore last night.
This morning when I rang and then sis went over to see her and give her tablets mum said she'd had a bit of upset tummy which is usual for mum and felt a little bit off it but was ok, she said she had slept ok so it seems like it went better than last weeks night on her own.
Sis said mum was telling her when she got over there this morning that a friend (not the one I've been recently, but a more recent friend) had been staying at hers but mum was getting a bit fed up of her coming all the time and didn't like sleeping on fold up bed so she was thinking of asking our Andie (me) if she could stay at hers for a while so friend didn't come but she didn't think hubby would like it but after a while she stopped talking about it.
Sis brought mum over to ours before lunch and sis left a while later, mum seemed quite chilled again. Normally mum spends most of the afternoon after sis leaves asking do you think she will be home yet? I hope she's ok, will she be back yet? But today she only asked once and just sat happily watching tv and chatting a bit on and off while I did some paperwork.
She did say she ought to go home about 4 as she didn't like walking home too late but when I explained she doesn't walk home and never has as it's too far she just said oh I thought I walked here earlier, so I told her sis brought her and she said oh yes Sis was here today, so how will I get home? and I told her we'd take her like usual in car and she just said oh ok then love,
She did call me friends name when she thanked me for making dinner and a couple of times after that, but I just answered her as if she hadn't and said you're welcome mum. She also said she had forgot where she lived again and how she got home when it was time to go home after dinner tonight but she was ok about it when I told her again that we take her home in car she doesn't walk.
When we took her home we put tv on and sat with her for a little while chatting and she was ok and I decided to try coming home again. When I told her I would see her mid morning tomorrow she said oh are you coming tomorrow, its a long way to walk down from yours yer know. So I just said oh I don't walk, its too far, I always come on buses in week and she seemed ok with that and waved us off. She sounded ok when I rang to say we'd got home and said night night.
So I'm hoping she will manage ok tonight and until I get there tomorrow morning. I'm nervous and worried and feel quite weird and unsettled but I think we need to try me not staying overnight and while she was calmer it is probably best time to try.
Good luck hope it works out ok have you thought of installing a camera in the flat to keep a eye on your mum ?
I got one for my dads flat that i could also talk into it worked ok ( for a few months before he started wandering packing anxious at night and i had to come back)
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,658
Oh my lovely, while you are doing it all social services won’t do a thing.
You are going to have to step back & let a crisis point happen so then the social worker is forced to act.
How much longer you can sustain this level of care is worrying, your own health could be affected.
I think what you are doing is amazing but realistically this could go on for years as your Mums only 72.

Email incidents & defined points to the CMHT, SW & GP

my aged mother is exactly the same - I can cope / don’t want carers/ but sometimes needs must.

take care lovely
X
 

Avis

Registered User
Nov 2, 2019
106
I am so tired of being called that blooming womans name!!!!!
Mum has been getting me mixed up with other people on and off for a while but for the past fortnight shes been mixing me up with a woman who was partly responsible for mum and dad splitting up.
The woman was part of a couple mum and my dad were friends with about 40 years ago up to 29 years ago when mum thought something was going on between the friend and my dad (there was evidence) and mum and dad split up and mum and the friend haven't been friends since.
But now for the last two weeks mum keeps calling me her name and often talks about my husband as if he is the womans husband and thinks my house is the couples house. My furniture is theirs, Even my Christmas tree which I only bought last year is their tree they have had for years and years.
She keeps telling me (as the old friend) she is going to ring our Andrea, or our Andrea hasn't been to see her, or you've no need to come tomorrow --- because I'll be going to our Andreas. She is constantly refering to our Andrea as someone else not me.
She gets quite annoyed and won't believe that I am her daughter Andrea when I, or hubby, or my sister when she was here last weekend, explain I am not the old friend. She keeps saying she will ring our Andrea and ask her or ring --- and ask her who I am. Then she looks in her bag for something to say who I am or reads her address book to see if it says there who I am. She will read out my address and say you cant live there 999 letsby avenue because our Andrea lives at 999 letsby avenue and you live near me or in (friends village)
The most upsetting and annoying part is that obviously I'm not a fan of the friend and neither was mum for last 29 year so when she realises who she's talking about she isn't happy. It's awkward reminding mum why they are not friends, that her and dad split up 29 year ago and he died 4 year ago. There's no way to avoid telling her either as she gets so confused while talking about things that it has to come out who I am and she gets so het up asking questions about it that you have to answer and reveal I'm Andrea her daughter not the friend. It doesn't sink in properly though and just gets more and more confusing for everyone as she calls me both Andrea and --- in the same sentence.
It's wearing me out, constantly answering questions on the same thing and mum not believing who I am. She just won't stop going round n round it can go on for hours.
It happened a couple of times a day for a few minutes at a time at first, then more times and for longer each day and for the past week she thinks I'm this woman most of the time. And I have the same conversation about fifty times a day now with mum constantly not believing me, getting annoyed and aggressive and then upset.
My sister said at the weekend she was sick of hearing about the friend and didn't know how I could stand it all the time as she couldn't believe how long mum went on for and how confusing it all got.
I am starting to feel like I am going mad and soon won't know who I am.
Sorry for the long ramble but I just wanted to get it out, I have been writing it during another round of --- why hasn't our Andrea been to see me. Do you stay here? Well why isn't our Andrea looking after me. I'll ring her and ask her to do it.
My OH still knows me but has our daughter confused with a girl he danced with 73 years ago. In the end our daughter just told him that she was a friend of the dancer and her name was Laura, the same as our daughter. She told him she rented a room from Laura who was very busy and that she would pass on any messages between them. He still has no idea who she is but at least he gets the name right (mostly). It is a very frustrating condition.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,155
South East
So pleased to hear mum has been a little calmer , and that you have managed to get a little time away . You did so well to go home , I appreciate how hard that must of been . Hope today follows the last few and is a better day . X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
957
Bedford
Glad to hear that your Mum sounds calmer. I am also really pleased forgot and hubby that you have been able to get home at night. The time for you too is also important and hopefully you also get a good nights sleep. It also seems that your sister is actively helping too. Although we all know that nothing remains the same I hope this gives you a little time to put other plans in place, as in at least trying out the Carers coming in. Sending you hugs. You are doing a fantastic job but just don’t want to see you burn out
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
252
Hi Annielou,
Yes I think you're right about having to try with you not staying overnight and a good time to try it whilst your mum is a bit calmer.
I hope all went well last night.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
584
Lytham St Annes
I have followed your thread and wanted to just say I think that your doing amazing in the sacrifice your making to care for your Mum.

I totally understand why your doing it and that you want too....due to your concerns for her safety and well-being when she is alone, how they can thinks it’s ok for her to be alone is beyond me??

I think it’s absolutely disgusting that adequate help is not there for your Mum as she needs it, it’s disgraceful.

Social services have left you with little choice but to back away and allow your Mum time alone, I think if I were you now I would write to head of social services, her GP, her MP, and local councillor.....explaining your Mums situation, the outcome of assessment, and make it very very clear that you disagree that your Mum is safe left alone and that you will be holding them personally responsible for Mums safety because in your opinion they are failing her and are unwilling to safeguard her, and that the care that you are having to provide is making you ill.

It may get you nowhere, but I think it’s very important to get your feelings on record to everyone officially .....I would also again push for respite as others have said the carers will see first hand and report on how your Mum is.

I wish you well, take care of you too in all of this.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
742
Yorkshire
Thanks for your comments they mean a lot x @deepetshopboy @DesperateofDevon @Avis @Woohoo @Bikerbeth @anxious annie @DianeW xxxxxxx
Mum doesn't have broadband or access to internet so son't think cameras are an option but I think at times might be useful if did.
Avis sounds like your daughter has a good way to manage it, still such a sad thing to experience though for her x

Mum has been calmer again today, although I think she has been a little more confused today. She has mentioned the friend a couple of times but not said she thought I was her which is an improvement. I have the feeling she is trying hard and on her best behaviour.
She has asked a few times today if she can still come to my house, and how would it work for her to come and go home before meal times, and will she see me at the weekend, and said I can have a day off tomorrow if I want, I don't have to come every day, I can go home for my dinner if I like, because she thought my sister had told her she couldn't come to my house now because me and hubby wanted to have our meals together. She'd forgot she came Saturday and Sunday (yesterday) and had lunch and dinner there then and then she said she thought that was because sis was here but she won't be able to do it in future. I think she's remembering talking about me being able to go home and not be there the whole time with SW on Friday and sis and I talking about it with her afterwards. We never said that, but she does worry about being on her own and not seeing me and she said similar a few times on Friday during talking about it so she's probably remembered it and worried and changed it to worse which is a shame.
I tried to explain that I will still see her regularly at weekends and sometimes in week and we can still eat together on those days but sometimes I want to be able to go home and spend time on my own with hubby and so thats why we want someone else to come in and check she had tablets and something to eat and shes ok and maybe someone else come to talk to her. I said that until that was sorted I'd come over every day to give her tablets and see her in day and go home in evening.
I'm pleased to see she is seeming calmer and not mixing me up with others so much now but she did seem a bit sad this afternoon or maybe just bored, and late afternoon she did go on about dinner for a while, not as agitated about it as usually is but still worried about what having for a while and said she wasn't sure what to do as she doesn't/can't cook now. I was thinking the new tablet was having a positive effect and taking a lot of her anxiety away but I'm worried it won't continue or might not suit her or something and worried that will go wrong.
I've come home again tonight but I'm struggling, I know I should be making the most of being home while I can but I can't stop worrying and thinking about mum and I am also stewing and worrying about what SW said and feeling inadequate and like I've done wrong thing for mum by being there so much and way I react to her.
Besides the dependency thing which upset me and annoyed me a bit she also asked if I'd had any leaflets or fact sheets about alzheimers and how to cope with it, I said I had and I did try to do what they suggested but after 4 hours it tends to go out of window a bit. I felt like she thought my approach with mum was wrong.She's probably right as I do struggle and think I do things wrong but hoped I didn't.
Also sis and I had bit of a chat on saturday night/sunday morning about mum and we talked a bit about some things we had said to mum on friday after SW visit, she thought I needed to talk in simpler way to mum and some of things I said mum wouldn't get, which I agree with and I know myself there is no point trying to explain and reason, but sometimes when mum is constantly going on about something I just end up doing it anyway, I can't stop myself and to be honest I had thought the same about what sis was saying to her. Even though I knew it was pointless and not right way to react on friday it did hurt that sis had noticed it and probably had thought the same before too.
Also we talked a bit about how I think sis would do a better job with mum because she is better at keeping her emotions in check and hidden from the surface than me and she said she did think she'd be able to let it go quickly and not hold on to being upset by what mum said. Which is also true and something I know myself that I do get hurt and struggle to move on after mum has a go at me for something that isn't my fault as I do like to sort things out rather than pretend its not happened and you can't do that with mum now. I find it hard to act jolly and like all is fine but I did think I was trying to do that and be better and just moving on and trying to act ok so it hurt to know it didn't look that way.
I did want her to say if she thought there were things I could try doing differently or I wasn't doing something right, or in the best way, but even so it did hurt to hear it and have my thoughts and fears confirmed. Sis wasn't trying to be hurtful, she's thinks I'm doing best I can but I feel my best isn't good enough and feel bad about it.
 
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Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
957
Bedford
Oh @annielou please please give yourself a break and stop being so hard on yourself. You are you not someone else and what makes you a kind and considerate person means that perhaps you can’t hide your feelings as well as someone else. My OH and my brother both think they would be more ‘efficient’ with Mum than me but when Mum was at home it was me doing it all not them ( and that is no criticism of your sister as she seems to be doing lots to help) I had to do it my way. It was not the best as I was no superwoman of the caring world. I did try and listen to other people’s suggestion and advice and follow it but sometimes you are pushed to the end of your tether. Certainly in the early days I know I broke down crying with Mum saying I was doing the best I could and I knew it was not good enough. However when I look at it logically I was the one spending 48 hrs a week with Mum and then a couple hours on the phone most days. I am now the one that goes to the home 3x a week so I can still see her whilst she still knows me and we can do things that she enjoys. I suppose what I am trying to say is your fighting your Mum’s corner the best you can but you also need a life too. So pls stop feeling bad. I hope I have not said anything to offend but my heart went out to you.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
957
Bedford
Just going back to meals. If they do hot meal deliveries in your area I did find the ‘deliverers’ caring too. Even if it was a quick hello Mum did at least see another ‘face’ during the day and they did keep an eye out for her. So one day she forgot as she was busy chatting round a neighbours and the meal service rang me to say they could not get a reply from the house.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,155
South East
@annielou , get a great big stick and beat the living day lights out of that guilt monster on your shoulder ! You are an amazing , caring , kind , considerate daughter , wife , sister etc , please don’t beat yourself up any further , that’s all very well of sister to say she could cope better and I’m not getting at her but she has a very small snippet of what you have day in day out , and mum is much calmer when she is around (sounds like hostess mode ) so that is no indicator of how she would deal with it 24hrs a day .its easy to say what we should do and say, when under pressure and upset that’s a lot harder to do. I struggle frequently and then berate myself for reacting in the wrong way but we are human not machines . I really think people should walk in someone else’s shoes before they comment . Mum sounds like she is still in a little hostess mode , she will be worn out . Forget what the SW said , you haven’t caused your Mum to be dependent , Dementia has ! You are doing what comes naturally , caring and protecting your mum . Please be as kind to yourself as you are to your mum . It’s so very hard , it must be harder to leave mum than to stay. Can you do what @Bikerbeth suggested and arrange meals on wheels or a ready meal delivery that’s always advertised on tv recently . Sending you that big stick and a big hug . You are doing fab and don’t forget it . Xxxx:p
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
593
can't stop worrying and thinking about mum and I am also stewing and worrying about what SW said and feeling inadequate and like I've done wrong thing for mum by being there so much and way I react to her.
Hi @annielou, I'm afraid it's Social Services that have badly let you and your Mum down - pay absolutely no heed to that misjudged ill-informed comment. They are supposed to be providing professional guidance and support both of which have been sorely lacking in my opinion. Now Mum seems calmer (it seems the medication has had a positive effect) perhaps you can look at the respite option even for a week - perhaps your sister can arrange it this week while you are looking after your Mum, and perhaps she can come down and take Mum with you explaining it is a break for a week (perhaps saying something needs to be done with her property). It will give the opportunity for Mum to be assessed and for you to ensure support mechanisms are in place for her return. There is little point in discussing with your Mum as she won't want any change, this is to allow you .......respite from 24/7 care and the camp bed in the lounge. Whatever you decide stay strong and take care of yourself.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
742
Yorkshire
Thanks for the lovely comments and support @Bikerbeth @Woohoo @Pete1 xxx
I'm sitting worrying tonight after we took mum home from afternoon and dinner at our house and when I got back we had missed calls from her. I rang her to say I was back and she told me she had just found out her mum had died and she needed to sort house. Its a common thing she thinks even though her mum died 45 year ago and the house has long since been emptied she often thinks still lives with her mum or mum still alive or mum just died. She was confused about if she lived there at her house or if was her mums house and then if she needed to pay her bills, or let council know as she thought she had took it over from her mum, or been staying somewhere else and not been in when came to read meters etc, She also told me she'd rung her brother to tell him her mum had died but he was out and his wife had told her that their mum had died a long time ago.
I tried to explain that house was all sorted a long time ago, its not new and she has been living in her house for a long time and just been at my house for a few hours today. She said she thought had seen me today but that she had been at the 'friends' house and they had brought her back. She said I came in ok and its my furniture but then I got confused. She kept asking me if I would come through tomorrow and come to see her tomorrow because she was confused which I said I would. I asked her if she was ok and she said I'm confused but she said she'd see me tomorrow and said night night.
I was a bit worried tonight might go a bit off as she had started calling me 'friend' late afternoon and said she wanted to know where our Andie was cos she hadnt heard from her. When I told her I was our andie she said she knew me as 'friend' and wanted to know how I was our andie but then she seemed to accept it but after dinner she thanked 'friend' for it again and when we were taking her home she called my hubby 'friends' hubbys name and told him she was going to her house not her mums and did he know where it was. I said thats fine mum we know where you live. When we got to mums and had put tv on she said wheres my mum so we said she didnt live with her mum now and she said oh no, shes dead isnt she so I told her yes it was long time ago and she said yeah it was.
She said night to us ok and when I said I'd see her tomorrow she said I'm not coming to yours tomorrow cos I'm going to do my work so I said I'll come here to you, you can still do your work though so she said oh ok then love. And then waved us off saying see you tomorrow and give me a ring when you get in.
I said to hubby I'm not sure how she's going to be tonight because she seems quite confused again tonight. I'm on standby now in case mum rings back still confused or upset and I will have to go through and stay with her. I don't know if I should have gone over to stay with her already after the call when I got home. Its hard to know what to do, I don't like leaving her on her own.
Someone came from memory clinic today and was asking how mum was and when she'd started her sertraline and how she had been. We told her she has been calmer since Saturday and mum hadn't got as agitated and worried about things as much. We also talked about things mum does like checking door and how mum felt on tablets. I told her that sis had stayed at mine on Saturday and I'd stayed at home since then too and she asked if mum had been ok and we said mum had said she slept ok and was ok when I got there next morning. She also talked about mum getting out and if saw neighbours or family and mentioned going to day centre and things like that which mum said she wasn't good at mixing,
I don't know if it was talking about things with someone coming to house again that unnerved mum a bit, because it does usually unsettle her a bit, or if her body is getting used to tablets and not working as well, or if she was on her best behaviour after friday and trying to manage and be ok but can't keep it up, or if its just time for her to get more confused and upset again as some days are better than others and tablets aren't magic and going to stop everything.
So I don't know what I should have done when talked to her earlier but I'm sitting here on edge now and worrying if shes going to be ok on own tonight.
 
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Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
957
Bedford
It sounds like you have done all you can and said all you can to reassure your Mum. I think for your own health you need to try and leave your Mum on her own at night. Also easier said than done but try to get yourself some sleep especially when it passes the time your Mum usually goes to bed. Hopefully she has settled now. Sending you hugs and a reminder - you are doing a good job
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,155
South East
Any interaction will do that , it makes my mum tired and confused , she saw a care company
Co ordinater today and it’s wiped her out , she has the complete opposite of hostess mode and just goes quiet , can’t remember my name , if I’m a girl or boy , when I was born etc .

shame the memory clinic have got the impression that Mum is calmer, it seems to be creeping back to how it was , did they take on what it’s been like the last few months ? I have found them helpful though. I really do get how you feel , it’s awful as although you are home you aren’t relaxed and it would prob be easier to stay there , I do think you should try and stay home if you can . Have you had any luck getting back to day center ? Honestly don’t know why I worried so much , I put it off for months , took her yesterday and she was absolutely fine , giving her a few weeks to settle then she is going two days a week. It’s amazing honestly I feel rejuvenated and able to cope with much more for having 6 hours off . The ladies were fab . Please do try it , when I did the taster session I hid around the corner (the ladies put me there so mum couldn’t see me ) and filled in all the forms so on mon I could just drop her there . I didn’t stay , arrived there and they came and took Mum and sent me off . Hope you get some rest tonight ,take care , you are doing brilliantly. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
742
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Woohoo xx
I'm just going to go up and try going to bed. I'm hoping mum will have calmed after call earlier and gone to bed now. Like the last few nights I've kept home and mobile phones nearby tonight and I will put both on my bedside and hope mum gets some sleep and so do I and that's she's ok on her own till I get there tomorrow morning. X fingers crossed X
There's someone else coming to mums tomorrow from the local dementia charity, my sister arranged it and I'm not really sure why, and I'm not looking forward to it to be honest, and I'm hoping it doesn't unsettle mum more.
The charity is opening a day centre soon and sis got in touch to register interest and ask a few questions in case we could get mum to try it. (this was before SW suggested putting existing ageuk one on care plan) I knew sis was going to ask about day centre but apparently the lady coming tomorrow said they also offer carer support and have groups etc so sis said I might find it helpful to get a few tips and advice about what to do and might like a contact if I needed to know something and that I was finding mums behaviour a challenge so she arranged to come to mums to see me tomorrow.
I have already spoke to a woman from making spaces carer support and neither I or mum will be likely to go to any groups they do and it gets rather awkward and uncomfortable talking about mum in front of mum, so I'm not sure what seeing someone else is going to do other than maybe upset and unnerve mum again.
Woohoo I'm so glad your mum went on ok at day centre thats fab news, I did wonder how she had gone on and if had gone back yesterday.
Mum still isn't keen on idea but I'm hoping if SW puts it on care plan to pay part of a day a week I can get mum there to try it at least.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,155
South East
If I had told mum what is was she would never have gone , she hates the d word , she cared for people with it in the past , I told her there was a club that needed volunteers to help out and I was going to help so she wanted to come with me , I told the staff what I had said and they actively encouraged mum to help the others and then very skillfully got her to sit and take part in the activities , they thanked her for her help , so she is happy , say whatever you think will work for your mum to get her there. I too had a few people from different agencies/charity’s around and it does upset the apple cart but sometimes needs must , you have to try and see it as a means to an end , it will ultimately help you get some much needed time away . Most of the visitors realise and will always talk to me before at the front door and when they leave as they are aware of talking in front of PWD . It’s heartening to see your sister doing these things , you may feel it’s not what you want or need but I am glad she is doing what she can to help and support you . Wished mine did the same , I get abuse . Take care and hoping by now you are in the land of nod . X
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
593
Hi @annielou, it must have been heartbreaking to hear your Mum asking about her Mother, and seeing the general confusion. I do think you need to try things with Mum that she may not previously have been comfortable with, she won't necessarily think or operate in the way that she traditionally has, and that is likely to change further in time. Personally I found that really difficult to accept, but with the benefit of hindsight I would have adapted to 'new' Mum much earlier than I did. I hope you can get a weeks respite sorted which will give you peace of mind and some breathing and thinking space. Stay strong - all the best.