When your husband doesn't know you..

CherryTT4

Registered User
Dec 5, 2019
33
Wiltshire
My husband has been prescribed Risperidone. It started out as taking half a tablet on an as and when basis. That hardly worked at all, because he refused to take them!! Then gradually I have been told I could increase the dose to firstly a half tablet daily, then twice and a few months ago, it is up to 3 of these half tablets. The max dose is 4 of the half tablets. She also gave him Mirtazipine, to be taken each night before bed. Unfortunately some blood tests indicated a lack of sodium and she took off the Mirtazipine. At the same time, she kept on to me to go to the GP for some antidepressants, which I eventually did. I agreed to taking a very low dose , and all of this together has made life more bearable. I have since left off the antidepressants and still manage OK. Most days I can put up with this business of him not knowing I’m his wife. I rarely try to explain who I am, and in his head I don't think I even have a name. He tells me about things they did together!! I just let it go! I have mentioned on TP earlier that we are coming up to our 30th Anniversary and I am finding that difficult to face. The idea that there is no such anniversary in his thoughts, is depressing, but I can’t do anything but get on with it. I have somehow reconciled in my mind that time is limited and therefore I just have to do my best. This doesn’t stop me crying some days about this blooming awful life I’ve found myself in!!!!
Just sending you a big hug. I'm in a very similar situation I'm 66 and hubby is 74 and we've been together over 30 years. Just when you've got the time and money to do things the person you want to do things with is taken away. Now I feel so alone and the person who made me feel special does not recognise me all the time. With it coming up to Valentines Day it makes it even worse. We will get though this cos we have to but the road is not going to be smooth. Xxx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,348
Kent
I'd say it happens more later in the day, but also in the morning sometimes. How did you learn to deal with it when it happened. I'd welcome any tips because I am finding it really distressing?
I didn`t deal with it well at all. I spent most of the time either in tears, or following him when he left the house.

We were lucky our son lived 5 minutes away and for some reason my husband often walked to our son`s house. It amazed me the many times my husband didn`t see me as his real wife he was never confused about our son. Our son kept his dad with him for an hour or two then asked if he wanted to be taken home and he came like a lamb.
 

Sunshine2*

Registered User
May 16, 2019
27
Hello, Reading all your comments really helps everyone. One morning, my husband asked the name of the woman that is about all day and speaks with him. I told him it was me, but he said no, not you, you are my wife but I don’t know your name! Sometimes he doesn’t know he’s at home and one time he told me his wife had died. So many things to deal with, as well as failing mobility... and bladder and bowel problems with his MS and MS Dementia. Fluctuating confusion...
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
144
This week, my husband has been obsessed about his money again. He gets upset that he has no money, so I give him a list of his accounts, and he stares at this for hours. I know he has no understanding of what it says. Then he tells me his wife organised these for him and she has died!! This is now a daily occurrence and I can’t do anything but play along with it. Its a bit wearing hearing over and over that you have died, but that's what he believes!!!
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
144
I’ll have to give it a try, I think. This is his main obsession, which has now been going off and on for 2 years!!! We’re never away from it, but sometimes I can placate him or distract for a short time. This week it’s been non stop!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
341
I’ll have to give it a try, I think. This is his main obsession, which has now been going off and on for 2 years!!! We’re never away from it, but sometimes I can placate him or distract for a short time. This week it’s been non stop!
I do feel for you. I have the same on and off - for a time it was every evening, wanting to know how much money he has, saying he's got no money, etc. We still get the question occasionally 'do I have any money' but not so frequently. I hope the same with your husband and he finds something else to obsess about because it does drive you nuts!!
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
144
I do feel for you. I have the same on and off - for a time it was every evening, wanting to know how much money he has, saying he's got no money, etc. We still get the question occasionally 'do I have any money' but not so frequently. I hope the same with your husband and he finds something else to obsess about because it does drive you nuts!!
Thanks for your reply.. That’s exactly what it’s like here! i’ll suddenly hear him almost in tears, that he’s got no money. I don’t want him distressed, so I have to stop whatever I’m doing to try to console him and show him he has money!! The doctor tells me not to react and he will forget. No way, he’d still be at it hours later if I left him to worry. You’re right, it drives me nuts! I wish he’d change the record!!!