• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

What can I do now?

Stripey3

Registered User
May 29, 2019
35
So sorry to read this. Such a sad time for you all.
Take comfort from the fact that you can be with him to comfort and reassure him.
Thoughts are with you.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
319
Central Scotland
I am afraid it is no comfort. Not for me or my daughters, nor for my beloved. He is mainly asleep, (sedated) making a horrible rasping sound, but when he is awake he stares at me, grips my hand so tightly and looks terrified. This is so hard for all of us. I just want it to be over and for him to be at peace.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
927
Southampton
im so sorry you and your daughters are going through such an ordeal. at least you can hold his hand and he seems to need that. what do you say in a situation this grave. have been reading the thread, dont know if its appropriate but i wish your husband peace. thinking of you and your daughters. keep holding his hand
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
911
Pratteln Switzerland
Its is a hard road. I am glad that you can be with your hubby. Hope you are getting some support and care too from family or friends. This is not easy for you. Take care.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,645
South coast
Holding your virtual hand 🤝
Being with someone who is dying from dementia is harrowing.
There are a lot of physical changes and it seems to go on forever.

He will still be able to hear you, even though he seems asleep, so talk to him and play his favourite music. Have you been given any little sponges/brushes to moisten his mouth? You can also put moisturising cream on his dry skin to make him more comfortable

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
319
Central Scotland
Holding your virtual hand 🤝
Being with someone who is dying from dementia is harrowing.
There are a lot of physical changes and it seems to go on forever.

He will still be able to hear you, even though he seems asleep, so talk to him and play his favourite music. Have you been given any little sponges/brushes to moisten his mouth? You can also put moisturising cream on his dry skin to make him more comfortable

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Holding your virtual hand 🤝
Being with someone who is dying from dementia is harrowing.
There are a lot of physical changes and it seems to go on forever.

He will still be able to hear you, even though he seems asleep, so talk to him and play his favourite music. Have you been given any little sponges/brushes to moisten his mouth? You can also put moisturising cream on his dry skin to make him more comfortable

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Canary, you have obviously been in the same situation and understand. Yes we play his own music - we have cassettes and CDs from the various bands he played with. Yes we have wee sticks with a pink sponge to wet his mouth and he sooks on them. Yes we have moisturiser to sooth his dry legs and hands. It is good to be able to do SOMETHING, anything that might help a little. At some point a nurse or carer, shaved off his beard for 'hygiene' apparently but I have forbidden them to touch it and it is growing again, making him look more like himself. Off to the claustrophobic huge hospital soon to take my turn sitting with him.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
319
Central Scotland
Yesterday morning, Doctor and nurse appeared and tried to persuade us that OH should be moved back to his Care Home, where it would be easier for us to visit and he would be in familiar surroundings!!!!! Had to explain the back story and that his original 'just up the road' Care Home has no qualified nurses to look after his drips etc. and that he was only in the Nursing Home for 7 hours before he was rushed to hospital. Doctor then read his notes and apologised. My nephew (who is a High Heed Yin at Greater Glasgow NHS) reports that all hospitals have been directed to offload as many patients as they can in expectation of a huge Covid surge.

In the evening when younger DD arrived to take over from me on the late shift, she was very distressed. She feels that one of us should sit with him all night, so that he is never alone. All of us are exhausted physically and mentally, the 40 minute drive, to or from the hospital via motorway is trying in itself. The hospital has no attached hotel where we could book a room. Mobile reception is poor and OH seems to be in the furthest away ward in the whole building on the 3rd floor + the difficulty of finding a parking space often only in overspill half a mile away. The whole thing is a nightmare.
Yesterday, the Doctor said that OH is so strong that he could easily last another week. This morning he was wide awake and lapped up a whole yogurt. Give me strength to support not only OH but my Daughters and Grandbairns.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
319
Central Scotland
Phone call from hospital 6.10 am to elder Daughter. OH passed away peacefully at 6am. We have been over to see him. I have taken his wedding ring and am wearing it now. All of yesterday was horrible as he struggled for breath but the nurses upped the medication and by midnight he was sleeping calmly and we came home. Funeral arrangements well in hand already- it will be on Saturday morning at crematorium with interment of ashes in his family grave at a later date.

It occurs to me that from today onwards I will be neither Wife nor Carer..........