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What can I do now?

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,788
South East
Sending my deepest condolences to you and your family . I think you will always be his wife . Take care
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,858
Nottinghamshire
I don’t believe anyone stops being a wife (or a daughter in my case) just because someone has moved on.

I’m sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my condolences.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,853
You are still a wife and you'll never cease to care either. Sorry to hear your news, but glad your husband is now at peace.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,055
69
Dundee
Oh I’m so sorry to read your news. Sending you my deepest condolences.

My husband died four years ago and I still consider myself his wife- as I always did and always will. I still care deeply for him. You will always be ’wife’.

I hope the funeral goes as you want it to and I wish you strength.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
956
Southampton
Phone call from hospital 6.10 am to elder Daughter. OH passed away peacefully at 6am. We have been over to see him. I have taken his wedding ring and am wearing it now. All of yesterday was horrible as he struggled for breath but the nurses upped the medication and by midnight he was sleeping calmly and we came home. Funeral arrangements well in hand already- it will be on Saturday morning at crematorium with interment of ashes in his family grave at a later date.

It occurs to me that from today onwards I will be neither Wife nor Carer..........
so sorry for your loss have been following your thread but at least hes peaceful now. be kind to yourself and its going to take time to adjust and mourn. take comfort in your daughters. you will always have that bond and love that only a wife can have
 

GillPJ

Registered User
Jun 2, 2020
80
My sympathies. My mother has just passed away, not far off the same time as your OH. It's harder for you since my mother was 92 and had lead a full life, to lose your OH is something else that can only be imagined. If you're anything like me you will be going through the whole gamut of emotions: What could I have done better? What if? It doesn't matter that you know you've done your best, you always think you could have done more. That's natural and normal, and you know you did your best. That's what matters.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,675
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry for your loss.
The change in breathing is an indication that you are into the final hours, but it is almost painful to hear. Im glad her passing was peaceful,

Be kind to yourself now.
 

Olliebeak

Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
150
Buckinghamshire
So sorry to read this. Take some time for yourself over the next weeks with all the “business” that follows a death. I’m sure you will begin to remember the real person you were married to not the one stolen by dementia. X
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,513
Phone call from hospital 6.10 am to elder Daughter. OH passed away peacefully at 6am. We have been over to see him. I have taken his wedding ring and am wearing it now. All of yesterday was horrible as he struggled for breath but the nurses upped the medication and by midnight he was sleeping calmly and we came home. Funeral arrangements well in hand already- it will be on Saturday morning at crematorium with interment of ashes in his family grave at a later date.

It occurs to me that from today onwards I will be neither Wife nor Carer..........
So sorry to hear this. Remember to take care of yourself too at this difficult time .
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,513
My sympathies. My mother has just passed away, not far off the same time as your OH. It's harder for you since my mother was 92 and had lead a full life, to lose your OH is something else that can only be imagined. If you're anything like me you will be going through the whole gamut of emotions: What could I have done better? What if? It doesn't matter that you know you've done your best, you always think you could have done more. That's natural and normal, and you know you did your best. That's what matters.
So sorry to hear this. You are right. You did your best and that must console you .
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
321
Central Scotland
OH's funeral (cremation) is tomorrow. Daughters and I have spent the week choosing photos (we have thousands) for the order of service and music from the huge collection of recordings of the various bands he played in. Both DDs have wept buckets of tears during this process but I have yet to shed a tear (Hope the dam does not burst tomorrow at the service). It has been cathartic for me, bringing back so many very happy memories and in my mind replacing images of OH as Dementia took its toll, with those from our shared past - My goodness he was such a handsome, smiley young man and aged well into a beardy silver fox, surrounded by Grandchildren. His (and mine) later suffering has gone, best forgotten and what remains are memories of the most loved and loving man who will remain with me in my heart forever.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,788
South East
Hope tom goes as you hope ,I’m sure it will be a fitting tribute to him. My thoughts are with you .
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,675
South coast
Ill be thinking of you tomorrow.
I was dry eyes all through the time after mums death and during the funeral.
Im glad that sorting through the photos and music has brought back the happy memories - that is so lovely to hear
xxx
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,209
Dorset
It was a year ago today that I said my “Goodbyes” to my Banjoman after he had a sudden down turn. Although he lasted for another couple of days I stayed away to allow his family time to be with him. Like you we used photos and some of his music for his funeral and I managed to smile and hold it together until the last song ”I’ll see you in my dreams” with Joe Brown playing ukulele. We used to sing that together when we were entertaining disabled holidaymakers on summer Sunday evenings.🎸🎤🎼
After that it was plaster a smile back on the face and greet and thank everybody as they left.
Over the past year I have found recordings and video clips of The Banjoman have helped me cope with the grieving process, sometimes they make me smile with good memories and sometimes they make me feel sad, remembering him as he used to be and how he ended up but the old memories are the ones that come to the fore and they are the ones I hold on to. I hope that your musical memories help you through this difficult time.
Hoping all goes well tomorrow,
Carol.