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What can I do now?

Jan L

Registered User
Mar 26, 2020
Please accept my condolences at this very sad and difficult time. My thoughts will be with you later today as you and your Family say your good byes.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I hope today brings you some peace @Wifenotcarer

I still feel a wife nearly 7 years after death and therefore I am a wife. It`s about the feeling of belonging.

I really dislike the word widow. There is no belonging in that meaning.


Registered User
May 22, 2020
please accept my condolences at this sad time ... my thoughts are with you all for today.


Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
Central Scotland
The service at the Crematorium was perfect. Although we were restricted to 20 people, all the most important, closest family, friends were able to attend. We had an independent Celebrant, but Daugher 1 (who is also a Celebrant) wrote and bravely delivered a very upbeat Eulogy - a true celebration of a long life well lived. All the music was recordings of Ian playing in his various bands. I have received dozens of cards, flowers and messages which are lovely and comforting to know how much Ian was loved.
Everyone seems bemused by how calm I am (I think I was the only one who did not cry during the service) but I think all on Talking Point will understand.

Only during the last couple of weeks was Ian distressed and in pain and I was able to sit with him holding his hand and calming him. Before that he was content and even happy in his care home, whereas I went through agonies of not being able to see him, hold him or communicate at all and latterly, fearing the worst every time the phone rang. Over the past 18 months I have become used to living alone and relieved of the relentless 24/7 caring duties, able to sleep at much as I needed and cope with the house, garden, financial problems, etc. I realise now that I have been losing my loved one slowly bit by bit for some 5 years. All I feel now is relief that his suffering is over and a huge load of worry has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I am able to appreciate all the joys and happiness we shared for some 56 years. These memories will sustain me and I have a strong feeling that Ian will be with me always. If I am struggling with a decision, I will be able to think 'what would Ian do' and know exactly what his opinion would have been. I can't say I am Happy but nor am I very sad, but I am, like Ian 'At Peace'