hello
@Nurse Snafu
a warm welcome to TP
the time trying to get a diagnosis for someone can be very trying indeed - and it's not at all u usual for the person and carer to be caught up in the situation so much they can't see the wood for the trees
there's nothing stopping you contacting your dad's GP yourself and giving them a set of notes outlining all the tasks your dad can no longer do and all your concerns - the GP may not discuss the situation with you but has to note any info you provide - might you ask the GP to call your dad in for a general age related check up, or for a flu jab
might your mum respond to a bit of scare tactics ie it's best to get support now on her terms rather than wait until she is so exhausted she is ill, cannot take care of her husband and decisions are taken out of her hands - or emotional blackmail ie I am so worried about dad, why not go to the GP to prove there is nothing wrong and I can stop worrying you and nagging, or tell her even if there issomething amiss, it may be just a vitamin B12 deficiency which is quite common and easily treatable so it's daft not to get it sorted out .... and there is a drug which helps delay symptoms if it is Alzheimer's so it's silly to deprive your dad of this
to be honest, from your description, it does sound as though your dad is not merely in early stage and that your mum bzdly needs support so you can yourself contact their Local Authority Adult Services and ask for an assessment of your dad's care needs because you are so concerned that they are making themselves vulnerable by not seeking help
do also mention that there is finance available to help, Attendance Allowance, and a reduction in Council Tax; after paying into the system all their lives they are entitled to this money and the benefit isn't means tested - also make sure your mum knows that the marital home is safe, she may worry that it will have to be sold for care fees but this is definitely not the case
you are very much among friends here, maybe your mum needs to realise too that she is not alone in this, members support each other and it makes such a diffdrence -so keep posting