@canary how are you feeling today my lovely? It’s such an emotional rollercoaster for you on top of OH illness & issues that that situation brings.
I have been thinking about the issues with your daughter a lot. My husband & children tell me that I don’t have a life outside of long distance caring for my parents - Mums in her own home with carers visiting 4 times a day 125 miles away, & Dads in a local care home with needs issues I’m trying to sort out!
my family tell me that both parents are cared for & in a better place than they were before. ...... to that I agree.......but I see the little deteriorations & my family don’t / or they do & don’t want to except it.
it’s a lonely path at times, & I am constantly amazed at the seemingly coldness of my OH to the situation. It’s an issue that I struggle with - as I am in bits emotionally & just want to talk to him about it. But my OH wants the wife he previously had before dementia stomped all over our lives, my son has emigrated & doesn’t even ask how things are? meanwhile my daughter has stepped up to the plate, she struggles with the situations as she’s only 22 I can totally understand that. Frequently my daughter retreats into herself as I do, she finds the whole situation overwhelming & I encourage her to go out & visit friends & her boyfriend at weekends to actually get away from the house & have a normal life.
Your daughter sounds as if she is living her life ( as I expect her other family & friends are advising her to - oh yes I fully expect that advice has been given by those who have no personal experience of dementia!) & this leads to her struggling to support you & accept the reality of the situation. So yes it’s a lonely road for you.
I wish I was closer & could help & support you better- but all I can do my lovely is reply to you & send you love & vrtual (((((hugs))))
I don’t speak about dementia now or my parents unless someone asks. I was told by my OH that it’s all I talk about. How I will move forward after this dementia journey ends with family relationships I realise will have its own issues & problems.
I have certainly learnt a lot about close loved ones - some insights I wish I hadn’t learnt! It’s one of life’s little conundrums I shall eventually have to deal with but for now I am boxing it up as repeatedly trying to solve another issue isn’t helping now.
Yes at times I feel abandoned & the sadness that I don’t have the huge support network some do overwhelms me. Then I post on TP & am astounded with the kindness, empathy, support & genuine care & compassion that I see being given daily. I think that’s another definition of a form of love.
Family & friends are like us all flawed & human. At our lowest points we need more than they are able to give us. It’s not easy to accept that but as I always say people who care for PWD are almost superhuman! Until they to brake....
Please don’t let this awful disease brake you & the relationship with your daughter.
I know that at some point ( probably well after you needed it) that you will find your daughter ready & able to support you with the love & empathy you deserve. We all walk the dementia path at different paces but eventually all arrive at the same destination.
With my heartfelt love & best wishes I hope this weekend is easier.
xx