Update on my Dad and the fight to get help!

[turmoil]

Thank you Bemused1

I did as advised and removed Dads keys ect, he is very angry with me and saying I have turned against him and he never thought I could do such a thing. It is horrible. He says I have orchestrated him going into care to get his house.

The social worker was called out on an emergency so she is now going to see Dad tomorrow. Dad is having panic attacks as he is getting worked up, he says his solicitor advised him this would happen and he is being kept agains his will.

I have no idea how long either of us can carry on like this.

Turmoil




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[bemused1]

I think you are stronger than you think but it is horrendous that you should have to go to such lengths. Why can we nwver take the easy way out and say its your mess, you clear it up.
I was hoping someone woild come along with more knowledge about sectioning than I have. In comparison I am having it easy. I wish I could offer some advice which would help but all I can do is offer heartfelt support.
I hope the sw gets their finger out and does something useful.Be sure to come back and tell us .
In the meantime keep on fighting, its for you now,your dad's life will take its own way.In all honesty in the face of his obstinacy there really is nothing more you can do for him.A brutal truth but an honest one.
Go and give little fat dog a cuddle they have an amazing empathy but most of all never answer back!

 

[turmoil]

Thank you my friend x


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[turmoil]

Well the social worker went today to see my Dad, he told her I am making it all up and it is a conspiracy as I am selling his house, he said I have just given her the house and she was not supposed to sell it!

I have owned the house since the 80's and I cannot even think about what I would do with the house, I feel so upset that Dad thinks I am turfing him out so I can sell it. I am gutted.

Turmoil



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[bemused1]

Turmoil he doesn't think that,you know its the dementia talking.He is a pigheaded very confused and ill man who cannot distinguish anything except what he wants and is using anything he can to get it. You know the truth so try not to be hurt too much.
Anything useful come of it?

 

[turmoil]

Thank you Bemused1

I know that I have only tried to keep him safe and in his own home and I know it is the illness but no matter it just cuts through me.

The social worker said she was going again but may leave it a bit to let him calm down and she has asked a colleague to go with her as she said Dad fluctuates with his confusion and forgetfulness. The social worker wants to talk to Dads friend to get her take on what she thinks about him going back home, I believe she feels like me.

I guess I have to be a bit stronger and not take it personally, I will keep you updated xx



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[bemused1]

It's the hardest thing to do to resist such horrible things from those close to you, but try for your own sake. Sw seems to be trying really hard, hope something comes of it.
Keep going,only you can look after yourself and that is more important.
Will be looking out for you.xx

 

[turmoil]

Hi all, well it appears that my Dad has the right to decide where he wants to go, even if that decision is not the right or safest one.

I am to have an engineer cap the gas off which will leave no heating in the house and Dad is going home a week on Monday.
I am not in agreement to this at all but it is happening.

I have therefore pulled back, other than paying bills and hospital appointments. I have been told the carers will do the washing and shopping, as Dad does not remember his PIN number or own a washing machine this may not go to plan.

Social worker agrees it is not a right decision for him, I have said I am going to find work and the little fat dog stays with me.

Crazy system!

Turmoil


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[bemused1]

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!
How long do you give it? Stick to your guns,change your phone number and get that job.It will do neither your dad or you any good to be involved again.
Can he even walk with his knee problem?
You must be so upset after all your efforts to get a sensible outcome for your dad. Although upset doesn,t begin to describe it I think.
Keep us posted
Glad about little not so fat dog

 

[Saffie]

Hello Turmoil. I have only now the opportunity to catch up on your thread.
I hope that when your father goes home, the carers will at least be able to supervise his medication amongst their other caring duties.

It seems that it will take another crisis before the authorities will maybe realise that your father cannot cope alone.In the meantime, I hope that you can rebuild your strength and have a less hand-on but nevertheless an improved relationship with your Dad.
Keep the dog too!

 

[LYN T]

Oh Turmoil

I feel as though a car crash is about to happen. IMO you are doing exactly the right thing in withdrawing. SS's will have to sort out the crisis when it happens. I hope you write to the head of SS's in your area telling them that if anything happens to your Dad you will hold them responsible. How they can't see that your Dad is a vulnerable person is unbelievable.

I feel for you

Take care

Lyn T

 

[WIFE]

Hi all, well it appears that my Dad has the right to decide where he wants to go, even if that decision is not the right or safest one.

I am to have an engineer cap the gas off which will leave no heating in the house and Dad is going home a week on Monday.
I am not in agreement to this at all but it is happening.

I have therefore pulled back, other than paying bills and hospital appointments. I have been told the carers will do the washing and shopping, as Dad does not remember his PIN number or own a washing machine this may not go to plan.

Social worker agrees it is not a right decision for him, I have said I am going to find work and the little fat dog stays with me.

Crazy system!

Turmoil


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Just catching up Turmoil. What a horrible state of affairs for you and your Dad but sometimes we just have to "take our hand off the tiller" and let what will be, be - if it the only way to get other people to understand a situation. Get your job, keep the "little fat dog" and remember we didn't choose our parents, they had us. I know we go on caring and loving but there has to be a balance and its no good injuring your health as well.

Good luck and best wishes

 

[bemused1]

I am hoping someone has seen sense and your dad won,t be going home.Ife he still is, stay determined and keep your distance.
Keeping everything crossed for you

 

[turmoil]

Hello again, I am still wading! Thank you Bemused1, Saffie, LynT and WIFE for your comments. I read them a while ago but have not had the time, or just did not know how to reply.

They sent Dad home today, well I collected him. He was surprised when the carers came at dinner time to make his dinner, he told them Tracey looks after me so I reminded him that I needed to work. He was not happy at all!

They sent his tablets in the boxes they come in and the carers we're not allowed to give them out like that, l had a mad dash to chemist and thankfully the chemist put them all in a dosset box, to which my Dad said he didn't want to take them anyway.
He also said there better not be any more of them social worker people coming so I advised they were coming back at tea time.

Along with tramadol, butrans patch and mementime
He has to take paracetamol four times a day and he is only booked for 3 visits so they asked me if I could go on a night, 20 mile round trip to give them, you will be proud of me because I said NO!

Anyway I am not going over for a few days now, so I will await the train wreck and no doubt the accusations will start again about me, I still have the little dog but he says he wants her back, that is not going to happen.

Hope you are all coping too and keep strong.

Thanks again

Turmoil x



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[bemused1]

I am proud of you. Keep it up and don't let little fat dog go, she deserves a life as well. Fingers crossed but it isn't going to take long is it.

 

[AlsoConfused]

Good luck Turmoil! What hoops people have to go through before the only practicable solution is allowed to happen!

 

[LadyA]

Good grief Turmoil! Completely gobsmacked - but I think whoever recommended you write to SS holding them responsible for whatever happens are right. And step back so you don't get splattered when the s*** hits the fan!

 

[turmoil]

This awful nightmare continues, Dad is very agitated he is walking continuously in his house and outdoors, the first day the care rang me to say Dad was down the street looking for his toaster, it was where it always is in his cupboard under the kettle, they have rung me re meds, also whilst taking my daughter to college I had two missed calls from carers to say Dad was upset and in great pain, I said that is why I took him to hospital in the first place and it was deemed fit for him to return home!!!!!!



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[Wolfsgirl]

Am I right in thinking these carers are organised by SS? If so, why are they calling you regarding problems. If your Dad is in pain, they should call his gp or an ambulance for him - what do they expect you to do!?

For all your sakes, I hope you keep strong and keep out of it but it must feel awful.

Hope he gets properly sorted soon. x

This awful nightmare continues, Dad is very agitated he is walking continuously in his house and outdoors, the first day the care rang me to say Dad was down the street looking for his toaster, it was where it always is in his cupboard under the kettle, they have rung me re meds, also whilst taking my daughter to college I had two missed calls from carers to say Dad was upset and in great pain, I said that is why I took him to hospital in the first place and it was deemed fit for him to return home!!!!!!



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[bemused1]

Oh dear turmoil it is just getting worse and worse for you. And your poor dad. You need all the strength you have to stay back. Get on to ss and everyone else you can think of .problems with ss in the past I know but this is their mess and they are responsible for sorting it.
Please. For both your sakes stay back from your fathers care otherwise the whole cycle will begin again.I know how hard this is. Although I haven't had to deal with it in my husband(where's the wood) I had to deal with it in my 20s with my mothet who was bipolar and in complete denial.It eventually was a case of her or me.I have no idea what happened to her now but I knew there was no more I could do.So I do knowwhat a battle it is but Ialso know it has to be done.
Rooting for you girl. Keep posting.