Update on my Dad and the fight to get help!

[turmoil]

Hello my friends, thank you for your support.

My Dad is still in hospital, after giving him tramadol three times a day, paracetamol four times a day, butrans patch and bed rest his pain is under control, so mush so they say he is fine to go home! They have tried to discharge him twice now!
Dad is a different person now, he has been eating and sleeping and looks so much better, whilst he is still mixed up he is not as bad as when at home.

The hospital say he washes himself and takes himself to the toilet and I agree that he looks to be managing fine, in the hospital!

I requested an assessment as you advised so I am just waiting to see what they do now.

From a very tired Turmoil x


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[AlsoConfused]

Good luck Turmoil.

 

[bemused1]

Write down everything you can think of in advance you know what will happen if he is allowed to go home, both to you and him If he is so much better in hospital it indicates time he would be better in a care home.
Stand your ground my friend and don't be bullied.
That's a hell of a lot of painkillers my husband was recently downgraded from foster a mol to cocodamolbecause I asked the doctor to give him something he could swallow without choking. Hello the dementia he doesn't have doesn't mean he feels pain less, quite the reverse
Get some rest turmoil.

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[JayGun]

Hello my friends, thank you for your support.

My Dad is still in hospital, after giving him tramadol three times a day, paracetamol four times a day, butrans patch and bed rest his pain is under control, so mush so they say he is fine to go home! They have tried to discharge him twice now!
Dad is a different person now, he has been eating and sleeping and looks so much better, whilst he is still mixed up he is not as bad as when at home.

The hospital say he washes himself and takes himself to the toilet and I agree that he looks to be managing fine, in the hospital!

I requested an assessment as you advised so I am just waiting to see what they do now.

From a very tired Turmoil x


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Can I just ask Turmoil, are they expecting him to continue to take all this medication by himself at home?

 

[turmoil]

Hi, he is on a lot of tablets and I know for a fact if he went home he would not take them, his dog would get them or they would be flushed, yes, also confused , it seems they want to discharge him with medication and we play the game of chance.

Dad has no recollection to the pain he was in and thinks he is fine, his little dog is with me, she has the shakes (caffeine withdrawal) I believe!

It is a great big bloody mess! I have had a call to say that Dad is to be assessed on Saturday at the hospital and could I attend. Previously though
I was told they were trying to find a flexi bed, but it seems like they are trying to send him home.

I managed to sleep better last night so did not feel as bad today, that is something!

Thank you again for your support

Turmoil


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[turmoil]

Hi again, I have found out that they have stopped giving Dad tramadol unless he asks for it, which he never will as he is too stubborn, however as he is mainly laid in bed the pain is bearable.
The assessment is on for 10am in the morning, Dad still says he wants to go home so will just have to see how it goes!

I will of course be doing everything I can to stop Dad going home, for now at least.

Turmoil



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[bemused1]

Men and painkillers!!!!
Husband was prescribed tramadol some years ago but decided the doc and I were colluding to poison him,so that didn't last long.
Good luck turmoil, tell us how it went.

 

[turmoil]

Hi Bemused1

Yes I know what you mean, stubborn is not the word, the meeting is at 10 this morning and I feel they will listen to Dad and not me. But I will update when later in the day.

I feel awful as he wants to be at home but I know he is not safe there, and what I say will upset him.

I am not very good at being the bad guy, I am too soft for my own good. But I am determined to to try and make them see how the house and he is at home.

Turmoil x


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[Witzend]

Hi Bemused1

Yes I know what you mean, stubborn is not the word, the meeting is at 10 this morning and I feel they will listen to Dad and not me. But I will update when later in the day.

I feel awful as he wants to be at home but I know he is not safe there, and what I say will upset him.

I am not very good at being the bad guy, I am too soft for my own good. But I am determined to to try and make them see how the house and he is at home.

Turmoil x


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I think you really MUST insist on speaking to them alone, even just for a few minutes. Tell them what you have said here - that he will give tablets to the dog, etc. and say it just as plainly.
Good luck.

 

[bemused1]

I hope things went ok.Surely sense will prevail! One would like to think so but sadly often not.
Am thinking of you this am and keeping my fingers crossed

 

[turmoil]

Hi all, your good thoughts worked. Yes I have found someone who will listen. A relief social worker met me at the hospital, she read dad's case notes and said she was not happy for him to go home, I could not process what she said, I was so shocked to finally be listened to and not have to fight.

I felt really sorry for Dad as he was very emotional and I feel guilty but relieved also.

The plan is for Dad to go into a flexi bed for 4 week to be assessed, Dad has agreed to this but wants to go home at the end of this.
If at the end of the four week Dad still says he wants to go home, and they deem him fit then we will have to convince him he goes home with a care package to be assessed for a further 6 week. He is totally different at home to how he is now being looked after properly.

All this will be documented and then go to a panel to decide if he is safe to stay in his home, which I and family know he is not.

We did have to tell a little white lie to him and say that we needed to get him a bit better before his knee replacement operation, which he still insists on having but I will deal with that later.

So my friend, thank you so much for your thoughts and support, it means a lot and did the trick.

Turmoil x



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[Sofia06]

Good luck

 

[bemused1]

At last turmoil some sense. A breathing space for you to gather your strength for the next round.

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[turmoil]

Thank you I all, I am so grateful just not to have the worry as to what he is up to and how I will find him, of course he is adamant he is going home but I feel this is the furthest I have got.

It's like breaking through a 3ft wall, there will probably be a 4 ft wall waiting but glad I get the chance to recharge my batteries!

Dad has already forgot about the meeting and is complaining his leg hurts, his leg put him in hospital in the first place. He has just forgotten.

His little fat dog actually played today, I have never seen her play before, she is looking so much better but as the weight comes off it reveals quite a lot of lumps of various shapes and sizes, so going to bite the bullet and take her to vets for a health check, know they will go mad re her weight but it is coming off.

Thanks again

Turmoil x


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[LYN T]

Hi Turmoil

Indeed some breathing space. Thank goodness you were listened to; a rare thing in my experience

It's a good idea to look at some CH's in advance in case your Dad needs one permanently. Be prepared. You have been very strong so far so try to stick to your guns. Remember that no one can be forced to be a carer but that doesn't mean that you don't care.

Glad to read the little dog is happy. Are you going to keep her?

Take care

Lyn T

 

[turmoil]

Hi LynT

Re the little fat dog, I am hoping I will be able to keep her, she is 10years old and to be honest both my Dad and previous owner were drunks so I think she deserves proper looking after. It is just if my Dad goes home he will want her back, I don't want her to go back but will have to deal with that if it happens.

The other problem is my husband, he is in China and due back at the end of the week, I'm not sure how pleased he will be with the welcome home present! However he is not a monster so hoping he understands, I'm sure he will just be relieved that I am putting my foot down with Dad.

Re the care home, Dad has drunk all his money away I try to keep enough in his bank to cover a funeral. He gave me his house Deed of gift in the eighties but as I understand the house can be taken for care home fees under deprivation of assets.
Can I ask do I still choose where Dad goes or do the SS tell me where he is going, this part is all new to me.

Thank you

Turmoil


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[LYN T]

From what I've heard LA's differ when they get involved with paying. My Husband was self funding when he went into his CH but I had to think about the future when the money ran out I asked for advice from Pete's SW as his needs were so great that the 'normal' CH's wouldn't take him.(He was blacklisted by a large chain of CH's in the south) SW was hopeless so I did my own research and visited/phoned loads. I didn't want to be pushed into a corner.SS's in my area normally give a choice of three and apparently if you don't like any of them they will choose (although I understand that you can appeal if you argue that it doesn't meet your relative's needs)

So I had to look for ones that accepted the LA rate. (Pete now has CHC so in the end it didn't apply) It's always good to be one step ahead of SS's. My advice is look at many and their latest CQC inspection. Look past the fixtures and fittings-better they use money in investing in good, well trained staff. Be truthful about your Dad's needs/behaviour.

Good luck and take care

Lyn T

 

[turmoil]

Hello

Thought I would give another update, Dad is now in a flexi bed in a care home for people with mental health issues, I took him yesterday, he was in a fowl mood with me when I went to the hospital to pick him up, thankfully his mood lifted and at first he seemed settled.

I went today to take him some more clothes, he was not happy at all, he does not know why he is there with old people who cannot even talk, he will go to dining room then as soon as meal time is over he goes straight back to his room. He says he is looking after himself and has all his faculties, clearly he does not. He has also said he will not have carers when he goes home.

I think it may be better if I do not go tomorrow, I don't know if that is the right thing to do!

He also said that he was going to put all his things in a pillowcase and leave.

Anyway I still have his little dog and hubby was ok about her staying with us.

Keep strong

Turmoil


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[AlsoConfused]

I've sometimes thought how much nicer and easier life would be if it was as easy to make a dementia sufferer happy as it is to please a little dog!

 

[tealover]

Hello

Thought I would give another update, Dad is now in a flexi bed in a care home for people with mental health issues, I took him yesterday, he was in a fowl mood with me when I went to the hospital to pick him up, thankfully his mood lifted and at first he seemed settled.

I went today to take him some more clothes, he was not happy at all, he does not know why he is there with old people who cannot even talk, he will go to dining room then as soon as meal time is over he goes straight back to his room. He says he is looking after himself and has all his faculties, clearly he does not. He has also said he will not have carers when he goes home.

I think it may be better if I do not go tomorrow, I don't know if that is the right thing to do!

He also said that he was going to put all his things in a pillowcase and leave.

Anyway I still have his little dog and hubby was ok about her staying with us.

Keep strong

Turmoil


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I think it is part of the illness........my Mum denies there is anything whatsoever wrong with her, yet I sit and chat to her most days and listen to her tell me that for a hotel it is one of the best, that for all the years she has worked for M&S this is how they treat her......a whole raft of things.

Yet she refuses to have assistance to get a shower and have her hair washed, because tomorrow she is going to walk out and go home.....her stuff is constantly packed when I go to visit........I just slowly and carefully put it all away whilst i chat to her....if anything it fills some time the next day whilst she packs it all....she constantly is telling me she is bored.

I have no answers for you other than to say that the more I read on TP the more I realise that these "quirks" that we all experience are actually all part of this viscious disease.

And for that reason we should have a group hug daily!!!

x