Two parents potentially different care homes?

[AlwaysHopeful]

Help, I don’t know what to do. I’m in the awful position whereby both my parents need care:
Dad - has duel diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia as well as some physical health needs. Went into residential care in September and loves it and has chosen to stay meanwhile..
Mum - was admit to hosp in October for a physical health problem but is under DoLS as she has dementia. They have assessed she needs an EMI placement and Social Services are searching for one that meets her needs.
They’ve been married nearly 50 years and I’m strongly advocating that they need to be on the same site at least even if they are in different houses so they stand some chance of being able to see each other, but what happens if mum gets placed elsewhere? There is no physical way I can transport one to the other. How do they get to see each other in future?

 

[Tilly13]

Hello @AlwaysHopeful
Welcome to the Forum
I can't begin to think how it would be for my parents to be in different Care Homes......
They've been married for 66 years and known each other since teenagers!
Mum has advanced Mixed Dementia and Dad advanced Alzheimers and they have been living in a Care Home for 2 years ( both have DoLS )
They have different needs and health issues.
They share a bedroom and have another room as their own private lounge ( with furniture from home ).
They sit together and hold hands or sometimes ignore each other!!
I chose a Care Home that was able to facilitate them being together and realise that in the future their needs might change but they couldn't be separated!
They were self- funding and so it was me that organised everything.

Is it possible for your Mum to move into the Care Home your Dads in?

 

[sdmhred]

Oh what an awful situation for you to be in @AlwaysHopeful 😢😢

Of course you want them to be near each other. I would hope most professionals would agree.

Are they self funding? If so I would start looking for an EMI unit which has other levels of care on the same site. Even if you are relying on LA funding if you can find somewhere suitable to suggest that might help.

I don’t know if carehome.co.uk might be a good place to start, or asking around on social media in the area you’re looking at.

Good luck - keep us posted and come back if you need more help.

 

[AlwaysHopeful]

Hello @AlwaysHopeful
Welcome to the Forum
I can't begin to think how it would be for my parents to be in different Care Homes......
They've been married for 66 years and known each other since teenagers!
Mum has advanced Mixed Dementia and Dad advanced Alzheimers and they have been living in a Care Home for 2 years ( both have DoLS )
They have different needs and health issues.
They share a bedroom and have another room as their own private lounge ( with furniture from home ).
They sit together and hold hands or sometimes ignore each other!!
I chose a Care Home that was able to facilitate them being together and realise that in the future their needs might change but they couldn't be separated!
They were self- funding and so it was me that organised everything.

Is it possible for your Mum to move into the Care Home your Dads in?

I think the ideal for us would be they would be on the same site but different houses. Mum’s behaviour at times would be too much for dad to cope with I think, but your parents set up sounds amazing!

In answer to your question, it’s unclear if there is a place for her or can meet her needs at present. We are working through that now.

 

[AlwaysHopeful]

Oh what an awful situation for you to be in @AlwaysHopeful 😢😢

Of course you want them to be near each other. I would hope most professionals would agree.

Are they self funding? If so I would start looking for an EMI unit which has other levels of care on the same site. Even if you are relying on LA funding if you can find somewhere suitable to suggest that might help.

I don’t know if carehome.co.uk might be a good place to start, or asking around on social media in the area you’re looking at.

Good luck - keep us posted and come back if you need more help.

Thank you. It’s complicated because their needs are so vastly different to each others. But it’s Social Services in the driving seat.

 

[notsogooddtr]

This was the situation my parents were in and unfortunately it was never resolved.My Dad went in to care first but the home he was in couldn’t accept my Mum.They didn’t see each other for the last two years of my Mum’s life as neither of them were able to travel.A sad way to end up after 60+ years of marriage.

 

[AlwaysHopeful]

This was the situation my parents were in and unfortunately it was never resolved.My Dad went in to care first but the home he was in couldn’t accept my Mum.They didn’t see each other for the last two years of my Mum’s life as neither of them were able to travel.A sad way to end up after 60+ years of marriage.

Oh gosh I really am so very sorry to hear this and obviously I can really appreciate how you must of felt at the time. It’s a truly awful situation to be in. I can see how much my parents are missing each other now and how much it’s effecting them. I’m sorry you and your parents went through that x

 

[notsogooddtr]

Both my parents are dead now.To be honest I try not to think about it too much.At the time my sister was dying of cancer, she was 45.It was all too much.